TopamaxKillsMe
08-18-2007, 08:21 PM
I want to start by saying that my mother for the most part functions okay. She's sharp and she communicates well. It's just that for many, many years she has been paranoid. She thinks that someone listens in on her phone line, she thinks that people break into her house and take her food.
She also has myeloma and is receiving chemo. A few times her paranoia has gotten so bad from the chemo that she's had to be hospitalized but the underlying paranoia has always existed. I've tried to convince her that there's nobody breaking in her house, tapping her line. I tell her that I misplace stuff all the time...that comedian George Carlin even did a routine on stuff and where does it all go? But my mother still thinks someone is breaking in and moving her stuff around, taking her stuff. She even brought up the fact that someone broke into Julia Roberts house and stole her shoes. I told her that Julia Roberts is a movie star and billions of people know her but mom, you are not a celebrity. Why would anybody want anything of yours? It pained me to say this to her but I want to use logic to convince her that it's impossible what she believes.
I have lived away from her for years so I have just been able to tuck this away when I left her and attempt to forget about it. Due to my own medical problems, I have moved to be with her and am living in a small space with her. There is no escaping her paranoia anymore.
Has anybody had someone in their family behave this way. As I said, it's been there to some degree for about 25 years.
Thanks,
She also has myeloma and is receiving chemo. A few times her paranoia has gotten so bad from the chemo that she's had to be hospitalized but the underlying paranoia has always existed. I've tried to convince her that there's nobody breaking in her house, tapping her line. I tell her that I misplace stuff all the time...that comedian George Carlin even did a routine on stuff and where does it all go? But my mother still thinks someone is breaking in and moving her stuff around, taking her stuff. She even brought up the fact that someone broke into Julia Roberts house and stole her shoes. I told her that Julia Roberts is a movie star and billions of people know her but mom, you are not a celebrity. Why would anybody want anything of yours? It pained me to say this to her but I want to use logic to convince her that it's impossible what she believes.
I have lived away from her for years so I have just been able to tuck this away when I left her and attempt to forget about it. Due to my own medical problems, I have moved to be with her and am living in a small space with her. There is no escaping her paranoia anymore.
Has anybody had someone in their family behave this way. As I said, it's been there to some degree for about 25 years.
Thanks,
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miss_kawasaki
08-20-2007, 11:04 PM
Your Mum sounds like she is coping and going a lot and going through chemo would be awful .... how does she cope when not paranoid? is she handling everything ok?
the only thing i can suggest is maybe getting her to take an inventory of all her grocery items, what it is, how much, what brand etc, etc and that way she has something 'tangible' something she can see in black and white ....??
not sure if it's what your after, but might be worth a go. other than this, i wanted to say your doing a fantastic job looking after your mum and it's not easy well done TKM i hope that your mum makes a full recovery and life returns to normal and life without chemo better than it is now, keep looking to glorious sunshine - thinking of you -
the only thing i can suggest is maybe getting her to take an inventory of all her grocery items, what it is, how much, what brand etc, etc and that way she has something 'tangible' something she can see in black and white ....??
not sure if it's what your after, but might be worth a go. other than this, i wanted to say your doing a fantastic job looking after your mum and it's not easy well done TKM i hope that your mum makes a full recovery and life returns to normal and life without chemo better than it is now, keep looking to glorious sunshine - thinking of you -
AnnD
08-23-2007, 12:52 AM
Why is it so important to you that you prove she is wrong. She has been a functioning adult for all these years and if she believes that someone broke in or whatever then just let it go. It doesn't matter that she is paranoid does it? She has a firm belief system and it seems to serve her well so just listen/or not to her ramblings and let it go. You are only upsetting yourself and what good is that. Since you have to live with her then just find some humor it it all and just enjoy your time on this earth with her. No one else cares if your mom is paranoid.
Seraph
08-23-2007, 03:23 AM
Why is it so important to you that you prove she is wrong. She has been a functioning adult for all these years and if she believes that someone broke in or whatever then just let it go. It doesn't matter that she is paranoid does it? She has a firm belief system and it seems to serve her well so just listen/or not to her ramblings and let it go. You are only upsetting yourself and what good is that. Since you have to live with her then just find some humor it it all and just enjoy your time on this earth with her. No one else cares if your mom is paranoid.
I totally agree with this. My MIL had Parkinsons and was very paranoid for years. It upset her so much when people tried to "correct" her thinking, that we stopped all that and just sympathised with her. She would then move on and not worry so much.
I totally agree with this. My MIL had Parkinsons and was very paranoid for years. It upset her so much when people tried to "correct" her thinking, that we stopped all that and just sympathised with her. She would then move on and not worry so much.
TopamaxKillsMe
08-23-2007, 07:33 PM
ACtually it upsets a few of us...my sister, my brother, HER brother, when my father was alive, it was very upsetting to him. So you are very incorrect with your assessment of my mother's condition not upsetting anyone. It upset my brother so much that he cannot be around her anymore. She would think that the people at her cancer hospital are tampering with the records to make her seem worse than she is. (it rather upsets the nurses there).
I wish it was as easy as you seem to think it is to "humor her".
Miss K, she is pretty much always on chemo plus having vision problems as a result of passed chemo. She is cranky and irritable. Her opthalmologist dumped her today because he said she is too difficult to deal with (long story). I basically told him to stick it. I am loyal to my mother although I understand how she can seem to difficult to others.
I love my mother but she has caused me great grief in my life. She was very contemptable of my father and dragged me in the middle of her problems which caused harm between my father and my relationship. My father died before we could ever make peace. Part of the reason I moved here was because I wanted to be here for my mother, but it has not been easy.
I wish it was as easy as you seem to think it is to "humor her".
Miss K, she is pretty much always on chemo plus having vision problems as a result of passed chemo. She is cranky and irritable. Her opthalmologist dumped her today because he said she is too difficult to deal with (long story). I basically told him to stick it. I am loyal to my mother although I understand how she can seem to difficult to others.
I love my mother but she has caused me great grief in my life. She was very contemptable of my father and dragged me in the middle of her problems which caused harm between my father and my relationship. My father died before we could ever make peace. Part of the reason I moved here was because I wanted to be here for my mother, but it has not been easy.
Quantum17
09-01-2007, 02:20 AM
Has your mother seen a pyshciatrist? I think she would benefit from seeing a psychiatrist who would be able to diagnose her with what ever problems she has.
TopamaxKillsMe
09-01-2007, 09:31 AM
I wish she would but she is very stubborn and refuses to.
She saw one shortly after one of her psychotic episodes after the chemo and she left out a lot of the part about how people come after her. She kept it strictly to her relationship w/ my siblings so this woman basically got a fraction of the picture. She also wanted my mother to write a letter to my sister which I thought was a bad idea and not proactive in any way. I wasn't too sure about this therapist. In any case, my mother insisted she didn't need one and never saw her again.
Way back in the 70s when her second husband left her, she was hospitalized for depression and given the pre-SSRI version of anti-depressants which didn't do anything for her paranoia. In fact, it just made it worse.
I took her to my therapist once in LA when she was visiting. I had told him all about my mother and he was convinced that many of my issues were because of her and he wanted to meet her. She ended up going off on a paranoid rampage about how "they" bug her apartment and "they" (the Christian zealots) are after her, change her hospital records. I think my therapist thought I was exaggerating about my mother until that day. As horrible fate would have it, my therapist had a heart attack that night and died. My mother was convinced that he was murdered by "them" for telling him all about their secret plot. This was very hard for me as I was very traumatized when he died. He had helped me a lot and was a very kind man and to hear my mother make it all about her and her sick paranoia made me very angry.
She saw one shortly after one of her psychotic episodes after the chemo and she left out a lot of the part about how people come after her. She kept it strictly to her relationship w/ my siblings so this woman basically got a fraction of the picture. She also wanted my mother to write a letter to my sister which I thought was a bad idea and not proactive in any way. I wasn't too sure about this therapist. In any case, my mother insisted she didn't need one and never saw her again.
Way back in the 70s when her second husband left her, she was hospitalized for depression and given the pre-SSRI version of anti-depressants which didn't do anything for her paranoia. In fact, it just made it worse.
I took her to my therapist once in LA when she was visiting. I had told him all about my mother and he was convinced that many of my issues were because of her and he wanted to meet her. She ended up going off on a paranoid rampage about how "they" bug her apartment and "they" (the Christian zealots) are after her, change her hospital records. I think my therapist thought I was exaggerating about my mother until that day. As horrible fate would have it, my therapist had a heart attack that night and died. My mother was convinced that he was murdered by "them" for telling him all about their secret plot. This was very hard for me as I was very traumatized when he died. He had helped me a lot and was a very kind man and to hear my mother make it all about her and her sick paranoia made me very angry.
Arthurgloria
09-15-2007, 09:42 PM
Hi there,
I can see what you are going through.My wife has paranoia and thinks I have affairs and that I tried to kill her at night.
She truly believes all this and won't listen to reason.she was on medicine last year which stopped the paranoia.
When she stopped the medicine the paranoia returned and once again she had to leave me because she is scared of me doing her harm.
It is hard to see someone you love live in this horror world,and not seeing any commen sense.
The medicine my wife was on is EPILIM EC200 and HALOPERIDOL.
Maybe you should check with your doctor if these medicine are suitable for your Mum.
All the best.
I can see what you are going through.My wife has paranoia and thinks I have affairs and that I tried to kill her at night.
She truly believes all this and won't listen to reason.she was on medicine last year which stopped the paranoia.
When she stopped the medicine the paranoia returned and once again she had to leave me because she is scared of me doing her harm.
It is hard to see someone you love live in this horror world,and not seeing any commen sense.
The medicine my wife was on is EPILIM EC200 and HALOPERIDOL.
Maybe you should check with your doctor if these medicine are suitable for your Mum.
All the best.