My 2 year old granddaughter lives with us along with her mother so I watch her alot..She is the greatest joy! She is kind, cute as can be, loving, etc...but she worries me with the temper-tantrum things she has,,,just out of the blue she will want something and not give up and have a fit..no matter where...she will scream, kick, hit (which I don't know where she has learned to hit when she never has been)..I have 3 girls and they never did this so I don't know if this is normal or if something is wrong with her or how to discipline this behavior and since alot of it is out in public too...she can scream louder than anything and she can keep up for a long time..she can be told 100 times no and she will still ask or DEMAND what she wants...
When we say something is not nice and she not to do something she will say she wants to do the behavior...that kind of scares me...will she grow up to be normal or is this a bigger problem than being two?

Sounds like a very strong willed child having a 2-year-old meltdown to me. I think the fact that you had 3 kids and none of them went through the "terrible two's" is the only unusual part of your question ;) (Yes that's a bit of jealousy coming through) I have 3 sons, the youngest of which is currently 2. Recently we were at Walmart and he decided that he didn't want to walk, be carried or sit in the cart. He threw a fit no matter what I tried to do. I've noticed that he is MUCH more likely to behave this way if he hasn't had enough sleep or if he's hungry. Does your grand daughter talk much? I've noticed that they seem to get frustrated at not being able to communicate what they want and it translates into a tantrum. Good luck!

This seems like fairly normal terrible two's to me. I am on my second child in that stage now. I agree that the better the verbal skills the less the fits. Hang in there and stay firm. Remember each time you give in it will encourage her to act even worse the next time. But it certainly will not hurt to bring it up to the pediatrician to make sure there is not some underlying problem. Allergies can factor in to behavior problems as well. Best of Luck to you!

This is a combination of trying to exert dominance and a sense of entitlement all rolled into one and summed up as the terrible twos. My son tried it for about a month and we got it under control. He would still occasional shout out and pout his "I don't want to!", but for the most point it was this stage where we told him,"If you can not behave, you can stay in your room. When you are ready to play and be with other people and behave like the good boy we know you are, then you can come out."

We have a play area that is not his bedroom. His bedroom has some books, crayons, colored pencils, and paper, but it is mainly for sleep and rest. So temporary exile didn't mean fun and games. His worst fit was about 15 minutes at which point he was told enough.. turn it off or get a spanking. He turned it off. Out in public it was quickly established, you throw a fit we leave and take care of it... no more fun for the day. We felt this was a hard line, but our son is smart, and stubborn.. nothing else worked. A friend of ours told me to late for me to employ it, but a good splash of cold water in the face gets their attention real quick so you can reason with them after the fact. My son is willful and full of grit. He is great and now at 4.8 he keeps us on our toes, because he wants to make bargains and deals all the time. So we have to pay complete attention; otherwise, he will get you to agree to build him a car (Grandma agreed to send him the parts for a riding care over the phone by doing the "Yeah, that would be nice." automated response routine) or some such.

They get over it. You just can not let them get away with it. There is no right or wrong in this area and a lot of gray to work with. You can not let them win because they will not respect you afterward. So you need to first some how get the fit to end. Cold water, swat on the behind, taking them to a quiet place and letting them scream it out.. whatever. Then you have to tell it was wrong, and as a result this is the consequence. They will understand. You can not do it alone. You will have to try and work out a consistent behavioral routine between your daughter and her husband as well as your self. Consistency is the key. Children respond the best to a routine.

As to the manners.. gosh! I remember the I want stage. He still does the I want or Mom bring me this.. when he catches my husband (his father doing it). I have been passively reinforcing manners for a long time. How? Well If my son said I want juice. I would tell him, "It is nice to know what you want, but you have to ask for it properly to get it." Doing this daily and correcting his form to "May I, please.. Would you please.." Yes, Ma'am/Sir, No Ma'am/Sir. Has been an on going process. Now I do not correct him.. I just look at him and wait. He gets the idea and rephrases his demands into requests quickly.

Now another mentioned sleep and it is a big deal. My son was becoming extremely unreasonable at this time and his adnoids and tonsils were so large he was suffering from sleep apnea. Well two surgeries (adnoidectomy and ear tubes at 2 and 2 months, tonsillectomy at 3.5) later he no longer has his adnoids or tonsils, but he still had sleep apnea. Mild obstructive sleep apnea is common in children cutting molars through preschool introduction and the chronic infection battles. Sleep deprivation decreases mood control and increases the sensitivity of the child. Severe sleep apnea can be treated as early as six months of age.

Just in case you might want to read these posts. If it is sleep apnea a visit to the ENT with a listing of the symptoms related to these posts questions should allow it to be treated efficiently and effectively.
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=514963
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=513349

Sincerely,
MG

I am going through the same thing. my daughter just turned 2 but her attitude came out about 6 months ago. My son was never like this...

My daughter demands things and screams and whines,. she wont even really talk and i tell her she needs to tell me what she wants.

But if i dont give in...she runs into the other room throws herself on the floor kicks the floor and the walls..bangs her head off the floor then comes back in and hits me. She will even walk up to her brother and hit him also. this is everday...She will point to another room and tell ME to GO! She used to bang her head off the entertainment center..anything hard and then eventually she would try to hit her head off the corners!!! That is scary..We have tried time outs and nothing works. the only thing i have done that worked is one day she didnt want to eat in her seat..i had boughten her a spongebob placemat...she threw a fit when i tried seating her and she was screaming and kicking. i walked up to her and looked her in the face and in almost a whisper i said "now savannah i know you are mad but we need to quiet down when we are mad. you need to eat and look spongebob is gonna eat with you. and she got right up in her chair and ate....A dr once told me when they throw a fit like that you are supposed to almost whisper to them and it never made sense to me until i tried it..We have kinda gotten her to say please but she actually says "say please" and when someone leaves here she says "say bye" Shes defintely demanding..too demanding for her age. I try to get her to talk and to say full sentences but she refuses. Although i can hear her from another room say her alphabet and shes really quite good. she can say most of the letters and she can identify the letter "I". but when she sees me or hears me coming she stops and when i try to work with her. i get the book thrown in my face. i try to get her to call her brothers by their name but instead she yells "Hey Guys" She knows them by their first name but wont say it.
Shes now trying to pull the fake cry on me. she covers her face and kinda bounces up and down saying "boohoo" and of course that trick doesnt work either which makes her more angry.

im ready to call super nanny

I have an 18 month old that does the same things. It mostly comes out while we are in a store or out somewhere. She can't handle it and has meltdowns. She wants to go her own way and do what she wants. She will throw herself down on the floor and start kicking and screaming. I try to ignore her fits as much as possible. She then sees that it is not working and she moves on to the next thing.

I have three kids, none of which have ever done what you described. So along with you, I would be perplexed as what to do. If my son starts to whine (which he only does when tired), I'll just tell him to do it in his room where I don't have to hear it. My Cousin on the other hand is a terror! She screams and yells and throws herself on the floor. No one will go visit because she is a huge pain in the a** to be around. (She's 3). My only advice is to have your daughter nip it in the bud. I REFUSE to have my kids throw any kind of tantrum out in public. I don't play the game with them. I won't give them something if they stop or bargin with them. I would just lock her in her room until she ends the tantrum. When my kids can stop whining and tell me what they want in a calm manner, then I will be happy to help them. I really hope you work it out soon. I am sure it's hard! Good luck.

Ohhhhhh - my response to this post is - Been there - Done that! My daughter was so high maintenance as a tot and preschooler that I honestly didn't think we would survive. She took tantrums to new heights - she never sat still and always had to be on the go. What finally worked for me is that I started making rules and routines and we kept to them no matter what. I had to prove that I could be more stubborn then her and that she would NEVER beat me. We would limit our errands to 2 or 3 stops so that she wouldn't get over stimulated. When she started to whine I always fed her immediately. If she started a tantrum or ridiculous behavior I would stop whatever activity we were doing immediately. I didn't care if we were at a restaurant, play, library - whatever - we would stop and she could have her tantrum in the privacy of her room. Once she realized that she didn't have an audience, that she was NEVER going to get her own way and that she missed out on whatever activity we were doing, her behavior greatly improved. I also tried not to put her in situations where it was going to be hard for her to mind (ie - taking her looking for beach glass but then telling her NOT to get wet). I never yelled or lost my temper when her behavior was out of control - I would just tell her that I wasn't going to be with an ill behaved child and she could go to her room. When she was under control she could come join the rest of the world. Anyways - I know that a strong willed child can be trained and you can survive with a ton of patience and prayer:) My daughter is almost 10 now and has become this super independent, out-going, self-suffecent tween. All the qualities that worked against her at 2-4 are working for her now. Good Luck and know that you're not alone!!

Another suggestion is to read the book, "1,2,3 Magic", by Thomas W. Phelan. It basically says to sit the child down and say, "From now on, when you misbehave in any way, I will only tell you once to stop it. If you continue, I will count to 3. If you don't stop before I get to 3, you will have a time-out". Then give the child a time-out coresponding to her age (2 minutes for a 2-yr-old, 4 minutes for a 4-yr-old, etc.). The trick it that you do not speak ANY other words while counting (no saying, "One,...now come on, you're gonna get a time out,...two,...I mean it! You need to stop!...three,....pick up those toys!!!"). Just, "one,...two,...three, that's it!", and take them to their room (or naughty corner, or whatever). I did this with my son at age 2, thinking, "There's NO way this is gonna work---this is too simple---they don't know MY kid...". And, lo and behold, it worked!!! He's now almost 5 and all I have to do is say "one..." and he quickly complies (I almost never get to 3 now), and he is a VERY willfull, stubborn, high-energy child. But, I reiterrate: you must only say the numbers; my husband always talks in between saying the numbers and then wonders why it doesn't work for him.