Hi, this is to start a support thread for some of us on here who have experienced suicide of dear loved ones and addiction at the same time. Please come on here and we can help each other in any way possible.

My story: addicted to benzo's and morphine(vicodin in america - but got off them and have stayed off for 3 weeks and two days - yay). My father hung himself 4 weeks ago and then I instantly turned to the dreaded xanax and valium for numbness and to stop the explosion going on inside my heart.

Am now back down to 2mg of xanax a day and 10mg of valium a day. This may not sound like a lot to most people but it is to me as I can't function without them and if I don't take them my body craves them and it's all I can think of - that is an addict right?

Anyway, May God Bless you all experiencing this hell on earth and may we all support each other through this process. Ta Tessa

T,
Thanks for starting this thread. My older sister shot herself to death last month. I was in the middle of detoxing from years of Hydro abuse. Was almost there. I could not stand the pain and started gobbling them down again. All it did was delay the pain. I have been CT for a full week now. My heart feels like a sack of lead. I loved my big sis so much. She was always there for me.
I'm so sorry about your dad. I understand how you feel. You can make it though. We can make it.

HEY TA TESSA, I`M VERY SORRY TO HEAR THIS AND IT COMES AT A ROUGH TIME FOR YOU AND I KNOW ABOUT DROWNING THE PAIN OF A LOST LOVE ONE MY SON WAS KILLED ON MOTHERS DAY ON HIS WAY TO GET A GIFT FOR MOM, STRUCK AND KILLED BY A CAR.....AND I ALSO STARTED TAKING THEM AGAIN AND NOW ON DETOX. I DON`T BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE DIE I THINK THEY JUST CHANGE FORM, YOU KNOW LIKE WATER EVAPORATING, HE IS STILL AROUND YOU JUST HAVE TO TUNE YOURSELF IN AND YOU CAN FIND HIM AGAIN, YOU`LL KNOW WHAT I`M TALKING ABOUT WHEN IT HAPPENS.PEACE. FITZ.:angel:

Fitz, im so sorry to hear that about your son. I know you dont want to hear this but he is truly in a better place.But i know you'd much rather have him with you..also, fitz, im not sure if you realize that you write in caps only..its a little hard on the eyes..:cool: God Bless.:angel:

I am feeling OK today. Have realised that this was my fathers decision and his only. Nobody else had any control over his suicide and I can not take on the guilt of it. to Me: Your pain is so normal - I lost my brother too in a car accident, but the shock is the same. You will need time to get a grip on things (don't you hate that word - TIME).

I am job searching at the moment to try to keep my mind off things. haven't worked for about 6 months and feel that this will really help me. I am a child care worker and the little kids just seem to make me happy with their innocence.

Me: do you have any kids in your life or any close ie. nephews/nieces, friends kids etc. Hanging around them really takes your mind off things cause you can get down and play a game of footy outside with them or basketball or anything.

So sorry for your loss fitz. I can not begin to understand your pain. Losing a child is the most profound loss they say. So very very sorry for you. Have seen my mum go through hell and back losing her son in a car accident (12yrs ago) and can only say that she now accepts it but is still on heavy anti-depressants and tranquilisers.

Anyway, good luck to you all and RIP to everyone who lost their lives in 9/11.
Tessa

Unfortunately I run a company and many families depend on me for their livelyhood. I just want to crawl into a corner and cry but I don't have that luxury. I am absolutely miserable. I would just go put a bullet in my brain too if I didn't know how much it hurts those you leave behind. Now that I know, I would NEVER put my family through that. There just seem to be no good answer other than time. I used to like that song by RUSH "Time stand still". Now I want time to speed up. Just rambling.......See Ya.

Jules, Thankyou For The Kind Words, Sorry For The Caps At The End Of My Workday It`s Hard For Me To See The Screen, But I Will Lightin Up For You And Everyone Else.peace.fitz.

tessa, thankyou for your response, you know i think if at the right time in all our lives if we just had someone to speak with when we needed it most so much greif would not exist.peace.fitz