Hi Marsh. I hope you remember me. I haven't posted in a couple of months and just looked the board and saw your posts but can't go back far enough to understand what happened. It appears as though your husband passed away. If that's the case, I am so sorry and am wondering what happened. This makes me so sad!

Amy, yes of course I remember you. I have wondered many times about you. My husband passed away on July 8th and it has been so hard for me because I had served him with divorce papers even though I still loved him so much. If you remember he would not get help and I had tried for 9 years to no avail. I didn't want to give up but he had become involved with lots of alcohol and drugs along with spending tons of money for foolish things. I just had to do something and yet my heart was not in it. My emotions are very mixed up right now.

Marsh, words are hard to find. You tried so hard todo the right thing and that it had to end this way is awful. I hope you know in your heart and mind that you did everything you could to help him for his own good but self-preservation was important. You tried to find the right balance to keep yourself sane and I hope that you never beat yourself up for doing that.

I tried to find your post to EYES on the other board but couldn't but I am glad to see that you're getting support there and here. Please accept my deepest sympathy, this has to be tremendously painful for you. You were and are my favorite buddy on here. Love ya, Amy

Amy thank you so much. It is a really painful time for me. All those years my focus wan on trying to help John and now it leaves a huge void and I miss the times when he was ok but towards the end their were few times. I have had times of guilt and what if's but have come to realize it won't change anything. I am seeing a therapist and going to a grief group. People on the board have been wonderful but I am glad your back and hope you stay. I always love your comments and your kind heart.

........

I tried to find your post to EYES on the other board but couldn't but I am glad to see that you're getting support there and here. Please accept my deepest sympathy, this has to be tremendously painful for you. You were and are my favorite buddy on here. Love ya, Amy

To Marsh : I'm happy that you are seeing a therapist and greif group. Is this the NAMI group? Remember we talked about learing to listen so that you can share your emotions and thoughts a little easier. Know that you have all the time in the world to heal. And it's Marsh's time to grow and start anew ;)

Amy: I'm happy to see you back. I truly hope your own situation is on the mend and that you are learning to live a good life. You shared so much with your reading knowledge. One book you told me about was "Healing Anger" by the Dalai Lama. I have read the book a number time as a true way of learning to control of Anger. It is so phyosophial that I learned to deal with my own Anger inorder to "learn the Dalai's teachings". I hope you continue to post,Amy. You have a lot to offer. And you are truly a giving person.

Marsh's thread on the "Grief & Loss" Board is call "sad news". you may want ot share a thought for her,there.

Eyes, the grief group is not NAMI it is with hospice. I have gone to Alanon too besides seeing a therapist. I am bound to find some good come out of all this. The grief group meets twice a month and NAMI once a month. Alanon meets different times a week. I am trying!

Eyes, the grief group is not NAMI it is with hospice. I have gone to Alanon too besides seeing a therapist. I am bound to find some good come out of all this. The grief group meets twice a month and NAMI once a month. Alanon meets different times a week. I am trying!

Someone once said..."As long as you try....the longer you will succeed....and you will receive, that longer happy life"

You Go Girl :)

Thanks, Eyes! How are you doing after all that surgery?
Amy I hope you come back.

Thanks, Eyes! How are you doing after all that surgery?
Amy I hope you come back.

Marsh :
Well, it's just like all things that put a person into a "challange". You make up your mind that the final results are going to be postive.:) I Will have surgery on the RT. knee in 2 weeks. I'm convinced that by "pumping" oneselve up....the postive additude will always remain.;)

Amy.....this is your thread....we look foward to your wisdom and knowledge.

Hi Marsh and EYES. Thank you for the nice words. I'm glad that some of my input has been appreciated since so much of the time I feel like I am in a whirlwind and who am I to give advice! I have been hesitant to write on this board because I went through the returning of his stuff and he happened to be picking it up when I had just returned home and we talked.

I could not tell him that he has to go on meds "or else". I figured I'd give it another try. It's been over 2 months now and he hasn't shown any signs of meanness. There has been some mild mania or maybe just enthusiasm about projects but the only thing I care about is its toll on me and him doing something that will harm himself, bad decisions. So he is not on meds and I can't know what the future will bring. I don't know if I necessarily agree, that I can make a blanket statement that all bipolar people have to be on meds without exception. My closest female friend is not and she is bipolar and functions well, just has some agitaton once in a while which she deals with.

However, I realize that it lurks there in the background and I don't know when it will come out. I do everything I can to keep harmony, am good to him without sacrificing my own well-being. I pray that it works. So that's it in a nutshell. EYES, good luck with the knee surgery. I had meniscus surgery many years ago that worked well. Is yours a complex surgery? Marsh, I am glad to see all the help you're getting. The suddenness of your husband's death is the hard part. When someone has a long illness, you expect it and it can be a bit easier to absorb. Did you say that you're in a grief support group also? I hope so, they really help from what I hear. Wishing you both well and I won't disappear again!

Amy, I came on just in time to see your post. I hope for your sake that things go well with your friend. I know only time will tell how it will go. The past two days have been kind of hard for me. I have one good day and a couple bad ones. I am going to a grief group and seeing a therapist. I also attend NAMI once a month and hope to be able to volunteer when I am up to it.
Thanks to both you and eyes for your support.

[QUOTE=Amy50;3135023]
I could not tell him that he has to go on meds "or else". I figured I'd give it another try. It's been over 2 months now and he hasn't shown any signs of meanness. There has been some mild mania or maybe just enthusiasm about projects but the only thing I care about is its toll on me and him doing something that will harm himself, bad decisions. So he is not on meds and I can't know what the future will bring. I don't know if I necessarily agree, that I can make a blanket statement that all bipolar people have to be on meds without exception. My closest female friend is not and she is bipolar and functions well, just has some agitaton once in a while which she deals with.
However, I realize that it lurks there in the background and I don't know when it will come out. I do everything I can to keep harmony, am good to him without sacrificing my own well-being. I pray that it works. So that's it in a nutshell. QUOTE]

To provide Meds or not to provide Meds to BPer ?
Somewhere I heard that you can not be particialy pregant. Either you are or you not. In the same vain,if you have all the symptoms of an infection,and a culture confirms an infection;than it is wise to start Meds.

Perhaps I am saying about a firm Dx of Bipolar Disorder,your best bet is at least a mood stabilizer. The person who can monitor the moods the best may not be the BPer,but the spouse of close personal friend. Amy,you said it the best in the quote above. Your the one who gets all the negitive bipolar feed back. It's when you are put in a uncompromising situation,that endangers you emotionaly or physicaly;that is the real clue that Meds are the answer.

Granted the Dxed BPer will fight this reasoning "tooth and nail". They really do not have a choice at being particaly Bipolar. Oh sure,like your friend with bipolar, "she is bipolar and functions well, just has some agitaton once in a while which she deals with." What will be the next step with her treatment when the "agitation" blows up into a mania or depression ? But then again there are always "risk takers". I've been there...and the risk was to "high".

I had my Lt. knee Implant performed over 5week ago. Now,in 2 week I will have the Rt. knee Implant. Having "artificial" knees put in my legs is a real "fact" that has required the use of Meds (pain killers). You think I was going to denie that the pain was not going to be there? :(

Marsh..Perhaps my little sermon to Amy is a little late for your late husband.
however, you learned one hell of a lot from your experience. And that's the most important thing. YOU are doing something abut it,now. Group Sessions, tharpy,and Nami sessions. This will "heal" you abuse from an unmedicated BPer.

I'm proud of both of you ...Marsh & Amy :angel:
'

Eyes, as far as my best friend, she has never had a full blown episode. She was hypomanic during menopause but nothing that disturbed her or her home life enough for the drs. to prescribe anything. More like irritation but she was diagnosed as bipolar. Sometimes I wonder if these diagnoses are always correct.

As far as my guy, he chooses it this way but if he starts getting nasty again in one of his phases, I think I can better deal with it now that I see it more clearly. It never lasts long and if you remember my old thread about controlling the behavior at work, I do think he has some control. Maybe that's why he's been so sweet, maybe there have been times where he feels like saying something and keeps it in check. We all have bad moods and if he occasionally snaps...well, I do too. So I can't attribute every remark to bp. I have to play it by ear. He tells me that I am a very stabilizing force in his life...I encourage him to get good rest when I see him becoming slightly manic or maybe just hyper. I make him hold off on financial decisions, try to keep the impulsivity in check but honestly, he recognizes it himself and hasn't made any bad decisions. So all I can say is that I have to play it as it comes and hope he stays like this.

Amy, I can remember when you posted way back and how you were very firm that you would never let this person abuse you again. If he is bp and not on meds it is only a matter of time when he may do it again. I am not trying to be critical but only worried about you putting up with what you should not put up with. You said you would be more able to deal with it if it happens again. Please listen to what you are saying. You are a very nice, intelligent and caring person and I would hate to see you hurt again.

My gf has 20 years unmeded under her belt. She went 2 years stable; no drugs, alcohol, etc. Then it hit and now we have too wait a full year at least for stability. She will spend her year away in Maine, has met a new man, and is doing drugs. The hellish cycle continues.
Is two years of stability worth one year of hell?

Jon, I think we all have different levels of tolerance and only we know when enough is enough. I do feel however, that I should of stopped the abuse right from the beginning. It has taken a huge toll on me and my well being. I thought I was helping my husband by hanging on and continuing to take the abuse. Even after we separated I still clung to the hope he would get help. He never did and many don't. I do admire those struggling with bp but they reach out to get help and are working on being stable. This is a really devastating illness when a person won't get help. I don't think any abuse should be tolerated but it took me many many years to come to that conclusion.

Marsh,
I'm slowly catching up with all the threads after my 'ban' from the mods for saying my mind....


I just wanted to pass on my sincerities to you and hope that one day you can find inner peace.


Precious memories are much loved and forever cherished,
Nut.

Thank you Nut, I am glad to see your post. I appreciate your words. Each day brings pain and some joy will come later and then hopefully some peace.

Hey Marsh.....just popping in to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers that the Lord will make the days less painful for you and fill them with His love and peace.

(((((HUGS))))) and God's blessings ~ Goody:angel: :wave:

Goody thank you so much for thinking of me. I know you are having your own problems and I wish I had some words to help you out. I feel so much pain and just want it to go away but it is no where near what I felt when my son died so I know I will get through it in time. It seems strange to miss him when our marriage was in such turmoil but I worried so much about him every night and now I just feel my loss and the fight is over and everything is so final.

Dear Marsh,

I feel badly, somewhere I must have missed reading that you also lost your son. Oh Marsh, you have had more than your share. If you don't mind me asking, how old was your son and when did this happen?

Sending loads of love & wishes for peace to you,
4
:angel:

4support, my son would be a young man now and I still cry when I look at his pictures and wonder what he would be doing now. I will always miss him as well as John. John was not his father I was married before. When he died my ex husband did not even come to the funeral. When we got divorced he left not only me but his family. I have often suspected he may of been bp too. He suffered highs and lows and abused alcohol and had numerous affairs. Enough. How are you doing 4?
Amy where are you?