Or do I even need it. I have a feeling but have never been officially diagnosed with being bipolar. I do have a twin sister who has so chances are I am too. I have lived with depression for as long as I can remember. Things improved once I was married but after a few years depression came back. Very stupidly I decided to have children and quit my job. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my children more than life itself. But my life got more difficult and harder. My amazing firstborn son is autistic. My second beautiful little boy died five days after birth. My third little boy wasn't even born being that I probably killed him trying to have him too soon after I lost my second son (I know, not your fault things happen. Well I could have prevented bad things happening if I had listen to the doctor and waited a little) Then an amazing thing happened. I had a beautiful little girl, full term and healthy. However I still struggle with what I'm guessing is bipolar. So now I have an amazingly smart beautiful little boy and a beautiful healthy little girl and I can't enjoy it because I am too miserable in my skin. My poor children want a wonderful happy mom and I can't give it to them. I want to. So I guess what I need to know is what kind of doctor do I go to to get the help I need?
My sister went to a psychiatrist I think and he tried several different things and she finally gave up and takes nothing. However we're both quite miserable (she just went through a divorce but thankfully no children) and because of that we can't tolerate being around each other. At the moment we aren't speaking so I can't really ask her what's she's been through but really it's pointless since no one could help her. So is there really help out there or am I wasting my time trying to find help?

I did read your sticky post about the symptoms of bipolar and I think I fit it almost perfectly. But I was reading the girls post about adopting her children out and she mentioned personality disorder (I think is what she called it)which she says is similar. I'm not sure what it that is though.
Her story was almost like reading my own. Only I'm not giving up my children. I brought them in this world and since losing two children I see what a miracle of life they are and I will go to my grave trying to be the best mother a mother can be. They deserve it. However that said I know I'm not a very good mom. But they are what keeps me wanting to keep going in this life and they are the one who make me want to better myself.

If there's any time in my life that I feel I need to get help, it is now. I am soooo freaking miserable. I think about how much I hate my husband and yet he loves me and hasn't done anything wrong. He's the only person in my life who has stayed with me. Everyone else (friends and family) can't tolerate being around me. My mom and dad do tolerate me but I can't be with them for too long or they start lecturing me (btw, I'm almost 33).
I am a very angry aggressive person when I'm in this mode that I am now. Yet I don't know maybe an hour or so (or could be days) from now something will trigger me to be happy however it usually doesn't last long. I usually deal with my highs or lows wanting to sleep which I obviously can't do having children under age 5 (but used to do before children). Now I just eat or shop. We are in debt and I am now what I consider being fat. It's like a viscious(sp?) cycle. I have a high which makes me eat or shop, I get depressed which makes me eat/shop. Something will trigger my happiness and it starts all over again. I'm sick of this! Last weekend I had a really bad weekend. I felt really low and depressed. I decided to go see my sister and we watched movies and had a great time. Then I decided to talk to her about how I've been feeling and she started with the lecturing and we got into it and I left crying. I left like a maniac and didn't care if I crashed and died (it was storming real bad). Came to my senses and parked. I cried and cried and cried. Then I got angry and decided I wanted to do something drastic like leave town and tell no one where I was going or even crazier just crash into a tree and die. Then my beautiful children entered my mind and I finally came home. This is when I decided it's time to get help. I desperately need it.
So if you've read this far I thank you.
What do I do now? What type of doctor do I need to get help from? Do you even think I need help and I'm just a normal person having normal everyday problems and I need to just suck it up? (this is more of what my sister's thought would be)
Please help. Anything, even small could probably help me. I haven't done much research being that I'm either busy with my children or extremely drained and don't have physical/mental energy to do any. I actually typed in my search engine on getting help to lose weight and came across your message board. Maybe that's a sign. :)

Hello Unhappy Girl,

Welcome to the board. I think it must be a sign, and hopefully one that will start you on a new path that will lead to you finding a more satisfying existence.

First only a psychiatrist can make a proper evaluation and diagnosis. Obviously your chances of having bipolar disorder increase since you do have a family history. From what you describe, it also sounds like you have some of the symptoms that go along with manic depression (a more descriptive term, I think, for bipolar disease.)

As you probably already know, bipolar disorder is a biochemical imbalance in the part of the brain that orders thought and controls emotion. It is a disorder that does not go away as one ages, nor does it get better. Researchers now know much more about it than they did even in the recent past. They now know that when it is left untreated, the individual's symptoms become more intense and severe as s/he ages, and the periods of "stability" between episodes becomes shorter. Only a psychiatrist is qualified to prescribe the medications that will help alleviate the symptoms of mania and depression, although many family doctors get involved in the process.

With proper medication and treatment, it is possible to live a stable, healthy life. Often some therapy is also helpful to learn to identify possible triggers, etc.

I hope you will continue to post and read on the board. There are many wonderful people on here who are generous with their knowledge and experience.

:wave: Tsohl

Hi, I hope you are feeling better. TSOHL is right, I think you need to make an appt. with a psychiatrist and maybe a therapist as well. It may take a while to get everything under control and you will probably feel like giving up. It is worth it though.

Hello, Unhappygirl (I sure hope that you will be able to change that username in the near future;) ) ~ You are sooo brave to have come here and shared what is going on....you sound like a wonderful mom who really loves her kids enough to go find out what it is that is making you feel so miserable. Lots of (((((HUGS))))) to you for being able to do that.

With that being said, Tsohl is right, you need to get yourself into a psychiatrist ASAP....there is usually a long wait but make an appointment tomorrow and ask to be called if there are any cancellations. I would call your private MD and see if he/she could recommend one and perhaps make a call to get you in a little sooner if at all possible. Also there is an organization called NAMI, do a search and then find the location closest to you to speak with somebody who may be able to direct you in the right direction of the community resources available to you so that you can find out what it is that is going on whether it be Bipolar or Borderline Personality....sometimes it isn't just one thing but a combination of things going on that need to be treated. So getting a proper evaluation is sooo very important.

You may be doing your sister a favor and finding the proper diagnosis and treatment that will improve both of your lives and your relationship with one another. I see only good coming out of all of this if you can just find the courage to go to a good psychiatrist and find out how you can go about making your life better. Your children are so lucky to have a mom who wants to be the best for them.

Love & ((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody:angel: :wave: