My Mom still lives alone, is 72. She has carcinoid cancer in her lungs. This is not what you think of as lung cancer. Her Cat scans look like she has been hit with buckshot. It hadn't changed since it was found by accident/ It is a very slow growing cancer and she has no trouble breathing. It is rarely fatal.

That being said my Mom has been addicted in the past when I was a child to Darvon. She was taken to a hospital to withdraw and she has always been prone to over medicate.

The weird thing is her dr and palliative care are letting her tell them what she needs. She has for the last 5 years, popped darvocet like it;s candy. Dr gives her a script for 500 a month. Then she has gone from a 25 mg fentanyl patch to a 100mg in 6 months When she went to a 75mg is when we totally lost my mom and the kids lost there Mimi. She also uses 2 lidoderm patches a day, ativan and 2 antidepressants. Her eyes are so dilated, her words are slurred and all she does is sleep.:confused:

I have talked to her til I'm blue in the face. She is ready to go, but she seems nowhere close to it. My Dad dies of cancer and she is sure the drs give her plenty of medication to let her die like they did my Dad. Maybe they are, I don't know. Her house is a mess and she wants me to come clean it (50 Miles one way). I have MS and am sick too. I have gone before and cleaned it, but I hate to go when it just because she is drugged. She refuses to come here and live because she knows I would stop some of the meds. Oh the palliative nurses say to let her sleep shes not hurting no one.. She is missing out on life and we all miss her. Now she is like a junkie and when we do talk her into going somewhere, her purse is stocked full of meds and she doesn't even hold her head up, even with her favorite grand kids. Any suggestions/ opinions?

Oh and her dr will not talk to us because of Hippa.

Dear Dizzy-
This is a toughie--your mom is old enough to decide for herself what she wants to do and sounds like she is ready to "go" as you put it and if she is choosing to do it this way, well short of an intervention of some kind, she's going to get just what she wants.
I'm doubtful that her doctor is unaware of the meds at the levels you describe. Also, pharmacies keep close track of how many pain pills, fentanyl patches, etc., that a patient receives. And undoubtedly your mom is depressed (obviously, sinde she takes AD's) with being a widow, not having family real close by and by being sick. We can't know what kind of pain she's in and mental pain (from grief or a physical source) are as individual to each person as that person themselves.
Do you have siblings? Maybe you can talk amongst yourselves about her. If she is lonely, more visits? 72 isn't old, by today's standards, but loneliness can drive a person to age faster than you can imagine, and I bet she feels pretty useless.
As far as her place being a mess--financially, can you hire a weekly cleaning service? Take that worry off of you?
In the end, you can't make your mom be anyone other than who she is. Sounds like she has pretty much given up on life since your dad died and that is very sad. And it's true--her doc will not talk to you due to HIIPA laws, which protect her---unless she specifically rescinds those rights.
I'm so sorry for what you are feeling--you seem very caring & compassionate. Keep loving her & try to not judge her. Life is hard on everyone.
Liz

Sweetie she's an adult and it is HER life not yours ..let her live her last few years how ever she wishes or your relationship may suffer from it and theses are not years you can get back once they are gone. 72 is not an age to get weaned off of a drug addiction ..just sit back and relax a little more and try to folcus more on yoru own life not hers ... be ther efor her when she needs you and during the good times but try not to put down her life choices..........

I'm sorry you're going through this hell. I just want to give you the polar opposite of your story...it's what I'm going through w/ my mom. She has multiple myeloma which is a blood disease that affects the bone marrow. She is pain constantly (be it bone pain, a blood clot, whatever(. Her doctor want to put her on something like oxycontin but she refuses. She won't even take alleve. So I, as her caregiver, listen to her moan and groan in her sleep from all the pain she is in and I just wish she'd take something. FINALLY, she went on lidoderm (which, is NOT a narcotic, my mother refuses to go on a narcotic)...she used it briefly, her stupid nursemaid told her it was a narcotic and now she won't take it again....even after I read to her from the internet that it wasn't a narcotic and I had her call her pharmacist to confirm.

It isn't an easy thing for your mom. I'm sorry that you and her have to experience this but believe me, think of the opposite. Would you want to hear her constantly moaning in agony?

What's probably making her so groggy is the darvocet, btw. as I said lidoderm isn't a narcotic and lorazapam is an anxiety med. Darvocet can be toxic if taken in bulk, you might want to talk to her doctor about that.