This year I got involved in a relationship with someone who has anorexia nervousa. With encouragment from myself she decided to get help and readmit herself into an impatient treatment center for eating disorders. When she is finished with the impatient and out patient programs she decided and I agreed that it would be best for her to stay in the area. Now we are in a long distance relationship. The eating disorder and the distance has really put a burdon on the relationship. I do plan on moving in April. I have done my best to try to understand and be supportive. To learn more I have read info from the internet, talked with her dietitian, and of course talked to her quite a bit. Being so far away she does not always get the support from me that she needs. I understand that the number one thing that she needs to deal with is ED, She does not need the stresses of a relationship right now interfering with her recovery so I try to keep that to a minimum. we are in a serious relationship, but the most important thing to me is her health and her life. I am willing to give up the relationship if it is hurting her but of course I would much rather learn to be a support all the time and not some of the time.

I am hoping to get some advice on how to give proper support from afar. I also try to read and would like suggestions on books that may help me support her as well, not nessesarily on books with relationships in mind but anything that may have helped you or your loved one.

Thanks everyone

Wow I just wanted to say that you are an amazing person. I have so much respect for anyone who is supportive and understanding with someone that is going through an eating disorder. It is a very isolating, lonely disease and it is so hard to find people that are willing to help and try to understand. Sounds like you've been a LOT of help to her so far and she is very fortunate to have you. Long distance relationships are tough no matter what the situation and of course having an ED just complicates them even more. Everything you have done is great and I"m sure she greatly appreciates all of it.

As for books..there are many books out there about Eating Disorders and recovery. Some are helpful but some tend to be a little triggering also. There are also some great sites (like this one and other forums) that can help you (and her) learn more about ed's and other's experiences. (I can't type specific ones though sorry).

Have you talked to her about the relationship and if it is too much stress on her?

That was why I did not want to buy just any book. I know like everything else there are good ones and bad ones. She has a book that she enjoys a lot but her mom is currently reading it. I am waiting on that one.


Before she left for treatment we had talked and both agreed that if our relationship got to a place that was preventing recovery then it should end. It is difficult for her to talk too much about our current relationship because it is stressfull and inturn not helpful for recovery so I try and stay away from that conversation. One of the biggest things is that sometimes she says that I sound negative on the phone and that is really hard for her. I don't normally notice it myself. It is usually when I feel worried, sad or frustrated with the situation. I try to catch myself when I feel that way, I know that she can't support me very well, and I might need to develope my own support system for it. The next time it comes up I think it may help to explain to her that the reason I feel that way sometimes is because I care and they are not actually negative feelings but really stem from very positive feelings.