HOLA to all - Its MEDDGUY! I am still alive and kickin!, but I thought I post to say that I am still clean, but feeling very BLUE for the last few days. I dont know why. I have been sick with a stomach bug for a few days and have not been able to do my normal stuff and that bums me out. We also moved recently to a new house and that has been very stressful and tiring. I was cutting the MEGA HIGH grass today and wiped out with the weed wacker and my first thought was NOT advil!!! Real pain, no real meds. That is ok --I will live. I just thought I would check in. Love to all.

D

Hey there Meddguy,

I am sorry to hear about the Blues you are experiencing, But very happy to hear that you are still clean and sober.

I am sort of blue myself and I am going to listen to my own words here....this won't last forever.....it will pass and you will look back and be happy that you took the action to get through what it is you are going through!!!!

Nice to know your still clean and sober......Chrissy

Meddguy!

I will take a post from you even if you are not feeling chipper! Good to see you!

Meddguy... moving, new house, stomach bug and out cutting really high grass when you are already not feeling well. Hmmmmm.. Buddy, a monkey could predict you are going to be feeling a little down here! Chuckles.

As we begin to live in a more normal life again, there is almost a let down, an anti climatic feeling as we find this regained normality. For me, at least, there was a bit of excitment as I fought to withdraw and stay off meds... like a purpose had come into my life again. When that struggle is over, we need to settle down into routine again...little by little, a new excitement comes seeping in.... an excitement about the everyday acts of living.

I hope you feel well soon.

Hugs
reach

Thanks --it does feel good to be back. I will try and write more. Reach --your words a sooooo powerful. Thanks. I feel a little better each day.

D

Heya Meddguy

I just signed on and was hoping to see a post from you. Glad you are feeling even a little bit better. Sigh.... these baby steps we must sometimes take can be frustrating, huh? I can not put my thoughts into your head and make you feel them, but if I could, you would feel assured that all is going to be okay.

It is a long transition from where we were to where we want to eventually be. Each of those initial victories ( the 3 day hump, the starting to step out into the world, the happiness at getting off the drugs, the excitment of starting over again...) can culminate in a feeling of "so, now what?" It takes a lot of determination to move forward after each step.

I have started tutoring at home. Man, I put so much time and effort into getting forms written up, buying supplies I would need, advertising, etc, etc. Students are only trickling in and it is REALLY a slow start. I am waiting for a final decision on a job, I am waiting to see if my business with a few businesses turns my way. All this excitement in hoping for these new efforts to pay off and in actuality, it is all iffy. I can feel disappointment creeping in some days, and I have to fight it hard with a determination that if these things don't work out, I will just have to work on some new ideas. It can make me feel blue and it does sometimes. And when those feelings hit, I get myself busy. I make myself get out of the house, garden, browse around in a store, cleaan (yuk), anything to give me a sense of accomplishment.

I think the whole deal of detox and recovery helps us hone some skills we had, but were forgetting to use for a long while. We got lazy in finding zest in our lives. You know, like in our marrigaes, work and stuff. As we move forward in recovery, we have to remember how much determination it took to get us here and continue to use all those relearned skills consistently as we strive to keep moving forward.

One thing I am dealing with, and maybe it is just unique in my marital relationship, is the reaction of my husband to my renewed life. I think as I become more and more capable again, it has caused him to feel somewhat displaced. He has cared for me for so very long and I don't think it is easy for him to move into a place where I do not need such constant care anymore. I mean, as silly as it may sound, it is almost like he is feeling a transfer of power kind of thing. I cango out alone, make a doctor's appointment on my own, cook and clean... and seek work.... all on my own again. he is retired also and I think I am causing issues for him because he does not want to get a job (which is absolutely fine with me). He is busy puttimng up walls, painting, and doing repairs that have gone undone for a long, long time as he used all his spare time over te past ten years to pick up the household responsibilties that I had left slack. So, I have to put a renewed zest into my marrigae. I have to make sure that I do not get so wrapped up in my own future that I do not keep a lot of time and opportunities open that include him.

Hmmm.. think I definitely went off on a tangent here! I think I was trying to explain how these transitions keep occurring for us, for me anyway. And the transitions can be emotional, which is sure tiring.

So, Meddguy, it is good to be sharing with you again. The colors of our lives are ever-changing. It is okay to be blue sometimes as long as we keep green and yellow in our visions also.

Forecast today.... a bit cloudy, with the sun breaking through by late morning
Smiles
reach

Hey there Meddguy,

Reach is so right!!

Our lives are Ever-Changing. They never stop changing. It is the one thing that is a constant.

It is what we do with the constant changes.

To be honest Meddguy I am a bit Blue myself....
I am almost done with the workers comp stuff and have a car accident that puts me right back into pain again....neck problems now

I have been really working hard with my 12 step sponsor on this.

She is always tellling me that I should validate my feelings and then work on not spending to much time focusing on them especially if I have some negatives thoughts.

Your life is different now!!! Even though you may be goign through a blue spell....it is still an A-OK day because you are not using anything to escape from the way that you feel.
You are identifying with the feeling and processing it. This is a good thing and something that we did not do in the past.
Yeah for you you to share and process with us.
Chrissy