Hello all,

I am new to this board and in desperate need to feel better and more like myself again. Let me give you some background on myself.... this might be lengthy.

Ever since I was a child I've had a general sense of dread and fear that always seemed to surround me. I always thought I had every disease in the book and I made myself sick with worry. By high school it just got worse. For one week I was convinced I had a stomach problem and was unable to go school, eat, or really function at all (and nothing was wrong). By 16 I began having panic attacks which came on out of the blue and I had no idea what they were. I called them "freak outs." By the time I was 18 I had one episode of panic that was so terrible it left be literally debilitated for weeks. I couldn't eat, sleep, go to school, concentrate, etc. All I could do was keep checking my pulse for fear that I was having a heart attack. I saw my Dr. who diagnosed me with anxiety and depression and he prescribed Paxil and Xanax, but I never took them for fear of side effects, etc (in general I don't like to take medication unless it's Advil, Pepto or birth control.) Instead I saw a therapist who helped me a great deal. For awhile I was feeling much better... then a year later I went through a similiar episode which ended with me seeing the therapist again and recovering. Since then I have had some panic attacks, although very infrequently. My general sense of dread still lurks beneath and I often think I'm "dying"

The reason I come here now is that about a month ago I left my hometown and moved with my fiancee to NYC. Since we're been here I've felt a little anxious and depressed and have considered seeing a therapist again. I don't have a job or really much to do yet, so I rarely leave my apt. For a little over a week now I've had (yuck) the runs and it really started to bother me this weekend when me and my bf went to NJ to visit his family. Once we got there I wouldn't eat for fear of getting sick. Upon returning home this past Sunday I still have no appetite and am now experiencing some sort of "episode" I cannot leave the house unless I have to, I basically just sit in bed all day and worry that something is seriously wrong with me. My symptoms are basically just the diarrhea, no serious pain or anything like that, although I get the empty stomach pains for lack of food intake. For 2 days all I could do was cry to myself while my bf was at work... and I don't understand why!! I just have this impending doom sensation and it is terrible. I just cannot preoccupy myself. Last night me and m bf went out (i forced myself) and basically all night I just kept to myself and laid on a couch in the bar. However, at one point I began talking to a guy and suddenly... I felt hungry again. Once I got home I ate and felt great... no diarrhea, no anxiety, depression... felt like myself. Sleep great too (I've had some sleeping troubles too)

This morning I woke up feeling not wonderful, but better than I have been. Then I got diarrhea again and immediately felt freaked out again... just worried and worried all day. Felt like my heart was beating too fast and just felt basically out of it. I have some nausea now as well. This evening I felt a bit better and I tried to go with my bf to a friend's house and watch the fireworks but as soon as we got there I got hit with a terrible wave of nausea and we had to leave. Once we got home I crashed into bed and the nausea passed but I am just so worried again. I am PETRIFIED to go see a doctor (plus I don't have insurance) but I am fearful something is wrong with my stomach.

Does anyone else have diarrhea/nausea as a result of their anxiety? How do you make it stop? I am supposed to start my new job tomorrow and am so terrified I won't be able to handle it.

Right now my stomach feels better (but no appetite) as it usually is at night. Does anyone else notice a decrease in their anxiety when it is close to bedtime?

Any thoughts/help/advice would be appreciated, I just want to know that I'm not alone!! Thanks for reading my novel!!

-Kristen

Hi

You are definatley not alone. Your symtoms do sound anxiety related. I was alot like you as a child I am 50 now and felt the same way you did about taking Meds. I tried it all Therapy which helped some what, religion etc. Finally In My late 30's I fouind Paxil and Ativan. The best thing that ever happened to me. I was able to do so many things that I was afraid of. Life was great, I went off the Paxil for a 8 month period, and I paid the price for that, I cant believe the difference it makes for me, It sounds like if you have been suffering since you were a child this problem could be some what hereditary. If that is so you need to think of the meds as if you were a diabetic. They need there insulin to keep them alive, some of us need these meds so we can function. Hope this helped. Remember to breath. and keep good thoughts. as best you can.

Wow!! I could have written that. Although I am 51 I had all those symptons for months before I could be diagnosed by a doctor. I was sure I had every illness known to man. I had 2 small children at the time and i would drop them off at preschool and cry until they came home. My husband had to call my parents 2 hours a way to come all the time. (that was my panic) I had nausea all the time, no appetite, and constant diarreha. I had diarreha for 6 months every morning until I got on some meds. the first night i took the meds I woke up with no diarreha or nausea. I can't tell you what to do, but you sound like you need to see a doctor. As I tell other people that ask my advice, you sound like you have an imbl;ance in your system that may be out of your control. If you do not want to walk around feeling that way go to the dr. Your history dictates you are suffering from anxiety and depression. You may not think so intelluctually but your body is telling you otherwise. I had no idea I was suffering from depression. I was happy as can be. SO I thought. Go to a doctor. You can and will feel so much better. Alyce

I could not have said it any better than you did. Meds also changed my life.Alyce

Obviously, when you are able to get insurance, a trip to the doctor would help a great deal. But that aside - I've read stomach issues and anxiety are fairly common.

I had a full-blown anxiety attack six weeks ago that resulted in a hospital ride for me. I was in Chicago - never experienced an anxiety attack before - I was in an environment that would not trigger an anxiety attack, but my heart wouldn't stop racing.

Anyway - ever since then, I've had a few - what I've considered "anxiety aftershocks" that have resulted in the feeling of an upset stomach - an a feeling of diarrhea coming on. In public, I get nervous if I have to go to the restroom because I don't know how long I'm going to be in there. I've taken some Tums with me - which is good, because they also contain calcium. I've read calcium and magnesium supplements - while not anti-anxiety remedies - are encouraged.

Like I said, I'm not a doctor, but I also read somewhere that when you're experiencing anxiety, your body is going into its natural "fight or flight" mode - and part of that response includes some areas of your body gearing up its defenses - one result (I hope I'm getting this right) - is that the acids in your stomach go into over-production mode - acting as a bit of an appetite suprecent(sp?).

What I've done to cope...
1. I've stocked up with organic, plain yogurt and have cut out virtually all fried and processed foods
2. I've gone to tea places and also went to the store and stocked up on 'calming' teas - such as teas containing lavender and chamomile
3. "positive talk" - As uncomfortable as upset stomach aches and diarrhea can be - I keep saying to myself "I can cope with this - I've dealt with stomach aches since I was a kid" - the heart racing thing I'm still working on curbing. But at least I can cope with the occasional stomach issues.
4. Journal - journal - journal: It's distracting. But it helps. Already, it seems like you kicked your anxiety - at least for a bit, when you went out with friends. Just get a journal and start writing down your fears for the day - and with that - make the next thing you write be about the stuff that made you proud for the day (such as the time when you went out without any major anxieties). Even make it small. When I journal, I still write "no trips to the ER" - even a month after I had to go to the ER again for an anxiety attack.

Hope this helps

Thanks for everyone comments, they are much appreciated. So yesterday I went back home to Long Island to see my therapist - the anxiety and all it's physical effects got bad enough where I asked her to squeeze me in since I thought I was losing it. The hour and a half ride was TOTURE... was so scared and nervous. The didn't sleep one wink the night before so I was like a zombie on top of it. Being back in my hometown made me feel a little bit better - seeing my parents, familiar places, etc. I explained to my therapist my situation about being sick with stomach problems and it making me anxious. She told me she doesn't think there is anything wrong with my stomach and that it is emotional stresses that are manifesting in a physical manner. She thinks it has to do with my recent relocating and my relationship with my finacee. I was surprised at that.. I really never considered that he had anything to do with it. She suggested talking to him about changing some things in our relationship and said it would undoubtedly make me feel better. So the whole ride home (which was MUCH better than the ride in) we talked about our relationship, etc. Once we were home I did indeed feel better and more relaxed. I actually worked up an appetite and ate some pasta. Then I took some Advil PM and had a good night's sleep (thank god.)

But now... it's back all over again. When I woke up this morning for the first few minutes I felt fine - hungry even. I was supposed to start my new job today (well actually yesterday but I told them I was having health problems and that I wouldn't be able to come in.) Then out of seemingly nowhere I got stomach cramps and awful diarrhea again. Also I got my period as well. I immediately starting worrying again, obsessing over what could be wrong with my stomach, etc. I had to call them and tell them I wouldn't be able to start until Monday. I had nausea too. I just laid back down and tried to rest for awhile but every time I would drift off I would twitch and wake back up. Ugggghh what is wrong with me??? Why do I make progress just to digress the next day? I took my dog for a walk to get my mind off the anxiety but I still just feel shaky and empty... can't stop obsessing over there being something seriously wrong with me. Still no appetite. Can anyone relate to this? Will this ever end? I just want to be myself again.

I try to remember what my therapist said to me - anxiety can make you feel bad, but it can't kill you.

I truly think that sitting here by myself all day must be making it worse or at least not making it improve. But it's SO hard to find the strength, energy and motivation to get up! I want my old life back!

You have a great grip on what's wrong. i don't mean to sound negative but it is not going to go away without some medical help. Your mind is racing and it is causing physical symptoms in your body. You need medication. I use to think when i would feel a little better it was going away. Then everything would come back. Mind and body work hand and hand. I am sure when you got back you did feel better. But, you have something going on and it is not an illness. It's anxiety and probably some depression. i am telling you how much better you will feel being on something even if just for a little while. If you were my daughter this is what I would tell you. You are fighting it and I admire you for this but you still feel like crap. You do not have to walk around this way. Meds are not a life sentence. alyce Did this dr. give you anything????

I know how you feel.. I recently had what I call, a meltdown.... I cried and cried, had diarrhea, neausea, no appetite, I called my parents every day. I went to see a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with PPD (i have a 6 month old baby, as well as a 4 year old) and OCD, and GED. I was perscribed prozac, klonopin, and remeron. I feel a lot better that I did, but I still have some off days where my stomach acts up and I start to feel more anxious, but it doesn't get to that stage where it is crippling my everyday life..... more like a "first day of school" stomach ache
anyway, I'd suggest getting in to see a doc, either a GP or a psychiatrist.
Good luck!

Thanks for the responses... just knowing I'm not alone helps a bit. The thing about meds is - I'm scared to death of them. I don't want to be prescribed something and then just stress over how my body is going to react... I feel like it's possible that would just add to the anxiety/depression. I also am afraid of side effects and feeling "desensitized" to the world. For now I am going to focus on trying to beat this without meds. I know I've gone through this before and recovered without the need for medication... I'm hopeful I can do it again. Thanks for all your insight.

Oh and in regard to your question Alyce, no the therapist I saw didn't give me anything. She's not the type that prescribes meds.

Hello all -
Just an update - I started my new job today. Boy was it TOUGH getting out of bed, getting ready and getting there. I still feel awful... terrible sleeping trouble still, although I do have my appetite back at times now. All day I felt very weak and shaky inside while I was working... still do now. I had to leave an hour early because I couldn't take it anymore. Not used to sitting at a desk all day since I've been out of work for a month and a half. Not sure if this is because of the anxiety or the fact that I haven't had much sleep, exercise or a good meal in over a week. Thoughts anyone? I am glad I made it though - it took more willpower than anything I've done in a long time... especially taking the subway and having to walk 10 blocks. Praying I get a good night's rest tonight so I can feel good for tomorrow!! Hope everyone else is doing well.

Good for you in starting your new job. I still think you don't have to walk around feeling the way you do. Meds just make you feel normal and most don't make you numb to the world. i use to tell my dr. I just want to feel normal again. And that was 25 years ago. Alyce

Given you mentioned you don't want to take medications, I'm wondering, have you tried exercising every day? It can help a LOT, no kidding. Even just walking can help. Also have you tried eating more vegetables and fruit and healthy carbs, less meat and saturated fat and sugar and white flour? Diet alone can make a world of difference in how people feel. For me, I try to be religious about diet and exercise because they keep me on track psychologically as well. I also use a little device to help me calm down if I'm off track. It's a microcurrent device (Alpha-Stim), I put on ear clips and turn it on for 20 minutes and it calms me right now. It is FDA approved for anxiety. The current is so small, most people barely feel it. Fish oil (deodorized, molecularly distilled, high quality oil) also works miracles for many people. There is research backing up all these suggestions. God Bless.

Props to you for making it into work, riding the subway, walking ten blocks.
That's a solid foundation. When I had my anxiety attack, I journaled about things I did that I felt proud of myself about and started breaking things down to a routine - such as...

1. First post-anxiety attack trip to a restaurant with no incidents
2. First trip to the coffee shop with no incidents (didn't get decaf - just got peppermint tea)
3. First weekend without an ER visit (heck, you gotta start somewhere).

To some, work is a great distraction. I fit into one of those categories. I have stuff to do - tasks to accomplish etc. You've almost made it to the end of the work day - that is huge compared to what you wrote a week ago. Now - just that next step - getting through an entire work day.

As for exercise, sleep and diet... yeah - all of those will help.
I would focus on diet and sleep first, since working out when you're exhausted probably isn't going to be too much fun ;)

Foods - I would just try to focus on things you know you can eat - that are healthy. For me, it was Triscuits with organic peanut butter on top - and a bowl of edamame (sp?). That's all I ate for about a week, before I started to incorporate other stuff, such as spinach and chicken. Just focus on pleasure - foods you know you can digest.

As for exercise - just take it easy for now. But you'll see exercise will definitely benefit.

But right now - as hard is it seems - just focus on the moment. You got through your first day at work. That is a HUGE victory for you. Awesome job !