stasi
07-16-2007, 11:07 PM
I'm new to posting in forums. To give you a little bit of my history. I was in an abusive marriage for 4 yrs. I left 5 times, then left for good. I've been abuse free for about 3 yrs (in aug).I absolutely hate my abuser (x husband) for what he did not only to me but to my children. I feel guilty for allowing my children to be exposed to that type of behavior. I just don't know how to let go of the guilt. I don't speak to my x hubby-which I think helps alot. But its like I'm still torn in half. Bc part of me loves him and the other half hates him with the same passion. I am dealing with the PTSD fairly good. I deal with emotions when they come around because if I hold them in I feel like I turn into a monster.
Another thing that I find weird is my mind is always going in 1K different directions. I have no clue why. I don't think it's really ADD or anything like that. But I could write down alot of random thoughts. I feel like I'm very indecisive most of the time.
I have found outlets but finding time to outlet is the problem. I'm a single parent of two boys, work full time and go to school full time. I have a very busy schedule.
I guess that its for now. Thank you for listening.
Another thing that I find weird is my mind is always going in 1K different directions. I have no clue why. I don't think it's really ADD or anything like that. But I could write down alot of random thoughts. I feel like I'm very indecisive most of the time.
I have found outlets but finding time to outlet is the problem. I'm a single parent of two boys, work full time and go to school full time. I have a very busy schedule.
I guess that its for now. Thank you for listening.
Sponsor
Lost-in-Time
07-17-2007, 04:17 AM
Welcome.....My mind usually goes 90 miles a minute, too, so I understand...I don't know why....
Good luck..there are a lot of good people here...I don't have wisdom for you, but wanted to welcome you here.....
Good luck..there are a lot of good people here...I don't have wisdom for you, but wanted to welcome you here.....
Phoenix
07-17-2007, 11:10 AM
I'm new to posting in forums. To give you a little bit of my history. I was in an abusive marriage for 4 yrs. I left 5 times, then left for good. I've been abuse free for about 3 yrs (in aug).I absolutely hate my abuser (x husband) for what he did not only to me but to my children. I feel guilty for allowing my children to be exposed to that type of behavior. I just don't know how to let go of the guilt. I don't speak to my x hubby-which I think helps alot. But its like I'm still torn in half. Bc part of me loves him and the other half hates him with the same passion. I am dealing with the PTSD fairly good. I deal with emotions when they come around because if I hold them in I feel like I turn into a monster.
Another thing that I find weird is my mind is always going in 1K different directions. I have no clue why. I don't think it's really ADD or anything like that. But I could write down alot of random thoughts. I feel like I'm very indecisive most of the time.
I have found outlets but finding time to outlet is the problem. I'm a single parent of two boys, work full time and go to school full time. I have a very busy schedule.
I guess that its for now. Thank you for listening.
Dear stasi:
I want to welcome you to the boards.
If you need an ear to listen or added support, know that we are all here.
You lead a very busy lifestyle; I hope that you take a little time out for yourself.
Post when you can and if you feel up to it.
Take care.
Ryan
Have you tried forgiving yourself ?
It seems that you are placing a massive amount of guilt on yourself.
There is merit to the saying "there's a thin line between love and hate."
Love the man, hate his actions.
Hindsight is 20/20.
You see, the important thing is that you are getting on with your life.
You gained the strength to leave; please place that into perspective.
Another thing that I find weird is my mind is always going in 1K different directions. I have no clue why. I don't think it's really ADD or anything like that. But I could write down alot of random thoughts. I feel like I'm very indecisive most of the time.
I have found outlets but finding time to outlet is the problem. I'm a single parent of two boys, work full time and go to school full time. I have a very busy schedule.
I guess that its for now. Thank you for listening.
Dear stasi:
I want to welcome you to the boards.
If you need an ear to listen or added support, know that we are all here.
You lead a very busy lifestyle; I hope that you take a little time out for yourself.
Post when you can and if you feel up to it.
Take care.
Ryan
Have you tried forgiving yourself ?
It seems that you are placing a massive amount of guilt on yourself.
There is merit to the saying "there's a thin line between love and hate."
Love the man, hate his actions.
Hindsight is 20/20.
You see, the important thing is that you are getting on with your life.
You gained the strength to leave; please place that into perspective.
emily43
07-17-2007, 11:22 AM
I'm new to posting in forums. To give you a little bit of my history. I was in an abusive marriage for 4 yrs. I left 5 times, then left for good. I've been abuse free for about 3 yrs (in aug).I absolutely hate my abuser (x husband) for what he did not only to me but to my children. I feel guilty for allowing my children to be exposed to that type of behavior. I just don't know how to let go of the guilt. I don't speak to my x hubby-which I think helps alot. But its like I'm still torn in half. Bc part of me loves him and the other half hates him with the same passion. I am dealing with the PTSD fairly good. I deal with emotions when they come around because if I hold them in I feel like I turn into a monster.
Another thing that I find weird is my mind is always going in 1K different directions. I have no clue why. I don't think it's really ADD or anything like that. But I could write down alot of random thoughts. I feel like I'm very indecisive most of the time.
I have found outlets but finding time to outlet is the problem. I'm a single parent of two boys, work full time and go to school full time. I have a very busy schedule.
I guess that its for now. Thank you for listening.
Staci,
welcome!! I'm new here too, and I have to say these people are wonderful!!! I also had never tried a forum. I myself was in a 16 yr abusive marriage, left 30 times, family couldn't put me up, went back , finally left for good, I have 4 boys, and totally understand the guilt. Had ptsd for 6 yrs in the marriage, and didn't know it. Now, I've been out 7 yrs, still have ptsd, but after 1yr of counceling, 7 yrs of meds, am managing the ptsd much better,Dr. said I was only bandaging it ,and helping the kids, so I finally got counceling. The random thoughts& racing mind, seem to be classic symptoms. I've since remarried(to a wonderful guy) Hate my ex, and he still tries to scare me, (he just took me back to court last week to reduce his child support)& glared at me the whole time. What a creep HUH?! Personally, I will never be able to forgive him, I wish you better luck with that than I have had. Anyway, didn't mean to go on about my Stuff! WELCOME!!! Hopefully we can all help eachother, I know it helps just knowing someone else has gone thru what I've been thru.
Hugs,
Emily
Another thing that I find weird is my mind is always going in 1K different directions. I have no clue why. I don't think it's really ADD or anything like that. But I could write down alot of random thoughts. I feel like I'm very indecisive most of the time.
I have found outlets but finding time to outlet is the problem. I'm a single parent of two boys, work full time and go to school full time. I have a very busy schedule.
I guess that its for now. Thank you for listening.
Staci,
welcome!! I'm new here too, and I have to say these people are wonderful!!! I also had never tried a forum. I myself was in a 16 yr abusive marriage, left 30 times, family couldn't put me up, went back , finally left for good, I have 4 boys, and totally understand the guilt. Had ptsd for 6 yrs in the marriage, and didn't know it. Now, I've been out 7 yrs, still have ptsd, but after 1yr of counceling, 7 yrs of meds, am managing the ptsd much better,Dr. said I was only bandaging it ,and helping the kids, so I finally got counceling. The random thoughts& racing mind, seem to be classic symptoms. I've since remarried(to a wonderful guy) Hate my ex, and he still tries to scare me, (he just took me back to court last week to reduce his child support)& glared at me the whole time. What a creep HUH?! Personally, I will never be able to forgive him, I wish you better luck with that than I have had. Anyway, didn't mean to go on about my Stuff! WELCOME!!! Hopefully we can all help eachother, I know it helps just knowing someone else has gone thru what I've been thru.
Hugs,
Emily
galinaqt
07-17-2007, 11:34 AM
Some of the tools are writing letter to abuser and burn it. Do it as many times as necessary. You can also use self-help tapes like anger release. May be good therapist will help (only good) if you have time and money. I had lot of abusers in my life. I had very difficult relationship with my family especially with my mother. She is a big trigger, but I can't cut her from my life. I don't believe on can forgive, it may only hurts less with time.
rosequartz
07-17-2007, 12:08 PM
IMO you don't need to forgive your abuser.......forgiveness is overrated
:angel:
:angel:
stasi
07-17-2007, 07:26 PM
Thank you everyone for your support/ welcome. It helps me to know I'm not the only one. I will be posting as often as i can.
stasi
stasi
stasi
07-17-2007, 07:28 PM
I think it might be I can't forgive myself not necessarily him. Good point. Ty. I guess I can love him and not his actions. Maybe love the person I fell in love with..which was a complete figment of my imagination but thats ok right?
Phoenix
07-17-2007, 08:15 PM
I think it might be I can't forgive myself not necessarily him. Good point. Ty. I guess I can love him and not his actions. Maybe love the person I fell in love with..which was a complete figment of my imagination but thats ok right?
You fell in love with the thought of a person being other than what he is.
Not your fault; you went on what you saw at the time.
I was just drawing a reference.
The man and his actions are one.
Man chooses his actions but the actions do not choose the man.
Remember; forgive yourself.
You cannot be held responsible for anothers actions.
Ryan
You fell in love with the thought of a person being other than what he is.
Not your fault; you went on what you saw at the time.
I was just drawing a reference.
The man and his actions are one.
Man chooses his actions but the actions do not choose the man.
Remember; forgive yourself.
You cannot be held responsible for anothers actions.
Ryan
isitme
07-18-2007, 05:18 AM
I think it might be I can't forgive myself not necessarily him. Good point. Ty. I guess I can love him and not his actions. Maybe love the person I fell in love with..which was a complete figment of my imagination but thats ok right?
I think you've 'got it'. You stayed because of the man you thought he was. I stayed for fear of the future, the unknown, what he may have done to me. In hindsight, I stayed for what were basically exuses, not reasons. It's so easy once out of the relationship, to wonder how on earth did I put up with what I did. Short answer, for love, (and waiting for him to change after promises to). You did what you thought was right at the time, - situations, people change. There is not point feeling guilty about the past. Accept it as part of your life, then move forward. :)
I think you've 'got it'. You stayed because of the man you thought he was. I stayed for fear of the future, the unknown, what he may have done to me. In hindsight, I stayed for what were basically exuses, not reasons. It's so easy once out of the relationship, to wonder how on earth did I put up with what I did. Short answer, for love, (and waiting for him to change after promises to). You did what you thought was right at the time, - situations, people change. There is not point feeling guilty about the past. Accept it as part of your life, then move forward. :)
ICC
07-18-2007, 08:30 AM
Absolutely right isitme. I stayed for 22 years because of love, no where to go, hopes that he would change,etc. He never did. Sometimes I watch my daughters now have dificulties and know that it comes from thier upbringing. Although they tell me they are fine. They always say they didn't have much but they had me and my love. That means alot to me BUT i still see that they also suffered as I did. I have apologized to them, told them I did the best I could at the time and have forgiven myself. We cannot change the past, only the present, and learn for the future.
ICC
ICC