After reading the Positive thread I've been trying to not be so negative here, but I'm going through a minor relapse and need to vent. My husband and I are currently on the same pay schedule, and last time we were paid we both went shopping. I bought some books and candles, but coupled with his spending it put us in the hole. We vowed to never shop without each other again so we would know who was spending what. Yeseterday we got paid. I paid bills and he went shopping online. :mad: I'm frustrated because he ran up two hardware store credit cards to do a home improvement project (which remains unfinished). I'm trying to pay the credit cards down (which he knows) and he put us in the hole again. Hello overdraft fees!

How does this relate to an ED? I want to restrict to hurt myself. I can't get ahead with the bills and am frustrated. I thought "I'll show him-I'll never buy myself anything again!" But I'm frugal and hardly spend on myself as it is.

Last night he was cranky and that triggered me too. I went to bed early and cried. I was being nice to him but he stayed crabby. If he doesn't like me then nobody does. I certainly didn't like myself. Now I hate me again and want to restrict to punish myself. There so many justifiable reasons to engage in ED behavior!

It might help if you can explain to me how restricting and hurting yourself will help the situation? How does that make YOU feel? Stronger? I am curious as your rant sounded similar to me when I go off on a tengent! Checking to see if this damn eating disorder is why I do do the things I do. It might help me to hear from you and in turn, possibly help you?

Hi,

I have the same reaction, different circumstances. I belonged to a writing group until recently. I took in a piece I'd written about my experience with chronic anorexia and agoraphobia. It was raw, yes, but every word of it true, and I am a good, published writer.

Someone in the group sent me an email telling me I should not bring that kind of work into the group (they are all fiction/fantasy writers, no one else is nonfiction.)

My reaction: I'm no good, I can't do anything right, I am a failure and this proves it...and I have to lose a lot of weight now.

I have trouble separating emotions from the food. Anyone mad at me, or if I am upset, especially if I feel rejected or judged or angry, that is an automatic trigger to me to go back to starving myself.

I spoke to T about it, and she said it's good I see that this is my response, and to do some CBT work on paper about it.

Can you separate your hurt and anger form the disorder? The ED loves to take anything that happens to us and turn it into a reason to restrict...because we - at least I - feel no good again. And it sounds as if you've good reason to be upset at what your husband was doing and how he was acting, too.

Maybe talking to a good friend about it, or a T?

I don't know why we have to punish ourselves all the time. It's just another part of the ED. But we have to fight that, and often, act counter to what we feel. So hard.

You are not alone, and I hope we both can work on stopping this response.

Thanks for the post, it made me think.

I've "binged and purged" other things in my life, symbolically, when I knew the reasons were for emotional calming, and not what I was actually doing (if that makes sense). I've done better with stopping my self from excessive shopping, and other symbolic behaviors. It's an addiction to shop for emotional reasons....if the basics aren't taken care of, it's damage to you.

It's hard to stop everything, and just get all into recovery- take things in small steps. Get rid of the credit cards. Set up a budget (that allows for a manageable amount of fun money), and stick to it. Call a credit counseling agency (most are free) for help. It's possible to live without credit cards :) I got myself into debt at age 24, and had to file bankruptcy....have had no credit cards since then ( I'm 43), just an ATM/debit card, that won't let me go beyond what's in my account.

My heart goes out to you. It's hard to deal with so much at once.