guys, i guess i've come to the conclusion i'm never going to get better. every time i see the numbers on the scale and they are low i'm so proud of myself, i know that is wrong but yet it makes me feel good and so i guess my life will always be this way, and yet i hate that so much!!! i've ruined so much because of this disease. my relationships stink, my hormone levels are so low it has caused my libido to go into the toilet, and i'm so moody and upset all the time. i was just to my doc the other day and she said it would be so helpful to gain even [a little], yikes i almost flipped out when she said that. i just can't do it, i would be so disgusted with myself, so how does one ever overcome this?? nuerowreck you are always so full of good advice, and maria and so many of you, please help me!!!! case

You have to decide which is more important- being a slave to an ED, or having a life. EDs demand constant attention from you, until you die from them, and fog your thinking so you can't see what is actually going on. Once you start eating and retaining just a little at a time- you don't have to do it all at once, you will start to have the compulsive thoughts ease up- and not put so much pressure on you. The starvation sends out endorphins that make eating hard- it will be hard at first but you have to keep telling yourself- it's only temporary- you have to go through the hard parts in order to have the rest of your life. Otherwise, ED wins, and you die. It's just a matter of time. You are worth getting better and taking up space on this planet. You have value as a human being. ED does not define who you are as a person- it takes a while to get all of that rewired in your head, but it's true :)

You are much more than your ED :)
One bite at a time :)
Baby steps count :)
You don't have to do it all perfectly- just keep doing it, and recovery comes :)

I agree with Neuro, take it slow. I like to plan out my entire day or weekend so I know what to eat. I usually have a normalish dinner, but go lite during the day. Somebody told me that with EDs it's not one day at a time, but one meal at a time. I'm really trying to adopt this philosophy, but I'm such a control freak that it's been hard. Maybe you'll have better luck. Otherwise, don't set a garguantuan weight goal for yourself. Try setting a goal for one lb or so and see if you can do it. If you can, and still feel comfortable with your body and in control of your life, try adding another pound. Good luck!