Hi,

I am a 43 year old single woman with 2 children ages 16 and 12. I have been divorced since 1999 and have had several relationships since. It seems like I get angry very easily, although I typically feel like I was right, but my reactions were wrong. The most recent relationship ended because of a few things. First and foremost, he drank and went to the club almost every day. I have slight anxiety and couldn't stand being left at home waiting for him to come home. He would say he would be home at a certain time and then show up an hour or more late. That feuled my anxiety, which fueled my anger. When he would come in I would alwayws say "that is it, I can't take this any more...you are a drunk...etc." No physical stuff...just demeaning about drinking. Then, when we did finally break up, I had no problem calling his cell phone to tell him that he is a drunk, is going to end up killing someone, his daughter will hate him once she learns how he is (she is 7), etc...

I really like this guy even though I don't think we could make it. I want him to slow down on the drinking and have respect for me, but he feels that he should be able to do what he wants and that I am always on his case.

Help...do you think my issues are anger related? I had a pretty good childhood...although I always felt a little insecure about myself.....

Kebba, sounds like you are trying to make this guy into someone that he is not and doesn't want to be? What do you think caused your insecurity about yourself?

maybe you have underlying issues with anger about how past relationships didnt work? the best way to help this would be to spend sometime with yourself single and get to know yourself and what you really want in a relationship;)

Hi,

I do believe I was trying to make him something he wasn't. He promised so much in the beginning of the relationship and then never followed through with anything. He would say one thing and then do another. He never put me and my feelings first, and didn't even get me a birthday present. He would go to the bar after work almost every day and I never knew when he would be home. I once went to the hospital for a sever ear infection and he was out drinking and told me the only reason I went was because I wanted to ruin his time out. He came to the hospital totally drunk after I finally got in there (hours) and I asked him to leave because he was such an embarrassment to me.

As far as the past, yes I do have reasons for my insecurity. I grew up as the oldest of 5 children, and I was never the important one. My sister was always the pretty one, and my 3 brothers were always more important because they played every sport you can imagine and my dad dwelled on it. So, I never felt important.

As an adult I am very successful in my professional life, have many friends who I love dearly, and am closer to my parents than ever. But, I still feel the need to have constant attentiion from any guy I am involved with...sometimes almost pushing them away.

Kebba, why can't you find a nice guy? Do you think that you don't deserve that? Also, do you think that you are trying to get attention from a male that you never got from your dad?

Kebba, why can't you find a nice guy? Do you think that you don't deserve that? Also, do you think that you are trying to get attention from a male that you never got from your dad?


That could be....what should I do? I do feel like I deserve a good guy.

Realize why you are choosing guys below what you deserve? Have you left this bf alone yet?

Nothing will ever change until you stop all these relationships. They are all the same drunk. Stop and take the time for you and your children...they must be very tired of all this by now. The only place you are going to find what you are looking for is within yourself. Absolutely all your energy should be focused on yourself and your kids. Until you stop depending on men to lean on or to tell you whatever you want to hear nothing will change. Get educated about what makes you tick. Read and read some more and learn to stand firmly on your own two feet. Good luck.