I dont know where to start, but I have always had problems with my baby, she is an only child, and grandchild, just spoiled. She was dx with add and odd and is on meds, but thats not really what I am writing about.

The problem is last week she stoled money twice out of a kids purse, after the second occasion they finally told me. we talked to her, my parents ands sis and I and made sure she understood the consequences of it. Well today while I was getting ready to take her swimming I see her stealing money out of my dads cup that he keep money in sometimes. I was very angry because we just had this issue this past week. I did not want to talk to her at that moment because of my anger,I did not want to spank her or hurt her. As I preceed to take a shower she had a major tantrum, throwing everthing all around in my parents room and pulling down on me screaming and begging me not to tell. Telling me she hears it in her head that her friend from school told her to do it. I will go to the adhd board too, but I am having the hardest time with her and I dont know what to do. She does not listen to me and if I punish her my parents will give in and not aknowledge my punishment.

I just moved back home 2 months ago because I am off work for a back injury and there have been a lot of changes in our lives. I just dont know what to do, we are in therapy, but it is not helping. Thank you for listening.
Have any of you had do deal with this?

Hello, does anyone have any input? [I] dont know if i am on the right board or not thanks:)

First of all you need to tell your parents that she is your child and there are rules. They can't go against your rules.

You also need to set rules for your daughter and follow through with them without backing down. Tell her the next time she steals she will lose privledges like video games or TV. Take away something that she really wants. You have to stand your ground. If she throws a tantrum then put her in her room or in time out. Even if you have to hold her down. It may feel awful, but you need to stop this behavior now before it gets worse. She is testing you and she know she can get away with it.

it can be so hard to deal with an angry spoiled acting child when you are having back problems! i feel for you!!!

the above poster is absolutely right! you need to have a long heart to heart with your parents. let them know how much you appreciate them taking you in, but that by giving in to your daughter, they are undermining your authority. you might ask them why they are undermining your authority. let them know that by doing this, they are only going to end up hurting your daughter in the end! tell them that if they really do love her, they will start TEACHING her and stop SPOILING her!

i haven't experienced these issues in my own children, but i did work with children for 11 years, and some of the most behaviorily challenged children in my classes came from homes where they just never got any consistancy. i found that by being consistant with how they were disciplined, and by letting them know that they were being disciplined because i loved them and i wanted better for them. usually in the first week of cracking down and being consistant, there would be more tantrums, and sometimes worse tantrums... i think it's because the children knew that in the past, they could push the boundaries so far and their caregiver would eventually give in. when you don't give in, the child gets frustrated and will push harder for awhile, before eventually realizing that you just are not going to give in.... then there seems to be an acceptance that the broke the rules and these are the consequences.

i felt the need to mention that the tantrums will get worse at first, because i've talked with so many parents who give up after a day or so of "being consistant" because their child got worse instead of instantly better. but if you stick with it, things WILL get better! if you get your parents involved in it with you, it will get better faster!

on a side note... you mentioned she has ADD? what kinds of foods does she eat? one thing i have noticed in myself, and in my daughter (i have ADD, daughter doesn't) that certain foods affect our behaviors! for my daughter, if she eats processed foods, or fatty foods (fast food!), SUGARY foods, foods not generally found in nature.... she gets completely psychotic, out of control, and sometimes just plain MEAN! even fruit snacks set my daughter off! you might try and cut out all those foods for awhile and try to stick with a more natural diet (look at a food pyramid for children for ideas of what to give her) and see if that helps.

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot. Not everything will change as quickly as you might wish. She also needs to see that no one you respect would steal (not being sneaky is a related lesson too)

A good friend of my son's stole from us and the kids see how we can not trust him now. Every time he leaves, my youngest checks how many coins, toys etc he can't find and figures he did it again.

Because of this, I feel good that my children won't shoplift (I hope)

When I want to let them stay up late, my boyfriend disagrees...I can not tell them "just play quiet-he won't know"

I guess you have a lot of years for your baby to learn what way she wants to grow.