For those with bipolar, when you have one of your depressed moods, how do you prefer for your spouse or loved ones to respond to you? Is it best to just sit quietly and listen to all the things you're worried and paranoid about? Is it best to continue to reassure every thing you're worried and paranoid about? Do you like to be hugged? Or to be told that things will get better? Is it annoying to be reassured that the thing you're paranoid about is not true? I'd be very interested in getting an insiders thoughts and feelings.

Hi Traci,

I personally need understanding about my down times, reassurance about my worries but gently, and then quiet time to recharge my batteries.

As my psychologist says, these downtimes are normal for BPers and we just have to accept them, without worrying about them. They are a signal that we have run our cup a bit low and we need to take heed of the warning and replenish it.

You sound like a lovely, caring, loving partner and believe me when I tell you that goes a long way however it might seem at times.

My husband is my rock, unfortunately that also makes him my sounding board. We are working together to recognise when the disorder is responsible (and when it isn't - because I musn't use it as an excuse) and managing the condition together.

This advice probably varies for everyone and you and your partner may need to try a few different things before you discover what works well for you both.

Best of luck and warmest wishes,

Lyndylou.

for me It helps just being around my loved ones. I told them in the beginning what I needed and how they could best help me. Getting involved with what my family is doing helps to keep my mind off me, which is a huge relief.

When I do need to talk about it i prepare them first and then we talk.

mel

Dear Traci,

Me personally, I have a hard time sharing with my loved ones. This is pretty new to them and I feel like I know when the depression is coming and the mania is knocking on my door. I don't know about you, but my manic moments are pretty bad. I say bad things that I totally don't mean and the harder I try to control them, it makes it worse. As much as I try to explain that to my family they just don't get it. They will not speak to me for weeks and that just makes it all worse! I keep trying to get them to research this as much as I do but I guess they don't take that much of an interest. I even take my mom with me to the doctor, he explains it to her and she still takes this all personal. I feel totally alone!! No one to talk to, share with or breakdown to.

I am still trying to figure all this out, but I know when I get in a mood I just want to be alone. I don't want all the noise, the tv, the kids, I just want to go to my bedroom and read a book or ****, even just sit at the computer and play solitaire, lol.

When i do that though my husband gets moody, says "what am i boring you?" The kids don't go to him for anything, they always come to me, I guess cause I'm the weak link, lol, so I feel like I just never get any downtime.

I'm hoping to get some outside help via my primary care doc or my psychiatrist (when i see one) to help explain this to him so he doesn't take it so personal and make me feel even worse.

Angel

At first, I like to be left alone. After a while, I'm feeling so hopeless that I really need all the support I can get. If I'm crying hysterically, I like to be held and comforted. I'm sure it's confusing, because when I'm manic I demand to be left alone.

I liked to be held but someone I KNOW who cares about me reassuring me that everything will be okay...

INSTEAD of.... Having that nasty feeling that I'm bothering people because I'm depressed and realizing that most people just don't give a damn!

Dog gone, I have found about ten thousands ways my DW does not want to be treated. About the time i think i have it figured out, BAM, i mess up. I guess i'm human.

[B]TRACI...[B]I can't stand it when everyone keeps telling me that everything is going to be okay!! I can't stand for everyone to tell me just think positive and it will get better. When you feel paranoid, you are just being paranoid!!! That's a good one, huh!! I don't want answers because there are none. I just want someone to listen and if I want advice or an opinion I'll ask for it. I get so frustrated sometimes. As much as I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I would love for everyone to have to live with this just one day of their lives so that they could understand that a bad day for them is a great day for us. :mad: :mad:

Thank you all so much for your input, it's very helpful. I guess I need to just read his cues. It seems that everyone is different, and I need to just think about him as a person and try to go off of instinct. Maybe when he's not in a down mood, I can ask him what helps the most, and what annoys him when he's like that. I know one thing, he's not the type to want to be alone at all. I know I am, when I'm stressed or upset, I want to just get away from everything. But, he's just not that type, he needs to be around people.

Hi Traci,

When my husband is depressed, he sleeps and doesn't seem to want to be 'bothered' by anyone. He wants to be alone and it's almost as if he's a ticking timebomb if he's interrupted. The thing is, it's not realistic to not have distractions in a home with 4 people (2 young children). He is irritable, argumentative, negative and down on life (and me) in general when he's depressed. I don't like to be around him, and this is after years of trying to help him while he was depressed, it did no good. This is usually when he is verbally abusive and mean. I find that depression for him is more than what he is feeling on the inside (which I feel badly about and wish I could help him with). It really affects his behaviour toward his loved ones on the outside too. But telling them "it will be OK" usually doesn't work and can result in anger, and they can't "snap out of it", as we know depression is a neurotransmitter issue. Hopefully the meds will help your husband soon. ;)

I wish I had the magic answer for you...but I do understand!

Hang in there!
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