I am a step mom to a beautiful healthy 19 year old. Last night she just opened up to me and told me that she has been making herself "sick" since January. She told me she knows it is bad, knows the health issues, has even begun with some hair loss and stomach issues but can't seem to stop it. I don't know what to say to her or what to do for her. She said that her mom yells at her about it and knows about it. I want to support her, but just don't know enough about it to know what the right thing would be.

Please advise
Hep

hey there...i know the biggest thing that helps me is having my family and dear close friends there for me unconditionally - none of them can understand why i am sick (im bulimic and ano) but they all just keep saying to me they want to help, they are always there for me to talk to for aslong as i want no matter how repetitive i sound...i find that just being able to talk to them over and over again it helps me so much because it terrifies me - it is a horrible scary disorder that has presented me with the biggest challenge of my life trying to recover...my family and friends just want to see me happy and safe again and them being here no matter what gives me more strength than they will ever understand - maybe offer to go with her to see her doc and get her into seeing a psycologist who deals with ED before it goes on for to long...if you have any questions to help you understand how it makes you feel or anything to do with the disorder please ask me as id be happy to try and help you see what shes going through and that shes not just being difficult its out of her control...love bec

Hi!
First of all congratulations for being such a caring person and for thinking so highly of your stepdaughter. She is lucky to have you.
Since I have been suffering from bulimia all my life and been in long term therapy, I have eventually come to realize how destructive this disorder is. Eventually it will lead to serious health issues.
Fortunately there is a way out once she starts to understand WHY she is doing it. And to do this she must see a therapist.
Usually a bulimic person has low self esteem, feels she has lost control of her life and has subconscious, unfullfilled needs. She eats for confort but she ends up eating too much because those needs cannot be met with food. Then she feels quilty and tries to undo the damage by purging. And so on and so forth. In my opinion this chain can only be broken by going into therapy and wanting to get better.
Try to make her understand this and make her feel accepted and loved. She will then slowly come to trust you and you can help her by being there for her and not by shouting like her mum.
Good luck:angel:

Thank you both so much for your replies. I feel a lot better just reading your suggestions. Last night we had her and her boyfriend over for dinner and after dinner I made sure we went for a wlak to distract her and because I have 2 younger children with "big ears" we didn't get to talk too much, but when I hugged her goodbye, I asked her if everything went ok... she said she "behaved". I really DON'T understand it... but I will try for her. I am overweight and never could have thought of being bulimec because of my fears.... but I am doing everything I can to help her. Thank you for your help!

taking her for a walk would have been just what she needed to remove her focus from dinner etc..she means she behaved as in wasnt sick and probably that she didnt freak out - thats what i always mean when i say that i behaved...you are doing a wonderful job, i honestly think you are :) unconditional support and love is my biggest gift from my family..this might sound weird but i know my mum is in exactly the same position as you so maybe if it helps you could talk to her aswell as myself and together you will help her by giving her another concerned loved one and i can help you give an insight to whats going on in her head...i know it helps me helping others and i think for my mum i owe it to her to provide her with a friend who is going through the same thing...you may think its stupid but just an idea...i also know that my step dad being there for me as somebody to talk to who will just say to me how are you going with everything and being there as a friend who never judges me has been the most unbelieveable strength to me, so just you being there will mean more to her than anything..i am 19 by the way i forgot how old you said your stepdaughter is?

Abbec,
you sound very mature for 19. My stepdaughter is 19 as well. I am 34 and have a 7 year old and 3 year old and I tried to explain without putting undo pressure that these little ones look up to her. My stepdaugther understood and stated that she feels like a "stupid little teenager" for having these issues. I told her that this is not an age issue that women of all ages have these same problems.

I think that would be great for your mom to tell me how she felt when she first learned of your condition. (see... I even feel like I am saying the wrong things here... is it a condition? Is it a problem? do these words make you or my stepdaughter feel worse?). I think your mom may have the exact perpective that I am looking for. At 19, do I physically pick her up and get her to a counselor?? She is an adult and does not live with me. She hasn't told my husband yet (her dad) but I filled him in a bit without betraying her confidence. She has told him she wants to talk. I know he needs to show her support too, but I feel like it is more of a women issue. He needs to show her that she can trust men.

Anyway... thank you so much for all your help. I hope you realize that your struggles and recovery of this can be so far reaching to others that are working through it as well. Unfortunately in our lives things that we go through have to be a lesson for others.
Hep