my wifes 16 year old son just moved in with us. He is a very sweet
kind boy who is very quiet. He was taken away from his dad and we got
him about 2 weeks ago. The reason that his dad lost him was because his
dad was sexually and physically abusing him. At night he often has
nightmares. He cries and screams often in his sleep and me and my wife
often go wake him up. Hes always very scared when he first wakes up and
a while after he is woken up too. He never wants to talk about his
dreams or even his feelings. My wife and I have both tried talking to
him. He also still has wounds on his back from were his dad beat him with a belt til he bleed and when you even barly touch his back he'll cry... How do i help him

My heart goes out to this poor boy. Apart from therapy, which he will definitely need, the best thing you can do is to let him come to you in his own time. His trust was horribly betrayed by the person he should have been able to trust above all others, so he is not going to trust anybody else any time soon. Do not press him to talk about things, just be there for him. It is going to take time and patience on your part to allow him to heal in a safe environment. If you supply that safe environment, then you are doing the best thing for him. Sera

This is a delicate situation. You have to be constant and consistant in your love. You also have to let him open to you on his own. If you push or become to forceful you will turn him from you further.

Therapy and maybe abuse support group sessions will be of help. Also see if you can get him to write down his thoughts and fears. Sometimes even if you just write it down for your own private review it allows you to heal those wounds and move on. If he is amiable to a journal, do not read it without permission. To read it on secret is a breach of trust and will definitely cause new issues to arise. The therapist may suggest a journal as well.

As to making taking the fears away after nightmares. Maybe you can just offer some chamomile tea and honey to aide in relaxation and start reading a book out loud together. Something light and amusing. Don't push, just offer the comfort of your presence and voice. When I had nightmares this is what my mother did.. she didn't make me relive the nightmare (which right now is to fresh and horrifying for the young man).. she was just there for me and would read me another chapter out of our current bedtime book. I can not remember how many times I fell asleep listening to her voice. In many cases your presence is enough to offer comfort.

My best wishes and thoughts go out to you and your family.
Sincerely,
MG