Well, I had my u/s and b/w this morning and it's not good news. My lining is only at a 6... and that's really not good considering it was 7 on Tues and 8 on Thurs. My RE is extremely concerned with my risk of severe OHSS having almost 40 good size follicles right now (many b/w 14-20). I knew that was a risk with IVF but I didn't think it would happen to me.

They told me that for now we will "coast"... and I know what that means in terms of OHSS - it's the alternative to canceling a cycle and trying to save it. I am fighting back tears so hard, and my DH who went with me, is breathing down my neck about not crying and making sure I don't get upset. I just want to cry hysterically right now and I can't cause I know it's not good for me, and my DH will get mad if I do that to myself. We've spent $16,000 out of pocket already for this cycle and I am just praying that at a minimum they will aspirate the eggs and freeze them so we can transfer in a couple months... they said that was def an option. They also said that they haven't given up on actually doing the transfer, but at this point with a lining of only 6 I feel like we shouldn't even try it and waste 2 really good embryos anyway.

They will call me later with further instruction, but we know I'm not to take any more stims (which I've barely taken for the last two days anyway). I know I'm going in tomorrow for another u/s and b/w (the 8th day in a row!!!!!!!!) and maybe then we'll see if things are looking up. Sounds like they are calling the apothecary now to get some sort of medicine that will help prevent the severe OHSS from coming on (never heard of that :confused: ) which I'll start tomorrow. I'm glad they are monitoring me so closely and I'm not mad at the office by an means, I'm just way disappointed.

Please cross your fingers and pray for me.

Kari~

As difficult as it is, try to remain optimistic. Keep your head up, and I will pray for a good outcome with your cycle. No matter how you slice it, this IF stuff is so emotionally draining.

We are praying for you! Let us know how it all turns out. :)

Laurie

I'm trying Laurie, I really am. I want to stay optimistic cause that's how I try to live day to day... you know, the glass if half full.?.?. I know your history and that you tend to have the opposite problem... I wish we could get together and somehow rub off on each other and find our happy mediums ;) I hope your cycle keeps going well hun. I'd be happy if this were the one for you.

Oh Kari sweetie I am so sorry u are going through this but DH is right u have to remain calm crying and stressing sometimes will do more harm then good so please take care of urself.I am glad they are monitoring u so closely so that way they will be able to prevent OHSS.U know u are in my prayers constantly.Maybe u should get out go somewhere with DH a movie dinner dont sit around.I am really worried about u and I just wish there was something I could do.I know there isent but I am praying hard for u girl.U know I want this so much for u.Take care of urself and we are here for u.

(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Oh KAri

I am so sorry however DH s right try to take it easy...i know it s easier said than done but the only thing you can do right know is try to keep relaxed.
It s so unfair having to deal with these complications. As if IF alone is not enough.
The fact that they are trying to save the cycle indicates that you do hold a chance.So try to think positive.
I am saying some extra prayers for you today. Please keep us posted on how it goes tomorrow. Will be here to support you.

Hugs

Amy

Thanks Mapia, you and your words mean so much to me. I'm trying to keep a cool head but it's so hard. If they don't do the transfer this coming week I keep thinking that it could be another couple months and I don't know how I'll get thru it. Well that's not true cause I know you guys will be here for me and help me thru. What would I do w/out this board?:confused: ? I love you guys.

Thx Amy, I just saw your post. And I really appreciate your extra prayers. I know I need them. Hope you are feeling well and relaxed yourself... good positive thoughts for that little baby of yours!!!

Kari, I can't believe you are going through this. I feel so bad for telling you not to worry about OHSS. I wish this weren't happening to you. I am glad though that your dr is monitoring you so closely. At least you are off the stims and the follicles can do the rest on their own. They seem to have gotten off to a great start! ;) I am definitely praying that your cycle will not be canceled!!!!! Is there anything they can do to help your lining? Can you start progesterone early? Let us know how tomorrow's appt goes. I will be thinking of you.

Holly

Hey Holly, thx sweetie. They didn't mention anything about giving me something now to help my lining... maybe that's cause they already know in their minds we're not going thru w/ transfer :confused: :( And I told them at my day3 u/s that I had concerns w/ my lining. That could be the only thing that makes me a little mad with my RE office.

I understand that it would be such a pity having your cycle cnx however try not to think ahead now. Things might be ok too and you might have a successful cycle. Try to take each step at a time....now it is important that you don t stress yourself.

Whatever happens we will be here for you .........sending you gentle hugs

AMy

Kari,
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through ... try to relax and not stress to much. I know you're probably saying to yourself "yah, easier said than done" but just try. I will keep you in my prayers ~ stay strong and I wish you all the best.

Thanks Cris. I'm trying so hard not to stress, I just wish I knew how this was all gonna work out.

The NP called and told me what I imagine is some good news. After my E2 went from 868 Wed to 1850 Thurs to 2660 Fri, it only went up to 2967 today. (not sure how accurate this is, but I've read that 3000 is about the max they want it to be at time of trigger to reduce risk of ohss.) So to my surprise, she said to take 75 of gonal-F tonite :confused: :confused: :confused: and just lupron in the morning and come in to the office. My guess is maybe they will have me trigger tomorrow and then do e/r on Tues? But I have no idea if they are gonna go ahead with the transfer or just freeze whatever embies fertilize and make it to day five. Well thanks everyone for listening and letting me get this off my chest. I'm anxious for tomorrow to find out more on the fate of this cycle.

Just wanted to see how you are doing before going to bed. I am no expert re IVF but i think that s good news.....and i am praying that the good news will continue.

Hold on Kari.

Amy

oh Kari, My fingers are crossed for you, I am sending as many prayers your way to let things settle down. Your DH is right, (it sucks sometimes :jester: ) but you need to relax sweetie, its gonna happen. Everything will be ok. Stay positive, there is still so much hope and we are all sending it to you. Keep us posted. When I have anxiety/stress I bake, I think because I can control everything in the food :) maybe try and do something that will keep you preoccupied to let your mind relax. Stay strong :)AimeeM

Hi Kari, just wanted to see how you were doing. I think it's great news that your level didn't go up much more today. Hopefully it will stay that way! :) You'll be in my thoughts and prayers for good news tomorrow. Like everyone else has been saying, try your best to just relax and let DH take care of you.

Holly

Hi Holly. I am doing okay tonite. DH and I met my sis and BIL for a casual bite for dinner and had some good laughs (which hurt my ovaries w/ each chuckle but worth it ;) ). I'm so happy the E2 didn't rise that much from yest. to today, but I'm not gonna get my hopes up that we will still do the transfer. I'm just going to go along w/ whatever the RE recommends tomorrow. I know they have my best interest in mind. How are you doing?

Amelu, I took your advice earlier and went and reorganized a few cabinets in the kitchen (it was a safer bet, considering I'm not a good cook... but getting better since I resigned! :) ). Felt good to keep busy. I haven't had a breakdown yet, so I'm glad DH was there to keep me focused earlier. He's so cute...... when he saw the screen during my u/s today he said that my ovaries look like two huge honeycombs!!! At dinner, he asked how my honeycombs were doing :D

Amy, thanks for checking in. I'm hanging in here. I will let you know if we get good news after our appt tomorrow morning. Sweet dreams to you and your lil one! :angel:

Hi Kari,

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I had a mild case of OHSS and I remember how stressful & scary that was. Did they tell you did drink lots of gatorade and eat lots of protien? My NP had told me to do that and it seemed to help keep my E2 from rising too much. My E2 keep doubling at first too but then it kind of evened out towards the end so that is a really good sign that it didn't go up too much yesterday. Hopefully it will only go up a little today too and you will get to E/R soon. I'm sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts your way.

Lori

hi kari, im just checking in, and im so sorry you are even having to think about this!! i really hope this whole cycle doesnt have to get cancelled!!i know its hard to relax, sometimes a little cry isnt a bad thing tho. some people may disagree, but its not good to keep stuff in either, for me that is even MORE stressful!!! im sure hearing that your e2 didnt go up too much, made you have a little more hope!! it sounds good to me.. well you know you are in my thoughts and prayers!!! <3 aimee

Hi Kari I just saw your post and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Try to stay positive and I hope to hear your results soon. I'm praying you will be able to do your e/t. It's good that your E2 levels have slowed down hopefully they will stay that way.

Good Luck today.

Kelly

Hi Kari glad to hear things are looking better.I am so glad u got to go out and enjoy urself.Its always nice to go out and have a few laughs.Well I have been praying real hard for u girlie and I know it will all work out.Just try and remain calm.Waiting to hear ur update today.Good luck sweetie and enjoy ur day.

(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Kari

Just wanted to let you know that i ve been thinking and praying for you today. Really hope that you will have good news to share with us after your appt today.

AMy

Hey guys, Lori, Aimee, Mapia, Kelly, and Amy... thanks for your warm thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it and I think it has helped!!! :angel: When DH and I left the RE office this morning, he commented immediately that it was a totally different vibe today and they were much more positive!

I haven't gotten my E2 results yet, but the u/s showed my lining to be back at 8, which was great news! So my RE said although he had concerns yesterday, he has none at all today with my lining. My honeycombs are still looking huge... so many follies... a handful b/t 20 and 22, though I'd say most were around 16 give / take. They said so long as my E2 hasn't shot way up then I will trigger tonite!!!!! :blob_fire If it has shot up, we may coast for 1-2 days and then do e/r.

I asked if we were still gonna proceed w/ the transfer now that my lining looks ok, and my RE said that they still want to take it one day at a time and see how I do. BUT... he followed that by saying that since it appears I'm going to have so many eggs to work with that there is a chance we could do a day-5 transfer! So I took that as a great sign!

Thanks everyone for your support. I did have a rough nite w/ many hidden tears (didn't want to upset DH)... but all the prayers have gotten me one step closer to my dream. Thanks again.:angel:

Ok Kari i am so happy for you:blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire . Things
seem better than yesterday . it s great that your lining is ok. Hopefully your est won t be too high so that you can move on with this cycle. Please keep us posted...i have been thinking about you all day. It s 8 pm here and the time difference gets me so anxious when i am waiting for news.

I agree with Aimee ....a few crys actually help to get it out at least it works for me.

You can count on my prayers.

hugs

Amy

OMG, OMG SCRATCH ALL I JUST SAID!!! (except the thx for your prayers and support) :mad: NP CALLED AND MY E2 SKYROCKETED!!!! IT'S AT 6300!!! No trigger tonite, go back tomorrow for u/s and b/w. And I didn't complain in my last post, but they had needles all over me today trying to get blood... even the RE was like "oh my what did they do to you?" when he saw the bandages. Thank goodness I don't mind giving blood, but I hope tomorrow isn't worse than today! :( :( :(

Kari~

What a rollercoaster ride... I am truly praying they find a way to work with this cycle for you. Girl, you deserve it!

My heart goes out to you...keep us updated.

Big hugs!

Laurie

Kari, I am still thinking of you and praying everything works out. Just keep relaxing, thats great your lining is better since that means there is still hope this cycle will be fine right? anyway I know its really hard but just stay positive and know we are all sending you lots of good ***** for everything to be ok. AimeeM

Drink a bunch of water and either soak your arms in hot water at the RE's or take hot packs to help get your veins dilated and easier to tap. I had a "3 strikes, you're out" rule during blood draws. If the nurse couldn't get it in 3, I made them call the doc. He always got it on first try.

Kari, how are you doing? I'm so sorry your levels went up! Do you feel any symptoms of OHSS? I am really praying they can save your cycle!! :angel: I have been thinking of you all day and was hoping to hear better news & then it sounded like things were so much better! :confused: You know that we are here for you, Kari. I will be anxiously waiting to hear how tomorrow's appt goes.

Holly

Oh Kari I am so sorry! I can't believe what you have been through the last couple of days.

Sweetie, I am praying hard that your appointment goes well tomorrow and that you are able to proceed with your cycle.

I will be sure to log on ASAP tomorrow to get an update. In the meantime I am sending you huge hugs and lots of love from across the globe!

Love Ruby

OMG Kari I am so sorry this must be such an emotional rollercoaster for you. I can't believe your E2 was so high. I hope you aren't feeling any signs of OHSS. I am really praying hard for you and I hope they can save this cycle for you. I hope you get better news tomorrow.

((((hugs))))

Kelly

Kari sweetie I am so sorry to hear u are going through all this.I just dont understand how this can be happening.I dont know what to say except that we are here for u sweetie.Thinking and praying hard for u girl.Take it easy sweetie.Hope this are different tomorrow.

(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Thanks everyone. I am kinda feeling defeated, but still focusing on the positive. I'm opstimistic we will move forward w/ E/R, but highly doubt the transfer. I don't wanna get my hopes up, that's for sure.

Holly, I feel ok right now. Very bloated and a feeling of fullness, occasional pain in my ovaries.... but that's about it and it seems like all that is normal this late in an IVF stim cycle anyway. Main prob is mental... I am very scared knowing that my E2 is so high. I pray it really comes down tomorrow. I'd love to have the e/t.

AimeeM and Kelly, I hope all this drama isn't making you guys nervous. I know that all these follicles combined w/ this E2 problem is extremely rare (if something is unlikely, it usually happens to me... except for winning the lotto that is ;) ) And even with so many mature follies and such high E2 I really don't feel physically that bad right now, I promise. I know all is gonna go very good for you guys, and I'm excited that you both are getting very close to stimming.

Mapia and Ruby thanks for your prayers and hugs. It's really just what I need, considering there's no one really here for me right now except DH. My appt is tomorrow at 8:30am PT and of course I'll let you guys know how it goes.

Kari, Don't worry your not making me nervous since I have done stims before but with IUI I know what to expect but it always worries me that I'll get OHSS. You are always so thoughtful of everyone else and I just hate that this is happening to you. Wish I could be there for you right now.

Just know I'm here for you if you need to talk.

Kelly

Hi Kari, well I'm glad to at least hear that you are feeling okay physically. You're probably at your appt right now, if you haven't finished it already. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping things are looking up. Praying that your E2 shot WAY down. :angel: Let us know...

Holly

We're praying for ya girl! Let us know how it all turns out...

Hugs from Texas!

Laurie

Hi Kari,
I've been away and have just been reading about the rollercoaster you've been on the last few days. I'm so sorry. You're so strong! I really hope and pray that it will all work out for you this time, and that all the pain, worry, and ups and downs will be worth it, with some good news at the end.
Big hug,
Lizzie

Hi guys, I wanted to drop in and say that I had my appt this morning. The blood draw wasn't so bad today, but I honestly feel like a complete trainwreck. Couldn't sleep last nite and was up since 3:30am (and my poor DH woke too to find me sobbing and I feel so bad cause he must be at work exhausted). I just felt soooooooo incredibly full/bloated and it's finally to the point where I'm extremely uncomfortable.

My NP told me today we are almost sure to go thru w/ E/R on Wed (unless DH and I elect to cancel completely, which is an option that we discussed). The transfer is doubtful, and at this point I don't think I want to do it. My RE said that my risk of moderate or severe OHSS is 40-50%after hcg trigger and I now know that it gets much worse if you do get pregnant (Lori unfortunately was told correctly back after her E/T). They also said since we will have coasted for 3 days going into E/R that the quality of my eggs may be diminished some, which was another blow. But I don't think I can do this again, so I've decided as long as my E2 didn't go up I will do the e/r and have all the eggs frozen for a future transfer.

Not sure when I'll get the call w/ my E2, but I imagine it'll be late in the day. They said they'll have to determine what other e/r's and e/t's need to be done on Wed before calling me back, since they know I'm gonna have to be the last of the day. Apparently they're anticipating my e/r to take one hour :( This is def not one of those times where I was hoping for "special treatment" as they described it. But I am confident they are taking good care of me, and everyone was so nice to me today, giving me hugs and everything. I'll let u all know when my estrogen level comes back... God I pray it drops. Thx again guys for all your support. Think I'm gonna go try and nap.

Oh Kari, I am still saying tons of prayers hoping this all somehow works out. I am really sorry you have to go through this. I know its hard but just try and clear your mind....FET's do have a great success rate too so maybe hold onto that. You definately don't want OHHS. Anyway I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and hoping there is a chance it can work out. Be good to yourself, AimeeM

Kari, so you are going for the E/R on Wednesday? That's great, and with so many follies, thats just wonderful. Good luck to you, and it only takes one to make you a happy mommy:)

Gosh Kari, my heart goes out to you right now. It's unbelievable how differently any two cycles can turn out. I thought I would have no trouble doing IVF again, but now I think what if I'm not so lucky to have an easy cycle next time around. It really is scary. I'm so very sorry you are going through all this. It doesn't seem fair that we put all these hopes and dreams and all this time and money into trying and we still can't get any breaks.

Well, I will continue to pray for you sweetie. I wish you weren't having such a tough time. I wish none of us had to go through any of this. At least you will have lots of eggs to work with, so you will still be a mommy without having to go through all of this again.

HUGS

Holly

Hey Kari I am so sorry u are so emotional but its no wonder all those drugs and stress.I mean how much more could u take plus I think crying is good getting it out is better then keeping it in.I have a question though when Deluka went through OHSS the RE told her since they dident end up doing IVF and those follicles burst inside her that made it worse.All the fluid etc.But with E/R they are taking them out of u.Anyway who really knows this is all a mystery.I just wish I could make this better for u.I hate to see my girls so upset.The only thing I can keep doing is praying for u and I am.I really wish I could give u a hug.Well sweetie I will be waiting to hear from u.Please take care of urself and if u need to vent please do so we are here to listen.

(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Kari, get as much rest as you can sweetheart. You mustn't feel guilty about getting upset & sobbing in front of DH, you can't possibly hold it all in. I am praying for you right now. I can't possibly imagine what you're going through. Look after yourself.
Lizzie

oh kari i am so sorry you have to go through this!! i was so hopeful or you. and dont feel bad about letting dh see you like that, im sure he is hurting too!! you need to get it out, to go through all of this, and feel the way you do isnt easy. we women gho through so much!! i mean the men feel it too, but its different!! im sure dh doesnt mind that he had to console his wife. im praying for you and i hoep the numbers didnt skyrocket, adn you xcan go through with retrieval and have some beautiful embryos to freeze for a later time!! im thinking about youn and praying for the best!!! <3 aimee

More bad news and I'm a total wreck. E2 went up again to over 7300. I don't know what to do but I'm shaking so bad. I haven't felt this scared sick and depressed since my ectopic last summer. After I hung up with NP and bawld I called back to make sure the crying wasn't going to hurt me and she said it wouldn't and that it is okay and good for me to cry. I asked then about the odds of retreival and they are now down to 50/50. She said they have a former paitent / now counselor who has been thru this and will call me to talk about her cancelled cycle and how things worked out for her in the end. I just feel like God is trying to tell me that I'm not meant to have kids and I don't know why I keep fighting on this one. You guys I'm so scared and depressed I don't know what to do :(

OMG Kari I am so sorry sweetie.I really hate hearing how upset u are.U have every right to be upset and crying.I knew crying is good gets it out of ur system.I really dont know what to say cause no matter what I say will make this any better sweetie.We are here to listen and just be ur friend.I really wish I could be there to hug u and just let u get it all out.I am sure DH can help u there though.I just keep thinking of u and praying this will end up on a good note.But I guess no matter how hard we pray sometimes god just has something better waiting for us.I guess we will see that later on cause at some point he will answer us.I am so upset this happened to u.

Please dont ever say u werent meant to have kids.U will be the greatest mother.U are such a wonderful person u are intelligent and have so much to offer.One day this will all just be a bad nightmare that we have woken up from.As soon as we get our BFP's that is.Oh sweetie I pray god will guide u through this whole nightmare and open another door for u.


(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Kari, sweetheart, I've got tears rolling down my face. Really feel for you and wish there was something I could do. Keep crying - let it out, it really does help and is a release. It sounds as if they are looking after you well there - it might be good to speak to the councillor. Don't think that God doesn't want you to have children, it's not true. We don't know why this is happening. I don't know what to say, just try and blank everything from your mind for a little while, breathe deeply and try to calm yourself a little. Huge hugs. xx

Thanks Lizzie and thanks Mapia. I don't know what I would do without you guys, I honestly don't. I've had thoughts of giving up in the past but those thoughts were in my head and not my heart. Now that I'm going thru this, I'm starting to wonder if my heart is gonna tell me to stop. I'm still upset, but I feel better after having talked to the nurse and hearing from u guys knowing you're praying for me.... I got really worked up before, even wondering if maybe I could die, and now I'm back down to being upset about the possibility of a cancelled cycle. Love you guys. -K

Kari~

I am so sorry. I am really at a loss, and I feel for you... I will pray that this cycle enables you to at least freeze the embryos for use later.

You are meant to have kids. Don't ever think differently. Your time will come, maybe sooner than you think.

Have a good cry, it is ok to let it all out. We are here for you, and hope your day gets a little brighter!

Hugs

Laurie

Kari, I am so sosorry. I agree with everyone just let yourself cry. I know nothing seems positive right now but you will be a mother. As bad as this rollercoaster has been the dr. is learning an awful lot about you and should be able to get it perfect next time. I really am praying for you and hope that you at least get to go through with retrieval and freeze those embies. Stay strong and still try through all of this to see some hope. Have Faith your day will come to be a mommy. AimeeM

Oh dear, Kari I am so sorry the numbers don't look good. I feel so stupid now for my previous post, but I was so sure that your E2 numbers would go down and all was better. I wish you will feel better soon, I'll say a prayer for you.
Take it easy and cry as much as you want, it will make you feel better.
Good luck. M

Kari sweetie it's okay to cry. It's not good to keep all those emotions bottled up inside you. You are going through a terrible time at the moment but you can be assured of our prayers and thoughts. We love you and want to see you emerge from this happy and healthy.
I will also pray that you do get to go ahead with the e/r on Wednesday. I agree with Aimee M, your doctor is learning so much about you at the moment so your chances are bound to be increased next time.

Sending you loads of gentle hugs.

Ruby

Kari, it is breaking my heart to see you go through this. I am praying so hard for you. I really hope things work out and you get to save the eggs and freeze a ton of great embryos. You make sure you take care of yourself hon. Like everyone has been saying, it's okay to cry. To say this is a disappointment is an understatement, and you have every right to be upset. But don't give up hope. I know there are days our hope falters...and mine does many many days...but we can't give up. We deserve to have our dreams come true.

Sending you comforting hugs.

Holly

Kari I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this like IF isn't enough. I wish I could be there for you. Try to get lots of rest and I am praying for you and that maybe they can go ahead with E/R so you don't have to go through all this again. I don't even know what to say except we are here for you.

Kelly

Hey Kari I am just at a loss of words I dont know what to say to u sweetie it breaks my heart hearing u so upset.I hate seeing a friend so upset and not being able to do something to cheer her up.I keep praying for u sweetie and u are constantly in my thoughts.I want u to take care of urself and I dont want to hear any nonsense talk again about not being meant to be a mother.I know its hard to be positive right now.Remember when I said the same thing and u girls set me straight.So I dont want to hear u werent meant to be a mother u will make an incredible mother cause u are an incredible women.Love ya sweetie.

(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Kari

I am so sorry sweet. I didn t log on yest since i was working all day though thought of you so much. I really hoped that things would work out.......it seems so unfair that you have to go through all this. I wish i could be next to you ...comforting you.......so i am praying hard.

Don t ever think that you are not meant to be a mommy.....you are amazing and your little ones are going to be so lucky to have you as a mom. It may not be easy but when you ll look back i am sure this will be all worth it.

It s ok to cry...sometimes it s the only thing that helps me feel a little better.

Please keep us posted ........

Sending you hugs and lots of love

Amy

:( It is perfectly acceptable to cry, cherie. And that is what we are here for, ma belle. Though you are having a hard time right now, let us be your strength. I am prayign fo ryou so hard right now.
Of course you are meant to be a mommie, your babies will be so lucky to have you as mom!! This road that is IF is not easy, but the destination will be worth it, my dear.
Please keep us posted, cherie. We are here for you.

****BABY DUST****

Kari sweetie havent heard from u all day.Hope u are ok.U have been so upset I just cant stop thinking about u and how u are doing.I know u are probably just to upset to talk but when u can drop us a line I am so worried about u sweetie.Please take care of urself.

Love ya,

Mapia:)

Hi Kari, I am new to the infertility board, but I have just read through this whole post and want you to know my heart goes out to you. I'm glad you are able to cry and let those emotions out. It amazes me how strong women are (including yourself) to go through this type of experience, with all the physical, financial and emotional stress. It is so increadible difficult, I can't imagine going through it without the support of the other women on this board. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is so dark right now you can't yet see it. My best to you!

Kari, I am worried too. Still praying for you. I hope you're ok. Sending you lots of comforting & calming thoughts.
Lizzie

Well I just got the call and it's over. The cycle is completely cancelled. DH and I both knew it after the appt, but I didn't want to get on line till I knew for sure.

They measured at least 54 follies during my u/s this morning and they said my ovaries are so big they have joined together in the middle. My E2 is still way too high and my RE said that if we put hcg in my system and do a E/R odds of severe OHSS are 40-50%.

I am devasted and angry... When we forked over all that money, I knew there was a chance I wouldn't get Preg but this never occured to me. The chances of such a high degree of over-stim were so slim esp w/ someone who has a history of normal periods and never a sign of PCOS or anything. Last July was my unexplained ectopic and here we go again and I am feeling the same pain and agony. I know I wasn't pregnant this time, but I still feel like I've lost something. I just want to go to sleep for the remainder of this wretched month and wake up and it be August. But I can't and I won't. I know I'm just gonna sulk for a day or two and maybe by next week I'll be back to my old self.

Thanks to all of you for your constant support and caring words. I appreciate your prayers and hope the best for each of you.

Omg Kari I am so sorry I just want to cry roght along with you. I can't believe you have 54 follies I have never heard of anyone having that many. Will the RE refund part of your money since they aren't doing the E/R or E/T? I would think that they would. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I know I can't and only time will help you to feel better. Maybe you can start again in Aug and they will be able to adjust your meds just right for you. I am praying for you and hope you will feel better soon.

Kelly

Kari sweetie I am so sorry. I know you are so utterly disappointed right now and there is nothing I can do or say but all the same I want you to know how sorry I am and that I am thinking of you.
It is very unfair that this happened, especially when there is no apparent reason for it. Give yourself time to mourn the loss of this cycle and know that we are right here for you every step of the way.

I am sending you more love and hugs and hope you are okay.

Love Ruby

OMG Kari sweetie I am so sorry.I knew u werent well when I saw u dident post at all today.There is nothing we can say to make this better the only thing we can do is be here to listen.I remembered how bad I cried that month when they lost the sperm and they were going to cancel.So I know what u are going through right now.I know its not exactly the same but I remember how much I cried that day I never cried so much before.Anyway sweetie I hope u feel better soon it does take time but this to shall pass right sweetie.U are strong and u will get back up again.I just cant believe how many follicles u have.So u will end up ovulating or do they give u meds to stop it?I am a little clueless about this.Anyway sweetie we will be here whenever u deceide to get back on the boards.

(((HUGH HUGS)))

Love ya,

Mapia

Hi Mapia, have I ever told you how wonderful you are? :angel: Well I'm hanging in there. I think I'm in denial right now, so I haven't been sobbing like yesterday to be honest. I'm stunned and utterly disappointed just like Ruby said. They are keeping me on lupron for a few more days to prevent ovulation. Going off lupron and ovulating was an option but I asked if that could be painful and they said yes, so I elected to try this approach. Apparently this mess should die down in about a week and then AF should show a couple weeks after that.

Kelly, I wish this hadn't happened so that I could be a better support for you and the others who are in the midst of trying right now. I pray that I have sucked in all of the bad luck and negativity so that all my friends are left with nothing but positive certainty that a BFP awaits. I do think that I will get a partial refund and I've already done the math and expect about $7,000 back. Helps cushion the blow a little bit I guess.

Ruby, thanks sweetie for your love and support. I don't like to bring my friends down, but I admit it feels better to know that you are there for me if I need a shoulder. I hope things are looking up for you now and maybe you'll have an HSG soon and a BFP straight away after that!

Thank u Kari I think the same of u.:) I am glad u are better then yesturday but it will take time.I dont blame u for electing to stay on the Lupron.I can imagine it would be painful to ovulate with all those follies.Has ur RE ever had a patient with so many follies?To me it seems amazing that u had that many.I am glad u are getting some money back that always helps.

You really are an amazing women Kari dont ever think less of urself.U will make an amazing mother and ur child will be so lucky.I cant wait for the day that I hear u got a BFP.

(((HUGS)))

Mapia:angel:

Yes Mapia, better than yesterday but different emotions. I'm sure with this much estrogen in me, I'll continue to be a bit hormonal for some time. My RE said that he has had one patient with more follies than me (almost 90!). But that patient and all the others who have reacted like I did apparently have had PCOS, which I do not have. If I decide to try again (which I will I just fear facing the question of how long until) then maybe we'll be cycle buddies and can celebrate BFP's together.

Kari, I am so sorry your cycle got cancelled. I don't know what I would do/say if that happened to me. Take care of yourself and just let yourself grieve. There is always one door opening when another close so your little baby was just not ready to come out yet...but I am sure he/she will soon. I am sending lots of prayers your way so you can stay strong through this but I know you are so strong so won't need them. I am thinking of you.AimeeM

Wow Kari 90 follies thats crazy.But I have a question how could someone with PCOS get so many follies u would think someone with no IF issues when put on hormones would produce more follies.Well I am no RE but u would think thats how it would work that a women with no issues would be at higher risk for OHSS.Anyway I guess this whole IF journey is a mystery.Well its no doubt that u have so many different emotions sweetie between all those hormones then ur cycle being cancelled.Give it sometime sweetie I promise the pain will ease.U just take care of urself and just let DH be there for u I am sure he loves to hold u and comfort u.Have a good night sweetie I hope u are sleeping tight right now.

Love ya,

Mapia

Hi Kari

I just wanted to stop by and see how you are doing. It must be the middle of the night there now so I hope you are sound asleep and getting some much needed rest.
I'm thinking of you and praying that you are going to be okay. I hate seeing you suffer like this and hope that you start to feel better soon.

Sweet dreams hun.

Ruby

Kari

I am so sorry that you are going through all this it sounds so unfair. You have the right to feel dissappointed especially after forking out all that money from your pocket. I really hope that you do get a refund.

As Ruby just said i hope you are fast asleep now .......you ve been through too much these last couple of days.

Give yourself a few days for all this to pass. Hang on to DH...make sure you let out all you are feeling with him. Nobody in the world will understand you better then he will.

In the mean time we are all here for you...............

Sending you big hugs

Amy

Kari, sorry I'm so late, I wasn't online at all yesterday evening. I can't believe your cycle was cancelled. You have been so strong through all this, and you deserve better. I know that it is going to happen for you some day soon, I just wish this had been it. I hope that you are doing okay today. I am thinking of you...

Holly

Kari, poor thing, that's awful. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you can get some money back. Let out all your grief and let DH comfort you. You will gain even more strengh from this - it just amazes me what people have to go through and come out the other side. You will do this, and you will become pg, and you'll be even stronger for having been through it - a strength which you can share with your future babies. You'll be in my prayers every day while you're going through this horrid time.
Lizzie

Hi Kari. I just read your post and feel so very sorry that your cycle was cancelled. i can imagine how disappointed you are. I am wondering if next time you will take a lower dose so as not to produce so many follies? i don't blame you for not wanting to O either. ouchy! I know right now it seems hopeless and infuriating and just plain crappy, but i know you have spirit and will try again soon. Maybe you will be close to cycling with me? by the time i start my stims it will be August. I just wanted you to know i am thinking of you and wish nothing but the best for you. i am sure the next IVF cycle will go much more smoothly now that your RE knows how your body reacts. Wishing you well.

Kari, cherie, I hope you are feeling a little bit better soon. I read you post, and oh, I'm sorry. 90 follies! Mon Dieu. I am praying for you at this hard time, and know that it will be better soon. My love, cherie.

kari girl, once again im so sorry you are going though this. all this time and anticipation, and then they hav to cancel your cycle. i hope that because you decided not to just stop lupron, that physically things arent too bad. take all the time you need to get over the anger, pain, and frustration this canceled cycle has caused. and you know we are all here for you and rooting for a quick recovery!! Love Aimee

Kari

Just wanted to let you know that i am thinking of you. I hope that you are physically ok...i imagine it will take some time for you to heal emotionally. Please know that we are all here for you when you feel up to it.

HUGS

AMy

Hi Kari, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of and praying for you. I am so sorry for all that you have had to endure with this cycle and I know next time is going to be better. HUGS

Holly

Hi Everyone. Sorry I haven't been around much, I'm still not feeling great. I've had a headache for 3 days and I can't believe I'm still feeling so full and pain in my ovaries. I think the physical recovery isn't helping the emotional recovery. :( Yesterday was crap cause I knew it was supposed to be my E/R day, and I know Saturday will suck cause it should have been my E/T day. Hopefully when I get beyond Saturday things will start getting better. It's also the last day I take lupron and that'll help.

But I do feel better when I get on line and see all of your posts and warm considerate thougts. Thank you very much to all of you... I wish I could tell each of you personally how much it means to me. I promise I'll be better in a few more days and be back to my old self with plenty to say. Really hope everyone enjoyed their fourth of July. Amy, Ruby, Lizzie, and Princess I know you probably didn't get a day off work, but I still hope you guys enjoyed your 4th of July too!

Kari

SO glad to herar from you. I am sorry that you are not feeling to well. You re correct this does not help in your emotional healing.
I understnad that yesterday and Saturday bring about certain feelings.
However i am sure that you will pull through and even though it s difficult to understand.......GOd must have a plan and a reason why this cycle was cnx. I am sure that you will be a mommy soon.......and your little one is going to be so lucky........you are so kind, caring and at the same time courageous and strong. Give yourself some time...........i am seeing you back on your feet and onto the next cycle soon. Do you have any news re refund?

Amy

Sorry to go off topic....am I reading well....did Holly get banned? Why? OH No?

Amy

I noticed that to and also Mapia. I think they posted personal info in another thread. I just couldn't believe they were banned.

Kelly

Hadn t seen Mapia s ban...................the board will be so empty without them. Girls i am already missing you both.

AMy

I am deeply sorry, but I must ask, what does this 'ban' mean? What does 'banned' mean? Why are we saying the board will be empty with Mapia and, Holly? Have they gone somewhere? Is that what ban means? :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

They must have wrote something the moderators didn t approve....

AMy

And so they have to leave? Is that what ban means? :confused:

Banned means that they are not allowed to post anymore. The boards will be so empty without them.

Kelly

Amy, I just can't stay away from this board. This is a place I can come and feel understood. I am hesitant to vent or complain to my local friends, family (only my sis knew that I was trying IVF), and even my DH (he kinda freaks out when I am not doing well emotionally and seeing him so very frustrated just upsets me more). So I'm putting on a front like I am doing okay, while inside I want to scream bloody hell. I'm terrified to call the RE office b/c I know they'll say if I wanna try again I'll have to wait (weeks) before AF, then go on bcp for weeks, then lupron, and then if suppressed enough we can start all over again. Hearing that it could be Sept / Oct before we can give it another go makes me want to let out that scream I was talking about. :( So I just keep telling myself that I don't wanna try again, thinking somehow that'll make me feel better... but I know that's not coming from my heart. I do wanna try again, and I wanna try tomorrow! :( Sorry, I didn't think I was gonna go off like this... I shoulda known better to get started ;)

I am looking forward to hearing about your u/s on Saturday. Will you please let us know how everything goes? I hope you have had the courage to visit the pregnancy board.... I know there will be a lot more info there and a different kind of support that we won't be able to give you. But don't ever leave us completely... I would be sad if you did.

Mapia and Holly I'm thinking and praying for both of you.

Hi Kari, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.
Just give yourself time I am sure you will try again soon..........just think of this as a step in your path to start your big family. Its wierd but even at your lowest---time still keeps going and it will get easier for you I hope.
The Dr's will know what to do next time and your BFP will be waiting for you :)
Maybe you can plan something with you and DH......I know it hit me because our RE doesn't let you travel for the whole first trimester and it made me realize that even though it would be absolutely miraculous to be pregnant it would mean our relationship will change. I wish we could have thrown one last trip with just us into the mix this year but we were so focused on having a baby that we kinda forgot about us for a while. Maybe you guys can get out of that heat and relax together. I am sending lots of prayers your way. Stay strong you will get through this bump in the road. AimeeM

Kari

The aim of the board is to let all your feelings out......express your anger fear anxiety sadness or happiness.......so just keep doing that. I have the same issues with my family. Nobody knew i was going through IF and nobody knows i am pregnant. I always felt that whatever i said was not understood. Here for the first time in my life i felt i am not alone.This is a place were we can share without being judged or criticised.

SO please keep sharing your feelings with us..........it will help you.......and we will all be here for you through your ups and downs until you get your bfp.


I understand you are angry and terrified at the same time. ANd i know that Sept/ OCt seems so far away..........cnx cycles are difficult to go through because for a certain amount of time you have no hope. But i promise you that we will be here holding your hand until you get better , until you get through this difficult period and until you get your bfp.

Thank you for your well wishes...i have posted on the preg board but its so different .....i feel more at home here.I will definitely stick around....i am not very good to make you laugh like Mapia does...but i ll definitely stick around.
I am very anxious for tomorrow....i haven t slept at all last night and probably won t this night either. I am afraid that i will wake up from my dream and find my baby gone. I try to think positive but it snot easy.


Hold on Kari....i am praying so much for you.

HUGS


AMy

Kari, I completely agree with you! Sometimes this is the only place where we can vent.....most of the times. Local friends do't seem to understand.... I've never had to sit uncomfortably at a baby shower because, it seems, when we told a few of our most inimate friends...they told all our other friends, and now I just don't get invited to baby showers. :rolleyes: Maybe they think I am bad luck, non? :jester: :D LOL
And of course, cherie, you "go off". You vent, if you need/want to. We are all here to listen to you and sympathisize and offer advices. If want to scream go ahead..scream! :blob_fire :D I'll even scream with you. And comme toujours, I am sending prayers to you.

Holly et Mapia, you are very missed here, and I pray for you both each day. I miss you both and can feel the hollowness of your abscence. I wish you come back :( I am praying for you so so so hard. ***BABY DUST*** and loves and hugs--- Geneviève-Angélique "PrincessSweetNS"

Amy, you know you're so sweet you make me cry? :angel: Thanks so much, really I don't think I can say it enough. And I'd gladly take your hand and hopefully let some of that baby energy soak into me! I'm confident your appt tomorrow will go beautifully, but I can imagine the worry you must be feeling. When you see the sac and hopefully if it's not too early, maybe you will see the baby's heartbeat on the screen too. Let us know asap when you can... I'll be looking for your uplifting post tomorrow!

Amelu, You are right about needing to take a trip. I need it now more than ever, b/c I feel like I've been locked in my home for over 2 weeks since starting the stims (I didn't really go out w/ my friends since my diet and drinking habits changed so quickly there for a while... they would suspect right away, only they'd prob think I was already preg!). So I have a feeling DH and I are gonna be heading to the So.Cal coast or maybe Vegas the first weekend in Aug.

Princess, I think I see why you have the profile name "Princess"... you sure are as kind and sweet as any princess that I would want my babies to admire. :angel: I'll be sure to let you know when it's time to let that scream out (and know that I will return that favor anytime!).

M&H - missing you guys.

Kari

How are you feeling today? Physically and Emotionally?
I think it s a great idea to get away with DH for a while. I am sure that this will help you both get better....and closer to each other. It will also help the time go faster. I think i asked you already ....don t know if i mossed the post....will they be giving you a refund? Will they be discussing what will be done next time to prevent this? Well it might be too early now.....but i think it will be a good idea to discuss it at some point.
Do you have anything planned for the weekend? Or do you plan on getting some rest.

I will definitely keep you posted tomorrow..........was feeling very negative up to yest but today have terrible m/s .......i feel horrible but i wont complain. I ll just be taking that as a sign that my beanie s fighting hard to stay.

Here if you need to vent............

Amy

Kari, you are much too sweet!! I just love you ladies so much, even though IF is hard most times, it is made so much easier with your company. :bouncing: You sound as if you are feeling a bit better, non? Are you?

Holly & Mapia --- I miss you so much

Amy, I gotta be honest and I don't mean this offensive in any way, but I got a huge smile on my face when you said you have m/s. That is a wonderful, wonderful sign! I can't wait till I feel like I have to throw up ALL THE TIME! ;) Physically I still feel full and bloated, but I think it's getting better. I haven't gotten the courage to call my RE yet and confirm the refund/credit. Hormones are still raging and only yesterday was I able to finally say out loud that I will try again. I think next week we'll call and meet with my RE to discuss what we will do different next time. The one thing that I want is a schedule soon. I'm so incredibly sick of putting my life on hold and not being able to commit to ANYTHING! I can actually understand some of my friend's frustration with that. I just don't know if a schedule this soon is practical cause I know AF has a say in some of this!

Princess, I do feel better today emotionally. I cleaned out my closet and dresser yesterday and now I just feel more organized and refreshed. A bit of depression did come along with that task tho, cause I have to give away about half of my clothes that I'm too fat for :rolleyes: Oh, how I miss my thin days! :dizzy:

I'm going to an old co-workers house tonite and enjoying a crab feast! Since I was born and raised in Maryland I'm a huge blue crab fan! I toss the legs aside and just go to town on the bodies of those puppies for the yummy white meat! (My DH eats the legs, cause that's the only thing he knows how to pick.) And I love the old bay seasoning! I wish Mapia was around so I could tell her about it... I know she can relate! It's crazy expensive to fly the Maryland crabs out here, but my old co-worker is also from MD so we do it every couple years.

I can't wait to be throwing up too!! And have swollen ankles! :D:D:D :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing: Amy, I love you!!

Kari, I'm really glad you;re feeling emotionally better. Sometimes cleaning helps...though the skinny pants thing, not so fun. I've gained so much too lately, and it's really super hard for me to lose weight so that's bad :(
How are you feeling phys. ok??

ah, yes, the swollen ankles I forgot about that. Yes, I am also looking forward to the swelling... bring it on! hahaha ;) :) Physically I am feeling a bit better. Tummy is still swollen, but no pain in the ovaries so far today!

Kari

I am so glad that you sound slightly bit better....i am glad that i put a smile on your face.........sometimes i worry that my posts might make some of you suffer more. It is of course not my intention.
Kari I am glad that you are not in pain. i understand that you want to wait a little about speaking to RE. But when the time comes don t feel shy to speak to RE re refund. It is your right.Just take each step at a time for now.Clearing up does help..........don t worry about your thin days.......i am sure DH loves you just the way we are.......we definitely do.

Princess, Kari......you guys are wishing me well eh....throwig up....swollen ankle.......well i am not going to complain.

Princess ...you appt day is getting closer...how are you feeling about it?I am sure everything wll go on well

AMy

Aw! Amy, of course we are wishing you well! Seriously, thoguh I do hope you fel better and can enjoy this time, this time where there is a life blossoming inside of your body. I am so happy for you, ma cherie, I truly am! :D We've said so many times how we are saddened when a local firend gets pg, but when its a fellow boardie, it as if it's your own bfp....so true, cherie. You must keep us posted on your condition.

Clever of you to remember my appointment! I'm really nervous. I mean, what if she just tells me "No hope" I know she won't, bien sur, however, I am still worried. And we do not have much insurance for IVF or even IUI, so I do not know if we woudl be able to do that. We are pretty finanacially stable, however, if we were to do IVF, our money would be none. We would be broken, is that how we say? And I don't know what kinds of question to ask her. Any suggestions?

**BABY DUST** and healthy nine months!

Princess

You say broke...so you are nearly there.I understand your concern...IF treatment is so expensive...i wouldn t know how we would have coped either.How does it work in Canada ? Do you have public hospitals? Nowadays it is nearly hever the case to say no hope. So don t even let that cross your mind ok. They might do some tests ...have you ever had any blood tests done?IF PCOS is confirmed they might give you meds to regulate this. Have you ever had an U/S done? Was PCOS confirmed? I have so many friends who conceived with PCOS...one just had a baby few months ago...another just had no 2...so don t worry i am sure it will happen to you soon

Thank you for your support...i will keep you posted.

AMy

Amy you are such a sweetheart. :angel: Your baby is so so so lucky to have you as his/her mommy.
When I was 15/16 I had an u/s done, and they said that I had cysts on my ovaries, but not PCOS. They said it was similar :confused: but not the syndrome. I expect that after this appointment they would schedule another u/s. I just don't like taking so much time off work!! :p :dizzy: C'est la vie. I hope they can give me something to control my period, you know I haven't had onein going on seven months? :dizzy: :eek: :dizzy: Sure, it's 'convenient' but I want to try for a baby!! :D

Yes, please do keep us posted. How far along are you now?

***** Healthy Nine Months Dust*****

Kari, I'm so glad and relieved to hear you sounding a bit better, and it's great to express all your frustration. It's very important to do this! Sept/ Oct sounds like such a long time away, but really it is just around the corner. I have just been praying and asked God for you to be preggers within 6 months (I wanted to be realistic and not pushy!) and that you will give birth to a beautiful healthy baby.
Good luck for getting past tomorrow, and putting the last cycle behind you and looking ahead to the next.

I too long for swollen ankles, m/s and best of all cravings! Amy, I'm sure you will be enjoying all of those. I don't know if I got a chance to congratulate you before, so congratulations you! It's lovely to hear your success story, don't go away!

Princess, good luck with your appt - I hope it goes well and enlightens you, hopefully it will be nothing serious and you'll have a bun in the oven very soon.

Lizzie
Moderators- please let Holly and Mapia come back (beg).

Oh Lizzie, these hormones must not be all gone cause here I go tearing again! But this time it is good, cause you made me feel so warm knowing that your prayers are so considerate. And if I could somehow just know for sure that I'll become pregnant w/in 6 months I would stop all my worrying and complaining. Isn't the unknown just the worst?!?! I wish I could tell you and every other lady on this board exactly when it will happen. I know that when it does happen for me I will stick around, as Amy has done, to encourage everyone else never to give up. Thanks again for your comforting words.

Hi Kari

I'm so happy you are beginning to feel a bit better and that your ovaries are no longer hurting, I hope the swelling in your tummy goes away soon and that you start feeling 100% again.
A trip to Las Vegas sounds great - can I come?!? My parents took us to Vegas when I was a kid, we stayed at the Pink Flamingo. Wasn't much fun as a child but I would love to go back there now! I heard on the radio the other day that it is very hot in Vegas at the moment and considering I am sitting here shivering at the moment it sounds like bliss! The break will do you and DH the world of good.

I am really upset about Holly and Mapia. I just can't believe it. Do you think they will e-mail the moderators and ask them to consider lifting the ban? I think we should continue posting to them as I am sure they will still check the boards every day even if they can't post for now.

Take care Kari!

Ruby

Kari, you've started me off now! I get so emotional so easily these days. I think it's good to be specific when praying, so hopefully He'll get the message! Yes, in 6 months (or less hopefully) you can be inspiring us all like Amy is now.
Take care.x

Oh Ruby, if you like the heat then the sonora desert is the place for you!!! Vegas is only a 5hr drive from where I live and it's really all the same desert. We have been hitting 115 degrees all week, and from the sounds of the chilly weather that you are having I'd love to trade you for a while!!! ;) Cozying up w/ my DH near a fireplace sounds like a blast... could you arrange that for our arrival? hahaha Well, I guess since you and your DH are gonna have to do the BD this week, that the cold snuggly weather is better suited for you right now! I am under VERY strict orders to avoid the BD at the moment, as I'm sure you could understand having 54 mature follies ready to ovulate any moment!!! .... hahaha that actually sounds kinda funny, all-be-it scary at the same time! :D

Lizzie, I'll make sure I'm specific in my prayers for you tonite... I'm thinking I'll wish that we both get pregnant at the same time (still within that 6 month time frame you were talking about ;) )!!!

Hey Kari

I don't have a fire place but would a gas heater suffice???

I love snuggling up too and actually don't mind winter but I am sick of the rain and overcast days we have been experiencing.

I'm sorry you can't BD at the moment but don't worry I will be doing enough of that for both of us this week - uggh!

Bye for now!

Ruby

OMG Kari, 40 good sized follies??????????:confused: thats like transferring two and freezing 38????????. I bet u the clinic will run out of petri dishes for freezing and by the time you finish transferring all of them, you will be clocking 70. Sorry that was not funny but you did lay enough and believe me continuing would have placed you at a very high risk which is not good. I pray something can still be done.

Ruby,
That was so nice of you to include Kari in your BDing list, please include me also in the waiting list and BD for us both cos my libi.... is at zero level now lol. Waiting on your kind consideration.

Lovely.

[QUOTE=Kari15;3084173]Oh Ruby, if you like the heat then the sonora desert is the place for you!!! Vegas is only a 5hr drive from where I live and it's really all the same desert. We have been hitting 115 degrees all week, and from the sounds of the chilly weather that you are having I'd love to trade you for a while!!! ;) Cozying up w/ my DH near a fireplace sounds like a blast... could you arrange that for our arrival? hahaha Well, I guess since you and your DH are gonna have to do the BD this week, that the cold snuggly weather is better suited for you right now! I am under VERY strict orders to avoid the BD at the moment, as I'm sure you could understand having 54 mature follies ready to ovulate any moment!!! .... hahaha that actually sounds kinda funny, all-be-it scary at the same time! :D

Kari,
Everything is going crazy for me now, did u say 54 again, and ready to OVULATE? Am really scared here "please thou shall not BD cos it is dangerous to your health" lol. Take it easy sweetie, how are u holding the pain. I wish I can share with the whole egg laying.:jester:

Lovely.

Okay Lovely this is all getting a bit too kinky!

Sorry your libido is so low right now, in all honesty mine is too but seeing as how I took clomid this month it would be a shame to waste the opportunity.

How about instead of bonking on your behalf I say a prayer for you instead?

Have a great weekend!

Ruby

Okay Lovely this is all getting a bit too kinky!

Sorry your libido is so low right now, in all honesty mine is too but seeing as how I took clomid this month it would be a shame to waste the opportunity.

How about instead of bonking on your behalf I say a prayer for you instead?

Have a great weekend!

Ruby

Ruby a prayer will do seeing you can't BD for all of us at once, funny thing, my libido only increases around O, maybe because am crazy for a baby around that time or not so try get it up and tell your brain cells, your bfp depends on it.

Lovely

Thanks Lovely, I'll do that!

Kari,

just caught up on all your posts im so sorry your cycle got cancelled as if things arn't hard enough eh? well i pray your next cycle is the last one!

xx

Kari....how are you doing today?. Hope you are better and slowly slowly the healing process has started. Praying for you.

Looks like Ruby.s the only when doing the BD eh. I ve gone completely off myself........heard that sex can cause bleeding during early pregnancy due to increased sensitivity of the cervix....so i am not taking any risks.

Lizzie thanks for your weel wishes. I really hope taht you will all be preggers in 6 months too. Would love to have IF sisters with me on the preggo board....i actuallt spend more time on this board. I know you had your IUI cnx...what snext for you? i don t seem to know much about you.

Jam glad to hear from you . How are you doing?

Lovely sorry about the lack of BD.....maybe you can catch up in the last few days of your 2ww.....this will help time go faster.

Ruby...thinking of you too.

Mapia, Holly.....can t wait to have you ladies back. Holly anxious to know if you ve had any reply from your dr. I am praying for good news .

Happy weekend to all.

Amy

Ruby, you def can't let that clomid go to waste! :nono: As hard as all the shots were for the IVF, I disliked the side effects from clomid just as much. That stuff does work, and I hope that this time it'll do it for you. :angel: Is this your second cycle on clomid or more?

Amy, I'm doing so-so today. (thanks for asking and remembering what today was supposed to be.:angel: ) I actually just woke up about half hour ago, and did so in a very cranky mood. Had nightmares this morning... my RE was there and my nurses and they kept trying to make things better for me and everything just kept getting worse. I was screaming and crying cause of all the weight I've gained and even my teeth were starting to disintegrate from all the medicine! :eek: Weird, bad dream. DH just left to go to work today so it'll be me and my dog and cat this afternoon and evening. I'll watch movies to keep my mind off what I really should be doing right now. I'll also let the joy of hearing about you seeing your little ricey warm my heart and I know that will lift my spirits.

Lovely, at last u/s they measured 54 follies (there were more, but smaller or too smooshed to view). They also said my ovaries were so huge they met in the middle. Unfourtunately, going forward w/ the retrieval would be too dangerous. I've learned that when you take the hcg trigger, the hcg causes the follicles to grow even faster and bigger so the eggs release and it's really the hcg that fuels the OHSS. They of course didn't want to give me hcg and let that happen. So there will be nothing to freeze and nothing to transfer. :( BTW, I liked your commandment... it's one I promise to live up to! ;)

Jam, yeah, it's been tough, but thanks for your prayers. I know they'll help me get there, and I promise to return the favor and say prayers for you and all my other friends here until we all get our BFP's. :angel:

Kari honey I hope you are doing okay today. I know you must be feeling emotional today and it is a great idea to lose yourself in a movie. I wish I could come over and keep you company.

As for the clomid, I was on it for three months last year and this is my second cycle on it this year. I know it is definitely working as I can feel my ovaries working over time today (I'm not going to moan about that though as it is nothing compared to what your poor ovaries have had to suffer). Now it's just a matter of getting the spermies up to my eggies. I have been raising my legs against the wall for twenty minutes afterwards to increase my chances - not very romantic but baby making sex very rarely is anyway so never mind. It makes DH laugh when I do it.

What movies are you watching? We watched Blood Diamond on DVD on Friday night and I well recommend it.

I'm thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

Ruby

Kari, am happy you are coming back to your normal self, I can imagine how you felt. Hope the pain is down now. Take care of yourself and don't allow this to weigh you down, life is full of ups and downs, so we should learn to handle whichever it throws at us. Have a happy sunday.

Ruby, I've heard so much about that blood diamond, I think I will make time to watch it. So your 2ww has started right? Ok time to cut down on that BDing lol.

Amy, when is the next u/s? Can't wait to hear that sound, you know what I mean. What happened to Mapia and Holly, that I see you say you are anxious to have them back? I know Mapia is not travelling until August, so Holly, vac maybe?

Jam, How are you doing, where have u been? Travelled?

Lovely.

Hi Lovely

It is a great movie but a bit depressing.

I am day 15 of my cycle today. I'm not sure whether or not I have ovulated yet so will continue the BDing for a while, probably until day 21, just to be sure we have covered all our bases. DH is in seventh heaven at the moment knowing that it is guaranteed to him every other night! I usually O on day 18.

How are you hun? Are you getting back into the swing of things now you are home from vacation?


Hi Kari

How are you today? Hope you managed to get through the weekend okay.

I'm thinking of you..........

Ruby

Kari, I've been out of town for a week and just read your thread. I can't imagine how frustrating this has been for you. Everyone goes into IVF knowing that there is a possibility, but never really thinking that OHSS would really happen to them (I know I never even considered it). I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this and hope that you are allowing yourself plenty of time to relax and heal. :angel:

Ruby, glad you told me about the movie before hand so now its canceled on my to do list because I don't think I can handle a grain of a depressing stuff now let alone a movie, so off it goes till next time lol. I can imagine how DH is feeling now, my DH radiates when am Oing because he knows that there is nothing on earth that will make me to refuse to BD, so, sure he just enjoys the time knowing that I will squeeze my face soon after that.

Viktorria, how is your little beanie doing? Any heart sound yet? We need to share in the excitement. Sorry if you have posted this before, there is a lot of post that sometimes the important things gets lost in the thread, how is DH and DS?
Wishing you all a LOVELY week.

Lovely

Ah Kari, you make me chuckle! You are so funny. Thanks for the 'specific' prayers, how great would that be if we got our bfps at the same time!
I am now seething with jealousy at your 115 degree heat. Sounds perfect to me. Summer has taken a year off here & has gone awol.
That does sound very scary - all those follies about to ovulate. Take it easy sweetie.

Amy - thanks, yes I haven't been here long, just a few weeks. Yes, my 3rd iui was scrapped and for the last 5 weeks i've been waiting for AF so i can start another. No sign yet. I've been having another phantom pregnancy, but have done 2 hpts, both bfns, so it's all down to my wild imagination. Looking forward to hearing the joys from your U/s. I don't blame you for avoiding BD, i think i'd be the same.

Salut Kari!
Cherie, it sounds like you are doing better! How are you today? I hope everything is doing well, I'm just checking on you :D

Hi Princess, you are so sweet to check in. I'm doing okay so far this morning. My moods were all over the place this weekend and it really seemed as though how I woke up dictated how most of the day went. So I think today is looking to be okay :) How was your weekend? Are you getting ready for your appt on Friday? Have you written down all your questions and concerns so you don't forget when you get to the doctor? I always do that and it really helps.

Amy, I really love you staying around. It's nice to hear your good news right now and hopefully there will be lots more of it to come! I'm better... no longer in pain at all and the bloating is basically gone completely. I really feel like I could hit the gym, but my NP said to wait for AF first. I'll give it till next weekend and then I'm gonna start working out again regardless of AF. My DH is supposed to call the RE office today and make an appt for us to discuss what happened and how we will do it different next time. Since my hormones have calmed now is a better time to talk, yet I still don't want to be the one making the phone call for some reason.

Lizzie, I hope our prayers come true. The possibility and the hope is what is keeping me going. So do you know if your doctor may eventually prescribe provera if AF does not come? Back in April 2006 I had a similar thing happen when I was on clomid. I starting taking HPT's 11dpo and continued to do so about twice a week for 5 weeks. No AF and no +. Finally was prescribed provera to get AF back. It was so weird cause my cycle had been very regular prior to that.

Vik - So nice to hear from you and thanks for your warm thoughts. Would love to hear how your little one is doing. When are is your due date?

Hi Kari!! I'm glad you are feeling better today. Did you have a decent in spite of your scattered moods? I'm sure this weekend will be much better, and perhaps the weather will be nicer and not so hot where you are. :cool: :angel: :cool:
I have written down my questions... mais, they seem so...elementary! I hope she does not laugh at me, or condescend me. I haven't seen this doctor in years, so I barely remember her, but for reason I picture her with red eyes and fangs. Perhaps I really didn't like her at all, for some reason. :jester:

Oh Princess, you are so funny... sounds like you have dracula for a doctor!!! :D I know you plan on going in there with a strong head and establishing right away how seriously you are taking this and how important it is to you. Don't let dracula intimidate you and if she does, I'll fly out there and bring a bunch of garlic to throw at her!

Kari you make me laugh so hard! Throwing garlic at Dr.Dracula hahaha!! :D:D:D:D I'll try my best not to let her intimidate me....and after what you said about throwing garlic at her, I don't know if i'll be able to look her without laughing! :D

Princess - you must be subconsiously terrified of your doc appt to be imagining dracula! Maybe put some garlic in your pockets just in case.. Hopefully she will be just the opposite - very friendly, human and informative. That's a good idea of Kari's to have everything written down. You could write down her answers too. Good luck for Friday!

Kari - it's interesting to hear you had a similar thing happen. I haven't heard of provera, but i will ask. I want to try and make an appt as my reproductive organs feel as if they are all going to burst! I refused to BD at the weekend & feel sorry for my DH as he is away working in the week but I just couldnt. I'm also sooo exhausted - which is why i thought i might be pg. Yeah, gotta hold on to that hope. Glad you're feeling better now and things are settling down.
Btw - i read on another thread that you have morphology issues. We have the same problem. We had 2 tests, one was 2% natural forms and the other 3%. Did you go down the IUI route first?

Lizzie, cherie, oui I must be terrified to go see this doctor! I feel like I am going to execution :jester: Maybe I'll eat lots a gralic beforehand so she will keep her distance ;)

****BABY DUST****

Princess, if u eat all that garlic I'll be happy our conversations are on-line rather than in person! :D ...


Lizzie, yes, you can ask your doctor about the provera. But I understand holding out hope that maybe somehow you are pregnant and it's just not showing on the hpt. As for the morphology issue, we were told 4% normal and the odds of conception were possible but slim w/out IVF and ICSI. Seeing as how I appear to be very good at producing mature eggs and all, I now accept that it is probably the poor morphology which has held us back. We did 3 IUI cycles and they all failed, even when I had 4-5 mature follicles. Because I was such a good responder my RE was very positive about doing another IUI, but then he got the morph report and changed his mind quickly. I do want to mention, however, that a year ago (and after one yr of trying), we did conceive thru BD (w/ clomid). That turned out to be ectopic. I know I shouldn't even think about this, but I now wonder if a two-headed or two-tailed sperm fertilized my eggie and it got confused/lost/tired going down my tube and that's why it just stopped and implanted there. :confused: Probably a silly thing to think, huh?

Not at all Kari, I would have thought the same. Sorry to hear what a difficult road you've travelled so far (apart from the latest horrific ordeal you've been through). I did ask my fertility co-ordinator if the deformed sperms were capable of fertilizing the egg and she said no. But who knows really? I don't trust a word they say anymore. I'm sure your amazing capacity for producing eggs will get you there very soon, once you've come up with a plan for avoiding the over stimulation.
So, have you planned your Vegas weekend away?

:D I'm definitely going to load up on the garlic! That will scare her away. Though, I have no idea why I'm picturing her with fangs and red eyes and a dark cape. Dr. Dracula. LOL.

You are an amazing person too.



***BABY DUST***

Oh, I made stir fry last nite for dinner and I thought of you while chopping up the garlic!!! ;) :D

Lizzie, I'll have to run the same question by my RE and see if he gives the same answer. I think I'm gonna have a lot more questions the next time I go in for an appt!

Kari

So glad that you seem better.....i see you re planning your holiday and that s so positive. You are so strong and bubbly.....i admire you and keep it up.

Please keep us posted on when you plan to meet up with your RE...i think it s before you leave right?

Amy

Hey Amy. I do feel much better today. DH called the RE office yesterday, and they don't want to see us again until AF shows. So prob another 2-3 weeks. That is my biggest complaint, cause it makes it difficult to plan a trip when I can't know fore sure when AF shows! I am thinking I'll book the trip for 8/3 or 8/10... she has to show by then!

Princess - I made houmous with raw garlic yesterday, and was also thinking of you!

Kari - Maui!! That sounds like the perfect escape to me! I'd love to go there one day. You sooo deserve an amazing holiday, so go for it. Maybe a few days in NY followed by a relaxing Hawaiian beach holiday! Why not have both? I'm so excited for you. We're going to escape to the Scilly Isles at the end of Aug. They look so beautiful, I've wanted to go for ages. Turquiose water & white sand, we just need some sunshine because we'll be camping (hotels are way too expensive). It's only a 2 hour drive, then a 15 minute helicopter flight.
Yes, it'd be interesting to hear what your RE says. Btw, I've got a prescription for Provera arriving in the post today, so I can get started on my next IUI soon. Thanks for the tip!

Salut Kari! :bouncing: :D
I just want to check on you and ask how you are feeling. I hope you are doing better....you're such an amazing woman who is always here, and strong for us. You will be such an amazing mommy! :) My thoughts and prayers are with you, comme toujours.

*****baby dust******

Good Luck Ruby, I hope your progesterone comes back great. :) AimeeM

Thanks AimeeM!

I have just gotten back from having my blood test so I should get the results some time this afternoon or tomorrow morning.

Thanks again for your well wishes and support! How are you? I hope all is well.


Kari

How are you today? Haven't heard from you in a couple of days, I hope you are okay. Anyway, I'm thinking of you...........

Ruby

Hi Ruby, did you get the results back yet? And tell me a little more about it... does the progesterone result provide any indication as to whether or not you ovulated? (it's amazing as much as I've learned on this board and as I've gone thru IF that there are still things I don't know!;) ). Oh, and I think if you missed a nite with the BD, you will be okay. They say the swimmers live for 72 hours so if you wait till a day 3 once, I'm sure you are just fine!

I'm doing okay, a little bit in a sad mood myself today just cause I don't like the unknown right now. I want to know when AF is coming, and I want to know if all the follies and eggs have died away, and I want to know when we're gonna be able to start trying again.




Hey Lizzie, how are you doing? Did you get the provera (or maybe did AF show)??? Are you taking it for like 7 days? I can't remember how long they prescribe it for.

Hi Kari

It's okay to be sad, it's no wonder with everything you have been through lately. I think it is great that you are going with DH, a change of scenery will be nice and hopefully AF will show and you can get started again. It must be difficult just waiting for her to start, you probably feel as though you are in limbo right now. I am keeping you in my prayers and hope that things get back on track for you again soon.
I miss Mapia too, I hope that she comes back, she is such a great source of strength to us all.

As for the progesterone test, yes, it does indicate whether or not you have ovulated. According to my nurse, anything over 25 indictaes ovulation. Last month mine was 75 which is excellent. Fingers crossed that it is that good again this month. Still waiting to hear but should know in a couple of hours, if not, then definitely tomorrow morning.

Ruby

Ruby - I'm confused about time differences so will be anxiously looking for your progesterone result! I think you may be 12 hrs or so ahead of UK time.. Good luck!! I'm sure it won't be a problem that you couldn't BD at the weekend. You probably ovulated a good few days before that, right? Anyway, hope you get another 75!

Kari- Sorry to hear you're feeling sad. You have been through such a terrible time and I know you desperately want to get started again. I think sometimes it's good to be sad and reflective, and let it out bit by bit. I really hope your week away makes you feel heaps better. It's great that you have your dog to keep you company while DH is working. I love dogs. Enjoy the California coast, sounds lovely.
I got the Provera eventually and I'm on the 3rd day now (out of 7). Hopefully AF will show for both of us soon. Have fun!

Lizzie

Kari, cherie, how ar eyou feeling? I thought about you this weekend, a lot. :angel: I hope you're doing okay,....better than okay. :angel:

Hi Kari,

I'm also sorry to hear you've been feeling down. I think it's completely natural, but of course, that doesn't really help when you are going through all the horrible emotions. This whole thing is just so hard to deal with. I hope and pray you are having a better day. I think your trip w/ DH will be just the ticket to raise your spirits. How wonderful you can take your dog along!

((BIG HUGS))

Holly

Hey Kari, your post made me tearful. I am thinking about you a lot lately and really hope you get to start again or just have some peace with all of this. I really miss that you didn't get to finish the cycle of IVF with us summer ivf girls, but I Know your doctors learned a lot and your next cycle will be the one. Hang in there sweetie its gonna happen:angel:




You are in my prayers,AimeeM

Chère Kari,

I am thinking about you and missing you. I am so sorry you are feelign sad, cherie. I am prayng you get some peace, cherie, and that soon you will have a beautiful baby cradled in your arms.

I wish I know what to say to make you happy again. It huts me that you are hurting, ma chère. Even more, I wish I could hug right now. It will be okay cherie. You will be a mother soon, very soon. We just have to keep thinking positive, and I know that's very very hard to do, and easy to say soemtimes, but if you can't, I'll do it for you, cherie. I will think positive thoughts for you.

Your trip sounds lovely, cherie! I hope you get plently of rest and take in some sights and enjoy you time. We will be thinking of you and praying for you and never, ever giving up hope for you!!

(((HUGS)))

Hello girls :) I am so happy to read up on your posts but it looks like I have alot of reading to do. First of all I want to thank each and every one of u for keeping me in ur thoughts and prayers.U women are truely the best.I missed u all so much u dont even know.From the little that I have read I see we have had some good news and I am so happy for my girls getting BFP's.

Not much going on with me since I am not cycling I have been fine though thanks for ur concerns.I will have to catch up slowly so u will have to excuse me I will do some reading tomorrow at work since I always have time to kill there.........lol.Only update I have was I gave my boss my notice so he can get someone else.I was nervous but he took it ok.Said I will be very missed so that was nice.Not much else to update just hanging out at the pool on the weekends my tan is getting there........lol.Oh and I had my echo done that was good the tech laughed and said why are u having an echo done again I told her my story about my legs.Well she said ur heart is strong and healthy.Well I guess thats good to know right.I wasnt worried about the echo anyway.Oh another thing see I have such a short term memory ever since going through IF treatment.I called RE office in greece and got an appt for Aug. 27th.Now thats out of the way I can relax a little.I got a good vibe from this office the secretary was so very polite and sweet.Just keep our fingers crossed this will be it.

Kari hope u enjoyed those crabs I can relate I plan on having some before leaving myself.They are a bit pricey but worth it.I cant believe u fly them out that is to funny.Well glad to see u are in better spirits sweetie I have missed u so much.

To all my other girls I will catch up on some reading and write u all back.Love u all.:)

Mapia

Mapia, I am SOOOOO happy to see you back!!!!!!!!!!!:blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire We all missed you so much! Wow, you have your appointment scheduled for your new RE, that is incredibly exciting! Doesn't it give you great hope?!?! So I didn't realize that you hadn't given notice to your work. I bet that was tough, but I'm sure your boss will be very happy for you. Just about four weeks now till you leave!!!!


Well I am so glad that you are back. Since we are both non-cyclers for a while, we'll be able to keep each other company and remind each other how much we have to look forward to when we can try again! :angel:

Princess, you are such a darling and so caring. I am doing a little better than okay today. Yesterday was kinda rough, but today I felt a little better. Oh, and to have a baby cradled in my arms... doesn't that just sound like heavan! I know it's exactly what we all want. Well I just finally got online and I'm anxious to go read about your appt. I sure hope it went well, but I saw reference to dracula, so I'm a bit worried!

Amelu, I'm holding onto hope that you are right about the RE learning a lot about me from my last cycle. I think he was really in shock seeing how I responded, and I've gotta believe that this next cycle will be much different. I really want to look into the pageant of the masters.... that sounds so fascinating! If my DH doesn't know of it, I bet his family will know.

Holly, thanks for your kind thoughts. It's amazing what a roller coaster of emotions this IF journey takes us on. I really look forward to the day when we will all be conversing on the pregnancy board... that is gonna be something really special, and I believe we will get there soon.

Ruby, luckily we are able to use the internet at our hotel. I was def worried about that myself! I need to go read up on your progesterone results and I really hope they were as good as last time!

Lizzie, Wow, I didn't realize you'd been on the provera now for a couple days. Well it shouldn't be too long aftwerwards that AF will show. I wouldn't be surprised if she shows around the same time for both of us. Crossing my fingers that we aren't waiting too long!

A little off-topic chatting is OK, but stay on the health topic.

Vacations is not the topic of this board.