My gf and mom of our 5 year old son is unmeded bp for 20 years.
In 8 years she has abandoned us twice; the first time for a year. She came back and said that she wanted her family back, she did. I gave it a try. Wishful thinking.
For 2 years, no drinking, smoking pot, nothing.
Then she started racing, all the symptoms of mania become present. I could only look on. If I tried to do something I knew that things would get broken or worse.
She takes off again with a young 21 year old kid for a 3000 mile trip to her home in Maine. Gets stranded in 4 cities due to lack of money. Nobody would lend her money but her mom. She finally makes; she's in Maine.
Almost immediately she hooks up with an "awesome" guy, and they shack up.
The awesome guy then calls me up to tell me that that my gf is not drinking; I knew she was lying for his new "companion".
She says that she and her new bf are coming out to see our son in 10 days.
I have custody; she is allowed 2 hours per week supervised visitation.
I don't wish to see her and her new stud; luckily I have a good friend that said he is willing to supervise the visits and I don't have to be there.
Does anyone else feel the same way or have something similar happen to them; if so, what were the results in the end? When she calls my heart falls to my knees..
Just before she left this time she gave me a big kiss and said I love you.

Dear Jon,

I have read some of your posts and feel for what you are going thru. You obviously love this woman and the mother of your child, but unfortunately the "chaos" of bipolar disorder will continue if she remains unmedicated. :dizzy: Her actions and the way they affect both you and your son sound incredibly painful, confusing and damaging.

I am married to my BP hubbie for 11 yrs and we have 2 small children, I understand the dynamics and complexities of being with a BP partner with young children involved, and it is anything but easy. Fortunately, my husband is medicated, although not fully accepting of the "illness" and doubtful "if he really needs meds", when he is completely different on them. (he was dx 4 years ago) He would be impossible to live with without them.

I also understand the deep love you have for this person, but honestly she needs treatment or she will continue to act this way, and possibly even get worse. I know how hard this is to deal with as an adult, but the concern is also how her behaviour is affecting your young son.

This is is the nature of BP, complete disconnect to what their actions are doing to their loved ones, it just amazes me that there are people who search their whole lives for true love, in this case she has it, but doesn't take care of it. (you)

I wish I had more advice, but the only advice I have is....get the woman medicated, which I know is her choice and not easy to do (esp. 20 yrs after a dx)!

I can sense the pain you have in your posts, keep praying for peace, strength, guidance, and help for your lady. This has helped me, and you know you are not alone by far.

Best,
4support
:wave:

My gf and mom of our 5 year old son is unmeded bp for 20 years........
Does anyone else feel the same way or have something similar happen to them; if so, what were the results in the end? When she calls my heart falls to my knees..
Just before she left this time she gave me a big kiss and said I love you.

Hi Jon :

Just to review our conversations from another Thread conserning Stability :

I said "have been asked that question many times since I have particpated on this Board.
I am BP1. My stability is mainly do to: (1) complete regularity with my mood stabilizer (lithium carbonate). (2) Taking full and complete accountability and responsibility for all of my Actions. ( basicly,being honest with reading all of my triggers). That's it in a nutshell.

You said "I really knew that was going to be your answer; I was hoping for something profound. Wishful thinking on my part."

I said "A very long time ago a "influantul" gentelmen said " When you wish apon a star, you wish will come true". That was profound ! Pehaps, all BPers wish they could live amoung the "stars" and still be that "normal person" that everyone else would have them to be.

Mrs Eyes,told me 24 years ago,after I was released from the hospital the 3rd time ( I had been doing all of the same manic actions as your gf); that she was going to leave me....forever....if I did not accept responsibility for my actions including all symptoms related to BP Disorder. She called 'it' just like it was....."a spade is a spade" and I had to accept the cards she delt.

Jon,If you really love your gf, then you need to start "reading the cards" your gf is dealing you. Until she can take her own responsibility, you are going to lose the "game":(

I know.....I was there where your gf is now. BUT.....I deceided to start picking up the "right cards". And it wasn't the :jester:. It was the card called "Responaibility" :)

Sorry for being blunt. However,Mrs Eyes taught me to blunt (with BP);and I have never forgotten.

Hi Jon :

Just to review our conversations from another Thread conserning Stability :

I said "have been asked that question many times since I have particpated on this Board.
I am BP1. My stability is mainly do to: (1) complete regularity with my mood stabilizer (lithium carbonate). (2) Taking full and complete accountability and responsibility for all of my Actions. ( basicly,being honest with reading all of my triggers). That's it in a nutshell.

You said "I really knew that was going to be your answer; I was hoping for something profound. Wishful thinking on my part."

I said "A very long time ago a "influantul" gentelmen said " When you wish apon a star, you wish will come true". That was profound ! Pehaps, all BPers wish they could live amoung the "stars" and still be that "normal person" that everyone else would have them to be.

Mrs Eyes,told me 24 years ago,after I was released from the hospital the 3rd time ( I had been doing all of the same manic actions as your gf); that she was going to leave me....forever....if I did not accept responsibility for my actions including all symptoms related to BP Disorder. She called 'it' just like it was....."a spade is a spade" and I had to accept the cards she delt.

Jon,If you really love your gf, then you need to start "reading the cards" your gf is dealing you. Until she can take her own responsibility, you are going to lose the "game":(

I know.....I was there where your gf is now. BUT.....I deceided to start picking up the "right cards". And it wasn't the :jester:. It was the card called "Responaibility" :)

Sorry for being blunt. However,Mrs Eyes taught me to blunt (with BP);and I have never forgotten.

Eyes and 4support, thank you; although you didn't say what I wanted to hear it was what I needed to hear. It is what it is and their are no magic solutions.
4support, some of us look their whole life finding true love, you are right. This truth combined with fear of the unknown, insecurity, and lack of confidence, can make one feel worthless. I know she's sick and it makes it difficult for me to show compassion for her of late.
Wouldn't it be easier to just be the unipolar type who doesn't give a damn!

......although you didn't say what I wanted to hear it was what I needed to hear. It is what it is and their are no magic solutions.
This truth combined with fear of the unknown, insecurity, and lack of confidence, can make one feel worthless......


Jon :


Please know that "all people" want to hear what they "want to hear". It's the easy way out ( of a problem).If you know the "Truth"...it will set you "free" ( or :mad: )

My suggestion at this point is : to conquer and master this "Truth".....hence your fear of the unknown, insecurity, and lack of confidence will grow.....and you will now longer fell worthless.

You see...the "Ball" is really in your court. It's time to "put your foot down" with your gf. No "ifs, ands,or buts" about it.....Do this and you will still know that love is on your side ;). 4 support said : "...get the woman medicated, which I know is her choice and not easy to do".

Her Choice ? Your Choice ?
Pehaps it's a Choice that HAS to be made !

Carry On,

Thanks Eyes, I appreciate the encouragment.
After awhile, one starts to remember the way one felt before entering bipolarville and, it was without a doubt, a better place.
I will get my confidence and my drive back, which in turn, will be a better life for our son.
One thing I learned, it is easy to get caught up in the convoluted if it is your reality for 8 years.
THANKS!!

Thanks Eyes, I appreciate the encouragment.
After awhile, one starts to remember the way one felt before entering bipolarville and, it was without a doubt, a better place.
I will get my confidence and my drive back, which in turn, will be a better life for our son.
One thing I learned, it is easy to get caught up in the convoluted if it is your reality for 8 years.
THANKS!!

jon :

Now your thinking and talking good sence. You and your son is what is important. Move out of "bipolarville" and onto "controlville". Your rainbow is just around the corner.

If your gf can "see the light" and get treatment and meds,she too may be able to join you in "controlville". She will first have to stop denial. Her risk is high. But that's her problem to deal with.....not yours.

For her sake....Stabilityville" can be acheived. You know I've lived there for 24YEARS. And there is always "Hope" that she someday she may be my neighbor ;)

Carry On,

Jon, I understand your dilema so very well. I lived it for 9 years and it has played a huge toll on me. My husband has passed away and I am having a hard time dealing with things but take it a day at a time. We were separated at the time and one of my regrets is that I did not take a stand at the very beginning when he thrashed the house for the first time and spit in my face. He was arrested and when it came time for court I did not go and it was dismissed. Over and over I let things happen and now that he is gone I realize I should of been strong in the very beginning and said that he had to take responsibility for his actions and the things Mrs. Eyes said to her husband. He knew for so long I was an easy target and would always love him and be there. When I started to realize what it was doing to me and started divorce proceedings he still wanted it to be my fault that he was not taknig meds. He started for 3 weeks and said if you let me come home I can continue to take meds but other wise there is not reason to. I told him he had to take responsibility for himself and do it for himself and not for me. He had told me he was taking the meds for me and stopped after 3 weeks. He wanted to come back after taking them for 3 weeks. I couldn't do it. He emailed me saying he would never believe he had bipolar and if he did that it was not the reason for his rage and violence. It was my fault mostly because I would not let him come home. However, he was that way when he lived home. I am rambling here but what I wanted to say it the responsilility lies on the person with bipolar to do what is right and get their live together. I miss my husband and what I had hoped it would be like for us. I wish I had said it to him in the beginning maybe just maybe he might of sought out the help he needed. I made it too easy for him to do nothing.