zzterror
08-26-2007, 01:26 AM
hi all,
this is going to be a long post, hope you can bear with it. :)
ive been reading the board but i cant seem to find anyone with the same symptoms as i do
i have a big list of ocd obsessions/compulsions but nothing is worse than this
because this makes me feel way too uneasy
it seems i always have to have a perfect sex, if its not perfect then it would be mean all the remaining days (till i have a perfect one again) would be ruined, i would not be happy, i would feel that everything is just gloomy, sometimes i even thought of suicide (at some point of time), but i know i wont do that, and my definition of perfect sex is just as long i dont lose any erection in the whole process, then its perfect, if not, then its not perfect and thats my worse fear in life
so i have developed a habit of post event analysis, i would try to see if i did lose my erection in any way during sex, or if i had a perfect one, i would try to avoid doing it again, at least for a short period of time so i could have a slightly more peaceful day, and this is not the way things should be, but i cant help it, i dont wanna be thinking about my performance in sex all the time its driving me crazy i want to be normal again like i was 4 years ago when i didnt had OCD
years ago i had wasted some money (it was ok as it made me feel reassured) on seeing a few doctors to ask if i were impotent, which is the biggest fear of my life, they assured i was ok physically, and that i could have performance anxiety
i do not have much issues doing it, well sometimes yes but i still get to do it and i still enjoy it, but the problem is i am placing too much importance on it (perfect/imperfect) and i dont know what i can do to get myself off this silly problem, and as i am saying that 'i do not have much problems doing it' - i am now thinking if i really didnt had much problems, or was i really experiencing a great big deal doing it, did i really had problems? these questions always on my mind, the doubts, doesnt wanna go away, it makes me feel so uncertain, its like i just had to be 100% sure, i know this is definitely an ocd symptom, the doubting part
now my main problem is the perfect/imperfect part for sex, i want to know if anyone else has this sort of issues, ive read before about females (mostly) with the fears of getting HIV/AIDS, but not abt males with the fear of of getting impotence
oh and i'm not from korea but i cant put my own country in my profile :P ocd says that would mean i will be identified and thats the last thing i want happened.
this is going to be a long post, hope you can bear with it. :)
ive been reading the board but i cant seem to find anyone with the same symptoms as i do
i have a big list of ocd obsessions/compulsions but nothing is worse than this
because this makes me feel way too uneasy
it seems i always have to have a perfect sex, if its not perfect then it would be mean all the remaining days (till i have a perfect one again) would be ruined, i would not be happy, i would feel that everything is just gloomy, sometimes i even thought of suicide (at some point of time), but i know i wont do that, and my definition of perfect sex is just as long i dont lose any erection in the whole process, then its perfect, if not, then its not perfect and thats my worse fear in life
so i have developed a habit of post event analysis, i would try to see if i did lose my erection in any way during sex, or if i had a perfect one, i would try to avoid doing it again, at least for a short period of time so i could have a slightly more peaceful day, and this is not the way things should be, but i cant help it, i dont wanna be thinking about my performance in sex all the time its driving me crazy i want to be normal again like i was 4 years ago when i didnt had OCD
years ago i had wasted some money (it was ok as it made me feel reassured) on seeing a few doctors to ask if i were impotent, which is the biggest fear of my life, they assured i was ok physically, and that i could have performance anxiety
i do not have much issues doing it, well sometimes yes but i still get to do it and i still enjoy it, but the problem is i am placing too much importance on it (perfect/imperfect) and i dont know what i can do to get myself off this silly problem, and as i am saying that 'i do not have much problems doing it' - i am now thinking if i really didnt had much problems, or was i really experiencing a great big deal doing it, did i really had problems? these questions always on my mind, the doubts, doesnt wanna go away, it makes me feel so uncertain, its like i just had to be 100% sure, i know this is definitely an ocd symptom, the doubting part
now my main problem is the perfect/imperfect part for sex, i want to know if anyone else has this sort of issues, ive read before about females (mostly) with the fears of getting HIV/AIDS, but not abt males with the fear of of getting impotence
oh and i'm not from korea but i cant put my own country in my profile :P ocd says that would mean i will be identified and thats the last thing i want happened.
Sponsor
seaturtle
08-26-2007, 09:08 PM
Hello,
As with all of our obsessions, I think your fear is just an exaggerated version of what most men fear. And, as a woman, I can tell you that women have the same fear (only obviously not the erection part, lol, but were we able to have an orgasm, did we please our man, were we "as good as" his other partners, will the sex lead to a relationship, and on and on.)
You're not alone, or really so odd: look at all the products for ERD out there now. I really never understood why maintaining an erection was so important for men. A woman receives so much pleasure from just the physical contact, stroking, and other forms of pleasure, not just penetration.
Might it help if you concentrated on other ways of pleasing your partner at times? I, for one, have never been put off or really disappointed if a man could not maintain his erection. It just was something happening, and we had lots of fun in other ways.
Lastly, do you get professional help with this? I agree it's definitely your OCD and the doubt, but it causes you such pain. I'm sure you can get the help you need to make this better.
In the end, the erection isn't that important, it's how tender, loving and sensitive you are to your partner. At least to me.
Please do try to get some help so this doesn't torture you so much. Keep posting, too, I'm sure there are many here who have the same problem.
Best to you,
Seaturtle
As with all of our obsessions, I think your fear is just an exaggerated version of what most men fear. And, as a woman, I can tell you that women have the same fear (only obviously not the erection part, lol, but were we able to have an orgasm, did we please our man, were we "as good as" his other partners, will the sex lead to a relationship, and on and on.)
You're not alone, or really so odd: look at all the products for ERD out there now. I really never understood why maintaining an erection was so important for men. A woman receives so much pleasure from just the physical contact, stroking, and other forms of pleasure, not just penetration.
Might it help if you concentrated on other ways of pleasing your partner at times? I, for one, have never been put off or really disappointed if a man could not maintain his erection. It just was something happening, and we had lots of fun in other ways.
Lastly, do you get professional help with this? I agree it's definitely your OCD and the doubt, but it causes you such pain. I'm sure you can get the help you need to make this better.
In the end, the erection isn't that important, it's how tender, loving and sensitive you are to your partner. At least to me.
Please do try to get some help so this doesn't torture you so much. Keep posting, too, I'm sure there are many here who have the same problem.
Best to you,
Seaturtle
zzterror
08-27-2007, 01:51 AM
hi all,
really glad to hear your suggestions,
i feel better knowing i'm not the alien.. lol
well, i had been to a psychatrist and a therapist a few years back, but it didnt help, i took anafranil too but it only gave me side effects but not help with my condition, so i gave up the medication and i was just trying to struggle on my own, i have a lot of other mad symptoms that i didnt list coz it would take a whole day to list it out, right now the most concerned issue i have is about the erection part.
in fact, i dont really have much problems enjoying sex and doing it, its just even if i lost an erection, even just once, during penetration that is, it would mean the whole session is ruined, and that cause me plenty of stress, i know it would sound funny but yes i was wondering why i would become like this, 4 years back when i didnt had OCD (not that i know of), i didnt had any issues like this and as far as i remember, i didnt really care much whether i did it perfect or not
in general i dont think many guys will be as concerned as i am about ED, they may be but they do not panic as i do, i guess OCD really knows what matters to me and know when to strike me
its tough because i dont want to avoid doing it again whenever i did a perfect one in order to prevent any imperfect ones, and the most funny thing is my idea of perfect means that during the penetration i keep my erection all the way. even if i just lose it once and still able to carry on again, i would still feel that its not perfect then i would start having doubts about my own ability, then it leads to a lot of uncertainty and stress, making me feel extremely uneasy, it seems the 'last' time i have sex must always be a perfect one.
i dont know how i can help my condition, ive tried seeing a shrink and i've read up a lot of books on the subject but nothing helps, i've heard of surgery but it seems risky and well, i think, very painful, so i probably will never do that, i rather struggle with the condition, i've heard and ive tried CBT, it seems good, provides me some relieve, and the psychologist being able to answer my ever lasting doubts and queries, is of course helpful, but its costly in my area and whenever i go down it became more like a routine rather than helping my condition
:(
really glad to hear your suggestions,
i feel better knowing i'm not the alien.. lol
well, i had been to a psychatrist and a therapist a few years back, but it didnt help, i took anafranil too but it only gave me side effects but not help with my condition, so i gave up the medication and i was just trying to struggle on my own, i have a lot of other mad symptoms that i didnt list coz it would take a whole day to list it out, right now the most concerned issue i have is about the erection part.
in fact, i dont really have much problems enjoying sex and doing it, its just even if i lost an erection, even just once, during penetration that is, it would mean the whole session is ruined, and that cause me plenty of stress, i know it would sound funny but yes i was wondering why i would become like this, 4 years back when i didnt had OCD (not that i know of), i didnt had any issues like this and as far as i remember, i didnt really care much whether i did it perfect or not
in general i dont think many guys will be as concerned as i am about ED, they may be but they do not panic as i do, i guess OCD really knows what matters to me and know when to strike me
its tough because i dont want to avoid doing it again whenever i did a perfect one in order to prevent any imperfect ones, and the most funny thing is my idea of perfect means that during the penetration i keep my erection all the way. even if i just lose it once and still able to carry on again, i would still feel that its not perfect then i would start having doubts about my own ability, then it leads to a lot of uncertainty and stress, making me feel extremely uneasy, it seems the 'last' time i have sex must always be a perfect one.
i dont know how i can help my condition, ive tried seeing a shrink and i've read up a lot of books on the subject but nothing helps, i've heard of surgery but it seems risky and well, i think, very painful, so i probably will never do that, i rather struggle with the condition, i've heard and ive tried CBT, it seems good, provides me some relieve, and the psychologist being able to answer my ever lasting doubts and queries, is of course helpful, but its costly in my area and whenever i go down it became more like a routine rather than helping my condition
:(