NVD
07-15-2007, 03:15 AM
Hi all...I hope that everyone is well.
I usually post more on the depression board, but I'm really struggling with some ptsd issues today.
Today started out as a rough day to begin with. I just wasn't really feeling "there". No particular reason, just really woke up feeling down and out, and just couldn't snap out of it, and it gradually just continued to go down hill.
In the afternoon one of the regular hospital security guards came in to talk. He was just carrying on regular conversation...but I don't remember one dang word that he spoke. Not ONE word! When he walked in, the first thing I noticed was his gun...and that was the end of it. The flashbacks came back like I've never experienced before...the gun...the barrell...the pushing of it into my head....the clicking noise it was making....his anger....my son in the swing crying and reaching out for me...the pure evil that was behind the gun. The flashbacks...God they are something horrible. These flashbacks have taken everything out of me today. I haven't been able to control them. I'm in a hospital for Gods sake...I should be able to walk myself around them, but I keep walking into them. It's like a movie stuck on repeat...and I'm really starting to feel like I'm losing it! What do I do??? How do I get my mind to realize that I'm going to be okay? I'm safe, I'm in the hospital? How do I kick these flashbacks?? How am I going to get through this--if all it took was a "SECURITY GUARD" with a gun to walk in???? What's going to happen if I'm back out in the real world, where I see cops everyday?? I'm really struggling here...and I need some help. How am I going to do this???????????
Amber
I usually post more on the depression board, but I'm really struggling with some ptsd issues today.
Today started out as a rough day to begin with. I just wasn't really feeling "there". No particular reason, just really woke up feeling down and out, and just couldn't snap out of it, and it gradually just continued to go down hill.
In the afternoon one of the regular hospital security guards came in to talk. He was just carrying on regular conversation...but I don't remember one dang word that he spoke. Not ONE word! When he walked in, the first thing I noticed was his gun...and that was the end of it. The flashbacks came back like I've never experienced before...the gun...the barrell...the pushing of it into my head....the clicking noise it was making....his anger....my son in the swing crying and reaching out for me...the pure evil that was behind the gun. The flashbacks...God they are something horrible. These flashbacks have taken everything out of me today. I haven't been able to control them. I'm in a hospital for Gods sake...I should be able to walk myself around them, but I keep walking into them. It's like a movie stuck on repeat...and I'm really starting to feel like I'm losing it! What do I do??? How do I get my mind to realize that I'm going to be okay? I'm safe, I'm in the hospital? How do I kick these flashbacks?? How am I going to get through this--if all it took was a "SECURITY GUARD" with a gun to walk in???? What's going to happen if I'm back out in the real world, where I see cops everyday?? I'm really struggling here...and I need some help. How am I going to do this???????????
Amber
Sponsor
Phoenix
07-15-2007, 08:32 AM
Amber:
You are going to do this by taking "one step at a time."
It is easier said than done though.
Try closing your eyes and taking some deep breaths.
Inhale...........hold a few seconds (count to 5) then exhale. Repeat a few times.
Imagine exhaling those issues that are effecting you so they literally become non-existent.
Open your eyes and you will find that you are in the "here and now."
All we have is today; live for today for what happened "yesterday" you have no control over.
It's easy to say "if we turn back the clock" but in all reality we cannot.
Our actions today; this very day can dictate how we feel tomorrow.
This, we have control over, as it is a matter of choice.
Ryan
You are going to do this by taking "one step at a time."
It is easier said than done though.
Try closing your eyes and taking some deep breaths.
Inhale...........hold a few seconds (count to 5) then exhale. Repeat a few times.
Imagine exhaling those issues that are effecting you so they literally become non-existent.
Open your eyes and you will find that you are in the "here and now."
All we have is today; live for today for what happened "yesterday" you have no control over.
It's easy to say "if we turn back the clock" but in all reality we cannot.
Our actions today; this very day can dictate how we feel tomorrow.
This, we have control over, as it is a matter of choice.
Ryan
NVD
07-15-2007, 01:26 PM
Amber:
You are going to do this by taking "one step at a time."
It is easier said than done though.
Try closing your eyes and taking some deep breaths.
Inhale...........hold a few seconds (count to 5) then exhale. Repeat a few times.
Imagine exhaling those issues that are effecting you so they literally become non-existent.
Open your eyes and you will find that you are in the "here and now."
All we have is today; live for today for what happened "yesterday" you have no control over.
It's easy to say "if we turn back the clock" but in all reality we cannot.
Our actions today; this very day can dictate how we feel tomorrow.
This, we have control over, as it is a matter of choice.
Ryan
Hi Ryan,
I am really just having a hard time with this. A really hard time. I've never had such problems with this...and it's been damn draining. Those thoughts, those horrible thoughts, Ryan are still going. I've tried doing the deep breathing, and the visualizations, and I've taken some sedatives, and they remain there. I fell asleep for about an hour, only to be ripped out of my sleep by yet, more flashbacks. So in saying this...what do you do when you take one step forward, but kicked back five steps. What do you do when no matter how many steps you take, you're still in the same damn position?? This is not a choice Ryan. Other than "pulling the plug" to make it stop, this is so far from a choice.
You are going to do this by taking "one step at a time."
It is easier said than done though.
Try closing your eyes and taking some deep breaths.
Inhale...........hold a few seconds (count to 5) then exhale. Repeat a few times.
Imagine exhaling those issues that are effecting you so they literally become non-existent.
Open your eyes and you will find that you are in the "here and now."
All we have is today; live for today for what happened "yesterday" you have no control over.
It's easy to say "if we turn back the clock" but in all reality we cannot.
Our actions today; this very day can dictate how we feel tomorrow.
This, we have control over, as it is a matter of choice.
Ryan
Hi Ryan,
I am really just having a hard time with this. A really hard time. I've never had such problems with this...and it's been damn draining. Those thoughts, those horrible thoughts, Ryan are still going. I've tried doing the deep breathing, and the visualizations, and I've taken some sedatives, and they remain there. I fell asleep for about an hour, only to be ripped out of my sleep by yet, more flashbacks. So in saying this...what do you do when you take one step forward, but kicked back five steps. What do you do when no matter how many steps you take, you're still in the same damn position?? This is not a choice Ryan. Other than "pulling the plug" to make it stop, this is so far from a choice.
Phoenix
07-15-2007, 01:50 PM
Hi Ryan,
I am really just having a hard time with this. A really hard time. I've never had such problems with this...and it's been damn draining. Those thoughts, those horrible thoughts, Ryan are still going. I've tried doing the deep breathing, and the visualizations, and I've taken some sedatives, and they remain there. I fell asleep for about an hour, only to be ripped out of my sleep by yet, more flashbacks. So in saying this...what do you do when you take one step forward, but kicked back five steps. What do you do when no matter how many steps you take, you're still in the same damn position?? This is not a choice Ryan. Other than "pulling the plug" to make it stop, this is so far from a choice.
I see.
First of all, you haven't been getting enough rest, which can definitely alter one's perception(from personal experience).
I am now takind Ambien CR 12.5mg and 2 Trazadone(100mg) tablets "jump start" the sleeping process.
Are you taking anything?
Ryan
I am really just having a hard time with this. A really hard time. I've never had such problems with this...and it's been damn draining. Those thoughts, those horrible thoughts, Ryan are still going. I've tried doing the deep breathing, and the visualizations, and I've taken some sedatives, and they remain there. I fell asleep for about an hour, only to be ripped out of my sleep by yet, more flashbacks. So in saying this...what do you do when you take one step forward, but kicked back five steps. What do you do when no matter how many steps you take, you're still in the same damn position?? This is not a choice Ryan. Other than "pulling the plug" to make it stop, this is so far from a choice.
I see.
First of all, you haven't been getting enough rest, which can definitely alter one's perception(from personal experience).
I am now takind Ambien CR 12.5mg and 2 Trazadone(100mg) tablets "jump start" the sleeping process.
Are you taking anything?
Ryan
NVD
07-15-2007, 01:52 PM
I am on Rozerem, Ativan, and Effexor right now.
Phoenix
07-15-2007, 01:57 PM
Could the dosage of rozerem be increased?
I only ask this because it took increasing of the doses for me to finally receive adequate slumber.
Ryan
I only ask this because it took increasing of the doses for me to finally receive adequate slumber.
Ryan
NVD
07-15-2007, 02:03 PM
I am on 16mg...normal recomended dosage is 8mg, so I'm not sure if they can up it anymore or not.
I've taken Ambien before, as well as Sonata...but with little effect. Or if it did take effect, I could barely function for the next day or so.
Amber
I've taken Ambien before, as well as Sonata...but with little effect. Or if it did take effect, I could barely function for the next day or so.
Amber
Phoenix
07-15-2007, 02:06 PM
Have you heard of Trazadone before?
Any objections with asking the doc about this med?
Ryan
Any objections with asking the doc about this med?
Ryan
Phoenix
07-15-2007, 02:26 PM
Amber,
Alright, I will stop with the med talk.
Just talk to me.
Ryan
Alright, I will stop with the med talk.
Just talk to me.
Ryan
NVD
07-15-2007, 05:34 PM
Hi Ryan,
I'm sorry if I came off with an attitude this morning. When you said that we have a choice in today, and how it effects tomorrow, it really just hit a nerve. I know you meant well...I do. But it reminded me so much of my husband telling me that I need to "BUCK up already, and get past this". I know that's not what you meant, but that's what it felt like reading it. Like I had a choice to panic at the site of the gun, or I have a choice in this nightmare that's running through my mind at a million miles per second. So, I just had to pull away for a little while. I don't want to come to anyone asking for help, and then leave with an attitude, and that's what I felt like earlier, so I pulled in for a while.
No worries on the talk of medicines. I have heard of Trazadone before, although I've never tried it. If the Rozerem doesn't kick in soon, I will ask for a change. Something's gotta' give, right?
Thanks for listening Ryan, talk to you soon.
Amber
I'm sorry if I came off with an attitude this morning. When you said that we have a choice in today, and how it effects tomorrow, it really just hit a nerve. I know you meant well...I do. But it reminded me so much of my husband telling me that I need to "BUCK up already, and get past this". I know that's not what you meant, but that's what it felt like reading it. Like I had a choice to panic at the site of the gun, or I have a choice in this nightmare that's running through my mind at a million miles per second. So, I just had to pull away for a little while. I don't want to come to anyone asking for help, and then leave with an attitude, and that's what I felt like earlier, so I pulled in for a while.
No worries on the talk of medicines. I have heard of Trazadone before, although I've never tried it. If the Rozerem doesn't kick in soon, I will ask for a change. Something's gotta' give, right?
Thanks for listening Ryan, talk to you soon.
Amber
Lost-in-Time
07-15-2007, 09:24 PM
Sorry I wasn't here to give a word of encourage but I've been off the board a few days...I hope by now you are feeling better....
I tried Rozerem...it had no effect..my doctor said it was JUSt melatonin which is an over the counter suppplement that many people use for sleep with some fillers put in so it could be a prescription drug...I hope it helps or you find something that does...
take care all..
I tried Rozerem...it had no effect..my doctor said it was JUSt melatonin which is an over the counter suppplement that many people use for sleep with some fillers put in so it could be a prescription drug...I hope it helps or you find something that does...
take care all..
Phoenix
07-15-2007, 09:56 PM
Hi Ryan,
I'm sorry if I came off with an attitude this morning. When you said that we have a choice in today, and how it effects tomorrow, it really just hit a nerve. I know you meant well...I do. But it reminded me so much of my husband telling me that I need to "BUCK up already, and get past this". I know that's not what you meant, but that's what it felt like reading it. Like I had a choice to panic at the site of the gun, or I have a choice in this nightmare that's running through my mind at a million miles per second. So, I just had to pull away for a little while. I don't want to come to anyone asking for help, and then leave with an attitude, and that's what I felt like earlier, so I pulled in for a while.
No worries on the talk of medicines. I have heard of Trazadone before, although I've never tried it. If the Rozerem doesn't kick in soon, I will ask for a change. Something's gotta' give, right?
Thanks for listening Ryan, talk to you soon.
Amber
Amber:
I noticed that something was wrong.
My thoughts and the way I write can get jumbled at times.
"Get over it?"
I would never say that, for I myself have been through enough.
I respect the fact that you were up front with me.
I often say that my words can sometimes be misinterpreted.
We can always converse tomorrow, if you are up to it.
Ryan
I'm sorry if I came off with an attitude this morning. When you said that we have a choice in today, and how it effects tomorrow, it really just hit a nerve. I know you meant well...I do. But it reminded me so much of my husband telling me that I need to "BUCK up already, and get past this". I know that's not what you meant, but that's what it felt like reading it. Like I had a choice to panic at the site of the gun, or I have a choice in this nightmare that's running through my mind at a million miles per second. So, I just had to pull away for a little while. I don't want to come to anyone asking for help, and then leave with an attitude, and that's what I felt like earlier, so I pulled in for a while.
No worries on the talk of medicines. I have heard of Trazadone before, although I've never tried it. If the Rozerem doesn't kick in soon, I will ask for a change. Something's gotta' give, right?
Thanks for listening Ryan, talk to you soon.
Amber
Amber:
I noticed that something was wrong.
My thoughts and the way I write can get jumbled at times.
"Get over it?"
I would never say that, for I myself have been through enough.
I respect the fact that you were up front with me.
I often say that my words can sometimes be misinterpreted.
We can always converse tomorrow, if you are up to it.
Ryan