Hi everyone. This is my first time to this site, well any support site for that matter! I'm hoping to find someone with the same feelings, ups and downs and thoughts as me. I feel totally alone, like no one understands me or what I'm going through. At the same time, I don't want to tell anyone what I'm feeling because I get angry and think that they will not understand anyway! Everyone always says it's in my head and I can fix this on my own if I do things that make me happy. Well...Yeah...It is in my head! That's the problem, I have a chemical inbalance in my head!!! Nothing makes me happy anymore! I went from being the life of the party, always laughing, joking, singing, dancing and acting like a clown to make everyone around me happy. I never used street drugs or drank much. It was all me! Miss personality!! Anyone could come to me and I would listen, try to help and, in the end, always atleast get a laugh out of that person. I don't know who I am anymore or why this happened to me, but I need a friend who understands and will not judge me. Anyone like that out there????:confused:

Have you just been diagnosed or just having the ups and downs? Welcome to the boards and believe me there are alot that feel just like you. I use to be like that and I can't even get a med combo that will work. I can't work anymore as I am afraid what I would do or say to somebody at work and I have fibro also which causes pain constantly.

Trust me nobody that has BP will tell you it is all in your head... Its the people who don't have it and don't understand... Are you on any meds at all? If so, do you mind me asking which ones and for how long.

God Bless and Keep Posting!

Lorily, just about everyone here understands how you feel. You have come to the right place. Even family members and friends who try to understand, can't completely because they aren't going through it themselves. I have a sister who has taken steroid tapers because she has MS and Fibromyalgia and she hit a mania while on the steroids...let me tell ya her opinion changed about me. Before I use to get on her nerves sometimes because of the non stop talking and the massive hyperactivity, but once she was in the same situation she realized it is not something you can completely control. But even hen she didn't have the full blown mania so she still didn't quite get how bad it can be...and scary. Unfortunately there are many people out there that do not believe in mental illness, yet one in four people have them. How sad is that. I did one of my research papers for school on the medias stigma they place on society by the false manner they portray mental illnesses. It irritates me to no end how some people respond to it. But here you have a safe house where people don't judge but understand.

Hey Jenn. Thanks so much for being my first response! It means alot, believe me. I was diagnosed quite a few months ago, but I think I have had this much longer. I was on Effexor 150, Lamictal 200 2xday and Zyprexa 10 mg. The dr took me off the effexor after a year because I started to feel as though I were going to jump through my skin!! I still take the Lamictal and the Zyprexa we cut down to 5mg because I gained 30 pounds!!! Talk about making me more depressed! I have been crying now nonstop for about a month and Im not sure what to do about it!!! I have two sons and this is so hard for them to see and understand!!! I need to talk to a person like me who understands and who can relate. I have so many ups and downs...Its literally INSANE!!!:confused:

Vanessa. You hit it right on the head!!! Back in the day they put people away and forgot about them. The only difference now is that they dont know where tp put us!! No one gets it. All the reading in the world could ever make a non-bipolar person feel the way that we feel. I swear I feel like Cybil and her sister sometimes!! I think I have 8 personalities plus 4 more!! Lol!! I hate this. I tell my friends and family that if I had cancer they would be there for me and totally understand. A mental illness to most is an excuse. EXCUSE FOR WHAT!!!! Like we want to be this way! Some cancers have a cure or remission. We have a terminal mental illness that is controllable only if we are lucky enough to get the right combo of meds! I am so lost. I cant work either because I am too depressed, but the there are times when I am a crazy maniac who goes off the wall like I have Terrets syndrome. Thanks so much for your support!!!!

I feel the same way... I see my shrink... he just wants to write the prescriptions and get you out the door and then I have my therapist... She is in the same office and knows I don't like my shrink... He doesn't even write down what meds I take from my other docs even though I take them in there like a good girl. He just says oh, you still taking the same meds...

Its like right now I am wired for sound and want to go to sleep but can't... They give me sleeping pills but they only work for 2-3 hours so why bother taking them?

Hang in there and vent when needed.... We all need to. You are right about the cancer thing too. That's why I guess I just stay to myself now. I do go and see my mom and dad and my mom's a nurse and see does understand but I don't talk about it much.... I just put on that mask for awhile to keep everyone happy...:cool:

Lorily I feel the same way. I was always the one responsible for holding everyone else together. I was the one everyone came to when they had a problem. Now that I'm having some "issues" and need the support where are they?

Even my hubby, I know he loves me, but he tries to minimize what this is. "Oh you're just emotional because of lack of sleep. Oh, you're sleeping too much cause you're too stressed out", blah blah blah. He doesn't seem to understand the severity of this or that this is something I can't control and that makes the guilt I feel even worse, like maybe I am just being lazy, etc.

I was just diagnosed, going to see my primary care doc today and set up an appt for a psychiatrist. I'm hoping the psychiatrist will agree to let me bring my husband in one day to discuss what this is, so maybe he will become a little more understanding.

It's so very difficult though, struggling to stay "in control" of yourself, and at the same time feeling so isolated. Though finding the support group on the internet has been a tremendous help, reading others feelings and knowing I'm NOT alone, there are so many others out there feeling the same turmoil I am, it's comforting knowing it's not "just me".

Angel

FallenAngel2007 - Just a suggestion so please do not take it any other way than that. I was in partial inpatient mental hospital, had to go everyday and when released it was with the same psychiatrist that I had at the hospital and also to see a therapist within his group. I am not sure how others feel but I have found that my psychiatrist is there to write the meds only. I thank God every day for the therapist I was set up with. My psychiatrist even when I try to talk to him doesn't make me feel like he has the time. He just tells me to continue to see my therapist. Which I am fine with because she does listen and I feel much more relaxed with her. I am having the guilt and same type of issue with my husband. I know he loves me and the Good Lord knows he tries to understand (I think), but he just doesn't get it. So my therapist said when I am ready just to bring him in to any appointment and we will go over any questions he has until he does understand. He wants to go and try to learn as much as possible.

I don't know how you feel about this but see how the psychiatrist feels about it and s/he may want you to see a therapist also.

Good Luck and Best Wishes

I'm not sure how many years ago training for psychiatry changed. Sometimes you see in movies the patient lying on the couch and the psychiatrist "analyzing" the patient. Talk therapy used to be a part of psychiatry, but now, unless your pdoc is an older doctor, you will find that s/he is there only to prescribe and do the initial evaluations and diagnoses. No one else in the mental health profession can prescribe medications, so this has become the primary job of the pdoc. They do not even pretend to engage in any kind of meaningful therapy any more. All they want to know is how the current meds are working, whether they need to be changed etc. So don't feel that your situation with your psychiatrist is unique!!

For Jenn and Angel...You guys are great!! Since I discovered this site last night, You guys have me feel more comfortable than anyone that personally knows me!! I know how it feels to not sleep at night and be up all day but I am too depressed to move and I feel the same guilt like I were lazy, and I'm not!! Sometimes I do fall asleep during the day and the guilt is even worse! I have shut out all of my life-long friends and pretty much everyone else for that matter. I don't answer the phone and I do not call anyone. I isolate myself because I'm affraid of which mood may come out today. I used to be the happiest, most outgoing person and all I want to do is find me again. I only see my primary doc, who is wonderful. He knows more than any shrink I have ever met. He would like for me to see a therapist, but I'm not too sure about that. I want to vent when I need to not when someone tells me you have an appt to vent. Most of my issues are (I think) from my past and my family and I would rather vent to the source, not that that is possible. I don't know. Sometimes I can smile but along with the smile comes tears, whether straight out or holding back with everything inside of me. I am divorced. My husband left after 10 years with no explanation as to why accept that I didn't make enough money for him. He never knew the extent of my mental illness. He's one of those that thinks it's bull. I think him leaving was somewhat of a help (believe it or not) because he was worse than my two boys put together! It was the aftermath that (I think) took it's toll. I couldn't work anymore because of my kids and my mental status, the bills came pouring in and I had no financial support at the time. It was final April 25th and he has to pay the household bills until the house is sold. I do not get money for food, kids, car pmt and everything else!!! I am so overloaded with stress!! When my kids aren't here, I feel like a nobody, like I have no purpose. I feel like a loser. No job, no money, no strength and no friends becaused I pushed them all away. My mom tries to understand (I guess), but she still gets mad at me for my mood swings. She takes it personal and doesn't speak to me for days or even weeks. She doesn't understand that I can't control it sometimes!!! I know the right meds may help because they used to. I guess my body chemistry has changed so now we are back at square one again. Any suggestions on what meds may be helpful? What do you guys take?

I know how you feel too. My friends and family are great. They try to understand, but really, they don't. My mom tells me to have "faith". I do have faith, but I also have an illness that requires medication to keep under control. My faith has kept me from attempting suicide(thankfully), so I can definitely thank her for that. Another outlet I found is DSBA. The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. In most cities, they have meetings weekly. I went to a weekly meeting when I was first diagnosed and it helped a lot. I think NAMI also has support groups. Good luck.

Lorily119 So sorry for the delay... I have been having a couple of bad days with the bipolar and the fibro and don't like to talk when I am like that as I don't like to bring people down.... I just really don't like to talk about it much. My doc has me on depakote, xanax, ritialin and sleeping pills. He did have me on cymbalta also but I didn't see much help with that. I have an appointment with him tomorrow and we will see how it goes. There is just something missing. I have tried many different drugs for the BP but nothing seems to stabilize it. From reading through the threads, I may talk to him about adding the lamictal as many BP'ers seem to be on this and it seems to help. I don't know I am pretty much open for him to try anything but he doesn't ever seem to want to try anything different b/c he might have to write different notes down :confused: It may be to much work for him... The house gets depressing but since I can no longer work due to the BP and Fibro, the money is so tight. I really don't want to go anywhere but it would be nice to be able to if I wanted too. I try to keep the house clean and out of the blue, my fibro will just kick in... I am just getting tired of it all.

There has to be sunshine somewhere.... :cool: My mom and dad live at the lake full time now and I go there and see them and try and help them out down there as they have two houses but then they think I should just come down there and take it easy... Then I become a nervous wreck. To many family members show up on the weekend with friends who are users.

Oh well, enough rambling.... fibro has kicked in along with the BP sorry if I don't make sense to the thread... Thanks to all for listening.

Have a Great Night or Day depending on when this is read... :angel: