Dee-nah
06-30-2007, 12:01 PM
I figured I would come here and post this.... For some reason I've been having these intrusive thoughts about getting killed.. I've had these before but yesterday they were so frequent that I was able to play around with it for a bit. I disovered that I really had no sense of worth for myself (which we knew) but I didn't know how bad this was, so I'm using it as a learning tool for myself.
Anyways, I woke up this morning and had to run some errands, I crossed the street to my car and invisioned getting hit by one twice (i live on a small street so having this thought twice is awful) it's getting worse. I have no control over these toughts but i am learning how to play with it... Does this happen to anyone? Can anyone offer some advice?
I'm still searching for the inner child but right now I found that adult and I don't know what to do with her, before I even have a chance to speak with her she gets killed = ) I found her though so that is a positive!
Anyways, I woke up this morning and had to run some errands, I crossed the street to my car and invisioned getting hit by one twice (i live on a small street so having this thought twice is awful) it's getting worse. I have no control over these toughts but i am learning how to play with it... Does this happen to anyone? Can anyone offer some advice?
I'm still searching for the inner child but right now I found that adult and I don't know what to do with her, before I even have a chance to speak with her she gets killed = ) I found her though so that is a positive!
Sponsor
ICC
06-30-2007, 01:21 PM
Hi Dee......I have never had intrusive thoughts but have others say they have. I don't think it's the PTSD causing it but another of your disorders that I am not experienced in. I would like to think that you are killing off the self you are trying to change in hopes that a newer more recovers Dee comes through.?????? When I started to clear my mind I started to have similar dreams. Weird dreams that when I looked them up all had to do with killing off a part of yourself or behaviour that I wanted to change. Sorry I couldn't help more.
Hugs,
Grasshopper:)
Hugs,
Grasshopper:)
Phoenix
06-30-2007, 02:12 PM
I figured I would come here and post this.... For some reason I've been having these intrusive thoughts about getting killed.. I've had these before but yesterday they were so frequent that I was able to play around with it for a bit. I disovered that I really had no sense of worth for myself (which we knew) but I didn't know how bad this was, so I'm using it as a learning tool for myself.
Anyways, I woke up this morning and had to run some errands, I crossed the street to my car and invisioned getting hit by one twice (i live on a small street so having this thought twice is awful) it's getting worse. I have no control over these toughts but i am learning how to play with it... Does this happen to anyone? Can anyone offer some advice?
I'm still searching for the inner child but right now I found that adult and I don't know what to do with her, before I even have a chance to speak with her she gets killed = ) I found her though so that is a positive!
Dear Dee:
(this is just my take)
These manifestations may be brought about by the health concerns of your family members.
Your wanting to be there for them and knowing that there is nothing you can humanly do (outside of praying and offering positive words) could leave one to feel powerless.
No power: No life.
SNAP out of it.
SEE what is going on around you and if certain things are out of your control, refer to the Serenity Prayer.
NURTURE your feelings and know that from time to time, you may need time by yourself to collect your thoughts and relieve the stress.
ALLOW yourself to come first and by doing so, it will provide you with the ability to be there for others.
PREVENT others from placing demands on your time that you have not already scheduled yourself, without first evaluating the situation.
Ryan
Anyways, I woke up this morning and had to run some errands, I crossed the street to my car and invisioned getting hit by one twice (i live on a small street so having this thought twice is awful) it's getting worse. I have no control over these toughts but i am learning how to play with it... Does this happen to anyone? Can anyone offer some advice?
I'm still searching for the inner child but right now I found that adult and I don't know what to do with her, before I even have a chance to speak with her she gets killed = ) I found her though so that is a positive!
Dear Dee:
(this is just my take)
These manifestations may be brought about by the health concerns of your family members.
Your wanting to be there for them and knowing that there is nothing you can humanly do (outside of praying and offering positive words) could leave one to feel powerless.
No power: No life.
SNAP out of it.
SEE what is going on around you and if certain things are out of your control, refer to the Serenity Prayer.
NURTURE your feelings and know that from time to time, you may need time by yourself to collect your thoughts and relieve the stress.
ALLOW yourself to come first and by doing so, it will provide you with the ability to be there for others.
PREVENT others from placing demands on your time that you have not already scheduled yourself, without first evaluating the situation.
Ryan
beka6
06-30-2007, 02:25 PM
Dee,
I have intrusive thoughts - and have had for years. Mine are usually violent - for example, sometimes when I am making dinner and using a knife, I will have a sudden thought of stabbing myself in the leg or if I'm outside and I see a dog, I'll have a sudden thought of being attacked. I have intrusive thoughts about suicide as well. I have learned to recognized them as intrusive thoughts and to quickly dismiss them as intrusive thoughts. Sometimes we can't help what flashes into our minds, but we certainly can have control over what we do with them once they are there. I don't allow myself to dwell on these thoughts at all - I just recognize them and then do away with them. I don't know if they are part of the PTSD, or not. I've had them as long as I can remember and they always increase when I'm really stressed. It's taken a lot of practice, but I feel like I now have control over them for the most part when they come.
Now I sound like a complete fruitcake, don't I? :D
If you are just starting to experience them, it might be worth bringing up to your doctor.
Take care of yourself - I hope all is going as well as possible for you.
Beka
I have intrusive thoughts - and have had for years. Mine are usually violent - for example, sometimes when I am making dinner and using a knife, I will have a sudden thought of stabbing myself in the leg or if I'm outside and I see a dog, I'll have a sudden thought of being attacked. I have intrusive thoughts about suicide as well. I have learned to recognized them as intrusive thoughts and to quickly dismiss them as intrusive thoughts. Sometimes we can't help what flashes into our minds, but we certainly can have control over what we do with them once they are there. I don't allow myself to dwell on these thoughts at all - I just recognize them and then do away with them. I don't know if they are part of the PTSD, or not. I've had them as long as I can remember and they always increase when I'm really stressed. It's taken a lot of practice, but I feel like I now have control over them for the most part when they come.
Now I sound like a complete fruitcake, don't I? :D
If you are just starting to experience them, it might be worth bringing up to your doctor.
Take care of yourself - I hope all is going as well as possible for you.
Beka
beka6
06-30-2007, 02:27 PM
No power: No life.
SNAP out of it.
SEE what is going on around you and if certain things are out of your control, refer to the Serenity Prayer.
NURTURE your feelings and know that from time to time, you may need time by yourself to collect your thoughts and relieve the stress.
ALLOW yourself to come first and by doing so, it will provide you with the ability to be there for others.
PREVENT others from placing demands on your time that you have not already scheduled yourself, without first evaluating the situation.
Ryan
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Thanks for posting it out, Ryan.
Beka
SNAP out of it.
SEE what is going on around you and if certain things are out of your control, refer to the Serenity Prayer.
NURTURE your feelings and know that from time to time, you may need time by yourself to collect your thoughts and relieve the stress.
ALLOW yourself to come first and by doing so, it will provide you with the ability to be there for others.
PREVENT others from placing demands on your time that you have not already scheduled yourself, without first evaluating the situation.
Ryan
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Thanks for posting it out, Ryan.
Beka
marshmallow
06-30-2007, 04:52 PM
Dee, I have 2 people in my family with OCD and they suffer from intrusive thoughts such as you mentioned. I also read that sometimes bp and ocd go hand in hand. I am sorry your having a hard time. I am thinking of you.
Dee-nah
06-30-2007, 05:45 PM
Despite a lot of bad things in my life for the past couple of days I've been feeling pretty good, but these thoughts are almost robbing me of that. I've always had intrusive thoughts but this time my mind is more clear, the reasoning behind it is upsetting me... I want to enjoy what I have right now and go with it rather then think of voilence towards myself.. Give me my moment, ya know..
Thanks for responding everyone! I hope you are all doing well!
Thanks for responding everyone! I hope you are all doing well!
ICC
07-02-2007, 07:15 AM
Hi Dee.....Sorry I didn't come back. My computer was being a brat for 2 days. All have given you good advise. I do use the serenity prayer in bad times. Sometimes I repeat it so many times over and over until the feeling passes. I also pray to fall asleep. Hope you are feeling better.
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
Lost-in-Time
07-02-2007, 07:05 PM
I have intrusive thoughts as part of the ptsd..it can be maddening...I'm trying NOT to have them and I'm left with "What DO I think about?" I don't know what to think about.....
isitme
07-03-2007, 06:58 PM
I have these thoughts too. In the main I tell myself 'don't be so stupid' when I do have them. (I am in NO WAY implying that you are stupid). All I know is that by telling myself that, the thoughts do subside eventually.:)
Dee-nah
07-04-2007, 11:56 AM
I get what your saying and I do the same thing, I don't let it control me but I never realized how intrusive they were... I did go to my tdoc and talked with her about this, she seems to think it has a lot to do with wanting to harm myself as well... I just HAVE to figure out how to reach my self esteem and start cleaning it off.. I'm no way near.
This is going to sound stupid... I told her that I needed to "find" my self esteem, I've been looking for it my whole life. She advised that it's always been there it's just black... I got comfort in the fact that all I needed to do was clean it off rather then look for it..
This is going to sound stupid... I told her that I needed to "find" my self esteem, I've been looking for it my whole life. She advised that it's always been there it's just black... I got comfort in the fact that all I needed to do was clean it off rather then look for it..
Survivor 1957
07-04-2007, 12:33 PM
i to have the intrusive thoughts, I know it is part of the PTSD, but sometimes it becomes overwhelming. I start to get a little paranoid and do not trust myself around people. Today is a hard day, invites to parties and I do not have it in me to socialize with the crowds, I do not want to put on the mask and act happy for the family and then come home and be so down.It is so exhausting..My son wants me to come for the kids but I may bow out with some lame excuse...PTSD is so limiting at times.
K
K
Dee-nah
07-04-2007, 12:51 PM
I'm so used to putting on the "front" that I know what you mean about it being exhausting... I look at people and see them so happy I find myself jealous... I was driving through the drive through to my bank and this girl was standing in it as if she was a car.. I gave her so much credit for doing that.. I could NEVER be that exposed, it was packed and there she was..
I used to get overwhelmed with my thoughts but I'm so used to them, it's almost like part of my thinking process... This time I tried to step up to it, of course I lost but It made me see if from a different angle... It was so gruesome.. Yesterday I pictured myself putting my head through a wall??? Sounds so stupid but that is what it was...
I used to get overwhelmed with my thoughts but I'm so used to them, it's almost like part of my thinking process... This time I tried to step up to it, of course I lost but It made me see if from a different angle... It was so gruesome.. Yesterday I pictured myself putting my head through a wall??? Sounds so stupid but that is what it was...
isitme
07-04-2007, 02:07 PM
Dee - until a couple of years ago, I didn't have a clue what had been wrong with me........ for years. I carried on with my life as I thought normal. It was only then that I realized I had literally lost 'me' in my whole life. So since then I have been working on finding 'me' again. (I'd become so warped in my thinking, I thought the old me had disappeared, but I am slowly finding myself again...........and you will too.
Dee-nah
07-04-2007, 09:51 PM
I'm glad your on the path of to finding yourself, I think it's important to find that "path" and walk with it.. I don't have a path, I need to find mine. I don't want to be the person I was and I look forward to becoming the person I was meant to be..
Survivor 1957
07-04-2007, 10:45 PM
I am just the opposite, I want to find the person I was, she was strong and proud and not afraid to stand up and look out for the underdog. Now I am having panic attacks, chest pains, and unable to socialize in family gatherings or parties with co workers. I want the other person back
I have thoughts that pop into my head..for example I seem to always try to figure out if I can get behind the sofa of the house I may be in., why I do not know. I just know I will not sit on a sofa if it is next to the wall. This is not the thinking strong person.
I want so badly to know what it is like to be accepted, and not worry so about the thoughts that creep into my head.
K
I have thoughts that pop into my head..for example I seem to always try to figure out if I can get behind the sofa of the house I may be in., why I do not know. I just know I will not sit on a sofa if it is next to the wall. This is not the thinking strong person.
I want so badly to know what it is like to be accepted, and not worry so about the thoughts that creep into my head.
K
isitme
07-05-2007, 05:54 AM
dee - you are on the road. This forum is an aid in your recovery. It will send you somewhere, that's guaranteed. There will be millions of mountains to climb and I can honestly say, for the most part, I AM stood at the top of the mountain looking down and it feels great...........and then the trigger. Oh, ptsd.
[removed] We are determined to get past the past. Not only did I find 'me' again, I found a new, better, more informed me. I am even stronger for the experiences I had, although at the time it was hell.
Illogical thought - we ALL have them and the crazy thing is - we KNOW our thoughts are crazy. I do a hell of alot of talking to my illogical self, constantly trying to put her straight. She listens sometimes. I hate the anxiety too. :)
[removed] We are determined to get past the past. Not only did I find 'me' again, I found a new, better, more informed me. I am even stronger for the experiences I had, although at the time it was hell.
Illogical thought - we ALL have them and the crazy thing is - we KNOW our thoughts are crazy. I do a hell of alot of talking to my illogical self, constantly trying to put her straight. She listens sometimes. I hate the anxiety too. :)
ICC
07-05-2007, 08:02 AM
Morning all.......When I accepted my anger the anxiety went away. We are survivors. One day at a time, one issue at a time. I believe if we get a handle on the anger it opens the door for recovery. We will always have triggers and se-backs BUT as a dear friend of mine, Her name is Sid, told me a long time ago they get fewer and are of shorter duration in time when we build boundaries and STOP-LISTEN-LEARN. I think we all have parts of ourselves from the past that we love and parts that we are trying to find in the present TO love. It's what makes us whole. Before all the traumas hit me I was a fun loving, easy going person who all of a sudden became so uptight it was always on the edge. Now I feel I have a combo of some of my past self and present self. I like me. Took me a long time but I do. Having ahard time right now but am being honest about what's going on withme with those closest to me. Instead of sucking it up I am being honest and upfront. It helps.
Grasshopper:)
Grasshopper:)
Survivor 1957
07-05-2007, 08:30 AM
I Agree With What You All Say, Getting A Hold On The Anger And Realize The Intrusive Thought Are Just Intrusive Thoughts... If It Was Only That Easy :) Its Nice To Be Able To Let It Out Here, Thanks
K
K
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 08:41 AM
I have to be honest I don't think I did anything special to realize they were "Intrusive Thoughts", I had them for so long that they just became my way of thinking... Some are more disturbing then others but you learn to deal with them...
Survivor 1957
07-05-2007, 08:47 AM
dee-nah,
My thoughts have been with me for so long they are part of me. this forum is the first time i have shared this infromation abouth my way of thinking. Until i read this thread i thought i was just a little nuts:) . its nice to know i have good company with me.
k
My thoughts have been with me for so long they are part of me. this forum is the first time i have shared this infromation abouth my way of thinking. Until i read this thread i thought i was just a little nuts:) . its nice to know i have good company with me.
k
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 08:50 AM
Good company is right... I don't know what I would do without this board! Could you imagine going to your friends and telling them you just invisionsed yourself putting your head through a wall?? I posted this and almost everyone posted that they have the same thoughts... Gotta love it here!
Survivor 1957
07-05-2007, 09:01 AM
I have a thought, maybe we are fine and it the rest of the world that has issues:) just a thought.
I know if I told any of my friends about a fraction of what I have posted over the last few months they would come with the white coats. This has been a great outlet for me and has made it easier for me ot talk to my therapist. Sharing on the boards and reading other inputs on the outh threads is so very helpful, i do not feel alone and it sure does let you no your in good company.
We have all been thought so very much pain and look, we are still here, some days are harder then others,but here we are. I will let you know how it goes at work.
k
I know if I told any of my friends about a fraction of what I have posted over the last few months they would come with the white coats. This has been a great outlet for me and has made it easier for me ot talk to my therapist. Sharing on the boards and reading other inputs on the outh threads is so very helpful, i do not feel alone and it sure does let you no your in good company.
We have all been thought so very much pain and look, we are still here, some days are harder then others,but here we are. I will let you know how it goes at work.
k
isitme
07-05-2007, 12:00 PM
Last night I admitted to my son that I wasn't 'normal', (whatever normal is, is a question in itself)! I didn't mention ptsd, but I said I can't be, I need anti depressants. It was quite funny to be arguing my case of insanity and my son not hearing of it. Like you, white coats would come out if I told them all my crazy thoughts. I am not fussy what I'm seen as - normal or insane. I'm me. People can take or leave me.
Sannah
07-05-2007, 12:27 PM
I want to find the person I was, she was strong and proud and not afraid to stand up and look out for the underdog.
This is not the thinking strong person.
I want so badly to know what it is like to be accepted
K, you stood up for the underdog (met other's needs) but did you meet your own needs?
Yeah, not feeling strong doesn't feel good. The issues just keep piling up on you and weigh you down and then you are left feeling small and weak. Remember, this is just a frame of mind and you can see it as that and feel strong again so that you can face your fears, etc.
So you have never felt accepted?
This is not the thinking strong person.
I want so badly to know what it is like to be accepted
K, you stood up for the underdog (met other's needs) but did you meet your own needs?
Yeah, not feeling strong doesn't feel good. The issues just keep piling up on you and weigh you down and then you are left feeling small and weak. Remember, this is just a frame of mind and you can see it as that and feel strong again so that you can face your fears, etc.
So you have never felt accepted?
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 12:30 PM
I just invisioned myself hurting someone.. I'm just pin pointing them out right now...
Sannah
07-05-2007, 12:36 PM
Dee, is it me?
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 12:38 PM
My boss... She drives me crazy... Please I can be mean but not that mean = ) I get upset with you but not mad!
Sannah
07-05-2007, 12:41 PM
Whew! So maybe these intrusive thoughts are really just strong feelings that you have about many things which you aren't able to do anything about for various reasons and they come out as these intrusive thoughts then?
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 12:45 PM
I've had them my whole life, honestly... I don't think my father nor my sister in law triggered it. I was just thinking clear one day and "caught" it, then tried to pick it apart...
Sannah
07-05-2007, 12:51 PM
Well, your whole life you have been unable to express your feelings. Those feelings have to go somewhere.
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 12:56 PM
You think that is where they come from? I never thought of that? There so gruesome...
Sannah
07-05-2007, 12:58 PM
Just a guess that I had at this moment when you mentioned one and then tied it to a situation in your life that is causing you distress?
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 01:00 PM
You mean my boss.... She just drives me crazy in general!
Sannah
07-05-2007, 01:09 PM
Yes, well she drives you crazy, you aren't able to do anything about this situation so your resultant feelings fuel the intrusive thoughts? I could see how intense "repressed" feelings could fuel gruesome thoughts. Repressed feelings are powerful.
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 01:34 PM
I agree to a certain extent... This weekend the thoughts were about me and they came for no reason at all.. I was actually in good spirits.
Sannah
07-05-2007, 02:19 PM
What were the thoughts about this weekend and what was going on around you?
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 02:30 PM
It was a great weekend for me, found out my dad didn't have brain cancer.. First good news in a long time... Then I kept on having images that someone was killing me, this went on for a while. The next day it was the car hitting me...
Sannah
07-05-2007, 02:36 PM
Did you think that you didn't deserve to hear such good news?
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 02:43 PM
Hmmmmm, I honestly didn't know what to think... I didn't even think he had lung cancer, ya know.. That is why I think I was clear minded when they came?? My brain wasn't clouded so I was really able to take them for what they were...
My therapist seems to think I was thinking of hurting myself?
My therapist seems to think I was thinking of hurting myself?
Sannah
07-05-2007, 02:52 PM
My dad had an examination of his esophagus a few years ago. His sister and my mom went with him (I live 8 hours away). The doc told them that he had Barrett's esophagous (a PRE-cancerous condition). Well do you know what those 3 folks in their 70's heard - CANCER. So my dad calls me and I was upset of course but I just didn't deal with it (my feelings) until he had his appt. with the cancer specialist. I was very anxious about it though. When I got that phone call a few weeks later that he didn't have cancer I felt relieved but also "depressed". I figured that I just didn't deal with it at the time and when I heard the good news I was able to deal with my repressed feelings about it and the "depression" came out. This probably has nothing to do with your situation here!
Dee-nah
07-05-2007, 03:04 PM
Nah... I mean I'm glad you told it but it's not the same.
I'll figure them out, I can talk myself out of them which is good... Believe or not I'm an angry person but not a violent one, I don't wish pain on anybody!
I'll figure them out, I can talk myself out of them which is good... Believe or not I'm an angry person but not a violent one, I don't wish pain on anybody!
ICC
07-06-2007, 07:34 AM
Hi all............In reading this thread I've realized how many years I was a robot. I understand and have experienced most of what all of youtalk about but it is so far in the past for me I have no words of wisdom. I guess I just kept plugging along, did what I had to do everyday and ignored what I was going through:dizzy:
Dee....JMO....I don't think the instrusive thoughts have anything to do with your dad's illness. I believe it has to do with your disorders, getting allot of your issues out into the open. As you're recovering they seem to be more prominant. Your therapist thinks you want to harm yourself. What do you think of that? You're rightabout anger and violence. They don't always go hand in hand. I am very mild mannered and wouldn't hurt a fly BUT was filled with so much anger for years.
ICC
Dee....JMO....I don't think the instrusive thoughts have anything to do with your dad's illness. I believe it has to do with your disorders, getting allot of your issues out into the open. As you're recovering they seem to be more prominant. Your therapist thinks you want to harm yourself. What do you think of that? You're rightabout anger and violence. They don't always go hand in hand. I am very mild mannered and wouldn't hurt a fly BUT was filled with so much anger for years.
ICC
Dee-nah
07-06-2007, 08:16 AM
ICC, your right it has nothing to do with my father. I should of explained myself more since I had this thoughts prior..
I can honestly say that I don't like myself but to "hurt" myself, I do not have it in me .. I want to get better and me confronting this is a good sign, I've always had it but dismissed it this time I'm bring it out... I'm honestly amazed I thought this was just me, to know that the majority here thinks it confirms that it's the disorder and it can be worked on... For once in my life the worthlessness I feel for myself is recognized, I think that is a good sign, right? I know I have self esteem issue's but I've never seen it so to speak.
I can honestly say that I don't like myself but to "hurt" myself, I do not have it in me .. I want to get better and me confronting this is a good sign, I've always had it but dismissed it this time I'm bring it out... I'm honestly amazed I thought this was just me, to know that the majority here thinks it confirms that it's the disorder and it can be worked on... For once in my life the worthlessness I feel for myself is recognized, I think that is a good sign, right? I know I have self esteem issue's but I've never seen it so to speak.
ICC
07-06-2007, 09:19 AM
DEE.......I feel that all you are experienceing is a part of healing. The more you recognize and work on these issues the faster they go away. You're on a good path. I have seen a tremendous change in you in the past few weeks. Mor maturity is coming out and more determination to heal yourself. I am proud to know you.
Hugs,
ICC
Hugs,
ICC
beka6
07-06-2007, 03:24 PM
Dee,
Didn't you say once that you hurt yourself by starving your body? It's a more sociably acceptable way to self-injure, but it's still self-injury. I deprive myself of sleep and eat too much sugar, just like tons of other people in America. But, the root of my problem is self-esteem issues, too. We need to get to the point where we love ourselves for who we are, what we've survived, and the potential that we KNOW we can reach.
Hang in there - like ICC said, there are great things happening with you right now. You are changing and healing and are determined to succeed. I'm grateful for your insight.
Beka
Didn't you say once that you hurt yourself by starving your body? It's a more sociably acceptable way to self-injure, but it's still self-injury. I deprive myself of sleep and eat too much sugar, just like tons of other people in America. But, the root of my problem is self-esteem issues, too. We need to get to the point where we love ourselves for who we are, what we've survived, and the potential that we KNOW we can reach.
Hang in there - like ICC said, there are great things happening with you right now. You are changing and healing and are determined to succeed. I'm grateful for your insight.
Beka
Dee-nah
07-07-2007, 01:06 PM
Hi Beka,
My eye sight is a little messed up right now so excuse this posting...
Self esteem is my worse enemy right now, like I said before that girl in the drive through gave inspiration, the best part about it was it was intentional.
The eating situation I've dealt with all my life, I get so digusted with things I just can't eat. I'm trying really hard to end this habit, I don't want my family to worry about me, we have enough going on. My dad takes my eating disorder (yes I said disorder, never looked at it that way) to heart, he worries about me, he doesn't need it right now. I will admit that I'v been doing this to myself recently but a good friend is helping me out of it and it's working.
A healthy body is a healthy mind, right
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I honestly can't see right now..
Also wanted to say you guys are the best, I don't know what I would do without you and my special friend... You all mean everythig to me don't know what I would do with out you all! Please be flattered by that because it is sincerly coming from my heart....
My eye sight is a little messed up right now so excuse this posting...
Self esteem is my worse enemy right now, like I said before that girl in the drive through gave inspiration, the best part about it was it was intentional.
The eating situation I've dealt with all my life, I get so digusted with things I just can't eat. I'm trying really hard to end this habit, I don't want my family to worry about me, we have enough going on. My dad takes my eating disorder (yes I said disorder, never looked at it that way) to heart, he worries about me, he doesn't need it right now. I will admit that I'v been doing this to myself recently but a good friend is helping me out of it and it's working.
A healthy body is a healthy mind, right
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I honestly can't see right now..
Also wanted to say you guys are the best, I don't know what I would do without you and my special friend... You all mean everythig to me don't know what I would do with out you all! Please be flattered by that because it is sincerly coming from my heart....
Dee-nah
07-07-2007, 01:15 PM
ICC, you saying you are proud to know me and that I've matured, meant more to me then you will ever know!
isitme
07-07-2007, 08:15 PM
I think you're doing really well too. You're an inspiration.
Dee-nah
07-08-2007, 04:07 PM
I'm trying and I do not want to let myself plus you guys and the bat down!
ICC
07-09-2007, 07:15 AM
Dee....You can't let us down. Concentrate on YOU. Always do what's best for YOU. I am glad You enjoyed my post. I mean it with all my heart. The maturity I have seen in you lately is superb. How are things going with the meds?
ICC
ICC
Dee-nah
07-09-2007, 08:09 AM
I actually had a med break down this weekend. I was at my girlfriends house and from the sun my vision went this time my girlfriend looked into my eyes and my pupils were going up and down really fast.. I never knew it was visible,she was actually telling me when it was slowing down.. Tegretol is known for it's vision side effects. I bumped up my appt with the pdoc to talk about my options, I know he is not going to do anything, he is going to say it will go away and if I put you on something else I will have the same if not more problems.. I'm not even up to the level I'm suppose to be at.. I'm still at 400mgs when I'm suppose to be going to 600mgs in the am... I get so tired too, I honestly don't know how I make it through the day...
Sorry, I'm rambling it just burns me up!
Sorry, I'm rambling it just burns me up!
ICC
07-09-2007, 08:45 AM
Dee......sorry I can't help with the meds. I have such horrible side effects to all that I just won't take them. You can't do that. Praying that it all subsides soon. I visited the relationship board so am somewhat aware of what's happening. Will gothere and read somemore and see if I can shed some light on it. My daughter just met someone a month ago online and I have lots of questions.
ICC
ICC
Dee-nah
07-09-2007, 09:03 AM
Thanks, ICC...
Hope all is well with you and everything you are going through!!!
Hope all is well with you and everything you are going through!!!