My husband gets into these moods where he can take off and walk and walk forever, he left at 9:30 this morning and has walked now for 3 hours. Luckily he has a cell phone with him where i can reach him, but it still concerns me because I don't know what he'll do. He says he doesn't want to hurt himself and I ask him why he walks, does it make him feel better...and he says he doesn't know why, he just does it.

This has been a pattern in his behavior since hes been stuck in this episode for over a year now. Hes mostly depressed and he took off walking last summer and didn't tell anyone where he went. Does anyone have any thoughts about why he does this? He has said before that he wants to disappear, but not in the hurting himself way...is he searching for something do you think?

We are going on almost 3 years of marriage and the last year has been hell and I don't see an end in sight, this isn't what I envisioned our lives to be, but I guess life throws some curveballs at us. I'm trying to keep a strong faith and be committed to him, but it sure ain't easy....and thats a huge understatement.

It just bothers me because my days are filled with endless worry about him and this has been just an ongoing year of frustrations, I just needed to talk and I know you guys are here to listen...so thank you.

Erin, I don't have any input as far as the walking goes but wanted you to know someone had read your post and welcomes you. I am sure others will respond too.

Hi erin,

I have been married to my BP husband for 11 yrs and I understand what you mean when you say it's not easy, and you are keeping your faith and committed to him and your marriage. ;)

What strikes me from your post is that although the depression is not easy on him, on you, on any marriage, the walking seems harmless enough. He really could be doing much worse - being verbally abusive, highly irritable, withdrawn, etc... - common symptoms of BP depression.

I am curious, you mentioned that this has been going on for a year. Is he on medication and does he have a good pdoc?

I also never imagine life would throw this curveball at us, BP is a definite challenge. I really love my husband and we have 2 little ones.

We're all here to help!
4support
:wave:

My wife is Bipolar II and walks for hours inside the house from room to room. I believe it is due to the anxiety she is suffering from. Whenever she takes a Xanax she will stop and sit or lay down for an hour or two then start again. It's hard to convince her to take the Xanax so the walking continues for months now. Maybe your husband should try taking an anti-anxiety drug like Xanax.

Hes tried many medications over the course of the year and we haven't hit on the right ones yet. He's also had many courses of ECT treatments and those help for awhile but never for too long. Right now hes on pamelor, risperdal, and provigil and I'm wondering if the provigil is making him anxious. Hes a big guy and takes 400mg in the morning, and from what I understand that is a lot but I think he needs higher doses in order for them to be effective.

I agree that the walking seems to be harmless as long as he comes home. He isn't verbally abusive although sometimes I think it's emotional abuse. He does get withdrawn and wants to isolate himself but I have seen how much it helps him to be around people. He is diagnosed as bipolar II. Thanks for all of your thoughts about this...this is such a great place to talk and share. It helps tremendously to know that we're not alone.

Hi Erin. I walk for hours on end too. If I sit still anywhere I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin or something .... it's a very uncomfortable/disturbing feeling. I wish I could explain it better :confused: I have a hard time trying to explain it to people close to me. Also it seems to clear my mind some - thoughts are clearer. Whilst sitting down in these moods I feel quite cloudy/foggy in my head. I'll catch myself furrowing my brow a lot.

Have you ever thought about walking with him? If a person can keep up with me then I don't mind them tagging along ... eh, well some of the times I don't mind.

I have BP and instead of walking I clean my apartment and have become compulsive about it. Reading your post made me realize what I am doing.

So, as your reaching out for help, you are also helping others! :)

Hi erin,

Searching for the right medications can be a very frustrating and upsetting experience, as many are tried that don't help or end up giving the person the undesired side effects. Honestly, it has taken my husband 4 yrs to find the med combo he is on now, and it is helping. Some meds can cause anxiety, does your husband have a good pdoc, someone who really listens and is willing to try new combinations of medications? We have been thru 4 pdocs adn finally have a pretty good one.

My husband also sometimes withdraws and needs his space and distance, something not very easy to have in a house with 4 in the family. I try to respect this. If he's not doing well, he will become verbally abusive which I think is also emotional abuse. I'm not a submissive person (although sometimes you have to learn to be when loving a BP person), but I enjoy peace in the home, and living with a BP'er can be too unpredictable and chaotic at times.

I definetely understand the struggle you are facing, and the pain and isolation that occurs when your husband is bipolar.

The right medications can make all the difference, if you can hang in for a while.

Love,
4

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and support. The other night my husband wanted to go for another walk and I told him that I would go with him if he didn't mind and I said we don't have to talk, I'll just walk and listen to my music. So, we did walk for a few blocks and he eventually sat down on a bench and I didn't have to say a word, he initiated the conversation and started to vent a little to me about what he feels depressed about (all of which I've heard before, he has obsessional thinking) and I just listened for awhile. Then after we sat for a little bit his mood lifted a little and he was ready to go back to the house. I really enjoyed just spending this time with him and when I'm home and he wants to walk, I'll definitely go with him again.

Unfortunately I work all day and hes out of work right now so he has more time on his hands. His pdoc is a good one and he is trying hard to find the right combo of meds for my husband and hes willing to try different things. I think we just have to hang in there and I've been learning to take it one day at a time.

Hi erin,

Good pdoc, in addition to your husband's willingness to try different medications, are 2 major keys toward going in the right direction!

Hang in there,
4support
:angel:

I like to walk when my mind is racing. I am lucky to live near the beach so I like to walk on the beach with my ipod. I personally like to walk alone so that I don't have to talk to anyone. I do alot of thinking while I walk and I do find that it helps to calm me down.

Having both the ocean to look at and my music to listen to I find walking the best thing for me when I am having a bad day.