I was just wondering if any of you have found the magic words to help your spouses understand that your not just a winey complaining waste of flesh. Dont get me wrong my hubby is warm and wonderful...unless I mention the FM. I think he believes its all in my head.

[This message has been edited by smackliet (edited 02-06-2001).]

Originally posted by smackliet:
I was just wondering if any of you have found the magic words to help your spouses understand that your not just a winey complaining waste of flesh. Dont get me wrong my hubby is warm and wonderful...unless I mention the FM. I think he believes its all in my head.
[This message has been edited by smackliet (edited 02-06-2001).]

Hi smackliet,

Last year I wrote a research paper re:fms. My husband was like yours until I MADE him read this paper. He STILL doesn't really 'get it' as far as how I feel, but he does now believe this is an illness (REAL), and doesn't harass me about 'being lazy' or 'whiney' anymore. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/tongue.gif !

anyway, you can find the article here: http://www.angelfire.com/me3/coppersnutribytes/Fibromyalgia2.html

hope this helps

------------------
Copper
Let Miracles Replace all Grievances

[This message has been edited by Copper (edited 02-06-2001).]

Hi Smack,

The advice I got was:

1. Leave information lying around. I found that my hubbie won't pick up the books but he will pick up papers so I print articles out and leave them lying near his recliner. The bathroom is another good place. Or his pillow/dinner plate if he doesn't catch on.
2. Take him with you to your doctor appointment. I would pre-warn my doctor that I was bringing a "non-believer" in and hope that she could chat for a few mintues with him.

Here are some things I tried on my own:
1. I waited till my husband got sick and was whining about how bad he felt and then I told him that I knew JUST HOW HE FELT because I had headaches,leg aches,fatigue and chills almost every day.
2. I've also purchased massage oils and enlisted his aid in massaging my aching muscles (occasionally I give him one too). He LOVES giving massages http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif so I get pampered and he gets happy. The massages really do help and he has noticed the knotted muscles and tender area's. The oil is a must, it doesn't work as well with lotions. He actually can feel a difference in my muscles now on my bad days, so I think he's a little more understanding.
3. I have tried to complain a little less and just ask for help a little more. My husband is a typical man and will tune out my whining but will happily(sort of) help if I tell him that I will fold the laundry if he carries the 5 baskets up from the basement because "I'm trying to cut down on steps". If I start with "my legs are killing me and no one ever helps out around here, I've been up and down these steps a million times today........" I do NOT get a positive response. It takes practice though, it's much easier for me to complain.

Ps. ALL of Coppers articles that I've read have been SUPER! It's so nice because she writes from the view of a professional but also is a FM sufferer so she knows what it's REALLY like to have this illness. I've found it particularly helpful for me that she focus's on nutrition (which is her background.

I think my husband worries because I am half of the house hold income and if I lose my ability to work we would have seriouse prob. So he wants to pretend I am fine.

I know what you mean exactly. I have been having problems off and on for over a year now and my husband never wants to hear about it. I think he thinks because I don't look sick and I am still able to do everything I did before that I must be okay. He doesn't realize that sometimes I have to make myself get up and do things only because they need done and I am the only one who will do them. I have pretty much giving up complaining. I just keep my mouth closed and go about my life, sometimes in pain, but nevertheless, it is easier not to have to deal with his remarks and eye rolling, when i say I am tired or feeling terrible.

Susan66
There is nothing more discoraging than having eyes rolled http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/eek.gif at you when you need simpathy. I also try to keep my mouth shut and just do what needs to be done, but I think it just proves to our spouses that they are right. I want my husband to know what it takes for me to go to work every day and to take care of our family. I just wish I could find the words