corina64
07-13-2007, 03:36 AM
I am laying here and it is 1am and I can't sleep, flashbacks are starting to hit pretty hard again since the last incident with my husbands drinking and verbal abuse. We watched the movie Walk the Line the story about Johnny Cash and that movie triggered something in me that I can't get over. It was like watching my life for the last year. There was a scene were Johnny abused his wife and that triggered the memories of my husband abusing me. I am just going through a rough patch. I have an interview tomorrow for a job, but I am scared to leave my daughter.... It is really eating at me, I really love her and I am scared that something will happen to her. I talked with my husbands military social worker and they sad that I am an enabler. I was taught to let him go and do whatever and now the military says that I need to be giving him punishments for his actions like a mother.... I just want him to leave. I think that I will be more than fine if I get this job. I was starting to become happy without him and now he came screaming back into my life and I am miserable!!!!!!!!!!! I used to think he was the best looking man in the world when I looked at him.... Now, I can't stand to even look at him and I think that he is ugly.. All he is, is a debt maker and ripples the waters. There was no fighting of any kind until he came home and I could sleep when he wasn't here.... I think it is time to get a divorce, but everyone who is going to bat for him, military wise keeps telling me he will see the light and just hang in there, my husband will appear again.. I just think there is so much damage that it isn't salvagable.... I am almost out of hope. I just missed being loved and cared for so much. I don't like having PTSD either, but this is easier than dealing with my husband's medicating his PTSD with alcohol. I just take care of my daughter to relieve symptoms, right now I am working on giving her a birthday party. He drinks, and I am so angry with him. :mad: My symptoms are worse, yet, I am able to cope the healthy way.... I just don't get it??????????? Sorry, for the rambling my head is going 100mph... Thank you everyone :)
Corina
Corina
Sponsor
ICC
07-13-2007, 07:43 AM
Hi Corina.......I am off to an appt. so don't have more than aminute but didn't want to let this go. An enabler IS a punisher/ mother. Same as a co-dependent. That's why I always bring it up. When you stop enabling you are not taking responsibility for your husband or anyone else's actions or issues. Enabling helps them to keep doing what they do. The military is not asking you to punish or mother him,they're asking you to stop. I'll check in when I get back.
ICC
ICC
dustoffkid
07-13-2007, 09:00 AM
Oh, Corina,
I wish I could come over and sit and talk with you- give you a hug, go for a walk, whatever.
Living with the military is difficult enough without having to deal with all of this crap. I do have to second ICC's comment, though- it's time to deal with and take responsibility for your actions and concerns. His are his.
As for the divorce issue, I don't know enough about your situation to advise you. But it's not up to others (military or otherwise) to decide what's best for you and your child. They don't have to live with this guy. If you can't find an unbiased opinion from Behavioral Health, Social Services or the Chaplain's office where you live, perhaps it's time to check in to some non-military resources. Is there a community counseling center somewhere there in the civilian sector? A priest or pastor? Someone needs to start listening to your concerns.
I hope your days get better, and I hope we can help.
Hugs,
Dustoff
I wish I could come over and sit and talk with you- give you a hug, go for a walk, whatever.
Living with the military is difficult enough without having to deal with all of this crap. I do have to second ICC's comment, though- it's time to deal with and take responsibility for your actions and concerns. His are his.
As for the divorce issue, I don't know enough about your situation to advise you. But it's not up to others (military or otherwise) to decide what's best for you and your child. They don't have to live with this guy. If you can't find an unbiased opinion from Behavioral Health, Social Services or the Chaplain's office where you live, perhaps it's time to check in to some non-military resources. Is there a community counseling center somewhere there in the civilian sector? A priest or pastor? Someone needs to start listening to your concerns.
I hope your days get better, and I hope we can help.
Hugs,
Dustoff
isitme
07-14-2007, 07:11 PM
The choice is entirely YOURS to make. Do whatever is right for you. It is fine for others to say - 'hang on in there'. They are not living what you are. How old is your daughter. I'm wondering if you are worried leaving her with your husband? Hope things are a little better today.
Phoenix
07-15-2007, 11:57 AM
Corina:
How did the job interview go?
I hope that you are in better spirits today.
Ryan
How did the job interview go?
I hope that you are in better spirits today.
Ryan
Survivor 1957
07-16-2007, 10:04 AM
I dont mean to but in to much but... does the First Sgt know about your hausband drinking and abuse? If not tell him or her. The military does not like domestic abuse! They will not promote with issues like that in their folder. Talk to the JAG office, they can and will help you with an Restraining order if you want one. If you do not want to do to the JAG ogo to the loacal police department and they will help you. It is the law! Some one need to know that your Husband has PTSD and is not dealing with it in a positive way. helping him face the PTSD is only going to help you .
k
k
corina64
07-17-2007, 12:49 AM
Thank you everyone for the support. Sorry, I haven't been here for awhile I got really sick this weekend and I just slept. Things are going a lot better this week because I just decided to do what alanon says and just let go and let god. I don't know what to do military wise.. They keep telling me that I need to put my foot down and hang on... Well, I am just working on me and I still have week moments in dealing with all of this. I am just working on getting a full-time job... To pay for the debt from all of this. I just need to step back and re-evaluate the situation. I am trying to keep all of my appointments with therapists, being sick, healthwise has interfered a little. All the therapists say that I am a great person and that I am thinking clearly it is just being sick and being with someone else that is sicker messes with you more than normal. When I wrote this post I felt bullied again... I hate feeling pushed around. When you love someone and watch themselves flush themselves down the toilet it is hard. Now, I am working on ignoring it because there is nothing I can say or do to make things better for him only he can do that. My interview went really well, and I got a call today for an interview at another place... So, I am praying that I have a job before August :angel: Thanks again everyone.
Corina
Corina
ICC
07-17-2007, 01:06 PM
Oh Corina...I am so glad to here about your job search. Sounds as if it's going in a positive direction.
"Let go and let God" one of my favorite expressions and sometimes one of the hardest to follow. I can't help with the military crap as others here can BUT i feel they are telling you the same thing that ALANON is. It is a wonderful group and if you stick with it and you and your therapist continue to work on your co-dependency/enabling I feel you will reach a place that you see the sun shine again. Once you get that under control, your PTSD will follow. What I was finally able to do with the addicts in my life was to tell them plain and simply that is was their addiction, not mine and I would don't make it mine or feed into it anymore. I know it's hard when you love the person. I loved dearly each and every addict that has come into my life. Stick with it , hon, you're on the right path.
ICC
"Let go and let God" one of my favorite expressions and sometimes one of the hardest to follow. I can't help with the military crap as others here can BUT i feel they are telling you the same thing that ALANON is. It is a wonderful group and if you stick with it and you and your therapist continue to work on your co-dependency/enabling I feel you will reach a place that you see the sun shine again. Once you get that under control, your PTSD will follow. What I was finally able to do with the addicts in my life was to tell them plain and simply that is was their addiction, not mine and I would don't make it mine or feed into it anymore. I know it's hard when you love the person. I loved dearly each and every addict that has come into my life. Stick with it , hon, you're on the right path.
ICC
corina64
07-23-2007, 06:33 PM
Hey everyone :) Finally, I got a job! I did however get a bad reference and that set the anger into overdrive... I had to abruptly, leave my last job because of my husband being in jail and I had no babysitter...So I had to quit. The thing that mad me mad was I worked every weekend, every holiday, doubles and the one weekend I did have off they called me the whole time to work. They told the job that hired me, they wouldn't hire me back is because of the way that I quit.... They knew why I quit.... What the heck???? I got the job, but I feel so horrible about that incident. I just don't know what to think about all of this????? I hope these people don't think badly of me before I even get to work??? Has this happened to anyone else??? I need some advice on how to feel, what I should do???? I say that God has given me a great opportunity and I don't want to feel bad the whole time I work there. Also, my dog was stolen this weekend and I am really upset considering my husband is leaving for Iraq.... What to do?? I am trying to stay positive, but I don't feel great about any of this... Hope everyone is doing well :)
Take care,
Corina
Take care,
Corina
dustoffkid
07-24-2007, 07:55 AM
Corina,
First of all, about getting the job.....
WOOOOO-HOOOOOO! Congrats!
Please try not to worry too much about that bad reference. I doubt they'll even think about it much... I used to be a hiring manager and I always let my employees' actions speak for themselves. A third party's opinion is really not all that important. I think you'll do fine.
I feel for you about the loss of your dog. Is there any way possible that it ran off instead of being stolen? Any way it could come back? I would be absolutely beside myself if I lost my Sadie.
I also can commiserate about the hubby/Iraq thing... I deployed four times myself, and hubby has deployed a lot too (he just got back from 15 months in Afghanistan, ugh)... between the two of us we have been apart more than we've been together! So if you need a shoulder to cry on (or lean on), please don't hesitate.
I send you many hugs and prayers for you and your family.
Dustoff
p.s. woo-hoo! (about the job again) :)
First of all, about getting the job.....
WOOOOO-HOOOOOO! Congrats!
Please try not to worry too much about that bad reference. I doubt they'll even think about it much... I used to be a hiring manager and I always let my employees' actions speak for themselves. A third party's opinion is really not all that important. I think you'll do fine.
I feel for you about the loss of your dog. Is there any way possible that it ran off instead of being stolen? Any way it could come back? I would be absolutely beside myself if I lost my Sadie.
I also can commiserate about the hubby/Iraq thing... I deployed four times myself, and hubby has deployed a lot too (he just got back from 15 months in Afghanistan, ugh)... between the two of us we have been apart more than we've been together! So if you need a shoulder to cry on (or lean on), please don't hesitate.
I send you many hugs and prayers for you and your family.
Dustoff
p.s. woo-hoo! (about the job again) :)
corina64
07-24-2007, 03:33 PM
Thank you for the support:) Update on my dog: He was returned to me last night after almost 30 hours of every emotion you can think of. He was infact stolen from our yard and when the kids found out we were looking for him the dumped him in a parking lot. Another family found him and I don't think that they were going to give him back until they found the flyers.... There story was changed a lot, so I am not sure??? He is back, but very scared for some reason???? I hope that he snaps out of it... Also, dustoff kid it is very hard to be apart more than you are together... My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and we have been apart more than we have been together, now he is leaving again and I am worried for the whole family... He is not well and the military will still deploy him on his meds.... He wants to go back to Iraq, maybe, that is the best medicine?? I am unsure. It is hard with my PTSD because now that I know that he is leaving my symptoms are getting out of control again... Every little thing is upsetting me and making me angry.... Hopefully, things will level off soon... When he gets back he gets thirty days leave and I hope that we can have a family vacation.... Hope everyone is doing well:)
Take Care,
Corina
Take Care,
Corina
dustoffkid
07-24-2007, 04:26 PM
I am so glad you got the dog back... I hope he feels better soon.
As for the Iraq thing, I couldn't tell you if it's "the best medicine," everyone is different in how they act and react in any given situation. For me, surprisingly, the deployment to Iraq actually was healing, for the most part (although I agree it seems odd to deploy soldiers who are taking the drugs). For some, it might do more harm than good. I think it's impossible to predict, to be honest.
When he gets home at the end, I think a family vacation is a GREAT idea. Do something fun, but that has something for everyone. There is a wonderful AFRC at Disney... a resort that is run by MWR so you catch a big break on room rates (which are based on rank), park tickets, souveniers, etc.
I could probably think of others.... let me know :)[/FONT]
As for the Iraq thing, I couldn't tell you if it's "the best medicine," everyone is different in how they act and react in any given situation. For me, surprisingly, the deployment to Iraq actually was healing, for the most part (although I agree it seems odd to deploy soldiers who are taking the drugs). For some, it might do more harm than good. I think it's impossible to predict, to be honest.
When he gets home at the end, I think a family vacation is a GREAT idea. Do something fun, but that has something for everyone. There is a wonderful AFRC at Disney... a resort that is run by MWR so you catch a big break on room rates (which are based on rank), park tickets, souveniers, etc.
I could probably think of others.... let me know :)[/FONT]