Dear Members,

Here I am, having many groceries my boyfriend's mom paid for, and I am binging on what I just went out to a large chain supermarket to buy.

I am very afraid I am going to get kicked out of school this semester because, last Spring semester, I went to the student health center doctor at the university who became concerned about my very low weight and went to the Assistant Dean about my health. I then was forced to attend a meeting with my parents and boyfriend (the angel) and I was then told that I had to attend therapy throughout the summer and this school year. This therapy consists of a doctor in my college town and a nutritionist at the student health center for the university. If I did not comply, I would recieve a system-wide suspension for two years from all university's in my state.

It is now September, and I fear my weight is still too low, so I feel I can justify binging. I know this is a very bad thing; I gained [weight] through night binging two summers ago, and I looked very bloated and overweight. Yet, I must visit the Assistant Dean at the end of September. I have kept all of my appointments however, so this should help with the process.

I do not know what else to do.

Are you eating Three healthy meals per day? Do you avoid high sugar foods? Do you avoid trans fat and high saturated fat foods? Do you read the labels? Don't remove, replace, replace with protein. It definitely will not get you fat. Healthy is healthy! Do you take vitamins?

Before I knew what I now know about nutrition and healthy eating I think that I used to get shameful about eating, I now get angry as I should, because you'd better believe that before my time on this earth is over, I'm going to eat when I choose, what I choose, but that doesn't at all mean unhealthy. I'm entitled to eat and I'll do as I chose. Granted it sucks when you eat off of someone else's money but then one needs to find a source of income. Maybe buy your own food if you have money?

Hi!
Have you done any soul searching as to why you have this troubled relationship with food? You could be trying to control your life through controlling your food intake, however little or much it is.
Your weight may still be too low but you may look healthy. I think this is what bothers your Dean and eveyone else. Your well being. And this is what you must try to achieve. Live healthily. Eat healthily , take any physical activity and be happy. If they see that you are trying, no one will stop you from completing your studies.
But first ,you must think why you are doing what you are doing, because even though you say you are binging in order to put on weight, you sound as if you resent this. If I am right, try to find out why. The answer to this could spell the end of your problems. Therapy sessions will definitely help you if you stick to them and believe in them.
Good luck:)

I ended up being forced to leave a wonderful university because of my EDs, and it's something I'll regret forever. I let the ED consume me, and take control of my entire future (career choices limited after leaving that school). And for what?

I had to ask myself some serious questions. I still had some rough times in the following years, and didn't really get into recovery until some years later, but I do know that losing my chance at staying at that school is something that I still grieve over. What is more important to you?

Can I ask how you got removed from college, if you do not mind sharing? Did it have to do with the Dean as well? Please share if you can!

I overdosed, ended up in a coma, and had to leave. I'd had to leave the semester before due to calling my health center therapist saying I was suicidal; she had me go to her office, then sent me to the health center; I returned the following fall, totally overwhelmed at wanting to seem "perfect", and barely remember the OD, or wanting to die. I do remember waking up in ICU, with a lot of confusion, and then my parents (who waited the 3 days to show up) taking me back to the hospital I'd been at the spring before. I loved college. I finally felt some freedom, but the ED took it all away, and I had one chance to change that, but went back to it when I returned. The OD was just the end of a couple of weeks (literally) of not knowing what to do. I was seeing the same therapist, who I liked, but I was still too much of a mess.

I didn't have to deal with any of the Deans- my removal was from medical staff. They said the school would no longer be responsible for my well being on their property.

It's one of the biggest regrets I have in my life, not graduating from a top university. I got in with no problems, and ended up leaving half dead. I'm not sure I"ve ever forgiven myself for that. It's an experience I'll never get back.