MrJon
09-15-2007, 03:44 PM
Hello all, I am really in need of some advice here. You guys all offered sound advice when I needed it once before so I thought I would enquire once again.
I don't know if I'm in the right place of if I am going to come across as and idiot or offensive but I need some help.
I am not even sure how to write this down but here goes, I have been straight all my life, been in love a couple of times and had a lot of girls, Im 22. Never thought to myself that I am gay, or even looked at anyone of the opposite sex in a more than friendly way.
Recently I've embarked on a relationship with a girl I work with and it has been amazing, we get on in every way possible, spending all our time together and having lots of fun. I even found myself at the point of telling her that I loved her, but refrained in case of scaring her off. Any way a few days later we were fooling around and I "lost interest" because she wasn't quite getting it right and paniced, immediately thinking of impotency and the possibility that I wasn't interested in girls...a ridiculous notion but since then I have been overthinking the latter point uncontrollably (sp).
I have a tendency, and several have described this "tendency" to actually be OCD, to overthink and convince myself of things. After a single bad acid trip I convinced myself that I was going to lose my mind and ruined everything around me to only regret it after relaisng I was fine. I also got the same way about my health a couple of years after, which originally bought me here.
Now I can't stop wondering whether or not I am gay. I can't understand how I can go from the happiest I have been in years to this feeling in what was roughly about ten mins. Since the incident I mentioned we have fooled around a couple of times and normal service has been resumed to put it politely, and I was fine all day with her yesterday, having fun and enjoying myself. But today I have been miserable, I can't shake off this feeling, and have even been glancing at men this morning whilst in town to see what I feel, and noticing that I am glancing at women less, but also realising that I am probably doing this on purpose, as I seem to be wallowing in this problem.
I don't have anyone face to face I can talk to about this, and the one or two I hacve spoke to online said that I am not gay, and pointed out that most just know from very early on, and that I am overthinking and need to see a psychologist about my apparent OCD.
I guess I'm here to just see what others think about what I have descibed.
Am I gay? Or is the low feelings I am feeling due to that Im with someone amazing who I don't want to lose? And is maybe that I am considering something like this when she is so happy, just as I was just a few days ago, thats making me feel so low. It's really messing things up at the moment for me. How can I switch from being straight to considering this in ten minutes? I really want to see her right now and she is coming over, can't wait, and have wanted to see her all day. Confusing myself, and I had a real panic attack this afternoon to boot, first time I have cried for a long time. Have been so happy since Easter, and particularly these last few weeks with her. We have to go out tonight for a leaving party and Im gonna be so quiet all night cos I can't stop thinking about this.
Please don't treat this with any scorn if I have offended or wasted anyones time.
Can OCD do something like this? I think that is whats happening here, am trying to be rational like everything else that gets me this way, my mental state, health worries etc, but like those I just can't get past it, and I don't want to lose her whilst I do.
In need of some help.
J
I don't know if I'm in the right place of if I am going to come across as and idiot or offensive but I need some help.
I am not even sure how to write this down but here goes, I have been straight all my life, been in love a couple of times and had a lot of girls, Im 22. Never thought to myself that I am gay, or even looked at anyone of the opposite sex in a more than friendly way.
Recently I've embarked on a relationship with a girl I work with and it has been amazing, we get on in every way possible, spending all our time together and having lots of fun. I even found myself at the point of telling her that I loved her, but refrained in case of scaring her off. Any way a few days later we were fooling around and I "lost interest" because she wasn't quite getting it right and paniced, immediately thinking of impotency and the possibility that I wasn't interested in girls...a ridiculous notion but since then I have been overthinking the latter point uncontrollably (sp).
I have a tendency, and several have described this "tendency" to actually be OCD, to overthink and convince myself of things. After a single bad acid trip I convinced myself that I was going to lose my mind and ruined everything around me to only regret it after relaisng I was fine. I also got the same way about my health a couple of years after, which originally bought me here.
Now I can't stop wondering whether or not I am gay. I can't understand how I can go from the happiest I have been in years to this feeling in what was roughly about ten mins. Since the incident I mentioned we have fooled around a couple of times and normal service has been resumed to put it politely, and I was fine all day with her yesterday, having fun and enjoying myself. But today I have been miserable, I can't shake off this feeling, and have even been glancing at men this morning whilst in town to see what I feel, and noticing that I am glancing at women less, but also realising that I am probably doing this on purpose, as I seem to be wallowing in this problem.
I don't have anyone face to face I can talk to about this, and the one or two I hacve spoke to online said that I am not gay, and pointed out that most just know from very early on, and that I am overthinking and need to see a psychologist about my apparent OCD.
I guess I'm here to just see what others think about what I have descibed.
Am I gay? Or is the low feelings I am feeling due to that Im with someone amazing who I don't want to lose? And is maybe that I am considering something like this when she is so happy, just as I was just a few days ago, thats making me feel so low. It's really messing things up at the moment for me. How can I switch from being straight to considering this in ten minutes? I really want to see her right now and she is coming over, can't wait, and have wanted to see her all day. Confusing myself, and I had a real panic attack this afternoon to boot, first time I have cried for a long time. Have been so happy since Easter, and particularly these last few weeks with her. We have to go out tonight for a leaving party and Im gonna be so quiet all night cos I can't stop thinking about this.
Please don't treat this with any scorn if I have offended or wasted anyones time.
Can OCD do something like this? I think that is whats happening here, am trying to be rational like everything else that gets me this way, my mental state, health worries etc, but like those I just can't get past it, and I don't want to lose her whilst I do.
In need of some help.
J
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trg247
09-15-2007, 06:17 PM
Hi:
I would imagine at one point everyone questions there sexuality. The best way I have had it explained to me is all of the feelings/emotions/desires you get from looking at a member of the opposite sex a gay person gets looking at someone of the same sex as them. One bad sex experience is just that, If your thinking about something so hard to happen it probably won't. Anxiety is a funny thing I have gone from hearing a small noise to half an hour later roaming my house with a golf club in hand, if you let it take control it will multiply and dominate. You don't choose to be straight or gay it is just something that you are born with if you were gay you would have realized it a long time ago. Track your thought patterns has there been a time where someone said an innocent remark and you completly blown it out of proportion its the same thing. If I told you that you were going bald how would you react, would you be able to just process the comment and let it go or would you spend the next few days staring at your self in the mirrior even though you know I have no idea what you look like let alone what your hair is doing. I keep saying the same thing over and over again. Anxiety is a pain but is manageable once you realize the way you think
take care
trg247
I would imagine at one point everyone questions there sexuality. The best way I have had it explained to me is all of the feelings/emotions/desires you get from looking at a member of the opposite sex a gay person gets looking at someone of the same sex as them. One bad sex experience is just that, If your thinking about something so hard to happen it probably won't. Anxiety is a funny thing I have gone from hearing a small noise to half an hour later roaming my house with a golf club in hand, if you let it take control it will multiply and dominate. You don't choose to be straight or gay it is just something that you are born with if you were gay you would have realized it a long time ago. Track your thought patterns has there been a time where someone said an innocent remark and you completly blown it out of proportion its the same thing. If I told you that you were going bald how would you react, would you be able to just process the comment and let it go or would you spend the next few days staring at your self in the mirrior even though you know I have no idea what you look like let alone what your hair is doing. I keep saying the same thing over and over again. Anxiety is a pain but is manageable once you realize the way you think
take care
trg247
Arthurgloria
09-15-2007, 08:49 PM
I think you worry to much about the wrong thing.
If you think about it if you realy love a woman you do anything to please her,this includes your sexlife.
All of a sudden you find if something goes wrong you blame yourself and think you are no good.
But it is only from trying too hard to please the woman you love,which stresses you out and it does not "happen".
She must still love you as you are still going out.
Don't stress over it and just let it happen.
Hope this helps you relax over it.
p.s. Alcohol and drug use don't help in these matters,so stay clean and relax.
If you think about it if you realy love a woman you do anything to please her,this includes your sexlife.
All of a sudden you find if something goes wrong you blame yourself and think you are no good.
But it is only from trying too hard to please the woman you love,which stresses you out and it does not "happen".
She must still love you as you are still going out.
Don't stress over it and just let it happen.
Hope this helps you relax over it.
p.s. Alcohol and drug use don't help in these matters,so stay clean and relax.
MrJon
09-16-2007, 07:47 AM
Thank you all so much for the replies, I always obsess about things, and there are times when I am fine, like in the car I was being raional and imaging what it would be like when I get over this and I felt fine, and without thinking when I saw her we starte dkissing and I got aroused, much in the same way when she unbuttoned my shirt before bed. I here the points about drink, it hasnt helped at all, but this is taking over like before, and she is so going to notice and it's hardly something we can discuss is it. Would like if you were all to keep helping me on here.
I had a massive panic attack yesterday with tears and anger, getting mad at myself for potentially ruining the best thing to happen to me in years.
I'm beginning to hate myself as she is falling for me too.
J x
I had a massive panic attack yesterday with tears and anger, getting mad at myself for potentially ruining the best thing to happen to me in years.
I'm beginning to hate myself as she is falling for me too.
J x
Sannah
09-17-2007, 12:10 PM
Hi Jon, would you consider yourself anxious?
MrJon
09-17-2007, 01:30 PM
Yes I most certainly would. I freaked out today at the gym, had to go home cos my head was spinning from all the worry.
Sannah
09-17-2007, 01:32 PM
I recovered from anxiety. I think we become anxious because as children we never got to experience security. Insecurity can be caused from all sorts of situations. This insecurity imprints in us and leaves us with this unease until we correct it.
MrJon
09-17-2007, 02:37 PM
I'm frightened I'm losing it here. I do not want to lose this girl, I think I may love her but I'm wrecking everything. Its owning me and destroying me.
Sannah
09-17-2007, 02:51 PM
Jon, I haven't heard you say anything that would lead anyone to think that this girl doesn't enjoy you. Why do you think that she would leave? Are your thoughts running off from reality here?
MrJon
09-17-2007, 05:06 PM
I'm frightened that Im gay. But everything says I am not. How can I switch from straight to gay in ten minutes? It's not possible. Am I just assuming this because of what happened, associating sex with this notion? I don't sexually find men attractive, ahve been looking at them for a few days and sure some are good looking but I don't feel attracted. I don't want to lose this girl to suddenly find out that it's my obsessive nature. I am probably running away from reality here yes. What is going on? I am so confused. I want to go back to last week and be happy, it's not as if I have been secretly hiding anything all these years. I have been with a lot of girls and it's never been for show or to cover anything up. With this girl everything has been fine in that department, she was driving me crazy. In fact since that incident there has been several times we have had fun, and Im not forcing anything.
Why can't I stop contemplating this? I don't want to lose her, or be gay. How can I suddenly switch?! I need to get over this before I lose her.
Why can't I stop contemplating this? I don't want to lose her, or be gay. How can I suddenly switch?! I need to get over this before I lose her.
MrJon
09-18-2007, 12:12 PM
Thought I would update, I have spent the day laid in the sun with my girlfriend, and I was absoluely fine, told her about the way my mind works, although left out the gay worries obviously, and she was so understanding, then we were talking and flirting and everything was fine, didnt cross my mind. We were talking about us as a couple and nearly said we loved one another, and that felt amazing :)
And we ended up back eher and she took it upon herself to "make me feel better" and I loved every minute of it.
Yet Im still sat here afterwards wondering a little, what is it gonna take to convince me that Im not gay? Hmmm?
And we ended up back eher and she took it upon herself to "make me feel better" and I loved every minute of it.
Yet Im still sat here afterwards wondering a little, what is it gonna take to convince me that Im not gay? Hmmm?
Sannah
09-18-2007, 03:34 PM
Jon, could this just be an obsessive thought that you are stuck on for no reason other than you get stuck on obsessive thoughts?
MrJon
09-18-2007, 07:26 PM
I get very stuck on things. Can't shake it. I don't want to be gay, I want to be happy with my girlfriend, I rang a helpline today and they were brilliant, got me to the point of realising that I am fine, happy and I dont need to force myself into anything. Yet all of a sudden tonight Im thinking im gay again. Wanted her to go home cos I am feeling guilty. I HATE THIS. Its killing me. WHY CANT I SETTLE. I need help.
It worries me that I just cant be with her maybe? Maybe I have been spending too much time with her, seen her everyday, which I was enjoying. Maybe all this is because I cant be with her and im making it up? I dont know anymore.
It worries me that I just cant be with her maybe? Maybe I have been spending too much time with her, seen her everyday, which I was enjoying. Maybe all this is because I cant be with her and im making it up? I dont know anymore.
MrJon
09-19-2007, 07:03 AM
I went to bed fine last night, yet today i woke up freaking completely out. I need help and badly. What do i do? How can this all go so wrong?
Sannah
09-19-2007, 09:45 AM
Jon, are you anxious about how close you are getting to her and it is coming out this way instead?
MrJon
09-20-2007, 08:57 AM
It very well could be that, I was angry yesterday morning, then fine with her all day, then a lil upset again at night and then fine for teh rest of the evening. This morning I have woken up and feel like i dont want her again. I hate this. I just want to be happy with someone. And I was. Its breaking my heart.
Sannah
09-20-2007, 12:00 PM
Jon, what are you afraid of being with her?
MrJon
09-23-2007, 08:39 AM
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I was fine on thurs/fri and now im back at uni im a mess, stayed in last night, had a massive crying session.
Why cant i be normal....
Why cant i be normal....
Nexis
09-24-2007, 11:10 AM
Sounds like a Anxiety condition ( constant analyzing, may be due to some kind of a complex PTSD), yet I don't know if its anywhere near OCD...
I was wondering if you had a critical parent or a very stern or perfectionist household upbringing...
I have surrounded myself around gay men as a child (straight female here), yet you ARE not gay if you have to wonder in fear if you are gay because you were impotent that one episode... All my lesbian and gay friends said they all knew, mostly by highschool that they were attracted to the same sex... There's no ifs and buts...
I was wondering if you had a critical parent or a very stern or perfectionist household upbringing...
I have surrounded myself around gay men as a child (straight female here), yet you ARE not gay if you have to wonder in fear if you are gay because you were impotent that one episode... All my lesbian and gay friends said they all knew, mostly by highschool that they were attracted to the same sex... There's no ifs and buts...
MrJon
09-24-2007, 02:02 PM
I can't understand why I cant just dismiss it though, its frightening me that my mind still does this, I was fine all day yesterday, and for a few hours earlier on too. I just wanna go back to being happy like I was. I think Im in love yet I keep worrying about this, is it because I am ashamed that I even thought it? There is no way I can just switch off girls like that, I seem somewhat indifferent to everyone now, even girls I have been with in the past :( Is that maybe because I am struggling with even contemplating the same sex, hurt my ego perhaps? Although saying that I was daydreaming about my girlfriend earlier on and was getting fairly excited..
I just want clarity again, I was happy, in love and now Im miserable. Whats wrong with me :(
I just want clarity again, I was happy, in love and now Im miserable. Whats wrong with me :(
Sannah
09-24-2007, 03:33 PM
Hi Jon, is this the first time that you have liked a girl so much? I think that it is a lot less about fears about being gay and more to do with your fears about commitment, intimacy, or fear of being abandoned, etc. Are you afraid to take your mind to these issues and explore them? Is there a counseling service at your university?
MrJon
09-25-2007, 06:54 AM
I have just thought to myself about what you suggested, about commitment and the like, the other two long term girlfriends I have had have both hurt me badly, and maybe Im struggling with the feelings?
I also just kinda realised that I have made myself sexually paranoid from the original incident, I find myself plagued with thoughts about staying hard etc whilst we are playing that werent there before, Im worrying myself into something that isnt there because of it. That makes sense to me/
Im over analysing things aren't I? Now just to convince myself.
I also just kinda realised that I have made myself sexually paranoid from the original incident, I find myself plagued with thoughts about staying hard etc whilst we are playing that werent there before, Im worrying myself into something that isnt there because of it. That makes sense to me/
Im over analysing things aren't I? Now just to convince myself.
MrJon
09-25-2007, 01:47 PM
I have been fine today, like the best yet at times, I was fine at uni, and then i rang my girlfriend and I was absolutely fine, not on my mind at all and we were flirting with one another and I was, er, getting quite into it :)
Just got back from town and its bugging me again, cant seem to move on :(
Just got back from town and its bugging me again, cant seem to move on :(
Sannah
09-25-2007, 03:30 PM
Hi Jon, I'm not a man but from what I understand your mind and emotions can interfere with performance (I cannot be worried or distracted as a female). Fear of being hurt again..... I don't think that you are necessarily overanalyzing things. IMO, you are not focusing on what is really bothering you. If something is bothering you it will not just go away unless you deal with it. I think that you are still in distress because what is really bothering you hasn't been dealt with yet.
MrJon
09-26-2007, 09:18 AM
Hey :)
I have, through your help, figured it out :)
I have been single for so long and been always available, and now im with someone, I havent been able to grasp it or deal with it. Until last night for some reason, I went out and all I could do is think of her all night, and it dawned on me that Im head over heels :) For the first time Im clear headed, and smiling. I'm in love, real healthy love which I have never had before, been speaking to her and flirting and everything is fine again. Ive never felt such relief :)
Hopefully Im done with this, but I wanted to say thankyou to those who helped, the pain has been me missing her and not understanding why im not looking at anyone else, not has this before...
Woke up today to see some photos of us together had arrived. Best possible thing I could of seen.
Happy :D
I have, through your help, figured it out :)
I have been single for so long and been always available, and now im with someone, I havent been able to grasp it or deal with it. Until last night for some reason, I went out and all I could do is think of her all night, and it dawned on me that Im head over heels :) For the first time Im clear headed, and smiling. I'm in love, real healthy love which I have never had before, been speaking to her and flirting and everything is fine again. Ive never felt such relief :)
Hopefully Im done with this, but I wanted to say thankyou to those who helped, the pain has been me missing her and not understanding why im not looking at anyone else, not has this before...
Woke up today to see some photos of us together had arrived. Best possible thing I could of seen.
Happy :D
Sannah
09-26-2007, 09:36 AM
Great news Jon! So always be aware of your feelings, okay. When you are not aware of them/understand them they will still affect you and make you feel crazy! So glad that I was of help to you! This makes me happy!
MrJon
09-26-2007, 11:25 AM
I really appreciate it, I have come to the conclusion that I am almost out to get myself with my feelings, and Im trying to just move on when they cross my mind, Im very aware that Im being silly and ridiculous. Just helps to write em down i guess.
I have made a lot of steps within myself lately when it comes to this new relationship, trying to let silly things go that would normally upset or bother me, doing so now actually although my mind is running away with me a bit on something but im keeping it to myself.
My only worry now is that I stay in a good mood, and these thoughts dont return.
I have made a lot of steps within myself lately when it comes to this new relationship, trying to let silly things go that would normally upset or bother me, doing so now actually although my mind is running away with me a bit on something but im keeping it to myself.
My only worry now is that I stay in a good mood, and these thoughts dont return.
Sannah
09-26-2007, 11:48 AM
Jon, your last post sounds like you still do not want to work WITH your feelings. It sounds like you think that they are a terrible inconvenience and need to be gotton around.
Feelings serve a very good purpose! You are not being silly or ridiculous!
Feelings serve a very good purpose! You are not being silly or ridiculous!
MrJon
09-26-2007, 12:39 PM
I feel I might have jumped the gun a bit now, I jave just nipped into town and my mind has gone into overdrive again. I hate this, I love her so much but I dont know If i can do this, I cant handle relationships it would seem. The feelings are to much. I feel like crying, shouting, screaming, I dont know :(
Its not a matter of wondering about what was bothering me before, I know after this morning that I definately am a ladies man, and that I love her, its more that I cant handle it. Its going to mess up my university and its wrecking me. I just wanna be happy with her. Its not fair to her for me to feel like this either. Something she said earlier on has got stuck in my brain and its the most silly and pointless thing.
This morning I was absolutely fine, now Im feeling like hurting myself. Im going crazy. I know it.
Its not a matter of wondering about what was bothering me before, I know after this morning that I definately am a ladies man, and that I love her, its more that I cant handle it. Its going to mess up my university and its wrecking me. I just wanna be happy with her. Its not fair to her for me to feel like this either. Something she said earlier on has got stuck in my brain and its the most silly and pointless thing.
This morning I was absolutely fine, now Im feeling like hurting myself. Im going crazy. I know it.
Sannah
09-26-2007, 01:03 PM
Jon you are not going crazy. I think that you just need to deal with your feelings. What did she say to you?
MrJon
09-26-2007, 04:52 PM
Nothing whatsoever that should upset me, she was mentioning how her friend had slept with some lad she kissed once, and it bugged me that she was thinking of texting him and having a go as he is messing her friend about, quite unimportant really but he has popped up in convo a few times so got a lil possessive, but i took this as a good feeling as at least it showed i was still on the right team as it were, then i thought about something she told me once about when she misbehaved with one of her best friends and it bugged me too, as its so out of character for her, i mean she didnt even sleep with him or anything, but it was uncool how she went about it, either way none of this matters really does it, but what came next, I thought, "Your only bothered because you wish you could fool about with boys", which was in a horrible spiteful little voice and I know IS NOT true, I have got past that now, what upset me is that I thought it because I knew it would uspet me, Im in some horrible little dangerous spiral and out to get myself, I even looked at the knife on the side of my desk I was so upset. And have had to move it away for fear of it now.
Why cant I remember how I felt this morning, I was elated and clear headed, 100% in my feelings and ready to get on, laughing and flirting with her on the phone and spent a long time in the shower thinking about her, and all the fun we are going to have.
Yet I suddenly get that horrible little voice and Im miserable again, crying and sleeping, waiting for night to fall so I can sit alone and not have to worry about going anywhere. I feel better now its night.
But I want to stop feeling like this, and to continue how I did this morning. I was sure that was it, I realised how in love I am and that all I wanted was her. So what is it, I think I need help. Im frightened but I need to get a handle on my thinking, its liek when I thought I was ill, have thought I have had a brain problem, immune problem, cancer, everything, and that same horrible little voice and thought process is always there in these incidents.
I feel like Im going to snap, like my mind is going to fracture and I will be lost.
I never used to be like this, I used to be so happy. All the time.
Why cant I remember how I felt this morning, I was elated and clear headed, 100% in my feelings and ready to get on, laughing and flirting with her on the phone and spent a long time in the shower thinking about her, and all the fun we are going to have.
Yet I suddenly get that horrible little voice and Im miserable again, crying and sleeping, waiting for night to fall so I can sit alone and not have to worry about going anywhere. I feel better now its night.
But I want to stop feeling like this, and to continue how I did this morning. I was sure that was it, I realised how in love I am and that all I wanted was her. So what is it, I think I need help. Im frightened but I need to get a handle on my thinking, its liek when I thought I was ill, have thought I have had a brain problem, immune problem, cancer, everything, and that same horrible little voice and thought process is always there in these incidents.
I feel like Im going to snap, like my mind is going to fracture and I will be lost.
I never used to be like this, I used to be so happy. All the time.
Sannah
09-27-2007, 01:39 PM
Nothing whatsoever that should upset me,
either way none of this matters really does it,
I even looked at the knife on the side of my desk I was so upset. And have had to move it away for fear of it now.
Jon, what I am hearing in your posts are that the ONLY feelings that are ACCEPTABLE for you to have are good feelings. You are so uncomfortable with "negative" feelings. Negative feelings are just as valuable as positive feelings. All of our feelings alert us about what is going on with us. Sounds like you were jealous with the story that you just told. Feeling jealous just means that you really love someone. It is okay! Recognize your feelings and work with them.
Were you never allowed to have negative feelings when you were growing up?
Are you considering therapy at all. Therapy helped me to understand myself and my feelings and changed my life.
either way none of this matters really does it,
I even looked at the knife on the side of my desk I was so upset. And have had to move it away for fear of it now.
Jon, what I am hearing in your posts are that the ONLY feelings that are ACCEPTABLE for you to have are good feelings. You are so uncomfortable with "negative" feelings. Negative feelings are just as valuable as positive feelings. All of our feelings alert us about what is going on with us. Sounds like you were jealous with the story that you just told. Feeling jealous just means that you really love someone. It is okay! Recognize your feelings and work with them.
Were you never allowed to have negative feelings when you were growing up?
Are you considering therapy at all. Therapy helped me to understand myself and my feelings and changed my life.
MrJon
09-27-2007, 02:59 PM
I have been considering CBT but I really have no idea on how to go about it...
I have been fine all day today, well mostly anyway, since heading to the gym and then being back here all day, been in a fine mood actually, bout half an hour ago though I felt it all come creeping on again. Trying to fight it. My girlfriend is out tonight for her first night at uni, so I dont fancy sitting in all night myself, would rather busy myself I think.
And yeah I do love her, a lot :) Wanna tell her but frightened its to soon, but I do get the feeling its mutual. I hope so :) This long distance thing feels like its gonna be hard but she is so worth it. I miss her a lot.
I have been fine all day today, well mostly anyway, since heading to the gym and then being back here all day, been in a fine mood actually, bout half an hour ago though I felt it all come creeping on again. Trying to fight it. My girlfriend is out tonight for her first night at uni, so I dont fancy sitting in all night myself, would rather busy myself I think.
And yeah I do love her, a lot :) Wanna tell her but frightened its to soon, but I do get the feeling its mutual. I hope so :) This long distance thing feels like its gonna be hard but she is so worth it. I miss her a lot.
Sannah
09-27-2007, 03:04 PM
You can get therapy at your university or through your health insurance.
MrJon
09-27-2007, 03:15 PM
I have just emailed the student counsellers...hopefully this is a step in the right direction?
MrJon
09-28-2007, 09:39 AM
I went out last night and was fine, she text me saying she was really drunk and that kinda bought out the protective side in me, was worried bout her cos she so naive sometimes, and then mind started running away and was panicing that i might end up losing her. I never let on about that, wouldnt wanna scare her off and Im a fairly laid back kinda guy when it comes to that kinda thing but I actually took comfort in the fact I was feeling that way.
Feel low this morning though. Not good at all :( But am gonna get there. Im trying so hard.
Feel low this morning though. Not good at all :( But am gonna get there. Im trying so hard.
Sannah
09-28-2007, 10:52 AM
I am so glad to hear this!!!!!! (about therapy). You can get this straight Jon!
MrJon
09-28-2007, 02:03 PM
Went this afternoon, he was gonna just put me on the list then i kinda cracked after talking about a lot of stuff and he has started a course for next wednesday with me. I have had a horrible day, I was walking through down screaming inside and wanting to lash out. Why can't I possibly get rid of this ******ing notion that Im gay? HOW CAN I SUDDENLY THINK THAT? When its never been there before?! I am so happy with this girl and this taking me over?!I cant stop shaking and crying. IM SO ANGRY!!!!!
MrJon
09-28-2007, 02:10 PM
What makes it worse is thjat im sat here looking at a pic of her and i just want her so much, i miss her, what the **** is wrong with me!!>!>!>!!>?!?
Sannah
09-28-2007, 02:27 PM
Jon, I am so glad that you will be starting some counseling on Wednesday. I thought that you put the gay thing to rest? Did talking about it with the counselor stir it up again?
MrJon
09-28-2007, 03:31 PM
I am frightened of this relationship. I dont think I can do it and yet I am scared of losing her. She is so special to me. I just broke down and went for a walk in the rain. Tried to figure it all out, thought I had and then straight away the thought reappeared. I know Im not, I just cant get the thought out. Counselling starts wednesday. Scared.
Just tried to do something nice for her, she didnt want me to though. Probably messed it up now and serves me right.
Just tried to do something nice for her, she didnt want me to though. Probably messed it up now and serves me right.
MrJon
09-29-2007, 09:03 AM
I don't understand why I cant get the thought of being gay out of my system. I dont find men attractive, I have always been mad on girls, I was just flirting with her on the phone just now and getting excited, was thinking about her in the shower. She was just telling me about this tight lil top she is off out in tonight and I felt a pang of jealousy, Is there something else wrong here that I can't see? Why won't these thoughts go? Its making me miserable. I dont think I can get to wednesday for my counselling. I was outside just crying and silently screaming last night, and all I wanted was to see her. What the hell is going wrong here?
MrJon
09-30-2007, 12:06 AM
Haha fair enough im really drunk but we been talking all night and she loves me!!! she told me!!! No doubt tomorrow i will wake up with the same worries but Im so happy right now!!!
MrJon
10-01-2007, 05:46 AM
And yet again I am miserable this morning. What the hell is wrong with me, why am i ruining this for myself? I woke up thinking I dont even want to speak to her. Im a ****ing joke.
Sannah
10-01-2007, 11:13 AM
Jon, please do not miss your counseling appt. on Wednesday! Do you think that you might be having some fear of intimacy going on here?
You are not ruining anything for yourself here, okay. Everything is just fine with you and your gf (except your discomfort that comes and goes).
BTW, today is my last day here until the last Monday in October. I am going on a trip and will catch up with you when I get back.
You are not ruining anything for yourself here, okay. Everything is just fine with you and your gf (except your discomfort that comes and goes).
BTW, today is my last day here until the last Monday in October. I am going on a trip and will catch up with you when I get back.
MrJon
10-01-2007, 02:57 PM
It is? Oh man, I am going to struggle, but Im not your responsibility. I hope you have a nice time. I cant get the gay thought outta my mind. How is it possible to think it and it not be the case? I am terrified Sannah, have spent the whole day in my bed. How can I be gay? Its not fair, its always me who is different, it had to be me didnt it.!!!!!!! :( :( :( :( :mad: :mad: :( :mad:
Sannah
10-01-2007, 03:25 PM
Jon, we all have our burdens to carry, few escape. Again, I think that your anxious mind is focusing on the gay thing because it is more concrete than the thoughts that you don't want to face. Now promise me that you will go to your appt. on Wednesday! Keep posting here, hopefully someone else will step in and it might help for you just to write out your thoughts.
MrJon
10-01-2007, 06:39 PM
Why do I have to face this now?! When everything was going so amazingly well, she is starting to notice how I can be on the phone now and getting wound up. Im going to lose her, I know it. Thanks Sannah, I appreciate your help, I really do.
MrJon
10-01-2007, 09:56 PM
And now I have just been on the phone to her all night and its not troubled me whatsoever...been in a perfect mood and was even flirting...hmmm i really am obsessing arent I. Wish I was this clear headed all the time. Just gotta get past it. When Im like this I feel fine and can see a way past it all.
carsam
10-01-2007, 10:20 PM
Hi Jon,
I see that our friend Sannah told you I would be stopping by!!! ;)
I come to you all the way from the Depression Board!!! This is my first trip to the Mental Health Board, but I was invited here to offer you someone to talk to. Sannah must care about you alot to worry about you while she's gone.
Anyways, I have just read through these 10 pages all at once, and "objectively" as this is the first I have read, I would say in my opinion that you are NOT gay. It would seem to me that you are for sure in love with this girl...and love can bring a whirlwind of emotions. You can be "in love" with even "being in love", and be afraid to lose it. I'm wondering if you're fixating on the "being gay" concern, as a way to protect yourself from the fear of losing that wonderful feeling. Your feelings for this girl are the most normal in the world, and we have all been there. It sounds like you are quite young, so maybe try just enjoying being with her, as she obviously enjoys being with you. Dont put so much pressure on your relationship, or even moreso on yourself, just enjoy the fact that you have a wonderful girl who loves you and vice-versa. Try not to go looking for trouble in a place that you have no concrete reason to believe there is one. Just my opinion.
I am around most evenings and will look for your posts if you need to talk.
I'm by no means as good at giving advice as Sannah, as we have both had different experiences, but I can certainly listen and help if I can.
Blessings to you Jon...
Carsam:angel: :angel:
I see that our friend Sannah told you I would be stopping by!!! ;)
I come to you all the way from the Depression Board!!! This is my first trip to the Mental Health Board, but I was invited here to offer you someone to talk to. Sannah must care about you alot to worry about you while she's gone.
Anyways, I have just read through these 10 pages all at once, and "objectively" as this is the first I have read, I would say in my opinion that you are NOT gay. It would seem to me that you are for sure in love with this girl...and love can bring a whirlwind of emotions. You can be "in love" with even "being in love", and be afraid to lose it. I'm wondering if you're fixating on the "being gay" concern, as a way to protect yourself from the fear of losing that wonderful feeling. Your feelings for this girl are the most normal in the world, and we have all been there. It sounds like you are quite young, so maybe try just enjoying being with her, as she obviously enjoys being with you. Dont put so much pressure on your relationship, or even moreso on yourself, just enjoy the fact that you have a wonderful girl who loves you and vice-versa. Try not to go looking for trouble in a place that you have no concrete reason to believe there is one. Just my opinion.
I am around most evenings and will look for your posts if you need to talk.
I'm by no means as good at giving advice as Sannah, as we have both had different experiences, but I can certainly listen and help if I can.
Blessings to you Jon...
Carsam:angel: :angel:
MrJon
10-03-2007, 09:38 AM
Hey, thank you for the kind words, I really need them today, I was fine all day yesterday and went out to a birthday party and got really drunk, the worst thing I could of done because I am a wreck today, and my counselling starts in two hours. Plus I cant shake this horrible worry, how can I have these thoughts when all i want is my beautiful girlfriend? I want them to stop. I cant seem to get my head round the fact that I have to stop thinking this way, and that just because I am doing doesnt make it so.
Write back please x
Write back please x
carsam
10-03-2007, 10:31 AM
Hi Jon,
I'm glad to hear from you.
You're probably at your counselling session now. I'm happy you have someone to speak with face to face.
From what I can tell, this really is like an anxiety for you....and what you're struggling with is "why" you're feeling like this. Please talk to your therapist about it, if they can explain to you "what" it is, that may provide some relief for you. It's almost like the "not knowing" why you're having these feelings is what's really upsetting you. If you understand them, where they're coming from, you can work through them.
I can sense you really love your girlfriend. Is this really all about the feeling that you think you might be gay? What do you think of what I said? That possibly you might be so happy with her, that you could be using that concern as a "wall" to not get in so deep with her, incase you get hurt? Am I way off in thinking that? What other reasons would you have Jon to think you're gay? Is it one incident? Listen, one incident means nothing. We all go through times when we have issues when it comes to intimacy. What happens to all those married people who lose interest in it? Does it mean after all those years they are gay? Of course not, it just happens sad to say. I'd like to understand more of why you think this.
Will check in on you again later to see how your session went.
You seem like a nice young man, in love.....I'm sure you can work through this and enjoy your relationship.
Let's keep talking okay?
Carsam :)
I'm glad to hear from you.
You're probably at your counselling session now. I'm happy you have someone to speak with face to face.
From what I can tell, this really is like an anxiety for you....and what you're struggling with is "why" you're feeling like this. Please talk to your therapist about it, if they can explain to you "what" it is, that may provide some relief for you. It's almost like the "not knowing" why you're having these feelings is what's really upsetting you. If you understand them, where they're coming from, you can work through them.
I can sense you really love your girlfriend. Is this really all about the feeling that you think you might be gay? What do you think of what I said? That possibly you might be so happy with her, that you could be using that concern as a "wall" to not get in so deep with her, incase you get hurt? Am I way off in thinking that? What other reasons would you have Jon to think you're gay? Is it one incident? Listen, one incident means nothing. We all go through times when we have issues when it comes to intimacy. What happens to all those married people who lose interest in it? Does it mean after all those years they are gay? Of course not, it just happens sad to say. I'd like to understand more of why you think this.
Will check in on you again later to see how your session went.
You seem like a nice young man, in love.....I'm sure you can work through this and enjoy your relationship.
Let's keep talking okay?
Carsam :)
MrJon
10-03-2007, 11:10 AM
Thank you so much for your reply, I dont know why I feel this way, I mean I have never shown any problems like this before, never once entered my head that I might be gay at all, and now its all I can think about even though I know all I want is my girlfriend. But why cant i stop thinking about it? Its terrifying and confusing and making me so miserable. I wish I hadnt drunk anything last night, I was fien yesterday. I dont want this, why is always me that has to struggle with something, or has to be diffeent. Why cant I be happy? I miss her so much.
Nexis
10-03-2007, 11:15 AM
MrJon, are you having any other difficulties in your life that is affecting you?
How is your relationships with family members? Are they supportive? Friends?
How is your relationships with family members? Are they supportive? Friends?
carsam
10-03-2007, 12:04 PM
MrJon, are you having any other difficulties in your life that is affecting you?
How is your relationships with family members? Are they supportive? Friends?
Jon, this is a good question - I would like to know a little more about this!!!
I truly believe you can figure this out......just say to yourself that you have some work to do, set a goal that the end result is to be happy with your girlfriend, and we can work towards that okay? I know it's easier said than done...but at least you're talking about it, which is good!!!!
How did your counselling go?
Carsam
How is your relationships with family members? Are they supportive? Friends?
Jon, this is a good question - I would like to know a little more about this!!!
I truly believe you can figure this out......just say to yourself that you have some work to do, set a goal that the end result is to be happy with your girlfriend, and we can work towards that okay? I know it's easier said than done...but at least you're talking about it, which is good!!!!
How did your counselling go?
Carsam
MrJon
10-03-2007, 02:35 PM
Everything has been amazing, thats why i dont understand all this :( I want it to stop. I have been to my counselling, I spent the entire time crying. Its gonna be a lengthy process. I am off to my sisters and girlfriends for a few days x
Nexis
10-03-2007, 09:00 PM
What did your counselor say?
carsam
10-03-2007, 09:50 PM
Jon,
Did something happening at the counselling session that upset you? What did you guys talk about? I'm not sure what you mean by "its going to be a lengthy process". Can you share with us? Maybe we can help.
I'm glad you're spending some time with your girlfriend and sister. Are you close with your sister? If you care to, maybe you can share a little about your family relationships as well.
Hang in there Jon....I know it's tough but sometimes when we are struggling, it takes time to work through things. It will be okay. We just have to figure things out.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Carsam :angel:
Did something happening at the counselling session that upset you? What did you guys talk about? I'm not sure what you mean by "its going to be a lengthy process". Can you share with us? Maybe we can help.
I'm glad you're spending some time with your girlfriend and sister. Are you close with your sister? If you care to, maybe you can share a little about your family relationships as well.
Hang in there Jon....I know it's tough but sometimes when we are struggling, it takes time to work through things. It will be okay. We just have to figure things out.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Carsam :angel:
Nexis
10-04-2007, 02:31 AM
Are your friends supportive as well?
carsam
10-07-2007, 03:27 PM
Hi Jon,
Just wondering how you're doing........
Hope things are okay and you're having a good visit with your sister and girlfriend....
Carsam:)
Just wondering how you're doing........
Hope things are okay and you're having a good visit with your sister and girlfriend....
Carsam:)
Sannah
11-01-2007, 02:28 PM
Hey Jon, hope you are doing alright. Are you still going to counseling?
inwonderland
12-20-2007, 06:48 AM
I'll confess that I didn't read this complete thread, but I did read enough of it to get the idea. I lost the best girlfriend I ever had because I thought I was gay. I'm 26 and for 25+ I was absolutely straight and then my dream girl comes along and I have a nervous breakdown and start thinking I'm gay. I told her about it, because I figured she'd understand and she confessed she had gone through similar feelings only much earlier in life. After a couple months of obsessing and things not getting better she left me for someone else. It's been a few months now and I still don't know what my sexuality is. Like I said, I spent 25 years being 100% straight and never having a second question about it. Now it's to the point where I find women less attractive and men more attractive than I use to. I'm going to find some kind of OCD treatment ASAP. Maybe once the obsession stops things will go back to normal. I truly empathize with your story.