Hello everyone, i want to tell you my story. I'm 30 years old I have NO friends at all I live at home w/ my mom and have a dog. I was diagnosed w/ depression when i was 22 yrs old I have been on meds ever since and I don't know what to do. taking pill after pill.... I feel like complete loser!!! I lost my job in November of 2006 I have NO one to talk to no one to tell these things to... i do see a counselor for 1 hour per week, but feel that is NOT enough. I don't know what else to do I come ehre for support but honestly I feel like there are a bunch of shallow people on here trying to cure their own illness. AT least some of u have someone to talk to!!! I don't I have NO ONE. Depresion sucks!!! and the anxiety sucks more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a friend to talk to someoen to help me thru this. Pls help me~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm lexapro and klonopin and I should tell u that I'v e gained 100 lbs off antideprssnadts so (i know spelling isnt' that good) but I have a weight problem I wan t to get married and have children and have a good life.................................... ......................:angel:

i'm sorry cosmo. i really am. it's horrible to have to live with this illness for so many years, and i know that from experience. it's more than horrible. it's a nightmare--to what it can do to one's entire life! and i know that because it's not something that is visible, a lot of people just don't really get it. and i know the frustration you must feel. the anger. the dispair; the feeling that this will not go away. at least you're seeing a counselor. what do you talk with her/him about every week? do you feel that she/he has helped you at least a little bit?

have you been on the same meds since you first started on them? maybe the lexapro isn't really working anymore? i know with me, they had to add another antidepressant (wellbutrin) to the one i was already taking (effexor) to give me a 'jolt,' but even that didn't do much. i was diagnosed around the same age you were, but i'm 36, and believe me, i know exactly what you're talking about when you say you think of wanting to get married someday and have a kid or two. about the weight issue, did you ask the prescribing dr. about it? did she/he tell you of an alternative medication you may try, or of something you can add to your existing med regimen, to counter the effects of the lexapro? you know cosmo, i also have terribly debilitating migraines, and my neuro prescribed topamax to prevent them (although it's starting to aggravate me big time, bec. it doesn't seem to do its job anymore), but one side effect of topamax is appetite suppression. however, i'm still as depressed as hell (well, right now i'm going through a really huge "funk" and i don't know how the heck to get out of it)....

i understand you about friends. it's good that at least i have a sister, and even though we're definitely not alike, she's there when i really need her. for me however, it's been the other way around--that is, I was the one to withdraw and isolate myself from my few "real" friends, and with time, i did this more and more.

i actually want to be alone, but a lot of the time i hate being lonely. it gives me too much time to think of the crap around and inside me. i always NEED to focus on something OUTSIDE of myself, so as not to get overwhelmed by my internal hell, if you know what i mean.

anyway, i understand you're frustrated. and it's ok to be. you're rigth though. what usually first attracts people to this board is that they're looking for answers to their questions; they're looking for some understanding, for others like them, who've experienced what they've experienced, but, with time, and as they learn more and more, they learn about each other and become close to one another. you must also understand cosmo, that if you make one or two friends on this board, it means sooooo very much!!!!

i really hope you'll stick around, and you'll see that there are good people here. i'll try to answer your questions more, if you have any. but like i said, i'm not in very good shape myself these days, and when i'm like this, i rarely come on here.

blessings to you! :angel:

Dear Cosmo,

I know to the extent I can on how it feels to be in a certain horrible place for so long and there never seems to be a winning solution. For me it started as a child around nine or so and now I am 38 years old. I have been through a lot and gained a lot of insight that has helped me over time. Though it may not work for everyone and part of it has been this board. There are times being Bipolar that I don't need a reason to be down I just am. I read what others are going through the good and the bad. There are good people here and in time you come to know them a bit better. Feel free to jump in and say what you think or ask the stuff you might be afraid to. Uusally if one person is going through it then you can almost bet there are others who are too or have. Each of us has a piece to this puzzle if only we could put it together and get somewhere. We are here for you and I can offer (((hugs))) and much kindness.

Don't let your life get thrown into the stalled mode. It is not easy to jump start it but you can do it. I hope this will be a start for you in that direction.

Deb

I Totally Agree with ---> Dakota_Skye I couldn't have siad it better! I am 38 and have Bipolar! I have been depressed my whole life on and off!! well After Kertrina... I had Lost every thing, My Home I had just bought and a few months later I Lost my Dad to cancer and was the cargiver of my mom whitch I had to send to my brother's for him to care for her till we figured life out again, the same day My dad dyed, My son's best friend dyed whom was my son being best friends with my son! seeing Mississippi where I am from, it was hard and over..whelming!! I ended up moving to california where I really lost my mind! I ending up droping into the darkest place I have ever been! I lived in my room for over a year and NEVER came out! I cried around the clock and stoped eating, I didn't sleep and all I did was dream and pray I would die and had the strangth to end it myself! My eyes where always swollen shut from crying and I let my self go, my kids and husband begged me to get help and I wanted to stop feeling this way but I also just wanted to give up and make it all go away! I never answeared the door or the phone and never wanted to go KNOW WHERE!! I started smoking pot like there was no tomorrow and my kids and family suffered bad! I shut every one out and had panic attacks so bad I'd throw my head into the floor giving myself dizzy speels for weeks! I started hearing things that where not there and started thinking about craziest things and worried for my family to know end over dumb things! WELL... my Sister and Husband hog tied me and took me to the ER where they rushed me to a mental Hospitale, I was so bad I don't remember the first night there at all!! well.... they mayed me take pills and go to group mettings and made me eat! it was hard! but in time I started to feel better and I started to feel a little alive again and they let me go home... NOW... I am me again!! I stoped smoking pot!! I got a job and cleaning my house and back to cooking and NOW... I am getting my Mom back to care for her again! and in 3 days going on a little vacation well needed with my husband! when I feel a little over whelmed with my thoughts---> I LEAVE, I go to my sisters or call my aunt or Mom's =) there is hope!!! I have my bad days oh YES but not like I did before, I even rearanged my room! put new curtains up and all so it would not remind me of the bad I went through in it! I Lived on the computer for the time I was depressed and now my computer is in my son's room =) it took work but in the end ... I feel BETTER! I learned to talk about my problems!

Cosmo ... Know your not alone and my heart totally goes out to you! sure wish I could reach out and give you losts of hugs and let you know your not alone!! I too cant Spell lol but who cares!!! dont be shy to write your feelings and let others inspire you not to give up!! tell your Dr how you feel the way you want to, to get it out the ways you want to.. so he totally understands you are still feeling like crap!

My thoughts will be with you and my prayers are all yours!!
XOXOXOXO MUHH
Lonnie

I come here for support but honestly I feel like there are a bunch of shallow people on here trying to cure their own illness. AT least some of u have someone to talk to!!! I don't I have NO ONE.

Cosmo, I am curious why you "attacked" us here? Was it from anger, pain, or jealousy or are you judgemental of others reflexively because you were judged your whole life?

What caused your depression/anxiety?

Hello everyone, i want to tell you my story. I'm 30 years old I have NO friends at all I live at home w/ my mom and have a dog. I was diagnosed w/ depression when i was 22 yrs old I have been on meds ever since and I don't know what to do. taking pill after pill.... I feel like complete loser!!! I lost my job in November of 2006 I have NO one to talk to no one to tell these things to... i do see a counselor for 1 hour per week, but feel that is NOT enough. I don't know what else to do I come ehre for support but honestly I feel like there are a bunch of shallow people on here trying to cure their own illness. AT least some of u have someone to talk to!!! I don't I have NO ONE. Depresion sucks!!! and the anxiety sucks more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a friend to talk to someoen to help me thru this. Pls help me~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm lexapro and klonopin and I should tell u that I'v e gained 100 lbs off antideprssnadts so (i know spelling isnt' that good) but I have a weight problem I wan t to get married and have children and have a good life.................................... ......................:angel:

Why no friends?

How about a depression support group? When my therapist first recommended support groups I was like, "Um...no" But I tried a few out. I finally found a group I like. It's for eating disorders, but a lot of the folks suffer with severe depression and anxiety. I found my peers to be supportive and helpful. They understand, and I feel good when I'm able to help them. My therapist and I think of it as a supplement to weekly therapy. A little extra support never hurts. You may even meet some new friends at a group.