langlee
09-17-2007, 12:19 PM
Hi Lor,
These threads are getting all mixed up so I thought I'd start a new one.
I'm concerned that Drew's guidance counselor is not supportive. Is it possible to change since it is so early in the year? Although he's doing well, it's really important to have someone in the school you can count on should he start to have problems. And she is absolutely wrong about not being able to help him unless he's failing. He should easily be able to get 504 accomodations, which does not require classification and can be implemented immediately. All 504 does is give him extra time if he needs. You can get information about it online.
I would definitely find out if you can switch. Drew does not need an unsympathetic guidance counselor and a good one can make the difference between a great year and an OK year.
BTW-I picture you as a very young grandmother!!!
Love,
Hope
These threads are getting all mixed up so I thought I'd start a new one.
I'm concerned that Drew's guidance counselor is not supportive. Is it possible to change since it is so early in the year? Although he's doing well, it's really important to have someone in the school you can count on should he start to have problems. And she is absolutely wrong about not being able to help him unless he's failing. He should easily be able to get 504 accomodations, which does not require classification and can be implemented immediately. All 504 does is give him extra time if he needs. You can get information about it online.
I would definitely find out if you can switch. Drew does not need an unsympathetic guidance counselor and a good one can make the difference between a great year and an OK year.
BTW-I picture you as a very young grandmother!!!
Love,
Hope
Sponsor
jules3
09-17-2007, 01:16 PM
not to change the subject from drew. when i had my son i was 23 and my mom was 44. my age now.:D
Lor60
09-18-2007, 12:23 AM
Thanks Ladies for the encouragement. I'm 47 so that's still pretty young to be a grandmother.
Hope- I am sick about his guidance couselor. The problem is that they are assigned by grades. She is the only guidance couselor for his grade and also for next year unless we change schools.
I specifically asked her about the 504 and that is when she told me that since he is in all gifted classes he would need to be getting all D's and F's to qualify. I know she is wrong but I also know it would be a hard battle to fight if I don't even have support from the guidance couselor.
He already has an EEP(Exceptional Education Plan). This was initiated when they wanted to test him in third grade so they could move him out of our districted school into the gifted program he is in now. At that time they classified him as highly gifted(their classification) and he was moved to his current school at their recommendation.
He has always been an excellent student so it is hard to see him struggling now. He told me he received a D on a test and an F on a quiz and he is starting to worry about his grades. I will help him at night with his history and math which seem to be his biggest problems right now. I also told him to try his hardest but not to worry about his grades for now.
I am more worried about the lack of support at school. Last year I was able to send him even on some of his bad days because I knew the couselor would check on him and he had a place to go when he could not stay in class. Several times I picked him up from the couselor's office when he was hearing voices or feeling disconnected and could not stay at school.
The really awful thing is we had a high school kid at this school who died last year. He was found in his backyard swimming pool and his death was ruled a probable suicide. You would think the school would be more supportive and sensitive to kids like Drew.
Drew has also had a couple more fainting spells. The last one was after he had been up for an hour doing homework before school. We have an appointment with the pediatrician tomorrow and he told me he will be ordering some tests. Of course this will mean more time out of school. It never ends.
On a better note, my daughter and the baby went home today. They are all settled and happy and I am planning on going up Wed. and maybe spending the night up there to give her a little break.
Glad to hear Zac is doing well. Anything new with your son Jules? Does he feel bad about the weekend? Do you think he would consider calling your daughter to apologize? How is he doing with his class?
Lor:)
Hope- I am sick about his guidance couselor. The problem is that they are assigned by grades. She is the only guidance couselor for his grade and also for next year unless we change schools.
I specifically asked her about the 504 and that is when she told me that since he is in all gifted classes he would need to be getting all D's and F's to qualify. I know she is wrong but I also know it would be a hard battle to fight if I don't even have support from the guidance couselor.
He already has an EEP(Exceptional Education Plan). This was initiated when they wanted to test him in third grade so they could move him out of our districted school into the gifted program he is in now. At that time they classified him as highly gifted(their classification) and he was moved to his current school at their recommendation.
He has always been an excellent student so it is hard to see him struggling now. He told me he received a D on a test and an F on a quiz and he is starting to worry about his grades. I will help him at night with his history and math which seem to be his biggest problems right now. I also told him to try his hardest but not to worry about his grades for now.
I am more worried about the lack of support at school. Last year I was able to send him even on some of his bad days because I knew the couselor would check on him and he had a place to go when he could not stay in class. Several times I picked him up from the couselor's office when he was hearing voices or feeling disconnected and could not stay at school.
The really awful thing is we had a high school kid at this school who died last year. He was found in his backyard swimming pool and his death was ruled a probable suicide. You would think the school would be more supportive and sensitive to kids like Drew.
Drew has also had a couple more fainting spells. The last one was after he had been up for an hour doing homework before school. We have an appointment with the pediatrician tomorrow and he told me he will be ordering some tests. Of course this will mean more time out of school. It never ends.
On a better note, my daughter and the baby went home today. They are all settled and happy and I am planning on going up Wed. and maybe spending the night up there to give her a little break.
Glad to hear Zac is doing well. Anything new with your son Jules? Does he feel bad about the weekend? Do you think he would consider calling your daughter to apologize? How is he doing with his class?
Lor:)
langlee
09-18-2007, 05:51 PM
Dear Lor,
I totally hear where you are coming from and, once again, Drew and Zac may be brothers under the skin!
What I will tell you is that the schools do not know what to do with bright kids with challenges. As I've said about 100 times, our high school is repeatedly listed as one of the top high schools in the state and is very competitive. Zac was one of the few to enter high school in all accelerated classes. Zac also came into the high school as a poster child for what our school values - all A's, lots of extracurricular activities, talented musician, one of the leads in the Middle School play, etc. When he started having challenges, they acted like he was a pariah (except, thank God, for his guidance counselor). Nothing in his past mattered and I got lots of disapproving glances. It wasn't until they could see the severity of his challenges that we got any action at all.
While I would never tell you what to do, Lor, especially becasue I know you are already on top of things, I would just remind you not to be complacent. Our gifted and talented children often get the short end of the stick precisely because they are gifted and talented and there is no one reason why Drew's grades should have to suffer (hopefully they won't) before he can get some attention. Is there a school psychologist or a Child Study team at your school or the head of guidance that you can talk to if you need to?
Just keep your ears and eyes open and watch Drew's mood and stress levels. I am probably oversensitized to this issue because I watched Zac go from a motivated high-performing A student to grades dropping faster than we could have ever envisioned in freshman year. He's back on track, but would not have been without a lot of help.
Glad to hear the baby is doing well.
Love,
Hope
I totally hear where you are coming from and, once again, Drew and Zac may be brothers under the skin!
What I will tell you is that the schools do not know what to do with bright kids with challenges. As I've said about 100 times, our high school is repeatedly listed as one of the top high schools in the state and is very competitive. Zac was one of the few to enter high school in all accelerated classes. Zac also came into the high school as a poster child for what our school values - all A's, lots of extracurricular activities, talented musician, one of the leads in the Middle School play, etc. When he started having challenges, they acted like he was a pariah (except, thank God, for his guidance counselor). Nothing in his past mattered and I got lots of disapproving glances. It wasn't until they could see the severity of his challenges that we got any action at all.
While I would never tell you what to do, Lor, especially becasue I know you are already on top of things, I would just remind you not to be complacent. Our gifted and talented children often get the short end of the stick precisely because they are gifted and talented and there is no one reason why Drew's grades should have to suffer (hopefully they won't) before he can get some attention. Is there a school psychologist or a Child Study team at your school or the head of guidance that you can talk to if you need to?
Just keep your ears and eyes open and watch Drew's mood and stress levels. I am probably oversensitized to this issue because I watched Zac go from a motivated high-performing A student to grades dropping faster than we could have ever envisioned in freshman year. He's back on track, but would not have been without a lot of help.
Glad to hear the baby is doing well.
Love,
Hope
Paige1989
09-18-2007, 06:19 PM
Lor -
I'm sorry Drew's starting to worry so much about grades. I know that's a huge issue for me...I'm definitely a perfectionist, with procrastination as well so it makes things difficult. When I was in middle school and as a Freshman and a Sophomore, I was absolutely obsessed with my grades. I freaked out if I got lower than a B...Mom never worried too much - she did what you're doing, always told me (and my siblings) that as long as we were doing our best, our grades didn't matter. Junior year was a huge reality check, though, when it got to the point that I couldn't juggle exceptional schoolwork with my job without my relative stability going out the window. So in the end I ended up in the hospital and since then, I've tried to prioritise better, but it's difficult now...as it was in my Junior year...because of college and all. Applications, essays, etc.
Thankfully, I've had a good guidance counselor last year and right now this year (my school does it alphabetically by last name), but she's going on maternity leave in the middle of the year so I'm not sure how much longer I'll luck out with someone decent. :S The first two years, I never went to my guidance counselor - I had different ones for both freshman and sophomore years - and they were not helpful. >.<
I was also tested for a gifted program, but VA does it in fourth grade. I qualified...but my grandmother said no. She saw it as a waste of time in elementary school...but then I couldn't get into the middle or highschool programs because of my not being in Futura (the name for the elementary school kids)...But my friend's sister is insanely smart...it's scary. :S She goes to this new school in the area every other day (Academy of Science) where she takes really advanced math and science for her grade (last year when she was a freshman, she took biology, chemistry, and advanced algebra II and this year, she's taking Pre-cal, physics, and AP chem) with all honors and APs in social studies and languages (including English)...she gets A+s on EVERYTHING and freaked out last year when she got a 97% on a history test (one point lower than an A+). :S I wouldn't want that kind of pressure so I'm kind of glad in hindsight...but then again, I wouldn't have needed to go into AOS even if I was in advanced classes. I'm still taking advanced classes in my good areas (Psychology, English, education), but I'm not taking any maths (I have my credits and math is my worst subject) and I'm taking an easy science (my other weak subject)...I almost took AP French but with a bad teacher, I refused. And I stayed away from AP Gov't. 'cause I hate government...
My only advice would be to go to the head of the guidance department in his school and talk to him/her about the problem and see if he/she can do anything about it...maybe make a special case for him to be with another counselor or something along those lines...I know I usually go to the school nurse just to calm down...not really talk about anything, but just wait it out...
~~Paige
I'm sorry Drew's starting to worry so much about grades. I know that's a huge issue for me...I'm definitely a perfectionist, with procrastination as well so it makes things difficult. When I was in middle school and as a Freshman and a Sophomore, I was absolutely obsessed with my grades. I freaked out if I got lower than a B...Mom never worried too much - she did what you're doing, always told me (and my siblings) that as long as we were doing our best, our grades didn't matter. Junior year was a huge reality check, though, when it got to the point that I couldn't juggle exceptional schoolwork with my job without my relative stability going out the window. So in the end I ended up in the hospital and since then, I've tried to prioritise better, but it's difficult now...as it was in my Junior year...because of college and all. Applications, essays, etc.
Thankfully, I've had a good guidance counselor last year and right now this year (my school does it alphabetically by last name), but she's going on maternity leave in the middle of the year so I'm not sure how much longer I'll luck out with someone decent. :S The first two years, I never went to my guidance counselor - I had different ones for both freshman and sophomore years - and they were not helpful. >.<
I was also tested for a gifted program, but VA does it in fourth grade. I qualified...but my grandmother said no. She saw it as a waste of time in elementary school...but then I couldn't get into the middle or highschool programs because of my not being in Futura (the name for the elementary school kids)...But my friend's sister is insanely smart...it's scary. :S She goes to this new school in the area every other day (Academy of Science) where she takes really advanced math and science for her grade (last year when she was a freshman, she took biology, chemistry, and advanced algebra II and this year, she's taking Pre-cal, physics, and AP chem) with all honors and APs in social studies and languages (including English)...she gets A+s on EVERYTHING and freaked out last year when she got a 97% on a history test (one point lower than an A+). :S I wouldn't want that kind of pressure so I'm kind of glad in hindsight...but then again, I wouldn't have needed to go into AOS even if I was in advanced classes. I'm still taking advanced classes in my good areas (Psychology, English, education), but I'm not taking any maths (I have my credits and math is my worst subject) and I'm taking an easy science (my other weak subject)...I almost took AP French but with a bad teacher, I refused. And I stayed away from AP Gov't. 'cause I hate government...
My only advice would be to go to the head of the guidance department in his school and talk to him/her about the problem and see if he/she can do anything about it...maybe make a special case for him to be with another counselor or something along those lines...I know I usually go to the school nurse just to calm down...not really talk about anything, but just wait it out...
~~Paige
jules3
09-18-2007, 10:22 PM
Wow, when i read all this school stuff im really surprised..my kids are private school kids and l never had issues...my son didnt start with this 'STUFF' until he was 19..so i am at a loss to what to say to you guys.
Lor, thanks for asking about my son, hes ok but definitly not in a good place right now.this time of year is not his best..he loves sun and heat ugh!!!
on a better note , this time last year was horrendous..so i guess i shoudnt complain.
Lor, thanks for asking about my son, hes ok but definitly not in a good place right now.this time of year is not his best..he loves sun and heat ugh!!!
on a better note , this time last year was horrendous..so i guess i shoudnt complain.
Lor60
09-19-2007, 01:14 AM
Hi everyone, Thanks for your replys and advice.
Hope, I don't think I am compliant, but I do think I am tired. The other thing is, when I think back to last year, when I was afraid for Drew's life, it is just hard to get too upset over grades. Of course I worry that he will feel bad if he does not do well in school. I can see that he is really trying and working much harder than he has ever had to work before so that is enough for me.
The staterra will take two months to work and he is not at a therapeutic dose yet so even if it is ADHD we are in for a long wait. I still think the memory and focusing problems may be related to his medications.
We do have a school psychologist. I will see if our tdoc knows him. I may need to contact some of his teachers to see if they have any suggestions. The problem is that Drew does not want to be singled out and is very private about his problems.
Our school nurse has a son that graduated last year who suffered from depression. She knows Drew since he spent most of last year in a cast or sling. I think the guidance couselor from last year spoke to her about him, so she may be another resource for us.
We saw the pediatrician today because of the fainting spells. I love this guy and drive one hour each way to see him because I could not find anyone else I liked when we moved. He ordered an EEG, EKG and blood tests including a thyroid panel. I'm glad we are doing this. Drew has never been inpatient and has never had any of this done so I will feel better even if we don't find anything.
Drew is starting to be a little more social. His sports are going well. He is playing on a very elite level team and if they win at least one of their games this weekend they will qualify for a prestigious national championship tournament. He is thrilled to be an Uncle, has been helping my mom and our house is peaceful again. So I am thankful for all the good things that are happening and will try not to worry too much about school right now.
Lor:)
Hope, I don't think I am compliant, but I do think I am tired. The other thing is, when I think back to last year, when I was afraid for Drew's life, it is just hard to get too upset over grades. Of course I worry that he will feel bad if he does not do well in school. I can see that he is really trying and working much harder than he has ever had to work before so that is enough for me.
The staterra will take two months to work and he is not at a therapeutic dose yet so even if it is ADHD we are in for a long wait. I still think the memory and focusing problems may be related to his medications.
We do have a school psychologist. I will see if our tdoc knows him. I may need to contact some of his teachers to see if they have any suggestions. The problem is that Drew does not want to be singled out and is very private about his problems.
Our school nurse has a son that graduated last year who suffered from depression. She knows Drew since he spent most of last year in a cast or sling. I think the guidance couselor from last year spoke to her about him, so she may be another resource for us.
We saw the pediatrician today because of the fainting spells. I love this guy and drive one hour each way to see him because I could not find anyone else I liked when we moved. He ordered an EEG, EKG and blood tests including a thyroid panel. I'm glad we are doing this. Drew has never been inpatient and has never had any of this done so I will feel better even if we don't find anything.
Drew is starting to be a little more social. His sports are going well. He is playing on a very elite level team and if they win at least one of their games this weekend they will qualify for a prestigious national championship tournament. He is thrilled to be an Uncle, has been helping my mom and our house is peaceful again. So I am thankful for all the good things that are happening and will try not to worry too much about school right now.
Lor:)
goody2shuz
09-19-2007, 02:04 AM
Love that attitude, Lor:) I am glad to hear that you have everything in such a wonderful perspective. I think that overall it sounds as if Drew is doing wonderfully especially going into a whole new school year. I actually liked his reaction to his new guidance counselor....he is really a special guy to be able to take the worry off of not only himself but his mom!!!
It is great to see when our kids are doing well.....it allows us to see what is really important in their lives and how proud we can be for their strength and perserverance throughout all of this.
I hope that everything works out well for the championship game and please keep us posted in regard to his upcoming tests.
(((((HUGS))))))) to a wonderful mom ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
It is great to see when our kids are doing well.....it allows us to see what is really important in their lives and how proud we can be for their strength and perserverance throughout all of this.
I hope that everything works out well for the championship game and please keep us posted in regard to his upcoming tests.
(((((HUGS))))))) to a wonderful mom ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
langlee
09-19-2007, 12:06 PM
Hi Lor,
As I suspected, it sounds like you have everything in control and your concerns right where they should be! I knew you would!
Sorry if I come on a little strong about the school situation. We, unfortunately, have lots of experience with it. I know that Zac got a lot of his sense of self from being "that really smart kid" and when school became an issue, he lost some of his identity in his own mind. I don't want to see that happen to Drew, but it sounds like he is in a much better place than Zac was.
It's also great that you have such a proactive pediatrician. Good luck with all of the testing. It sounds like you'll have great insight into Drew's physical well-being, which is certainly as important as everything else.
Good luck on the game. Keep us posted.
Love,
Hope
As I suspected, it sounds like you have everything in control and your concerns right where they should be! I knew you would!
Sorry if I come on a little strong about the school situation. We, unfortunately, have lots of experience with it. I know that Zac got a lot of his sense of self from being "that really smart kid" and when school became an issue, he lost some of his identity in his own mind. I don't want to see that happen to Drew, but it sounds like he is in a much better place than Zac was.
It's also great that you have such a proactive pediatrician. Good luck with all of the testing. It sounds like you'll have great insight into Drew's physical well-being, which is certainly as important as everything else.
Good luck on the game. Keep us posted.
Love,
Hope
Lor60
09-19-2007, 12:27 PM
Oh Hope, I do appreciate the advice and I know I may have to do something soon. I just am not sure what to do and I am hopeful the staterra will work eventually. Drew has always done well in school but he seems to take more pride in his athletic achievements. He's only in eigth grade so I do feel like I have a little more time to get this straightened out. I still think it may be related to the lamictal and I am afraid to make a change with that so I just want to wait a bit.
I will be anxious to see your advice to Michelle about taking on the school in case we have to eventually go that route.
Hope, please don't be afraid of coming on too strong. I am so grateful for all your advice. There are so many similarities between Zac and Drew. I really value your opinion as someone who has gone through this before me and is leading me through it.
Lor;)
I will be anxious to see your advice to Michelle about taking on the school in case we have to eventually go that route.
Hope, please don't be afraid of coming on too strong. I am so grateful for all your advice. There are so many similarities between Zac and Drew. I really value your opinion as someone who has gone through this before me and is leading me through it.
Lor;)
langlee
09-19-2007, 01:00 PM
Thanks, Lor. I was really afraid I offended you and I would NEVER want to do that.
You'll see how Drew does as the year unfolds and 8th grade is a good "trial" year to see. You are lucky that you will have been working on finding the right balance for Drew before he gets to high school. Zac was not diagnosed until freshman year and it wasn't until spring of sophomore year that we started seeing an effect of the meds. (The fact that he lost two close family members in between, my mom and my sister, did not help his stability and it took a long time to get on some sort of pattern!)
Now we are in Junior year and he is really trying to recenter himself. His attitude is great, his demeanor is great, but he is still struggling with time management and multi-tasking with homework assignments.
I didn't realize the Strattera takes so long to kick in. The Concerta that Zac is taking is immediate release and he felt a difference right away. I have been interested in all of the discussions about the dulling effect of Lamictal and am thinking of switching to a lower dose in the AM and a higher dose at night. I'll see what Zac thinks.
Thanks again, Lor, for your response. I feel better!
Love,
Hope
You'll see how Drew does as the year unfolds and 8th grade is a good "trial" year to see. You are lucky that you will have been working on finding the right balance for Drew before he gets to high school. Zac was not diagnosed until freshman year and it wasn't until spring of sophomore year that we started seeing an effect of the meds. (The fact that he lost two close family members in between, my mom and my sister, did not help his stability and it took a long time to get on some sort of pattern!)
Now we are in Junior year and he is really trying to recenter himself. His attitude is great, his demeanor is great, but he is still struggling with time management and multi-tasking with homework assignments.
I didn't realize the Strattera takes so long to kick in. The Concerta that Zac is taking is immediate release and he felt a difference right away. I have been interested in all of the discussions about the dulling effect of Lamictal and am thinking of switching to a lower dose in the AM and a higher dose at night. I'll see what Zac thinks.
Thanks again, Lor, for your response. I feel better!
Love,
Hope