Necrosis101
09-14-2007, 02:26 PM
Hello,
From about December to April I was in really bad depression. I was hurting myself and felt so empty and isolated from the world. I felt worthless and uesless, I was so lonely and I just couldnt sleep. I could never stop thinking and I constantly thought I was going mad and I couldnt trust anyone and I wasreally paranoid (which actually resulted in me having a few panic attacks). Well now it's September and I feel so much better, I overcome all of this on my own. But there are still a few things that remain.
I just cannot stop thinking, I can hardly concentrate. My mind is very fast paced. An example is if I try to read a book I read like 4 lines then my mind wanders off. Is there any term for this?
I have really bad sexual thoughts. Like i about fantasize about rape or really violent sex and whatnot. I never used to before my depression. I'm not worried that ill do it, i'd never actually commit this crime as I think its vile, but I still think about it, but cant figure out where it come from.
I have serious bouts of meglomania. I feel as though I am better than alot of people and that I was born for a special reason. I feel as though I could be a great leader and do something for the world. But i just dont know what. I dont know where its come from.
Even though I think some weird stuff in my head, i'm strong enough to not let it consume me, like weaker people would andend up doing something really bad. Im just fascinated by the mind and want to know if people think the same things? And where have they come from? Because i just don't know lol.
Thanks for reading!
Michael
From about December to April I was in really bad depression. I was hurting myself and felt so empty and isolated from the world. I felt worthless and uesless, I was so lonely and I just couldnt sleep. I could never stop thinking and I constantly thought I was going mad and I couldnt trust anyone and I wasreally paranoid (which actually resulted in me having a few panic attacks). Well now it's September and I feel so much better, I overcome all of this on my own. But there are still a few things that remain.
I just cannot stop thinking, I can hardly concentrate. My mind is very fast paced. An example is if I try to read a book I read like 4 lines then my mind wanders off. Is there any term for this?
I have really bad sexual thoughts. Like i about fantasize about rape or really violent sex and whatnot. I never used to before my depression. I'm not worried that ill do it, i'd never actually commit this crime as I think its vile, but I still think about it, but cant figure out where it come from.
I have serious bouts of meglomania. I feel as though I am better than alot of people and that I was born for a special reason. I feel as though I could be a great leader and do something for the world. But i just dont know what. I dont know where its come from.
Even though I think some weird stuff in my head, i'm strong enough to not let it consume me, like weaker people would andend up doing something really bad. Im just fascinated by the mind and want to know if people think the same things? And where have they come from? Because i just don't know lol.
Thanks for reading!
Michael
Sponsor
Sannah
09-14-2007, 02:44 PM
I can hardly concentrate. My mind is very fast paced. An example is if I try to read a book I read like 4 lines then my mind wanders off. Is there any term for this?
I have really bad sexual thoughts.
I have serious bouts of meglomania.
Have you considered that you could be bipolar (especially since the depression resolved itself - cycles)? How about going to see a doc?
I have really bad sexual thoughts.
I have serious bouts of meglomania.
Have you considered that you could be bipolar (especially since the depression resolved itself - cycles)? How about going to see a doc?
Necrosis101
09-14-2007, 08:30 PM
Have you considered that you could be bipolar (especially since the depression resolved itself - cycles)? How about going to see a doc?
i have thought that i may be bi-polar. but never done anything about it really. didnt want to see the doc and have pills. i was just determined to ride it out lol
i have thought that i may be bi-polar. but never done anything about it really. didnt want to see the doc and have pills. i was just determined to ride it out lol
trg247
09-14-2007, 09:10 PM
Hi:
It really does not sound like bipolar to me. I get the majority of what you describe with the exception of the sexual stuff. I take a lot of antidepressants that have killed any iota of sexual energy in my body, I never think about sex. The racing thoughts are probably tied into anxiety somehow but where the thoughts come from is a different story. I have read that every thought whether negative or positive comes from a basis of truth. My thoughts center around violence, suicide and self harm in all sorts of variations. The only thing that I have done to control the thoughts is I have a constant inner dialogue going on in my head, kind of a long the line if my mind is busy on the one thing I control then the other thoughts can't come in. My diagnosis that are relevent here are severe major depressive disorder with psycotic features and borderline personality disorder. I have taken antipsycotics in the past that did get rid of the extra voices but the other side effects were too much to deal with
take care
trg247
It really does not sound like bipolar to me. I get the majority of what you describe with the exception of the sexual stuff. I take a lot of antidepressants that have killed any iota of sexual energy in my body, I never think about sex. The racing thoughts are probably tied into anxiety somehow but where the thoughts come from is a different story. I have read that every thought whether negative or positive comes from a basis of truth. My thoughts center around violence, suicide and self harm in all sorts of variations. The only thing that I have done to control the thoughts is I have a constant inner dialogue going on in my head, kind of a long the line if my mind is busy on the one thing I control then the other thoughts can't come in. My diagnosis that are relevent here are severe major depressive disorder with psycotic features and borderline personality disorder. I have taken antipsycotics in the past that did get rid of the extra voices but the other side effects were too much to deal with
take care
trg247
Necrosis101
09-15-2007, 05:52 AM
Hi:
It really does not sound like bipolar to me. I get the majority of what you describe with the exception of the sexual stuff. I take a lot of antidepressants that have killed any iota of sexual energy in my body, I never think about sex. The racing thoughts are probably tied into anxiety somehow but where the thoughts come from is a different story. I have read that every thought whether negative or positive comes from a basis of truth. My thoughts center around violence, suicide and self harm in all sorts of variations. The only thing that I have done to control the thoughts is I have a constant inner dialogue going on in my head, kind of a long the line if my mind is busy on the one thing I control then the other thoughts can't come in. My diagnosis that are relevent here are severe major depressive disorder with psycotic features and borderline personality disorder. I have taken antipsycotics in the past that did get rid of the extra voices but the other side effects were too much to deal with
take care
trg247
thanks for the info. i looked around on the net and saw the symptoms for borderline and major depressive disorders and met most of them. so i figure it could be that. i guess i wouldnt know for sure unles i saw the doctor. but i doubt i will anytime, which doesnt help me lol
thanks again
It really does not sound like bipolar to me. I get the majority of what you describe with the exception of the sexual stuff. I take a lot of antidepressants that have killed any iota of sexual energy in my body, I never think about sex. The racing thoughts are probably tied into anxiety somehow but where the thoughts come from is a different story. I have read that every thought whether negative or positive comes from a basis of truth. My thoughts center around violence, suicide and self harm in all sorts of variations. The only thing that I have done to control the thoughts is I have a constant inner dialogue going on in my head, kind of a long the line if my mind is busy on the one thing I control then the other thoughts can't come in. My diagnosis that are relevent here are severe major depressive disorder with psycotic features and borderline personality disorder. I have taken antipsycotics in the past that did get rid of the extra voices but the other side effects were too much to deal with
take care
trg247
thanks for the info. i looked around on the net and saw the symptoms for borderline and major depressive disorders and met most of them. so i figure it could be that. i guess i wouldnt know for sure unles i saw the doctor. but i doubt i will anytime, which doesnt help me lol
thanks again
latenight9
09-17-2007, 09:23 PM
I think that the various thoughts come from the Mind Control programming where you got different thoughts, voices, feelings implanted from the outside force....Especially those of violent, suicidal thoughts...by electromagnetic waves....And it could make you anxious, angry, depressed, violent, suicidal, etc...But not many people know that...not to mention the medical professions...
jaybee333
09-20-2007, 12:03 AM
you should go to the docotors asap! it sounds like bi-polar to me too and if you don't take care of yourself now its only goign to get worse. I'm going through it with my brother who is also bp. he is lost to us now in his mania (which it sounds like you are manic now too) and has done so much to hurt us, i don't even think he realizes. I hope you can get help before its too late:angel: