maryjane1980
08-19-2007, 06:03 PM
I am new here and starting to wonder if I am OCD due to a crazy relationship that I just had and also the fact that I just found out apparently my family doctor of 13 years thinks I have it, but she never told me until I read it on my chart.
Anyways, in my last relationship I met this amazing man, so much in common, awesome chemistry, he seemed like the one I'd been looking for my whole life. Things got really intense and it set me on this rollercoaster where I'd start feeling like something was wrong, then the feeling would grow and everything he would do would irritate me, then I'd feel like I didn't love him anymore, and finally I'd break up with him. At first I'd feel so relieved, convinced it was the right thing, and I'd feel so good about the break-up. Then all of a sudden, I would get hit with this huge wave of emotion and I'd miss him so much it hurt to breathe. Next thing you know, we're back together. We did this for months until he left town for awhile. Recently we tried to spend some time together and I totally freaked out on him. Since then, I have been SO depressed and my mind has been going in circles, back and forth as to why we should or should not be together. It's like I have two personalities, one that loves him and one that hates him, one that's convinced we're perfect for each other, and one that fears ending up with him more than anything else. I get awful premonitions and visions of our future in which he leaves me or cheats on me, and so I leave him first. But then when we're apart, I love him so much and see him for the amazing man that he is. Still, I'm not "sure", I have no inner peace about it, and he's reached his limit with me.
I haven't recognized these thoughts as irrational but the constant rationalizing and inner dialogue in my mind has gotten so loud that I'm starting to wonder if my doctor might be right about the OCD. I can't seem to live with or without this man but obviously it is impossible to have a relationship with this kind of instability. I would appreciate any insight from people who have had relationships like this and what you do to maintain stability. Thanks!
~MJ
Anyways, in my last relationship I met this amazing man, so much in common, awesome chemistry, he seemed like the one I'd been looking for my whole life. Things got really intense and it set me on this rollercoaster where I'd start feeling like something was wrong, then the feeling would grow and everything he would do would irritate me, then I'd feel like I didn't love him anymore, and finally I'd break up with him. At first I'd feel so relieved, convinced it was the right thing, and I'd feel so good about the break-up. Then all of a sudden, I would get hit with this huge wave of emotion and I'd miss him so much it hurt to breathe. Next thing you know, we're back together. We did this for months until he left town for awhile. Recently we tried to spend some time together and I totally freaked out on him. Since then, I have been SO depressed and my mind has been going in circles, back and forth as to why we should or should not be together. It's like I have two personalities, one that loves him and one that hates him, one that's convinced we're perfect for each other, and one that fears ending up with him more than anything else. I get awful premonitions and visions of our future in which he leaves me or cheats on me, and so I leave him first. But then when we're apart, I love him so much and see him for the amazing man that he is. Still, I'm not "sure", I have no inner peace about it, and he's reached his limit with me.
I haven't recognized these thoughts as irrational but the constant rationalizing and inner dialogue in my mind has gotten so loud that I'm starting to wonder if my doctor might be right about the OCD. I can't seem to live with or without this man but obviously it is impossible to have a relationship with this kind of instability. I would appreciate any insight from people who have had relationships like this and what you do to maintain stability. Thanks!
~MJ
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Cozimafighta
08-19-2007, 11:02 PM
I went though this , it was a terrible time in my life , everything seemed so real and i really believed my thoughts - i broke up with my gf twice and like you said it felt right at the time , but i would be a mess and soo upset without her , then when i would get back with her the same thoughts would come back. eg: her voice is annoying , because she told me off that means she's a b*Tch , because she didn't make our bed it means she is messy, maybe i don't really love her , etc etc all these negative thoughts about her and often i would tell her and this would put her through soo much grief and me too , and that's why i always thought it was best if we weren't together.
BUT I WAS WRONG! i went to 3 psychs until i found one who told me i have a type of ocd called relationship ocd , it's alittle less common but he said he has treated heaps of patients before and most if not all recovered. Today i still have these thoughts, but they're not so intense - you seee everyone has these thoughts to an extent but they can easily dismiss them , we can't because we are missing that chemical - instead we get stuck on all these thoughts and think we are in the wrong relationships!
It is possible that we are in the wrong relationship but that's a possibility for everyone even the perfect couples. Let me tell you something , if you miss him and feel depressed when he is gone , then that is worth further investigation! Obviously there is a feeeling there no matter what you're thinking and how much you're doubting it! Oh and another thing ocd is the DOUBTERS disease which means you will doubt all your feeligns about him and they will seem soo real! My advice is get help , read up on relationshp ocd , and get cognitive help with a therapist who specialises in ocd and this type of case! I think you have it , perhaps i'm wrong but you wouldn't be on here if it wasn't a problem ( don't doubt what i just said either hehe ) ..
See someone that can help you with this and don't give up until you do! I could of lost someone very special in my life .....my wife .
p.s. read the post of Frank 168 also! he had the same problem
BUT I WAS WRONG! i went to 3 psychs until i found one who told me i have a type of ocd called relationship ocd , it's alittle less common but he said he has treated heaps of patients before and most if not all recovered. Today i still have these thoughts, but they're not so intense - you seee everyone has these thoughts to an extent but they can easily dismiss them , we can't because we are missing that chemical - instead we get stuck on all these thoughts and think we are in the wrong relationships!
It is possible that we are in the wrong relationship but that's a possibility for everyone even the perfect couples. Let me tell you something , if you miss him and feel depressed when he is gone , then that is worth further investigation! Obviously there is a feeeling there no matter what you're thinking and how much you're doubting it! Oh and another thing ocd is the DOUBTERS disease which means you will doubt all your feeligns about him and they will seem soo real! My advice is get help , read up on relationshp ocd , and get cognitive help with a therapist who specialises in ocd and this type of case! I think you have it , perhaps i'm wrong but you wouldn't be on here if it wasn't a problem ( don't doubt what i just said either hehe ) ..
See someone that can help you with this and don't give up until you do! I could of lost someone very special in my life .....my wife .
p.s. read the post of Frank 168 also! he had the same problem
Penelope4
08-20-2007, 06:42 AM
Hi, I have felt similar - where I thought my anxious thoughts about every little thing in the relationship were something that was wrong with me (and so did my therapist), and I ended it, but I didn't get back together with him, although I felt I was still in love with him for a long time. The only thing that really guided me was my parents telling me that if you weren't happy when you were in it, then stay out. And I think that is the only thing you can go by. You really have to put yourself first sometimes.
I also believed my ex-boyfriend was perfect and wonderful when I was not with him, but what you think of them when they are away is not important - it's what you think of them when you're with them that is, considering that's what's on the boards.
I think it's very natural to want to go back to someone when things haven't worked out, because your heart desperately needs someone to love, and they're the closest thing you've got in your mind - but that doesn't mean that you won't meet someone new.
Well, that's what my parents would say anyway, and I am so glad I listened to them, because I have so much more inner peace without him (and I just had to trust it was right for many months, without understanding why it didn't work) - I guess it just wasn't meant to be. It might be the same for you, it might not. Good luck! May you have much inner peace in the future. :)
I also believed my ex-boyfriend was perfect and wonderful when I was not with him, but what you think of them when they are away is not important - it's what you think of them when you're with them that is, considering that's what's on the boards.
I think it's very natural to want to go back to someone when things haven't worked out, because your heart desperately needs someone to love, and they're the closest thing you've got in your mind - but that doesn't mean that you won't meet someone new.
Well, that's what my parents would say anyway, and I am so glad I listened to them, because I have so much more inner peace without him (and I just had to trust it was right for many months, without understanding why it didn't work) - I guess it just wasn't meant to be. It might be the same for you, it might not. Good luck! May you have much inner peace in the future. :)
maryjane1980
08-20-2007, 09:59 AM
Thank you for both of your inputs. I have held onto the idea that it was just me doubting my decision after the fact and trying really hard to stick to it, or worse that this was an addictive relationship. I have never been like this in a relationship before, but I have also never been with someone where I considered the possibility of marriage and have also been sober. I even dated someone new in the months that we were separated and at first everything was great, he was everything my boyfriend wasn't, all the things I lacked in my ex, this new guy had. But pretty soon, I began to notice all these things that bugged me about him too, fixating on them and trying to push them away, and I'd get feelings of panic starting within me. Plus I had no chemistry with this new guy. So I'm thinking it must be ME, not them. I may have lost my ex for good considering I have put him through so much, he is a very sensitive soul and I have wounded him deeply with all my criticisms. But I have an appointment this week with a psych who does CBT and specializes in anxiety, so hopefully I will get some answers. It is so hard to try to maintain a balance where I can see the relationship clearly: I tend to either idealize it or totally devalue it, thinking the problems are ALL due to either my "issues" or him, as if there is ONE simple answer that explains everything.
azartoc
08-20-2007, 02:51 PM
Hello There!. I am also suffering ROCD! And I can tell you that I have the same symptoms you do have!!! The problem with OCD people is that we see the world in black and white, so we want perfection in our relationship.
My advice to you maryjane1980! Find a therapist before you take any decision. If you ask your family they will tell you the same "If you dont feel ok just leave or finish the relationship" REMEMBER NORMAL PEOPLE KNOW NOTHING OF OCD, THEY WILL ADVICE YOU LIKE YOU WERE A NON OCD PERSON. In my case when i asked advice to my family evrything messed up, so my therapist told me not to talk about it with anyone else, and i think it is the best.-
I have read of many people that ended relatioships because of OCD and they didnt know it until now. I think it is sad to finish something when the problem is in your head not in the relationship. You have the opportunity to do the right thing, search in yourself with the help of a therapist then take a decision. Remember OCD will follow you so the real solution is fight the OCD.-
The real thruth is that nobody knows what is the best decision, because maybe you breakup and find someone better for you or maybe not and you will find a worse one, but whatever you do OCD will be there if you dont find help, I think OCD gets stronger while the relationship is more important.
My advice to you maryjane1980! Find a therapist before you take any decision. If you ask your family they will tell you the same "If you dont feel ok just leave or finish the relationship" REMEMBER NORMAL PEOPLE KNOW NOTHING OF OCD, THEY WILL ADVICE YOU LIKE YOU WERE A NON OCD PERSON. In my case when i asked advice to my family evrything messed up, so my therapist told me not to talk about it with anyone else, and i think it is the best.-
I have read of many people that ended relatioships because of OCD and they didnt know it until now. I think it is sad to finish something when the problem is in your head not in the relationship. You have the opportunity to do the right thing, search in yourself with the help of a therapist then take a decision. Remember OCD will follow you so the real solution is fight the OCD.-
The real thruth is that nobody knows what is the best decision, because maybe you breakup and find someone better for you or maybe not and you will find a worse one, but whatever you do OCD will be there if you dont find help, I think OCD gets stronger while the relationship is more important.
Cozimafighta
08-20-2007, 07:46 PM
I think you should take both Penelope's and Azartocs points into consideration - although i do tend to lean more towards Azartocs point of view in that you should never make decisions until you receive proper mental help! And when i mean proper mental help i mean somebody who has dealt with this type of ocd in the past SOMEONE WHO CAN DIFFERENTIATE MORE CLEARLY THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OCD THOUGHTS AND LEGITIMATE RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS!
Parents are usually right and so are friends but be very careful when you take advice of these people, always remember they will react in your best interest , judge how you feel and probably recommend you terminate the relationship - many of my friends and relatives told me so and if i listened to them i could of lost a very special person in my life :( It's soo hard thought because you love and trust these people but if they are not aware of your condition and how it can affect your thought process ( and really understand it ) then i don't think you should be getting advice of them.
I use to get advice of family and friends and i would tell them i had ocd and how it clouds my thoughts and makes me doubt everything , but they still wouldn't get it - when you tell people you have ocd they think you wash youre hands too much or something - even if you try to explain it most still don't understand because they either don't study it , or don't fell the pain that you do...
Finally, i think Penelope has a valid point and it could just be the wrong relationship for you , but then again it could be and i think the best person to tell you that is a trained professional who deals with people like you everyday and yourself.. I know i felt soo bad without her and in the past i had broken up with other girls and didn't care so much this wasss different.. My therapist said if you terminate this relationship , yes you may feel better but you will always have this problem in all your relationships!
Parents are usually right and so are friends but be very careful when you take advice of these people, always remember they will react in your best interest , judge how you feel and probably recommend you terminate the relationship - many of my friends and relatives told me so and if i listened to them i could of lost a very special person in my life :( It's soo hard thought because you love and trust these people but if they are not aware of your condition and how it can affect your thought process ( and really understand it ) then i don't think you should be getting advice of them.
I use to get advice of family and friends and i would tell them i had ocd and how it clouds my thoughts and makes me doubt everything , but they still wouldn't get it - when you tell people you have ocd they think you wash youre hands too much or something - even if you try to explain it most still don't understand because they either don't study it , or don't fell the pain that you do...
Finally, i think Penelope has a valid point and it could just be the wrong relationship for you , but then again it could be and i think the best person to tell you that is a trained professional who deals with people like you everyday and yourself.. I know i felt soo bad without her and in the past i had broken up with other girls and didn't care so much this wasss different.. My therapist said if you terminate this relationship , yes you may feel better but you will always have this problem in all your relationships!