I often wonder how other people with Bipolar Disorder were like as children/teens. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 28 years old, but I can trace my symptoms back to when I was about 16, and depression symptoms back to about 12 years old. I was a straight A student until mid term my junior year in HS. I went from all A's to D's and F's. I became defiant, irritable, and starting experimenting with drugs and alcohol. I continued that behavior until I was about 18. Every once in a while, I would slip right back into the bad behavior, before you knew it, I was behaving well again. With periods of depression in between. I had my first bout of suicidal thoughts when I was 20, and it didn't occur again until I was 28. I was misdiagnosed with OCD when I was about 25. Not until I was severely manic and suicidal did I get diagnosed with BP 1.

Jen ~ Good topic for this forum.:) I think that answering your question will open up the eyes of BPers as well as parents of BPers (like myself;) ) who sometimes question the symptoms and diagnosis of BP.

From what I have researched, it often takes up to 10 years from the onset of the first symtoms of BP for it to actually be diagnosed. Seems that most of that probably stems from the person hiding or covering up the symptoms OR parents like myself attributing the behavior to rebellious teenage behavior. It took about 2 or 3 years for us to realize that our daughter had something else going on....and then another 7 months of therapy and 4 hospitalizations within 4 months before she was diagnosed.

Before our daughter was diagnosed she was irritable, easily frustrated, defiant, getting into all sorts of trouble doing impulsive things like shoplifting, running away, telling her friends and teachers that she was abused at home so that she could live somewhere else, hypersexual, lying, manipulative, angry and cursing.....our household was anything but peaceful. For a while we thought it was drug related or a phase of rebellion. Then we had the self harm and suicidal attempts which made us see that there was more to it that had us seek out help....and finally the induced hypomania from the SSRI she was on.

As a child she was very social but sensitive, she was easily offended when somebody seemed to not include her. This worstened around her middle school years when her best friend branched out to make friends with others and she wasn't included. She still can get caught up in the emotions of things and is very sensitive to noise and external stimuli which started when she was a preteen.

She's smart and does well in school but lacks interest at times. But when something interests her she almost becomes obsessive about it. She is very clingy with boys almost to the point of somewhat losing her identity....but she is learning to do better with that. Her self esteem is low, she constantly picks out her flaws and seeks validation from others and when they tell her that she looks good she doesn't believe them. Again she is working on that in therapy as well. Oh, and she is constantly saying she is bored if she doesn't have something to do....I hear that is a common feeling among BPers.

So that is what I can share with you regarding my daughter and I look forward to hearing how BPers were when they were children/teens because every once in a while I do question the diagnosis but seem to see so many similarities between her and other teen BPers described on this forum.

I look forward to hearing other responses to this thread.

~ Goody:angel: :wave:

The fact that your daughter was sensitive as a child is very interesting to me. I was also very sensitive as a pre-teen.

Im 22 and was diagnosed a year ago. I was a very ordinary kid who was well liked, made good grades and had a good attitude. Thats why this thing really hit me by suprise. However, my manic episode which caused me to be hospitalized felt EXTREMELY similar to night terrors I would have as a young child. The doctors told me there was probably no correlation, but who knows. Also when I had my manic episode, I was at the peak of my drinking and drug use, which might not have been a coincidence.

My daughter was sweet, loving, caring, had a ton of friends, was always looking out for the underdog, was creative and talented, brilliant and artistic, adored her daddy, wanted to be with her family as much as possible, loved her home and her life and her religion--studied it deeply and often I would find her on her knees in prayer for a friend or relative in need.

In High School, she joined Debate, I have no idea why. I swear the debate coach was ***** in a dress. Sara learned how to argue, fight, put people down and lie--in short, she was an excellent debater and won a ton of trophies.....and lost herself along the way. Hung out with only other debaters, the "too cool, too intellectual for school" group and lost all her other friends--actually cut them out of her life. Got depressed, put enormous pressures on herself and HAD enormous pressure put on her to win win win. I know now she was was probably BP back then, but didn't know enough to see it. Graduated a year early from HS, went to college but had no support network and was miserable, depressed and lonely. It's been downhill since then. Left our faith, hates God, hates me, hates life. Says most every day how much everything sucks, her whole life, everything, everybody. I can't even bear to LOOK at pics of her as a little girl---she was such a gem, and now, as an adult she's so jaded and hateful and miserable. I keep looking for something of that choice little girl in her.....and there is nothing.
Yet, I still hope. It's all a mom can do.

liz

I may have been a bit different as a child. I went through long periods of depression where I would get as far away from everyone as in could, like sitting all night at the back of our yard. No one bothered me and I preferred it that way. My mother was paranoid schizophrenic and my father was an Army deserter who I didn't see until I was sixteen and the FBI caught him. I didn't really start exhibiting manic behavior until I started art school and began drinking. I knew something was wrong but didn't know what until several years after I was married and I was finally diagnosed bipolar. I'm sure this is more than you wanted to know, but my point is that bipolar can be there for years and then something (like my drinking) can trigger it. I think there probably isn't a foolproof way to diagnose bipolar even though genetics can sometimes give us clues.

My grandmother had BP so I think the "X" mark was there when I was born... I went through a traumatic event when I was 4 till 8 and at that time I started the withdrawl process which destroyed my self esteem and created my little unhealthy world in my head... I started showing paranoia when I was 9, when I wasn't "thinking" too much I was acting out to get some type of attention... By the time I was 12 my teachers sent me to the counslers office and that is the first time I was ever labled with having emotional problems due to the lack of self esteem.. I was either happy go luck, stuck in day dream or depressed, I grew out of the paranoia... As I got older the maniac side got worse (I'm more maniac then depressed).... I never turned to drugs but the hatered I had for myself got worse everyday which landed me in not wanting to live, this started when I was 20.... My twenties were pretty much a blur, had a lot of unstabled relationships, did a lot of stupid things and got pregnant (which was the best thing that could of happen to me, don't think I would be here today if it was't for my son) when I was 23 it wasn't time to think of myself anymore so I focused on the baby and excepted my demons....

Had another traumatic event happen to me at 31 which made me maniac for almost a year and that is when I seeked help... My pdoc put me on Prozac and my world came crashing... I was on this drug for almost 7 months before it landed me in the hospital where I was diagnosed with Bipolar/PTSD/Borderline Personality Disorder.... Still struggling till this day = )

I was born with a "bi-polar" spoon in my poor, trusting mouth.

Things kept moving along from there.

I was fortunately enough to have witnessed my dreams stomped on to the point of dust and dirt. But I still try, G-d knows how or why.

I am 52 years old. Sometimes I am pissed-off as hell.

Oh well.

I thought this was an interesting topic so I wanted to bring it to the front again. When I look back, I can see signs that my son might have been predispositioned to the challenges he is facing now, but when he was young they just seemed like part of his buoyant personality.

He was always extremely passionate about things and intense, but in a good way. He did not transition well from things he liked doing, but his overall personality was jubilant and compassionate. I bought the book "How to Raise a Spirited Child" and it helped tremendously. I never saw him as difficult because he was so good-natured, but I was aware that little things could trigger him and he seemed to need to go through a process before he could re-center himself.

I remember one time when he was quite young, he was behaving badly and we put him in the crib to cool down. We could hear him in his room, thrashing around enough to make the crib move on the hardwood floor. After about 15 minutes, he called down and said "I'm done now" and he was completely fine.

He also had a tremendous need for control. The time out chair never worked for him because as many times as I would sit him down, he would get up, and after an hour or so, I realized I was only encouraging defiance. So we would put him in his room and he would plead to come out. It turned out he was only doing that so he could ask us to leave when we entered his space! "Go!" he would tell us and, as soon as we left, he would plead again to come out.

But, overall, he was a bright, happy, caring little boy who used to wake up and say "It's going to be a great day!" and when we asked him why, he would say "Something good is bound to happen."

He sailed through elementary school and all of the teachers loved him and told us he was one of the brightest children they had seen in a long time. He was respectful, loving, accepting, nurturing to his friends, and always interested in the world around him.

He started having emotional challenges in Middle School and, although he kept his grades up, he was definitely struggling to keep his balance. We were totally unprepared for this because he had always been a child with a life plan, (he was talking about where he would go to college in 3rd grade!) very mature, and able to handle himself in any situation.

Despite therapists and lots of support, he continued to unravel his first year of high school and went into a serious bout of self-medication after my mother (his beloved grandmother) died. Severe self-injury, severe substance abuse in a very short period of time, mixing drugs and using enough to kill him, etc., etc., etc.

He is doing better now (he's 16 and entering his Junior Year), but it has been a very difficult journey and I don't think we're out of the woods yet.

Thanks for bringing up this topic. I would love to hear what others have to say.

Always,

Hope

I was a shy, withdrawn child, (only child). raised by my mother but saw Dad on regular visits.....
I had signs of depression in highschool, no very social. Abused by my mOther..
then when I was 20 yrs of age had a mental breakdown locked my self in my room and sleep for days. then I was taken to the hospital and was there for 6weeks. I was given an anti-depressant and took it after I went home..NO I was diagnosed with Bi-polar.

Got, married and was married for 30 yrs. When I was 26 had another breakdown , and hosptialized, just thought I had depresssion.

in 1991, I was doing art and I went to a counselor, as I knew something was no right with me and she disagnosed me with Bipolar 1...... but wasnt until last Oct that I started on the right medicine of Zyprexa..... and it is working yeah....

Eh, I hadn't responded to this thread...wasn't sure what exactly to say. :S

Anyway, I'm seventeen, soon to be eighteen (end of October). When I was really young, around age three, I became very withdrawn and shy...to the point that I hid behind my mother until I was nine whenever I had to meet new people. In preschool, I had a couple friends and was invited to a couple birthday parties, but was still very shy and I had birthday parties of my own around that age, but I still lacked socialisation skills. In kindergarten, I had one or two friends and in first grade, I had one friend that I latched on to. After that, I transferred to a different school and had one friend there and that was only because she approached me - I didn't like to approach anyone, especially people of my own age. I got along with my teachers better than my peers and did very well in school - my teachers often said I was far above 'average' intelligence for my age and my reading skills were to the point that I was reading sixth grade level at first grade. In fifth grade, I was teased often, but I ignored it and was hardly phased by it, but it got to me on a deeper level that I didn't realise until sixth grade when it continued. I had been looking forward to the switching of schools because I was going to a different school than my peers, but it was hardly different. I had a couple friends, but again, they approached me. I was especially attached to the Special Education children and spent a lot of time helping out in their classroom at lunch because I felt more at ease with them because no matter what, they were sweet. One of them I stayed in contact through eleventh grade, but then she graduated and I didn't have contact information.

In high school, I opened up a bit and made a few more friends. It was then that I was diagnosed with bipolar (though at first, my pdoc thought it was unipolar depression) so I attribute the sudden outgoingness to bouts of mania because whenever I hit a depressive spell, I shut them off altogether. I have one really good friend that I confide EVERYTHING in and she understands at one level, but at the same time, it's hard for her because she's never dealt with mental illness nor divorce. My parents divorced when I was in fourth grade and it wasn't final until I was twelve. That was a major hit for me and Mom and I think that it was around the age of ten that bipolar first surfased. By the time I was twelve, I wasn't speaking to my father at all and didn't regain contact with him until I was twelve, which I attribute to impulsive and aggressive behaviour. I also met my biological father when I was fifteen and he and I get along much better than my adoptive father ever did.

I was hospitalised in March of 2007 and after that, I was semi-stable, but the stability quickly fell through within a matter of weeks because of pressure at school to catch up. Since then, I've battled with countless episodes, but this summer has seemed to help me relax and I've had minimum episodes.


My sister, though never formally diagnosed, Mom and I suspect she may have bipolar as well, but she refuses to see a pdoc or tdoc so we don't know for sure. She's always been a volatile child, however, when my adoptive father left my Mom, she got extremely violent, moreso than she ever had been. The violence calmed around the age of twelve or thirteen, but she still has her states and she can be impulsive and irresponsible. She hangs out with kids that we disapprove of...we're just not sure if it's normal teenage rebellion or bipolar at this point. :S

I think that's it...

Paige

I know this has been on the board for awhile but i am new and find this very interesting...

I can remember from when i was very young feeling that things where not rite probably about the age 6 or 7. In kindergarden i was in trouble for not being able to sit still and be quiet. all through elementary I was in trouble for much the same thing. I knew what i was suppose to do but i guess it was impulse control that kept me in trouble. I can remember being violent with animals at home but never around anyone. for this i am deeply regretful even to this day even though at the time i can remember just wanting to hurt something and once i had done it then it was like a stress relief and i would feel horrible that i had done it. I always had good grades and was well liked by my peers. I can remember being depressed and there where alot of times when I just wanted to shut everyone out much the same as now. I have always done the self chatter in my head i always thought that was normal. I still have problems focusing and sitting down and being quiet thankfully I have a job that i do not have to sit and it constantly changes from one day to the next so i am not bored which is what happened often when i was in school. I can remember my first thoughts and attempts at suicide was at 13 but i never told anyone. my first marriage lasted 10 years and for the most part it was normal except sometimes when we would argue it would get to much for me and i would lose control and just sit there and rock and cry for awhile that was in my 20s then when i hit 30 i went into a depression that lasted over a year but i didnt know it at the time and my husband finally had enough and walked away taking everything the depression worsened and i went on anti depressents and several other major things happened during this time about 2 years and the depression continued I attempted suicide on the anti d's and was put on more meds which i eventually weaned myself off of but when i was on them i noticed that one seemed to help more then anything and kept telling therapist after therapist this and basically was ignored was put on more anti d's and again tried to commit suicide that is when i was sent to the latest therispist who actually listened and asked the rite questions. today i am still on meds and don't feel like i am dealing well i am going back to doctor because i dont feel rite and i can feel it building again so maybe my meds need tweaked. this is probably more then you wanted to know but i hope some of it is useful.....


god bless
benanner
:D

I was a sensitive kid who was depressed a good bit of the time. My first episode of major depression occurred when I was 10. I missed a full week of school because I couldn't stop crying long enough to go. I have vague memories of crying and not knowing why even when I was a preschooler.

The hypomanic/irritability part started at around age 20 (which was well before the introduction of SSRI's). I had a manic-depressive grandfather and I suspect my dad is also although he refuses to see anyone.

I have always done the self chatter in my head i always thought that was normal.

....That's not normal? Never considered that as part of BP. :S

Like Fineanddandy said, I also was/am very sensitive, until I started blocking anything and everything out as a coping mechanism. When I stopped that, I turned to caffeine, much like people with illicit drugs because it was major self-medication. Starting in sixth grade, I was consuming much more caffeine than any of my peers and binging on it when I was upset. <.< I've cut several times in high school, but never really severe - just surface cuts...still no better, I know...So, that's the information I left out because I didn't think about it.

~~Paige

has no one else heard of the self chatter being part of the bp? my therapist is the one that brought it to my attention like i said i always thought it was normal.


god bless
benanner

My family has always joked that nobody could ever hold me. I hated it. When just a couple of months old, they had to prop me up on the couch, and prop the bottle up to reach my mouth. We have pics of it:)

I'm Borderline as well, and some of the symptoms are intertwined.

I was very solitary as a child.

I got myself up, put myself to bed.

I was in bed with migraines for a month at 15.....I left school for a year at 16.

I know now, that my Mom was borderline, and couldn't deal with me. She was also an alcoholic. Dad was bi-polar....to the max....had shock treatments, and killed himself when I was 18.

I covered well, til Dad died....then I got every anxiety disorder there is. I've had low grade depression, probably since birth.

Where the borderline comes in, is that when a borderline is around stress filled situations....we can actually feel it in the air. Home was like that all the time.

After Dad died, I lived in a state of panic all the time, til I was 29. Then I was off work for a year.

Went back....still panicking til I was 40.....Company changed hands, I was going to be let go....I went on Disability before that happened.

Then I went on Effexor, and the fun really began. Mania city....left my husband...had an affair...spent all the profits from our condo...got arrested...that went on for 2 years. Then I was depressed for 2 years.

Then last year, I ended up in the hospital....and was given books to read about my disorders. I got it. Finally, I got it.

I'm still on Effexor...a much smaller dose, and it's working just fine. I've straightened most of the stuff I wrecked out (it's a really good feeling...builds confidence like crazy) and I feel as though I'm a productive member of society that doesn't always have to "hide" the "real" me.

If you like me, great, if not.....carry on.....( that's 20 years of therapy talking)

I hope this helps someone.

Lil

I'm 16, 17 in December and was diagnosed when I was 14.

As a child I was very very sensitive, I picked up on everything and had strong emotions about it. If the adults were stressed, I was stressed. I was bright and did the center-based gifted program and went to the specialty schools. I was very shy and reserved until middle school where I really bloomed. I became out-going, was invovled in everything and had lots of friends.

I hit high school and things came crashing down around my ears. I was manic almost everyday during drama, it really brought the mania out in me(I'm an ultra rapid cycler). I was depressed when I wasn't manic. I hardly ever felt in the middle. I began having hallucinations, I saw spiders, panthers, snakes, and even thought my eye was a lime.I has hospitilized twice for sucicial ideation. I finished out the end of 9th grade at home.

In my 10th grade year, I went to a nature program, ran away, and got sent to an RTC, ran away, and got sent to lockdown. I finally managed to get home in March and finished out the year at home from my regular high school

I am now a junior and still struggling but am in regular school. I just changed my meds, and although I have no friends and am still anxious all the time, I feel better about my future.

--steamroll;)

Steamroll --

I'm glad you have a good level of self-awareness. Don't worry about the friend thing for now. You need to find the meds that work best for you with the fewest side effects. Then you will be in a position to start moving forward with your life...and friends will be a part of that scene. High school can be a difficult time under the best of circumstances. You sound mature for your age. I want to assure you that you will find like-minded people that will be your friends once you get out of high school. Rest assured, it will happen.

xx Tsohl :wave:

Wow - I recognise myself in these posts!

HI,

Almost everything I've read on this thread is familiar. Alcohholic father, abuse of every kind, shy and overly sensitive as a child, cried a lot, had frequent migraines as a kid (still do). Didn't know how to make friends or relate to my peers, as I was kept at home and not allowed to go out with the other kids or even eat in the lunchroom with them.

Went into a deep depression at 15, almost killed myself, developed anorexia, then 6 years later, severe agoraphobia. Trapped inside for 14 years of my life.

Manic periods, alternating with depressions, even as a child. I'd made fantastic plants, be full of enthusiasm, start projects, sports, whatever, then end up staring off into space and numb.

I was only diagnosed very recently with BP. And I am 60, drat it. But at last I am on a mood stabilizer, off the high doses of Prozac they had me on (oh, dear), and starting to cope with the bp as well as the other conditions.

I always wanted to be alone as a kid, made things with my hands, played all by myself, and I was always afraid because of my father.

Lots of other stuff along the way that I won't go into, just say that at best, my life has been very difficult, often hellish. I'm sure everyone here can echo that.

Thanks for the topic. Folks on this board are such a comfort, breaking into the isolation I so often feel.

Hello all,

BP as a child?

Well I always tell people that I was depressed from the day I was born and I sure was.

My family doctor told me to "smile, because I have such a pretty face". I heard that from alot of people.

Depression - aniexty and so on, and so on. Therapists and shrinks all along the miserable way. My life kept slogging along.

Out of college now, wierded out, crazy with speed, non stop stupid jokes and sex. Sex with anyone with a dick.

Married a good guy (a miracle), first child - psycotic episode, then no sleep for 5 years. Getting worse, no medication for a yet undiagnosed disease only xanax, to which I became addictited for 5 years.

Lost my business due to depression and God knows what else, began teaching but could never keep a job. Here comes 2nd child.

She is a dream, first is wonderful too. No problems there. Years go by, jobs revolving door. Finally everything explodes at 41. Manic-Depressive episode, try to crack up car, harmed myself with anything I could find. Ran out of there to the hospital. Burning wierd-o, fried brains, kill, kill.

Holed up for 2 weeks (first of 3 admissions), here come the drugs. Partial hospitalization for 1 1/2 years all hell broke loose. Meds galore. More jobs, more companies, all failures

Thank you for reading this.

So I am 52 now and I know that this has nothing to do with the story above, but this past year, I have lost the function of 4 major organs.

There are those who say that God only gives people what they can take. Well, I think that God really misjudged me, because I am a weaklng, I am soft, a sissy.

Everyday, I wonder about my life, try to make some sense of it.

Thank you, thank you again.

Please contact me if you'd like.

liza.judy