kptjmich
07-09-2007, 10:16 PM
My 13 y/o son is in the throws of puberty and doesnt understand anything about it except that touching "it" feels good. He recently got thrown out of day care due to inappropriate behavior with a 3 year old. He asked him to feel his penis (which is constantly standing at attention) and then made sexual movements on top of him. He had just came from his dad's (we're divorced), and I'm concerned that he saw something he shouldnt have, though his dad assures me he didnt. I've never seen him act or say anything like this.
Any suggestions on how to help teach him the appropriate way to act and not to touch himself constantly would be appreciated. I've heard there is medication to curb these feelings???
Any suggestions on how to help teach him the appropriate way to act and not to touch himself constantly would be appreciated. I've heard there is medication to curb these feelings???
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Callista
07-09-2007, 11:58 PM
Don't medicate him--this is normal. Maybe he's been exposed to some porn somewhere, but it could just as well have been a medical textbook or just plain instinct.
Does he understand the concept of privacy? If he knows that it's not appropriate to get undressed in public, then you may be able to extend that to not touching the genitals in public, or asking others to touch them. Keep it concrete, like everything else. Remember that if he doesn't understand the social taboos that the rest of us take for granted, then he's not meaning to hurt or embarass anyone. To him, this is something that's new and feels good. He doesn't know the rules yet, and needs to be taught.
Does he understand the concept of privacy? If he knows that it's not appropriate to get undressed in public, then you may be able to extend that to not touching the genitals in public, or asking others to touch them. Keep it concrete, like everything else. Remember that if he doesn't understand the social taboos that the rest of us take for granted, then he's not meaning to hurt or embarass anyone. To him, this is something that's new and feels good. He doesn't know the rules yet, and needs to be taught.
elmhar
07-10-2007, 05:11 PM
There are a number of considerations.
First, what is normal for a 13 yo is yes, increased awareness of sexual feelings & some masturbation, but never in public. Normal is getting the difference between public & private behavior sorted out, usually before age 4 years.
If your son on the spectrum can be taught/educated/behaviorized to appropriate sexual behavior (in private, not involving others), then that is the first thing to work on.
It would be a mistake to think that other parents would excuse your son's sexualized public behavior, simply because he is autistic. Public masturbation is a pretty big taboo. And involving other kids will ring "predator bells" with other parents, even if this is not how you would construe what is going on. And that has potential to land your family in court, at the mercy of the state. The moral of those scary thoughts is, you are doing the right thing by being motivated to deal with this issue.
Some parents do find medication is needed to control sexualized behavior in adolescents. Some will put their child on these meds only under legal duress. But it's important to remember, if meds are needed for such behavior, they may not be a lifelong RX. In many kids, social awareness & understanding grows, and that coupled with decreased hormone surges in adulthood, makes meds a temporary phase.
Best wishes.
First, what is normal for a 13 yo is yes, increased awareness of sexual feelings & some masturbation, but never in public. Normal is getting the difference between public & private behavior sorted out, usually before age 4 years.
If your son on the spectrum can be taught/educated/behaviorized to appropriate sexual behavior (in private, not involving others), then that is the first thing to work on.
It would be a mistake to think that other parents would excuse your son's sexualized public behavior, simply because he is autistic. Public masturbation is a pretty big taboo. And involving other kids will ring "predator bells" with other parents, even if this is not how you would construe what is going on. And that has potential to land your family in court, at the mercy of the state. The moral of those scary thoughts is, you are doing the right thing by being motivated to deal with this issue.
Some parents do find medication is needed to control sexualized behavior in adolescents. Some will put their child on these meds only under legal duress. But it's important to remember, if meds are needed for such behavior, they may not be a lifelong RX. In many kids, social awareness & understanding grows, and that coupled with decreased hormone surges in adulthood, makes meds a temporary phase.
Best wishes.
Callista
07-10-2007, 08:58 PM
It's normal for a kid who doesn't pick up social taboos, is what I mean. Obviously public masturbation isn't normal for an NT kid.
I really think meds should be a last resort. They're just a band-aid; once he stops taking them, the problems come back. I think it's a much better idea to teach him the social rules he needs to know, because that lasts forever and doesn't have any side effects.
Having a sex drive is normal for a human teenager. It's just the way that he's handling it that isn't good--and that's the real problem, the one that you ought to try to correct first. If you went straight to the meds, it'd be like amputating a leg without first trying to save it... Not that you'd be "amputating" anything permanently; but I guess you get what I mean.
I really think meds should be a last resort. They're just a band-aid; once he stops taking them, the problems come back. I think it's a much better idea to teach him the social rules he needs to know, because that lasts forever and doesn't have any side effects.
Having a sex drive is normal for a human teenager. It's just the way that he's handling it that isn't good--and that's the real problem, the one that you ought to try to correct first. If you went straight to the meds, it'd be like amputating a leg without first trying to save it... Not that you'd be "amputating" anything permanently; but I guess you get what I mean.
davann
07-12-2007, 12:41 AM
I was told that it was normal to have these feelings and since autism is a lot of sensory thats what I felt my son was having. but to control this, which my son lay on the floor and rocked, he was told only in his room. This worked for him.:)
kptjmich
07-12-2007, 10:04 PM
thanks for the advice...we just came from his doctors...she said there is something he can take, but only his pediatrician should prescribe it. I'm still not sure, but it helps to talk.
thank you!
thank you!
anemone
07-15-2007, 10:30 PM
It sounds like it's a difficult situation. Especially from your point of view to know if there is something he saw at his father's or somewhere else.
I suppose all you can do is reinforce (for him & yourself) that it's normal for him to be feeling these things, but that there are ways to show it, and ways that are "out of bounds".
Does he usually get on well with younger children? Would it be possible to explain to him the concept that they are not "ready" to be taught these things yet, and he has to leave that for other circumstances?
I suppose all you can do is reinforce (for him & yourself) that it's normal for him to be feeling these things, but that there are ways to show it, and ways that are "out of bounds".
Does he usually get on well with younger children? Would it be possible to explain to him the concept that they are not "ready" to be taught these things yet, and he has to leave that for other circumstances?
Faye93
10-14-2007, 12:14 AM
Speaking as the mom of an autistic 13 yr old son, it is very possible that he did not see this behavior anywhere and it is indeed instinct. We have had some problems with issues similar to this in the home. (private)