JACKFLASH
07-10-2007, 02:23 AM
I recently found the personal email adress of my abuser. I contacted him and made shure he was the correct person. We had several friendly emails. WRITING THOSE ALMOST MADE ME SICK. I wanted to get information from him so I kept it friendly untill he asked me why I contacted him after 30 years. Then I let him have it. I told him that i remember him so well because in my flash backs I can see his face and hear his voice like it was yesterday.I contacted him because I wanted him to remember me and know how much he hurt me. I wanted him to have to live with that. I never heard back from him after that email and probably never will. It felt so good. I hope he is worryed that I am going to tell on him. Has enyone else ever confrounted their abuser? How did it make you feel?
Jack
Jack
Sponsor
NVD
07-10-2007, 03:09 AM
Wow...must have been pretty powerful, huh! My attacker has been in and out of my life for as long as I can remember, but is now in jail for the first time. Actually, he's there for other charges right now, and then will go to trial for my case. I'm sure I'll have to be there at some point, and really do not look forward to seeing him again. Who knows, maybe it will be as empowering as your experience...I can only hope.
Good for you, I'm glad it made you feel better!
Amber
Good for you, I'm glad it made you feel better!
Amber
Dee-nah
07-10-2007, 03:22 AM
One of my attackers are dead, the other one is in jail for drugs and I don't know what is going on with the 3rd... You had guts my friend, I don't know if I could of done that... Give yourself a hand!
JACKFLASH
07-10-2007, 03:25 AM
I wish I could take legal action but it has been 30 years and he was a teenager. He molested almost all of the children in my neigborhood. I had to take what little justice I could.
Jack
Jack
Dee-nah
07-10-2007, 03:27 AM
I had 3 abusers and there is nothing I can do about it but it get better. They destroyed my life, I'm 33 now and I'm not letting them destroy what is left... I don't even think I have it in me to be honest, I'm exhausted.
NVD
07-10-2007, 03:30 AM
I had 3 abusers and there is nothing I can do about it but it get better. They destroyed my life, I'm 33 now and I'm not letting them destroy what is left... I don't even think I have it in me to be honest, I'm exhausted.
Wow Dee-nah...three abusers? I'm sorry. I have a hard enough time just dealing with day-to-day issues now, and that's only with one. (Several times though, and with violence)
I'm really struggling with this last time...I feel like I'm hanging by a very thin thread that could break at any time...I can't imagine being in your shoes. I feel for you!!
Amber
Wow Dee-nah...three abusers? I'm sorry. I have a hard enough time just dealing with day-to-day issues now, and that's only with one. (Several times though, and with violence)
I'm really struggling with this last time...I feel like I'm hanging by a very thin thread that could break at any time...I can't imagine being in your shoes. I feel for you!!
Amber
Dee-nah
07-10-2007, 03:37 AM
This was when I was a child, what you are going through NVD doesn't even compare.... I wish you the best of luck and know that you are in my prayers.. How are you holdind up?
JACKFLASH
07-10-2007, 03:38 AM
Dee-nah
Thank you for all your incouraging words. I'm glad you are moving forward and not letting them ruin the life you have now. It must be very hard. I feel like confronting my abuser is going to help me get past the anger. I hope it works.
Jack
Thank you for all your incouraging words. I'm glad you are moving forward and not letting them ruin the life you have now. It must be very hard. I feel like confronting my abuser is going to help me get past the anger. I hope it works.
Jack
Dee-nah
07-10-2007, 03:43 AM
Good luck and always remember there is so much more to life then your "abusers"...
Lost-in-Time
07-10-2007, 03:51 AM
Wow, how really brave of you to confront your abuser. I hope that it can bring you the peace and comfort that you so truly deserve. I HOPE he is squirming in his shoes not knowing if you are going to "tell on him." He SHOULD be doing more than that.
My main one is dead. The several others, I didn't know for certain who they were so dont' konw where they are today.
But, I couldn't do it anyway. I lived my life with the main one and never did.
My main one is dead. The several others, I didn't know for certain who they were so dont' konw where they are today.
But, I couldn't do it anyway. I lived my life with the main one and never did.
Survivor 1957
07-10-2007, 08:35 AM
Its been 20 years since I spoke to my abuser, he was my husband for 9 years of hell. I did confront him after being away from I him for a few years, but only on surface stuff, never on the real bad stuff. At that point i had not remembered all of it.
Now that I am going through this hell of PTSD I do not have the energy to confront him. I am truly afraid to see him, I thank god he is 2 thousand miles away and has no contact with our children. He has been married 5 times since our divorce, has almost ruined 4 other women, he has lost his job with the police and other security companies and is now with wife 6 living with her family. (i still have contact with my sister in-law and for some reason she lets me know where he is, he owes a lot of back child support) The only good thing here is that there are no other children in his life to destroy, I do belive he is living his own personal hell,
I am having problems with flashbacks, and to see him and hear him during the flashback is enough, I have no want to do it in person. I am proud of you for facing your deamon. I am not there yet.
K
Now that I am going through this hell of PTSD I do not have the energy to confront him. I am truly afraid to see him, I thank god he is 2 thousand miles away and has no contact with our children. He has been married 5 times since our divorce, has almost ruined 4 other women, he has lost his job with the police and other security companies and is now with wife 6 living with her family. (i still have contact with my sister in-law and for some reason she lets me know where he is, he owes a lot of back child support) The only good thing here is that there are no other children in his life to destroy, I do belive he is living his own personal hell,
I am having problems with flashbacks, and to see him and hear him during the flashback is enough, I have no want to do it in person. I am proud of you for facing your deamon. I am not there yet.
K
galinaqt
07-10-2007, 10:59 AM
Nothing good ever came from confronting an abuser or trying to get back to them. It is normally mean, emotionally strong people with a lot of experience. They always find some influential people who will support them no matter what. I've ended up being hurt more by them. Good solution is to write and burn a letter to them or self-help tapes.
JACKFLASH
07-11-2007, 01:59 AM
I wish I could have confrounted him in court. I want to see his face on a sex offender registry. I know I'm angry. I have a right to be angry. He stole my innocence and part of my childhood.
Survivor 1957
07-11-2007, 08:25 AM
i understand the stolen time issue, i feel as though i have lost 25 years of my life, living in a wolrd of untrust, never letting any one close. i live alone and my sons have family of their own now.
I know there is nothing i can do leagly towards my abuser. so the only thing i can do is become healthy and that means i won, not him! for me to be happy and healthy and learn to trust would mean he was wrong about all he said and did to me. that I am the stronger person. THat is what my plan is, i do not know how long it will take but i am not going to stop trying,
the boards help me with my courage..
k
I know there is nothing i can do leagly towards my abuser. so the only thing i can do is become healthy and that means i won, not him! for me to be happy and healthy and learn to trust would mean he was wrong about all he said and did to me. that I am the stronger person. THat is what my plan is, i do not know how long it will take but i am not going to stop trying,
the boards help me with my courage..
k
Phoenix
07-15-2007, 02:47 PM
I recently found the personal email adress of my abuser. I contacted him and made shure he was the correct person. We had several friendly emails. WRITING THOSE ALMOST MADE ME SICK. I wanted to get information from him so I kept it friendly untill he asked me why I contacted him after 30 years. Then I let him have it. I told him that i remember him so well because in my flash backs I can see his face and hear his voice like it was yesterday.I contacted him because I wanted him to remember me and know how much he hurt me. I wanted him to have to live with that. I never heard back from him after that email and probably never will. It felt so good. I hope he is worryed that I am going to tell on him. Has enyone else ever confrounted their abuser? How did it make you feel?
Jack
Jack:
I wanted to post earlier but this is one of those topics that I have to proceed with caution with.
What you did was bring that issue to the forefront; remember that I am non-judgemental.
If he did have the thought of you in the back of his mind prior to your calling, now it has jumped up a few spots.
The thing that happens is you end up with the anger.
My brother was murdered in 1990 by a knife-weilding thug who plea bargained his way out of a longer sentence(not to mention he was still considered a minor then).
I witnessed the stabbing and couldn't do a thing about it.
I froze in my tracks.
When he passed by me in court(handcuffs and all) I felt cold, angry, confused and a few choice words that are not allowed here.
It was as if he stabbed me, for he took part of my life, my brother from me.
I wanted to confront this person for so long that it burned a hole through my heart.
I finally had to let go(which I still have trouble with) and say that I will not allow this to affect my future.
It may not be the same exact situation but I hope that you see the message I was trying to bring forth
Jack
Jack:
I wanted to post earlier but this is one of those topics that I have to proceed with caution with.
What you did was bring that issue to the forefront; remember that I am non-judgemental.
If he did have the thought of you in the back of his mind prior to your calling, now it has jumped up a few spots.
The thing that happens is you end up with the anger.
My brother was murdered in 1990 by a knife-weilding thug who plea bargained his way out of a longer sentence(not to mention he was still considered a minor then).
I witnessed the stabbing and couldn't do a thing about it.
I froze in my tracks.
When he passed by me in court(handcuffs and all) I felt cold, angry, confused and a few choice words that are not allowed here.
It was as if he stabbed me, for he took part of my life, my brother from me.
I wanted to confront this person for so long that it burned a hole through my heart.
I finally had to let go(which I still have trouble with) and say that I will not allow this to affect my future.
It may not be the same exact situation but I hope that you see the message I was trying to bring forth
galinaqt
07-16-2007, 11:09 AM
This person may be just happy that he inflicted all this pain on you. In terms of he afraids of you? You can even have legal problems if person is really nasty.
In my experience abusers are cowards who never act alone, but in environment which supports them. Get back to them and you'll deal with other people hurting you in his/her support.
I had a dream couple times that I had a tea and a nice talk with one of my abusers. When I woke up, I realized that it would never happen in reality, but may be my psychic wants to heel itself.
Best thing is using anger management tapes or letter writing and burning, but never actually confront a person, 'cause it is only backfire you.
At least that what happened to me. I very well understand all your feelings and I am with you in terms of support and understanding.
In my experience abusers are cowards who never act alone, but in environment which supports them. Get back to them and you'll deal with other people hurting you in his/her support.
I had a dream couple times that I had a tea and a nice talk with one of my abusers. When I woke up, I realized that it would never happen in reality, but may be my psychic wants to heel itself.
Best thing is using anger management tapes or letter writing and burning, but never actually confront a person, 'cause it is only backfire you.
At least that what happened to me. I very well understand all your feelings and I am with you in terms of support and understanding.