whyme727
07-11-2007, 01:06 PM
I got the dreaded news that I am freaken HPV positive which I had no idea and my pap - ASCUS/atypia-I think that means mildly abnormal-I totally blanked out-now I have to go for a freaken colposcopy-God help me. I feel sick and so worried about having cancer-I had a pap 2 years ago and prior to that consistently every year and they were normal-though 15 years ago I had an abnormal one which after biopsy showed chronic cervicitis-wondering if I had HPV that far back-I don't know anything right now-other than I am so sick to my stomach and nervous as hell. All I keep thinking is that now at age 40 my life is forever changed-I hated going to paps once a year now I will have to probably go every 3-6 months-I can't stand this at all. I feel so disgusted, sick and scared mostly. My Colposcopy is in 2 weeks-why would they have me wait 2 weeks with my pap coming back abnormal? I don't know what to feel right now. I hope that this Colposcopy does not show I have cancer-I know cervical cancer is cureable but I don't want it anyway.
Sorry I am so screwed up right now - don't mean to come across like a mean angry person right now but I am so pissed and scared.
Sorry I am so screwed up right now - don't mean to come across like a mean angry person right now but I am so pissed and scared.
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fluffybottom
07-11-2007, 03:35 PM
I know that it is easier said than done but try not to worry. It takes a long time for dysplasia to develop into cancer. The colposcopy is a painless -- if mildly uncomfortable -- procedure. Afterwards, your doctor will know how best to proceed. If it is mild, s/he might recommend a wait and see approach as the body can fight off HPV on its own in many cases. But stressing out isn't going to help you at all so just try to be good to yourself.
:)
:)
gorgikin
07-11-2007, 03:47 PM
Hey : )
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. In fact, I think every woman posting in here can. I have been there myself. My nightmare started in 2005, and I have not really waken up from it since. The only comforting words I have to offer is the feeling of a dark cloud looming never really goes away, it just gets easier to deal with it in time. I can remember how much I use to dread having to go in. It felt like I was constantly going in, putting on a gigantic paper towl, and having someone scrape away at my cervix. Personally, not my idea of a good time. Oh yeah, and lets not forget the endless, constant, freaking waiting they seem to LOVE to put you through.
Its like, okay, you have abnormal cells we will have to take a closer look at and possibly do some biopsies on. See you in a couple weeks. Happy stressing. Then the dreaded day comes, but do they offer you any sort of relief or answers. OH HECK NO! Instead you get slapped with, okay, we will get back to you in a couple weeks with the results. Lovely, back to stressing we go. Then the flippen results come in, and its holy heck, things just went from super crappy to worse. Swell. Then comes the treatment, oh joy oh joy and guess what?? MORE WAITING. Then that dreaded day finally comes, and by this time you pretty much know the drill. Yes, now its back to waiting once again for those results. Does it end there??? No. For some women it means more treatment, more waiting, more stressing. For others it means waiting for a couple weeks for a check up to make sure everything is healing properly. Then its back to waiting a few months for a follow up pap. Then its waiting for those results. Then its waiting for the next follow up pap...always waiting.....
It does get easier as time goes by, at least it has for me, and its not because anything has changed...the waiting and the stress level is the same....but somehow...you have to find a way to deal with it. Its been 2 years since my LEEP, and the saga still continues for me. I have been having troubles that landed me in a urologists office. I just had a urine cytology done, and am of course waiting for those results. On Friday the 13th (just my luck) I will be having my first CAT SCAN. So I am waiting for that, and of course know I will be waiting for those results. I am also waiting for my cystoscopy. Waiting for my repap in August. It all sucks, but I have found a way to deal with it. This boards really really helps. I can't even begin to say what kind of comfort comes with talking to women who are either going down the road you are on, or are just about to. Friends and family are priceless, but if they have not been through this themselves, it may be difficult for them to understand just how hard it really is. Everyone here knows. Everyone here can relate. Everyone here needs support, and everyone here wants to help others the best they can.
Welcome to the board. Vent away. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you luck with your appointments. My only advice is try to keep yourself busy in between appointments. Until the results come in there is nothing that can be done but stress, and trust me, you are going to need that energy for later.
Hugs & best wishes to you, please keep us posted on what is happening!!:)
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. In fact, I think every woman posting in here can. I have been there myself. My nightmare started in 2005, and I have not really waken up from it since. The only comforting words I have to offer is the feeling of a dark cloud looming never really goes away, it just gets easier to deal with it in time. I can remember how much I use to dread having to go in. It felt like I was constantly going in, putting on a gigantic paper towl, and having someone scrape away at my cervix. Personally, not my idea of a good time. Oh yeah, and lets not forget the endless, constant, freaking waiting they seem to LOVE to put you through.
Its like, okay, you have abnormal cells we will have to take a closer look at and possibly do some biopsies on. See you in a couple weeks. Happy stressing. Then the dreaded day comes, but do they offer you any sort of relief or answers. OH HECK NO! Instead you get slapped with, okay, we will get back to you in a couple weeks with the results. Lovely, back to stressing we go. Then the flippen results come in, and its holy heck, things just went from super crappy to worse. Swell. Then comes the treatment, oh joy oh joy and guess what?? MORE WAITING. Then that dreaded day finally comes, and by this time you pretty much know the drill. Yes, now its back to waiting once again for those results. Does it end there??? No. For some women it means more treatment, more waiting, more stressing. For others it means waiting for a couple weeks for a check up to make sure everything is healing properly. Then its back to waiting a few months for a follow up pap. Then its waiting for those results. Then its waiting for the next follow up pap...always waiting.....
It does get easier as time goes by, at least it has for me, and its not because anything has changed...the waiting and the stress level is the same....but somehow...you have to find a way to deal with it. Its been 2 years since my LEEP, and the saga still continues for me. I have been having troubles that landed me in a urologists office. I just had a urine cytology done, and am of course waiting for those results. On Friday the 13th (just my luck) I will be having my first CAT SCAN. So I am waiting for that, and of course know I will be waiting for those results. I am also waiting for my cystoscopy. Waiting for my repap in August. It all sucks, but I have found a way to deal with it. This boards really really helps. I can't even begin to say what kind of comfort comes with talking to women who are either going down the road you are on, or are just about to. Friends and family are priceless, but if they have not been through this themselves, it may be difficult for them to understand just how hard it really is. Everyone here knows. Everyone here can relate. Everyone here needs support, and everyone here wants to help others the best they can.
Welcome to the board. Vent away. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you luck with your appointments. My only advice is try to keep yourself busy in between appointments. Until the results come in there is nothing that can be done but stress, and trust me, you are going to need that energy for later.
Hugs & best wishes to you, please keep us posted on what is happening!!:)
happymom28
07-12-2007, 09:46 AM
Hi whyme727,
Welcome. You have come to a great place to get support. Everyone on here is wonderful and very imformative.
I have had HPV since 2000. Like you I was so disgusted when I first found out. Once you do more research into it you come to see that is really common. My doctor told me if you have had more then 3 sexual partners then chances are you have been infected with it at some point. Even condoms don't always protect you from it.
It is definately easier said then done but try not to worry. It takes years for dysplasia to progress into cancer if it ever even does. The best defense is going and getting the pap tests done when you are suppose to and getting the colpo done. It really isn't all that bad, but you have to go through it yourself to realize it.
I do not how you are with pain and discomfort but I am a big baby. I suggest if you are the same way then take a couple ibuprofen an hour or so before your colpo. It's not that it is painful, but if they do decide to biopsy a couple of areas it will pinch a bit and the ibuprofen will help.
Keep us posted on what is happening.
Welcome. You have come to a great place to get support. Everyone on here is wonderful and very imformative.
I have had HPV since 2000. Like you I was so disgusted when I first found out. Once you do more research into it you come to see that is really common. My doctor told me if you have had more then 3 sexual partners then chances are you have been infected with it at some point. Even condoms don't always protect you from it.
It is definately easier said then done but try not to worry. It takes years for dysplasia to progress into cancer if it ever even does. The best defense is going and getting the pap tests done when you are suppose to and getting the colpo done. It really isn't all that bad, but you have to go through it yourself to realize it.
I do not how you are with pain and discomfort but I am a big baby. I suggest if you are the same way then take a couple ibuprofen an hour or so before your colpo. It's not that it is painful, but if they do decide to biopsy a couple of areas it will pinch a bit and the ibuprofen will help.
Keep us posted on what is happening.
whyme727
07-12-2007, 10:32 AM
Thank you-as you all know it is not easy news to receive. I remember seeing commercials for HPV and never thinking once I had it - what a fool. I will keep you posted on the results.
The very best of health to everyone.
The very best of health to everyone.
gorgikin
07-12-2007, 02:22 PM
I know what you mean, I can remember the day the doctor called to tell me about my first abnormal pap. I was so good about going annually for paps & STD testing, but to be honest I was really just going through the motions of what I was suppose to do and never really stopped to think I could actually get a call saying something was abnormal. I asked her why its abnormal, and what was causing it and that was when she mentioned, "You likely have the human papilloma virus". I can remember my next words, "Is that an STD"? I honestly did not know, and had honestly never heard of it. I was so upset, and confused. This was before commercials started coming out, before the magazine articles, and before the vaccine. So naturally when I went for support from my friends they were like what the heck are you talking about? An STD that causes precancerous changes...yeah right.
The reality is as others here have said, it is in fact very common, and most people will get one strain or another in their lifetime. Once the shock value wears off, it does get easier to shallow in time. It just means we have to be extra diligent when it comes to getting screened regularly...an inconvience that is minor in the overall scheme of things.
I am really very sorry you are going through this, but hope you find comfort here knowing you are not alone ....
The reality is as others here have said, it is in fact very common, and most people will get one strain or another in their lifetime. Once the shock value wears off, it does get easier to shallow in time. It just means we have to be extra diligent when it comes to getting screened regularly...an inconvience that is minor in the overall scheme of things.
I am really very sorry you are going through this, but hope you find comfort here knowing you are not alone ....
ncyky
07-12-2007, 04:00 PM
I agree with everyone as we have our own experiences with HPV. In fact I was diagnosed right after I had my daughter in 2004. Girl, when they told me that my pap came back abnormal..I too panicked because I assumed I had cancer. A biopsy was done which showed mild dysplagia, but my GYN wanted to be on the safe side and performed a leep which took care of all of those bad cells. It has been almost 3 years now and all of my paps have come back normal. In fact, every 6 months she also checks for HPV which all have come back negative thus far. I guess it is laying low right now which has eased my mind greatly.
OH and I had never heard of HPV in my life, but now I hear about it everywhere which makes me feel so much better knowing that other women are in experiencing the same thing and there are loads of support and you can do tons of research. As we know "Knowledge is power".
As bad as having an abnormal pap may sound, I'm sure that everything will be okay. So try not to worry too much and we are always here for you.
Good Luck
OH and I had never heard of HPV in my life, but now I hear about it everywhere which makes me feel so much better knowing that other women are in experiencing the same thing and there are loads of support and you can do tons of research. As we know "Knowledge is power".
As bad as having an abnormal pap may sound, I'm sure that everything will be okay. So try not to worry too much and we are always here for you.
Good Luck
kimiesoscared
07-12-2007, 05:30 PM
I know how you feel-we all do. I am newly diagnosed with HPV and I have been a wreck ever since. As my coloposcopy date gets closer the more anxiety I am feeling - then I am PMSing too so I am one pissed off puppy right now. My period better not come on the day of my coloposcopy because I will have a fit - anyway I haved looked up so much info on HPV/abnormal paps, cancer - I am so filled with information I am sick!!!! I can't take any more knowledge because in my case right at this moment knowlege is exhausting me because like someone said before everyone is different and nothing really will put me at ease at this point other than the doctor telling me my results show no cancer-that definitely will ease my soul at this time but in the mean time - I have been eating like a cow-which isn't helping but at the moment of stuffing my face I feel at ease-Good luck and I pray all goes well.:jester:
jujukitty
07-18-2007, 04:53 PM
Hey : )
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. In fact, I think every woman posting in here can. I have been there myself. My nightmare started in 2005, and I have not really waken up from it since. The only comforting words I have to offer is the feeling of a dark cloud looming never really goes away, it just gets easier to deal with it in time. I can remember how much I use to dread having to go in. It felt like I was constantly going in, putting on a gigantic paper towl, and having someone scrape away at my cervix. Personally, not my idea of a good time. Oh yeah, and lets not forget the endless, constant, freaking waiting they seem to LOVE to put you through.
Its like, okay, you have abnormal cells we will have to take a closer look at and possibly do some biopsies on. See you in a couple weeks. Happy stressing. Then the dreaded day comes, but do they offer you any sort of relief or answers. OH HECK NO! Instead you get slapped with, okay, we will get back to you in a couple weeks with the results. Lovely, back to stressing we go. Then the flippen results come in, and its holy heck, things just went from super crappy to worse. Swell. Then comes the treatment, oh joy oh joy and guess what?? MORE WAITING. Then that dreaded day finally comes, and by this time you pretty much know the drill. Yes, now its back to waiting once again for those results. Does it end there??? No. For some women it means more treatment, more waiting, more stressing. For others it means waiting for a couple weeks for a check up to make sure everything is healing properly. Then its back to waiting a few months for a follow up pap. Then its waiting for those results. Then its waiting for the next follow up pap...always waiting.....
Hi,
Thanks so much for posting the above! I am NOT patient, I don't want to wait, and of course the doctors, staff, lab, etc. don't seem to give a crap about how stressful the waiting is. When I was having the colps along with my pap, at least she would tell me right off the bat "I don't see anything abnormal in there." Then I'd at least have some peace of mind while waiting for the pap result.:)
I was doing the "nothing seriously wrong, let's wait and see" for four years, and I'm done with that. Whatever abnormal is in there, TAKE IT OUT, even if by some luck it's not that bad. I'm not waiting for it to get worse.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates the "dark cloud over your head" feeling.
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. In fact, I think every woman posting in here can. I have been there myself. My nightmare started in 2005, and I have not really waken up from it since. The only comforting words I have to offer is the feeling of a dark cloud looming never really goes away, it just gets easier to deal with it in time. I can remember how much I use to dread having to go in. It felt like I was constantly going in, putting on a gigantic paper towl, and having someone scrape away at my cervix. Personally, not my idea of a good time. Oh yeah, and lets not forget the endless, constant, freaking waiting they seem to LOVE to put you through.
Its like, okay, you have abnormal cells we will have to take a closer look at and possibly do some biopsies on. See you in a couple weeks. Happy stressing. Then the dreaded day comes, but do they offer you any sort of relief or answers. OH HECK NO! Instead you get slapped with, okay, we will get back to you in a couple weeks with the results. Lovely, back to stressing we go. Then the flippen results come in, and its holy heck, things just went from super crappy to worse. Swell. Then comes the treatment, oh joy oh joy and guess what?? MORE WAITING. Then that dreaded day finally comes, and by this time you pretty much know the drill. Yes, now its back to waiting once again for those results. Does it end there??? No. For some women it means more treatment, more waiting, more stressing. For others it means waiting for a couple weeks for a check up to make sure everything is healing properly. Then its back to waiting a few months for a follow up pap. Then its waiting for those results. Then its waiting for the next follow up pap...always waiting.....
Hi,
Thanks so much for posting the above! I am NOT patient, I don't want to wait, and of course the doctors, staff, lab, etc. don't seem to give a crap about how stressful the waiting is. When I was having the colps along with my pap, at least she would tell me right off the bat "I don't see anything abnormal in there." Then I'd at least have some peace of mind while waiting for the pap result.:)
I was doing the "nothing seriously wrong, let's wait and see" for four years, and I'm done with that. Whatever abnormal is in there, TAKE IT OUT, even if by some luck it's not that bad. I'm not waiting for it to get worse.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates the "dark cloud over your head" feeling.
LAgirl81
07-19-2007, 05:23 AM
I agree with you girls. The waiting game is excrutiatingly torturous in a mental sense. And I'm the type to imagine the worst-case scenarios!
BUT if you put it in perspective, I'd rather have this little dark cloud over my head than getting a surprise diagnosis of breast cancer. Meaning, we're lucky (hah! if we can say that) in a way since this is the only cancer we can truly moniter from its very, very early stages. All of us here are monitering this closley so that we will never let it get to the invasive cancer stage. It sucks to be poked and prodded and biopsied regularly, but I suppose it's great for us that we can always keep the cancer at bay. One of my close friends, who's 25, has to start getting mammograms *next year* due to her family history of breast cancer! So everyone in their own right has a little dark cloud to deal with daily.
BUT if you put it in perspective, I'd rather have this little dark cloud over my head than getting a surprise diagnosis of breast cancer. Meaning, we're lucky (hah! if we can say that) in a way since this is the only cancer we can truly moniter from its very, very early stages. All of us here are monitering this closley so that we will never let it get to the invasive cancer stage. It sucks to be poked and prodded and biopsied regularly, but I suppose it's great for us that we can always keep the cancer at bay. One of my close friends, who's 25, has to start getting mammograms *next year* due to her family history of breast cancer! So everyone in their own right has a little dark cloud to deal with daily.