I am so tired of living in constant pain that I consider suicide on a regular basis. Without the minimal relief that I get through a pain doctor, I'm pretty sure I couldn't carry on. I rode professional rodeo for 6 years and took a beating over the course of it.

My L5-S1 had a piece broke off the end that lodged into a nerve. In 2003 I had a surgery to remove the bone chips from the nerve and things went great for close to a year after I healed. Then, the pain came back and it was constant, just all the time. I went back to my family doctor who put me on pain killers for about 6 months and then referred me to a local pain doctor, who I continue to see to this day. I no longer do anything strenuous or anything of the sort that would hurt my back more.

This year I have had an additional MRI that revealed what the pain doctor called a dry disk, degenerative disk disease and a bulging disk above the L5-S1. The surgeon I seen after that told me that he wouldn't do a surgery because it wasn't bad enough and that he has seen much worse, and that I shouldn't be in much pain. But, here I am in pain every single day and it is wearing on me and I am so tired of it.
On top of that, my pain doctor isn't providing adequate enough treatment/medication and the days are hit and miss when the meds do work. Everyone (doctors) keep saying that I shouldn't be in that much pain, but I am. It's like if they say it shouldn't hurt that the pain magically goes away but it doesn't.

I can sympathize with the pain. I've had horrible back pain since the late 1990's. Had my surgery a year ago and the pain is horrible. Please seek help from a professional about the suicide thoughts. I know your pain is real but depression does hurt. Maybe you need something that could also help the pain. Hope you don't mind my opinion.

I agree with Hessie. Chronic pain causes depression, and depression increases your pain. It is a vicious cycle. I would also seek a second and/or third opinion on your back. If your doctors are saying you should not be in the pain you are in, you should be finding doctors who will treat you properly and with respect. Being a rodeo fan, I can only imagine what damage you have done to your spine. Maybe you can find a doctor who specializes in sports injuries, just a thought.

I empathize with anyone with severe back pain; I have had 5 back surgeries in the last 12 years and have come to the conclusion it will never go away. The best treatments that have worked for me are steroid injections when the pain gets bad; day to day, month to month I'm fortunate my doctor has me on pain relievers that I will be on the rest of my life, but at least I can function at a low level. Depression and chronic pain definitely go hand and hand. I'm sorry I don't have better wisdom, but I do feel your pain; I don't feel the doctors really do.

Edie


I am so tired of living in constant pain that I consider suicide on a regular basis. Without the minimal relief that I get through a pain doctor, I'm pretty sure I couldn't carry on. I rode professional rodeo for 6 years and took a beating over the course of it.

My L5-S1 had a piece broke off the end that lodged into a nerve. In 2003 I had a surgery to remove the bone chips from the nerve and things went great for close to a year after I healed. Then, the pain came back and it was constant, just all the time. I went back to my family doctor who put me on pain killers for about 6 months and then referred me to a local pain doctor, who I continue to see to this day. I no longer do anything strenuous or anything of the sort that would hurt my back more.

This year I have had an additional MRI that revealed what the pain doctor called a dry disk, degenerative disk disease and a bulging disk above the L5-S1. The surgeon I seen after that told me that he wouldn't do a surgery because it wasn't bad enough and that he has seen much worse, and that I shouldn't be in much pain. But, here I am in pain every single day and it is wearing on me and I am so tired of it.
On top of that, my pain doctor isn't providing adequate enough treatment/medication and the days are hit and miss when the meds do work. Everyone (doctors) keep saying that I shouldn't be in that much pain, but I am. It's like if they say it shouldn't hurt that the pain magically goes away but it doesn't.

Hi

I know it is a devastating thing when u can no longer do the job or pasttime that you love.

I worked with horses all my life till 2 years ago and i was devastated because the pain is just too much i have had to stop even working part-time with them.

I also had the same kind of thoughts but since the doctor put meon anti-depressants i have coped much better.
As others have said.
I would suggest going to get a second opinion on your back.

I hope you will be honest enough to speak to your doctor about your feelings as depression can be just as debilitating.

Good luck and best wishes