trg247
07-24-2007, 12:09 AM
The five words that I fear the most are : I will never hurt you : everytime this has been directed at me the person has hurt me in some form or another. Those five simple words set off every red flag I have and I immediately put up my walls. My parents: we will never hurt you but my father will beat me senseless My first girlfriend who swore on her mothers life that she would never hurt me decided one day that I was not good enough My exwife promised she would never hurt me left me at my lowest point and took our child with her. It is funny all of these people said that they loved me too. Love, I barely know what love is. To me love is an emotion that means you would be willing to go to the edge of the earth for that person, that you would be willing to die for that person. I love my child, my sister, my mother and my father. The word love has been thrown around every relationship that I have ever been in and for the most part meant nothing. I have said it to achieve whatever goal I was after and I know that is the quickest route. I have told women that I loved them more then I love myself, hell I love my mailbox more then I love myself. Does this make me a bad person? No, this makes me a small child who was told he was loved yet beaten at the same time, a small child that does not and can not forget that with love comes pain. You can't hurt me, there is nothing left to hurt. Everyone got their kicks in a long time ago, ************ abuse everything has been done to me all ready. No one is going to hurt me again and if that means spending the rest of my life alone then so be it. I will never hurt you, if you want to scare me say these words.
my head is in a bad place right now and sometimes if I unleash on paper it helps to get out of the hole. If I offended anyone I apologize.
take care
trg247
my head is in a bad place right now and sometimes if I unleash on paper it helps to get out of the hole. If I offended anyone I apologize.
take care
trg247
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galinaqt
07-24-2007, 01:34 AM
I think people just give promises too easy without realizing that person takes it seriously. Love has many shapes. I don't think anybody this day is that idealistic. People will sucrifice only up to some point, if they even do it at all.
Overall you can't trust anybody, or take seriously any kind of promises.
Overall you can't trust anybody, or take seriously any kind of promises.
ICC
07-24-2007, 08:05 AM
TRG>>>>>Being someone who has experienced what you have , including a mother who have hurt me terribly, I can sympathize with you. I think galinaqt put in nicely and honestly. People sometimes say what they THINK you want to hear and then when the time comes for them to up and tear your heart out they don't even look back. Very sad not to be able to trust anyone.
ICC
ICC
trg247
07-24-2007, 07:21 PM
There is that part of my brain that wants to believe people have the best intentions but every time the same thing will happen. I start thinking that maybe this is normal that when it comes down to it they only care about themselves. I am no saint I take a very long time before I will truely open up to anyone and use certain words that are not an indication of what I am feeling but what I think I should be saying. Maybe its me, maybe my emotions were stunted to such a degree that I am not fully understanding what is taking place. I just want to believe what people are saying and not worry about whether they are being sincere or not. Tired of being so guarded and looking for angles. Tired of relationships ending badly and trying to figure out where to go next. Tired of people telling me that they love me and in the next breath try to hurt me. Maybe I deserve this and I am destined to repeat the same mistakes. I want to be happy, loved and safe is that so much to ask hell I would settle for two out of the three.
take care
trg247
take care
trg247
galinaqt
07-24-2007, 07:49 PM
I am always trying to find fault in my actions and believe that people especially if they are older and in superior position are right and want what is best for me. I had so many slapps into my face. Unless you know person for a long time, you can't really relax and trust unconditionally.
You may be hurt again, may be you will be lucky and won't. That is like people live.
You may be hurt again, may be you will be lucky and won't. That is like people live.
beka6
07-25-2007, 12:17 AM
"I'll never hurt you" and "You can trust me" are both famous last words that weigh pretty equally in my book of red flags. In my opinion, as stunted as it may be right now - people are generally out for themselves. Those who aren't probably have co-dependency issues, or have figured out some type of higher plane of living that is over and above the general population. Just my bitter little opinion for the day....
Beka
Beka
ICC
07-25-2007, 08:25 AM
Hi Beka...I agree with you totally bitter opinion. Humans treat humans like dirt. It's so sad to watch. We all need to fine tune our gut so that our radar goes off when someone is being too nice too soon. Never let anyone in too quickly.
ICC
ICC
dustoffkid
07-25-2007, 09:50 AM
I've had a long-time standard in my life: "Never trust a person who says 'trust me.' "
If they are trustworthy, there is no reason to state it aloud. Actions speak louder than words.
If they are trustworthy, there is no reason to state it aloud. Actions speak louder than words.
Phoenix
07-25-2007, 10:24 AM
Trg:
Posted earlier but felt it best left to the others.
Ryan
Posted earlier but felt it best left to the others.
Ryan
Sannah
07-25-2007, 11:37 AM
Hi Trg, people who have had pasts like us never learned how to protect themselves. Some of us didn't have a chance to protect ourselves as children, there was just no way. I try to teach my girls all the time how to stand up for themselves. I don't think that it comes all that naturally actually to people who are sensitive (of course the aggressive protect themselves). When we don't learn to protect ourselves we leave it up to others to look out for our best interests. I don't think that anyone can ever look out for our best interests very well. Some will do okay and some will really mess it up. We must do it for ourselves and it is a learned skill IMO. Also, gut instinct and "radar" are very important when trying to figure out who to trust. I know that you grew up not being able to trust anyone. I also believe that there are a lot of unhealthy people out there who you must learn to identify and most likely not let them into your life. Trg, have you ever ignored your gut in reference to someone and then regretted it later?
Dee-nah
07-25-2007, 11:51 AM
I wanted nothing but the best for you, I need to get help, tgr... I was absorbing your problems and forgetting about my own. I guess this makes me a bad person...
Sannah
07-25-2007, 12:03 PM
I was absorbing your problems and forgetting about my own. I guess this makes me a bad person...
Dee, I know this was for Trg but I just wanted to say that this does not make you a bad person!
Dee, I know this was for Trg but I just wanted to say that this does not make you a bad person!
Dee-nah
07-25-2007, 12:21 PM
Thanks, Sannah
trg247
07-25-2007, 09:08 PM
Trg, have you ever ignored your gut in reference to someone and then regretted it later?
I met this girl when I was twenty at a family function, she was a friend of one of my cousins. This girl made my heart stop. When I thought of my perfect mate it was her to the T. She was beautiful, smart, affectionate and for the first time she made me feel like I was worth something that I finally stood out for a good reason. One of the main problems was she lived with my cousin almost seven hours away. We were on the phone constantly and she would always reassure me that things would be so perfect in the future. Every warning signal I had was going off but this girl I believed was the real thing and everything would be alright. My uncle caught her in the shower with some guy and ended up kicking her out of the house. I never heard from her again and it took years to get back up to the point I was before I met her. There have been many girlfriends since and the second those red flags go off a part of me has to pull back and the relationship begins to fall apart after that. One of the reasons my marriage failed is that after being together for over five years I was still a mystery to my exwife. She tried everything she could to get me to open up completly but I will never trust anyone to that level to allow that to happen. When I got sick this other person came out that my exwife had never met before. This new person was paranoid, angry, scared, scarred and was battling thoughts in his head that were destroying him. How do you tell someone your scared to close your eyes? How do you explain that you have no interest in fighting for your own life? How do you protect those closest to you from yourself? You make them so angry and frustrated that their only option is to leave. So she left and there is a part of me that was mad that she did leave even though I am completly responsible for it. I never fully trusted anyone until I was twenty and I paid for it dearly. I will always listen to those voices to a certain degree. If I listen to them completly no one will ever get in.
take care
trg247
I met this girl when I was twenty at a family function, she was a friend of one of my cousins. This girl made my heart stop. When I thought of my perfect mate it was her to the T. She was beautiful, smart, affectionate and for the first time she made me feel like I was worth something that I finally stood out for a good reason. One of the main problems was she lived with my cousin almost seven hours away. We were on the phone constantly and she would always reassure me that things would be so perfect in the future. Every warning signal I had was going off but this girl I believed was the real thing and everything would be alright. My uncle caught her in the shower with some guy and ended up kicking her out of the house. I never heard from her again and it took years to get back up to the point I was before I met her. There have been many girlfriends since and the second those red flags go off a part of me has to pull back and the relationship begins to fall apart after that. One of the reasons my marriage failed is that after being together for over five years I was still a mystery to my exwife. She tried everything she could to get me to open up completly but I will never trust anyone to that level to allow that to happen. When I got sick this other person came out that my exwife had never met before. This new person was paranoid, angry, scared, scarred and was battling thoughts in his head that were destroying him. How do you tell someone your scared to close your eyes? How do you explain that you have no interest in fighting for your own life? How do you protect those closest to you from yourself? You make them so angry and frustrated that their only option is to leave. So she left and there is a part of me that was mad that she did leave even though I am completly responsible for it. I never fully trusted anyone until I was twenty and I paid for it dearly. I will always listen to those voices to a certain degree. If I listen to them completly no one will ever get in.
take care
trg247