Hi everyone. I have spent some time reading all of your threads and you are an amazing, incredibly supportive group of people!!! I was wondering if any of you could share some of your wisdom with me? One of my closest firends was diagnosed with breast cancer last week, and I am desperate to do anything I can to help her through this. She is an amazingly strong person; she is the one that I go to when I have problems because she is so tough and no-nonsense about everything.
I know that everyone deals with things in different ways, and something helpful to one person may not be helpful to the next, but I was hoping that some of you would share with me some things that your friends and loved ones did to support you, both practical and emotional? I have already offered my help to my friend in caring for her daughter while she is having surgery and treatment, but I don't know what else to do.
Thank you all so much; I think I will be spending a lot of time here reading all of your stories!!

It sounds as if you are doing everything a friend can do. My friends went with me to the Breast Clinic and to the drs. visits before surgery. They came by daily and of course called. They stayed positive and upbeat, as I did. I think just knowing that you are there for her. It is sometimes difficult to ask people for help. Do what you would like for friends to do for you. You sound like a loving friend.

Hi Sth73,
I think being there for her is great, going to her doctors appts with her and sitting through chemo (if she has to have it). My friends all got together and formed an email list. When I have chemo every other Friday I get dinner cooked for me the following week. It is awesome, a huge help. If you could get someone to clean her house that would be great also. But I think just her knowing you are there for her to talk to is wonderful.
Take Care and good luck to your friend.
JoJo

Thank you so much for your ideas; I love the idea of an email list to keep track of what is being done to help her.
Thank you for your support; Anyone else who has anything to suggest, or even an anecdote to tell from your own experience I would love to hear it!!
It's obvious that you are all wonderful friends to one another.

Thanks again!!

Hi STH, I am a 4yr survivor of breast cancer..
What I found that I needed when I was diagnosed with this disease was something to look forward to..a special event, trip, lunch, present..whatever it was..it helped me to get through each day, even with chemo! I planned my daughters sweet 16 celebration..and I am so thankful that I had that to keep my mind occupied, and thinking about something other that having cancer..
Your friend is so lucky to have you..
God Bless you both,
hugs,
cj.

Thanks for the great ideas; I will make an effort to plan some small things to do or outings that she can enjoy, when she is feeling well enough. I just spoke to her on the phone and she asked me if I would mind telling some of our mutual friends about her diagnosis for her; she just doesn't feel up to doing it herself yet. At least she is asking me for something!!
God bless you all.

Hi there,

I think it is great that you are asking. A lot of people think they know how to support or just wing it. I was diagnosed w/ breast cancer March 1st of this year and just completed chemo July 13th (Friday the 13th) I just started radiation therapy today. I just turned 29 in May & I am an only child so I really depended on my friends for support. Besides the physical pain from chemo I would say feeling lonely was/is the worst thing. I had friends send flowers & cards. I think for me having someone just be with me and listen was the best. Even if it were just to watch a movie that helped too. I think if you take the time to ask questions and try to understand what your friend is going thru she will appreciate it and know she is not completely alone. You said she had a daughter & you offering to help out in that capacity is wonderful. My mom used to come over and cook for me. That was great too. It is sometimes very hard to see past what is immediately happening but w/ you at her side I am sure she has a great chance.

I hope I was able to give you some insight from an insiders point of view & good luck.

:angel:

You are truly a wonderful friend and just knowing that makes me believe that she is already off to a good start with this.
I have helped my sister through two rounds of breast cancer this past year (different breast each time) and I'll share what she told me about her experience.
When she first found out, she spent a lot of time going to medical appointments and doing a huge amount of research. She rapidly became a cancer victim rather than a wife, sister or friend. She finally decided to completely ignore the fact that she had cancer every other day until her treatment started. No research, no appointments and absolutely no discussion. This allowed her to just be herself for short periods of time and sort of regain her strength.
The second thing that helped her was that she played no part in her schedule from diagnosis forward. She worried only about getting herself to bed at night and getting up when she felt like it the next day. We planned her meals, chores, and lots of interactive activities that suited her energy level that day. Sometimes, I just lay on the bed next to her until she fell asleep. She never worried about when her appointments were or how she'd get there. Just walked out the door each day at 3:30 and would be surprised by which of us would be taking her that day.
Friday's were suprise day and we'd stop for ice cream or another treat on the way home.
I wish you and your friend the best.

Tere and hollie, thank you for adding your responses. Hollie, I hope you are doing well with your radiation treatment, I will be thinking about you.:angel: And Tere, I am so glad that your sister had such an amazing support during her treatment; you sound like a wonderful sister!
I think that until my friend begins her chemo, she will probably feel similar to Tere's sister. She is the type that will want little or no discussion about her diagnosis, besides the practicalities of the situation (how can I help with child care, driving her to the hospital, etc). When she begins chemo, I think she may have to let us help her a little bit more, including spending quiet time with her when she is up for it. I hate the thought of her feeling lonely in any of this, so I will try and make sure she knows she is never alone. Thank you for pointing that out hollie, it's exactly the kind of suggestion/advice I was looking for!!
God bless you, and thank you thank you thank you!!! You are so awesome to all be going through your own pain and stress and still reach out to people who you don't even know!

Sorry about the double post, but I just remembered something I had wanted to ask you all; My friend is very definite about not wanting flowers after her surgery, but I know that a lot of our good friends at work are going to want to do something to show their support. Do you have any ideas of what we could get her instead? Would it be horribly intrusive to hire a maid service, maybe to come in once a week while she is having chemo? I know she wouldn't be insulted, because she is always joking about how she never has time or motivation to do housework, and how she would love a maid,but would it be awful to have strangers in your house while you are feeling so ill? Or would it be worth it to have a lovely clean house once a week?
Or, something else I was thinking of was buying her lots and lots of books. She loves to read, and I know all of her favorite authors, but maybe she will be too sick to really concentrate on reading for awhile?
If anyone has any input, I would really appreciate it; I want to do whatever will make things easier for her.
Thanks again, you are the greatest group of people!

Hi,
My friends hired someone to clean my house it was awesome, also I got gift certificates to 6 different take out restaurants. I have 3 kids so that worked out great. Good luck to you and your friend.
JoJo