tinyflower
09-17-2007, 12:42 PM
My problem is very different. I have had this strong pull in my mind to get to even numbers. It's not always just a matter of counting to 2 after I get to 1 or counting to 3 after I get to 4. It's very confusing and it would take a long time to explain and I don't even think I understand it myself. I have had these problem for years.
Anyways it got more serious when I feared I might hurt myself with this problem. Like I might break a leg or something. Anyways when it got that serious I was like it's time to see a therapist. The first therapist that I saw was great, but he did not know that much about my problem so he help set me up with a Therapist that can help me. My new Therapist is a Psychologist and he has a Ph.D. > I have seen my new Therapist once and it was sorta a background thing and he wanted to see me again right away and I will be seeing him again in 3 days and we will talk more about the problem.
Anyways I can't think of anything else to say and I also feel like I may not have worded everything the way I wanted to explain things and this and that and I think that is another part of my problem.
Anyways things are far from perfect, but I do feel like I am doing pretty good for having this kind of problem and that kinda helps my mind take it easy :) Sometimes I can take it really easy when I don't try to have everything perfect right now :)
Anyways it got more serious when I feared I might hurt myself with this problem. Like I might break a leg or something. Anyways when it got that serious I was like it's time to see a therapist. The first therapist that I saw was great, but he did not know that much about my problem so he help set me up with a Therapist that can help me. My new Therapist is a Psychologist and he has a Ph.D. > I have seen my new Therapist once and it was sorta a background thing and he wanted to see me again right away and I will be seeing him again in 3 days and we will talk more about the problem.
Anyways I can't think of anything else to say and I also feel like I may not have worded everything the way I wanted to explain things and this and that and I think that is another part of my problem.
Anyways things are far from perfect, but I do feel like I am doing pretty good for having this kind of problem and that kinda helps my mind take it easy :) Sometimes I can take it really easy when I don't try to have everything perfect right now :)
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seaturtle
09-17-2007, 09:19 PM
Hi,
I think I understand the even numbers part, but how do you feel you might hurt yourself - break a leg - because of this?
Seeing a therapist is great!
I'd like to understand more, if you feel like writing more.
Seaturtle
I think I understand the even numbers part, but how do you feel you might hurt yourself - break a leg - because of this?
Seeing a therapist is great!
I'd like to understand more, if you feel like writing more.
Seaturtle
Kathrin74
09-18-2007, 02:40 PM
The way I understand it, the fear is that something bad would ahppen to you (like you would get injured) if you didn't stick with your even numbers?
Like other OCDers are afraid to step on cracks, or whatever. And really, if you think about it, it's nonsense, right? But OCD doesn't think along logical lines...
Kathrin
Like other OCDers are afraid to step on cracks, or whatever. And really, if you think about it, it's nonsense, right? But OCD doesn't think along logical lines...
Kathrin
tinyflower
03-24-2008, 11:27 PM
It's been a while since I posted this thread and I never did get around to explaining everything. Anyways the whole thing about me being in danger of hurting myself did start to get better and did not really bug me for a while, but it seems to be coming back now, but I don't think it;s as bad as it was before. I guess my mind has got stronger and my talks with my Psychologist helped. We have also been talking about my sleeping.
Anyways it's hard to explain all this, but I will try. Okay let's say rainbows just pop in my head and start driving me crazy, because of my OCD problem. To get out of the mess I would need to get to this even number. But it's not like I count one rainbow two rainbow I am fine. I have to get to a point where when I get to one rainbow my mind is like the rainbow got me out of the mess, but then I have to do it all over again. This is what makes it so hard, because I actually have to trick my mind into thinking the first one will get me out, before I can move to the second one ? Sometimes this drives me crazy.
Now what I explained about the rainbow is bad enough, but when this turned into something that could make me hurt myself it made it worse. For example let's say it's not about counting rainbows, but counting the number of a way that could cause me to get hurt. For example to get out of one mess I might have to do the whole rainbow thing (only this time it would be a way that could cause me to hurt myself and I would have to do it 2 things could get hurt me 2 times just like I would needed to do the rainbows 2 times) > When I doing things that could hurt myself I don't mean I was hurting myself when I was doing them, but what I was doing was a little dangerous and if I made a mistake I could have hurt myself.
I may not have explained everything very clear, but I explained it the best way that I could. Like I said there is a lot about all this stuff that I don't understand. It's just awful feeling like you have to put yourself in a little bit of danger to stop youself from being in a little bit of danger ? I think the worst part is that it just drives me nuts at times and I feel like I will always be a slave to this.
The big problem is it can seem so easy to get to that even number and since it seems so easy it's hard to stop myself from getting there. Many times when that odd number hits me I would love to just let it go, but it always seems so easy to get to the even number. I feel like all I have to do is get to the even number and everything will be fine. But when I get to the even number I am so nervous that the odd number is going to hit me and since I am so nervous that odd number can hit me very easy.
It's hard to explain, but my mind depends on getting to that even number and holding that even number so the odd number will not drive me nuts or cause me to hurt myself.
Anyways if anyone has any advice that would be good and I will be going back to see my Psychologist on April 3rd.
Anyways it's hard to explain all this, but I will try. Okay let's say rainbows just pop in my head and start driving me crazy, because of my OCD problem. To get out of the mess I would need to get to this even number. But it's not like I count one rainbow two rainbow I am fine. I have to get to a point where when I get to one rainbow my mind is like the rainbow got me out of the mess, but then I have to do it all over again. This is what makes it so hard, because I actually have to trick my mind into thinking the first one will get me out, before I can move to the second one ? Sometimes this drives me crazy.
Now what I explained about the rainbow is bad enough, but when this turned into something that could make me hurt myself it made it worse. For example let's say it's not about counting rainbows, but counting the number of a way that could cause me to get hurt. For example to get out of one mess I might have to do the whole rainbow thing (only this time it would be a way that could cause me to hurt myself and I would have to do it 2 things could get hurt me 2 times just like I would needed to do the rainbows 2 times) > When I doing things that could hurt myself I don't mean I was hurting myself when I was doing them, but what I was doing was a little dangerous and if I made a mistake I could have hurt myself.
I may not have explained everything very clear, but I explained it the best way that I could. Like I said there is a lot about all this stuff that I don't understand. It's just awful feeling like you have to put yourself in a little bit of danger to stop youself from being in a little bit of danger ? I think the worst part is that it just drives me nuts at times and I feel like I will always be a slave to this.
The big problem is it can seem so easy to get to that even number and since it seems so easy it's hard to stop myself from getting there. Many times when that odd number hits me I would love to just let it go, but it always seems so easy to get to the even number. I feel like all I have to do is get to the even number and everything will be fine. But when I get to the even number I am so nervous that the odd number is going to hit me and since I am so nervous that odd number can hit me very easy.
It's hard to explain, but my mind depends on getting to that even number and holding that even number so the odd number will not drive me nuts or cause me to hurt myself.
Anyways if anyone has any advice that would be good and I will be going back to see my Psychologist on April 3rd.
Kathrin74
03-25-2008, 08:16 AM
Hello again TinyFlower,
there are two things I am concerned about after reading your post. First of all, I am concerned about your safety. The way I understand it, your compulsions sometimes involve things that may be physically dangerous to you?
The second concern of course is for your peace of mind. I know how OCD has a tendency to just not shut up, especially when we give in to the compulsions... it always "wants more".
OCD has a way of coming up with ever more and more difficult things for us to do... it isn't satisfied with something easy, right? Now remember:
1) It is your OCD talking that telly you to do these things. You do NOT have to do these things.
2) When you resist the urge, it is a big victory for you! Because every time you give in and do the compulösion, that strengthens the OCD. But every time you resist, it strengthens YOU, AGAINST the OCD! That is what behavioral therapy works with. Strengthening you against the OCD. I have made the experience that if I managed to resist a compulsion, the peace of mind that comes AFTER the fear has reached its highest point is MUCH BETTER than the short term peace of mind that comes from giving in to the OCD.
3) If you hurt yourself because of doing a compulsion, wouldn't that be a really sad thing? Think of your responsibility for your own life... and also that it would make your loved ones sad if you hurt yourself, right? Maybe that will help you resist.
Please talk to your therapist as soon as you can if you believe there is any real physical danger you are in.
Kathrin
there are two things I am concerned about after reading your post. First of all, I am concerned about your safety. The way I understand it, your compulsions sometimes involve things that may be physically dangerous to you?
The second concern of course is for your peace of mind. I know how OCD has a tendency to just not shut up, especially when we give in to the compulsions... it always "wants more".
OCD has a way of coming up with ever more and more difficult things for us to do... it isn't satisfied with something easy, right? Now remember:
1) It is your OCD talking that telly you to do these things. You do NOT have to do these things.
2) When you resist the urge, it is a big victory for you! Because every time you give in and do the compulösion, that strengthens the OCD. But every time you resist, it strengthens YOU, AGAINST the OCD! That is what behavioral therapy works with. Strengthening you against the OCD. I have made the experience that if I managed to resist a compulsion, the peace of mind that comes AFTER the fear has reached its highest point is MUCH BETTER than the short term peace of mind that comes from giving in to the OCD.
3) If you hurt yourself because of doing a compulsion, wouldn't that be a really sad thing? Think of your responsibility for your own life... and also that it would make your loved ones sad if you hurt yourself, right? Maybe that will help you resist.
Please talk to your therapist as soon as you can if you believe there is any real physical danger you are in.
Kathrin
tinyflower
03-25-2008, 06:13 PM
Hello again TinyFlower,
there are two things I am concerned about after reading your post. First of all, I am concerned about your safety. The way I understand it, your compulsions sometimes involve things that may be physically dangerous to you?
The second concern of course is for your peace of mind. I know how OCD has a tendency to just not shut up, especially when we give in to the compulsions... it always "wants more".
OCD has a way of coming up with ever more and more difficult things for us to do... it isn't satisfied with something easy, right? Now remember:
1) It is your OCD talking that telly you to do these things. You do NOT have to do these things.
2) When you resist the urge, it is a big victory for you! Because every time you give in and do the compulösion, that strengthens the OCD. But every time you resist, it strengthens YOU, AGAINST the OCD! That is what behavioral therapy works with. Strengthening you against the OCD. I have made the experience that if I managed to resist a compulsion, the peace of mind that comes AFTER the fear has reached its highest point is MUCH BETTER than the short term peace of mind that comes from giving in to the OCD.
3) If you hurt yourself because of doing a compulsion, wouldn't that be a really sad thing? Think of your responsibility for your own life... and also that it would make your loved ones sad if you hurt yourself, right? Maybe that will help you resist.
Please talk to your therapist as soon as you can if you believe there is any real physical danger you are in.
Kathrin
Thank you :) I agree with what you say about how everytime you give into the OCD it can give it more power over you. That is what I thought, but I wanted to see if someone else said the same thing.
I have noticed that sometimes when I don't give into the compulsion that I can feel better and not as tense especially if it's a really strong compulsion. I think I feel better, because I don't feel like I am holding on to this mental something and I am not trying hard to get that mental something. When I give into the compulsion it really does not give me that much peace all the time, because after I give into the compulsion to get that mental something I am so worried that this mental something will be lost and that I will have to do another compulsion to get it back.
What I really want is to be free from feeling like I had to do a compulsion to be free. Another words I don't want to feel like I have to obey the OCD laws to be free from this, I want to be free from this because I have power over the OCD laws. It's like this OCD thing has laws that I have to follow and they be be confusing. It would take a while to explain all these laws and I am not sure if I could explain them, because they are so confusing that I have a hard time understand all of them even though this has been going on for a while. I am also confused about how these laws even started in the first place.
I don't think there is anyway that I could follow these laws in a perfect way all the time and even if I could I believe I would worry that I would break one of those laws and that worry can be an awful feeling.
I can call my Psychologist if I feel pushed to do something kinda dangerous. This time I have not been pushed to do these things. I believe this time I am much stronger than I was last time. Last time I was being pushed into doing stuff that was kinda dangerous and I did do stuff that was kinda dangerous, but when I was doing them I took great care so I would not fall down and break a leg or something. But hurting myself was not even my biggest worry back then. My biggest worry was the feeling that I was also going to be worried about this. That worry caused me to eat very little and sleep very little, but the good thing was I was drinking lots of water. I remember one time I had eaten very little that day and I was allready tired, but I stayed up all night anyways, because the OCD was hitting me hard and the next day I still did not eat or do anything. I kept doing compulsions to get me out of the mess only to see me get right back in the mess and so on and on and it was driving me nuts. It's was then that I figured I should see my Psychologist right away.
Anyways what happen was one time when I get in a mess I just let go and gave up and I did not do any compulsion to get myself out of the mess. I was not happy about this, because I felt like I was always going to feel like I will be pushed to do a compulsion. But I guess I was just tired of doing these crazy compulsion and I just wanted a break from this. Very soon I started to feel much better :angel: After I started feeling better I noticed that I got really hungry and I think this is when I really noticed that I had not eaten anything all day and that I had very little food the day before. I had some mushrooms cooked in Olive Oil. Later I went to sleep. The next day I went to see the Psychologist and he has helped me a lot.
Anyways this time I am not as bad and I am happy that I am stronger now. But I don't want to take chances, because I don't want it to happen again. Anyways I never did break a leg or anything like that, thanks to the great care that I used when doing the compulsions. So I never hurt myself last time, but the next time could be different. So this is one reason why I don't want to take chances. Also even if I never did hurt myself the worry itself can hurt me.
Anyways when I see my Psychologist again I will talk to him about what this problem is doing now and some other things such as me having trouble sleeping. I have always had trouble sleeping. For now I will do what my Psychologist said and that is to think of other things that I enjoy.
One thing my Psychologist told me is it's hard to block something out of your mind. I find it's can sometimes be best to just let the OCD thoughts be in your mind and not try really had to block them out of your mind. So I kinda just let the OCD things be and I think of other things that I enjoy such as my dolls,my Disney photos, myDisney movies and other movies and things that I enjoy doing. When I don't let the OCD thing push me around and when I enjoy the things that I like to enjoy it really helps.
there are two things I am concerned about after reading your post. First of all, I am concerned about your safety. The way I understand it, your compulsions sometimes involve things that may be physically dangerous to you?
The second concern of course is for your peace of mind. I know how OCD has a tendency to just not shut up, especially when we give in to the compulsions... it always "wants more".
OCD has a way of coming up with ever more and more difficult things for us to do... it isn't satisfied with something easy, right? Now remember:
1) It is your OCD talking that telly you to do these things. You do NOT have to do these things.
2) When you resist the urge, it is a big victory for you! Because every time you give in and do the compulösion, that strengthens the OCD. But every time you resist, it strengthens YOU, AGAINST the OCD! That is what behavioral therapy works with. Strengthening you against the OCD. I have made the experience that if I managed to resist a compulsion, the peace of mind that comes AFTER the fear has reached its highest point is MUCH BETTER than the short term peace of mind that comes from giving in to the OCD.
3) If you hurt yourself because of doing a compulsion, wouldn't that be a really sad thing? Think of your responsibility for your own life... and also that it would make your loved ones sad if you hurt yourself, right? Maybe that will help you resist.
Please talk to your therapist as soon as you can if you believe there is any real physical danger you are in.
Kathrin
Thank you :) I agree with what you say about how everytime you give into the OCD it can give it more power over you. That is what I thought, but I wanted to see if someone else said the same thing.
I have noticed that sometimes when I don't give into the compulsion that I can feel better and not as tense especially if it's a really strong compulsion. I think I feel better, because I don't feel like I am holding on to this mental something and I am not trying hard to get that mental something. When I give into the compulsion it really does not give me that much peace all the time, because after I give into the compulsion to get that mental something I am so worried that this mental something will be lost and that I will have to do another compulsion to get it back.
What I really want is to be free from feeling like I had to do a compulsion to be free. Another words I don't want to feel like I have to obey the OCD laws to be free from this, I want to be free from this because I have power over the OCD laws. It's like this OCD thing has laws that I have to follow and they be be confusing. It would take a while to explain all these laws and I am not sure if I could explain them, because they are so confusing that I have a hard time understand all of them even though this has been going on for a while. I am also confused about how these laws even started in the first place.
I don't think there is anyway that I could follow these laws in a perfect way all the time and even if I could I believe I would worry that I would break one of those laws and that worry can be an awful feeling.
I can call my Psychologist if I feel pushed to do something kinda dangerous. This time I have not been pushed to do these things. I believe this time I am much stronger than I was last time. Last time I was being pushed into doing stuff that was kinda dangerous and I did do stuff that was kinda dangerous, but when I was doing them I took great care so I would not fall down and break a leg or something. But hurting myself was not even my biggest worry back then. My biggest worry was the feeling that I was also going to be worried about this. That worry caused me to eat very little and sleep very little, but the good thing was I was drinking lots of water. I remember one time I had eaten very little that day and I was allready tired, but I stayed up all night anyways, because the OCD was hitting me hard and the next day I still did not eat or do anything. I kept doing compulsions to get me out of the mess only to see me get right back in the mess and so on and on and it was driving me nuts. It's was then that I figured I should see my Psychologist right away.
Anyways what happen was one time when I get in a mess I just let go and gave up and I did not do any compulsion to get myself out of the mess. I was not happy about this, because I felt like I was always going to feel like I will be pushed to do a compulsion. But I guess I was just tired of doing these crazy compulsion and I just wanted a break from this. Very soon I started to feel much better :angel: After I started feeling better I noticed that I got really hungry and I think this is when I really noticed that I had not eaten anything all day and that I had very little food the day before. I had some mushrooms cooked in Olive Oil. Later I went to sleep. The next day I went to see the Psychologist and he has helped me a lot.
Anyways this time I am not as bad and I am happy that I am stronger now. But I don't want to take chances, because I don't want it to happen again. Anyways I never did break a leg or anything like that, thanks to the great care that I used when doing the compulsions. So I never hurt myself last time, but the next time could be different. So this is one reason why I don't want to take chances. Also even if I never did hurt myself the worry itself can hurt me.
Anyways when I see my Psychologist again I will talk to him about what this problem is doing now and some other things such as me having trouble sleeping. I have always had trouble sleeping. For now I will do what my Psychologist said and that is to think of other things that I enjoy.
One thing my Psychologist told me is it's hard to block something out of your mind. I find it's can sometimes be best to just let the OCD thoughts be in your mind and not try really had to block them out of your mind. So I kinda just let the OCD things be and I think of other things that I enjoy such as my dolls,my Disney photos, myDisney movies and other movies and things that I enjoy doing. When I don't let the OCD thing push me around and when I enjoy the things that I like to enjoy it really helps.
Kathrin74
03-25-2008, 06:51 PM
It would take a while to explain all these laws and I am not sure if I could explain them, because they are so confusing that I have a hard time understand all of them even though this has been going on for a while. I am also confused about how these laws even started in the first place.
I think everybody's OCD has different laws, and I don't think they make any rational, objective sense. It's like the OCD is a "monster" taht wants to hurt you (scare you) as much as it possibly can.
I don't think there is anyway that I could follow these laws in a perfect way all the time and even if I could I believe I would worry that I would break one of those laws and that worry can be an awful feeling.
That is just the thing I think - there is no way to reach perfect peace by giving in to the OCD. That's what we really want, right: Peace of mind. And it can be so tempting: Ah, I'll just do this one more time now and then I'll be ok... But we already know it will be a fake "ok" that lasts only until the next thought hits...
My compulsions have often been about feeling responsible for other people, wanting to warn them and checking on things... I remember one particular time when I was very much obsessed about somebody's safety, I was so scared I felt physically ill (I wasn't really afraid for their safety, I kind of knew I was exaggerating, I was more afraid that I would never find peace of mind again if I didn't clear this...) I told myself that if I had cleared this one, made sure everybody's safe, I would not worry about all those other little things anymore... like this was the one big thing and the last thing I had to deal with in terms of this... Ha, I cleared it all right, but that was just the beginning of a phase of very very bad fears...
I can call my Psychologist if I feel pushed to do something kinda dangerous.
I am relieved to read this. So you talked about these things in therapy, right? It is good to know that you ahve that to fall back on.
My biggest worry was the feeling that I was also going to be worried about this.
Yeah, isn't it the worrying about the worrying that can be the worst!!!??
and I did not do any compulsion to get myself out of the mess. I was not happy about this, because I felt like I was always going to feel like I will be pushed to do a compulsion. But I guess I was just tired of doing these crazy compulsion and I just wanted a break from this. Very soon I started to feel much better.
Yay!! :)
See, the thing is (a therapist told me that): The fear/worry CANNOT remain at that high level indefinitely. If you just wait, it WILL ALWAYS come down again. Yes, my therapist said it was physiologically impossible for the fear to just stay that high. That thought really helped me, gave me comfort, helped me try to wait it out... I was starting medication at the same time and that helped too I guess. The first time was kind of hard. But I waited it out. And the worry just faded away again!!:):)
and some other things such as me having trouble sleeping. I have always had trouble sleeping
I remember as a teenager I often had trouble sleeping, and this is kind of when the obsessions started getting bad... I am thinking now, could there be a correlation between OCD and trouble sleeping? Because: Somebody who has trouble sleeping already might be more worried about peace of mind. I remember, in the beginning especially, one of my biggest worries has often been not being able to sleep if I don't take care of an obsession/compulsion...
I am really really glad to hear that you are feeling better than "last time". And it is so great that you have been able to resist the compulsions sometimes, and felt the relief of when the worry faded away on its own. because if you don't take the short-cut and do the compulsion to get rid of it fast, it will be a LONG TERM success.:):):)
It sounds like your therapist knows something about OCD?
Studies have shown that (besides medication) cognitive-behavioral therapy is what really works for OCD, but not psychoanalytic therapy.
Best to you!:) Keep posting if you want to.
Kathrin
I think everybody's OCD has different laws, and I don't think they make any rational, objective sense. It's like the OCD is a "monster" taht wants to hurt you (scare you) as much as it possibly can.
I don't think there is anyway that I could follow these laws in a perfect way all the time and even if I could I believe I would worry that I would break one of those laws and that worry can be an awful feeling.
That is just the thing I think - there is no way to reach perfect peace by giving in to the OCD. That's what we really want, right: Peace of mind. And it can be so tempting: Ah, I'll just do this one more time now and then I'll be ok... But we already know it will be a fake "ok" that lasts only until the next thought hits...
My compulsions have often been about feeling responsible for other people, wanting to warn them and checking on things... I remember one particular time when I was very much obsessed about somebody's safety, I was so scared I felt physically ill (I wasn't really afraid for their safety, I kind of knew I was exaggerating, I was more afraid that I would never find peace of mind again if I didn't clear this...) I told myself that if I had cleared this one, made sure everybody's safe, I would not worry about all those other little things anymore... like this was the one big thing and the last thing I had to deal with in terms of this... Ha, I cleared it all right, but that was just the beginning of a phase of very very bad fears...
I can call my Psychologist if I feel pushed to do something kinda dangerous.
I am relieved to read this. So you talked about these things in therapy, right? It is good to know that you ahve that to fall back on.
My biggest worry was the feeling that I was also going to be worried about this.
Yeah, isn't it the worrying about the worrying that can be the worst!!!??
and I did not do any compulsion to get myself out of the mess. I was not happy about this, because I felt like I was always going to feel like I will be pushed to do a compulsion. But I guess I was just tired of doing these crazy compulsion and I just wanted a break from this. Very soon I started to feel much better.
Yay!! :)
See, the thing is (a therapist told me that): The fear/worry CANNOT remain at that high level indefinitely. If you just wait, it WILL ALWAYS come down again. Yes, my therapist said it was physiologically impossible for the fear to just stay that high. That thought really helped me, gave me comfort, helped me try to wait it out... I was starting medication at the same time and that helped too I guess. The first time was kind of hard. But I waited it out. And the worry just faded away again!!:):)
and some other things such as me having trouble sleeping. I have always had trouble sleeping
I remember as a teenager I often had trouble sleeping, and this is kind of when the obsessions started getting bad... I am thinking now, could there be a correlation between OCD and trouble sleeping? Because: Somebody who has trouble sleeping already might be more worried about peace of mind. I remember, in the beginning especially, one of my biggest worries has often been not being able to sleep if I don't take care of an obsession/compulsion...
I am really really glad to hear that you are feeling better than "last time". And it is so great that you have been able to resist the compulsions sometimes, and felt the relief of when the worry faded away on its own. because if you don't take the short-cut and do the compulsion to get rid of it fast, it will be a LONG TERM success.:):):)
It sounds like your therapist knows something about OCD?
Studies have shown that (besides medication) cognitive-behavioral therapy is what really works for OCD, but not psychoanalytic therapy.
Best to you!:) Keep posting if you want to.
Kathrin
tinyflower
03-25-2008, 07:29 PM
Thanks Kathrin74 :)
By the way as long as we are on the subject, another fear that I have is making sure I word everything right. But I think I am more worried about the fact that I will be worried if I don't word everything right. So even as I post messages like I am doing now I can worry about it, but I have been getting a lot better about this :)
Anyways, I think the sleeping problem comes from my nerves. It's hard for me to calm my nerves and when that even/odd number problem hits me it makes it even harder to sleep. The numbers problem is different from the sleeping problem, but their roots could be the same. Also my feet hanging over beds might be one reason why I have a hard time sleeping, but it's not even close to being the main reason.
As for my OCD problem with these numbers, I have a guess about why it started. This is only a guess. Well from what I remember when this problem first hit me it was not about numbers. It was about doing a compulsion to get out of the mental mess only to mess up again later on just as it is now. Everything had to be perfect also. If there was just one tiny little mistake the whole thing did not work.
Maybe the numbers came to make the compulsion more easy to do, but actually it seems like it made it worse. Maybe my mind was trying to think of a way to locked myself out of having to do the whole compulsive thing perfect. You see if I get to the even number I seem to get that locked feeling that stops me from having to keep doing the compulsive and from having to do it again. Another words since I hit the even number it locks the thing and that way the compulsive does not have to be perfect. This is just a guess that I have and I have a good feeling that my guess is right.
It's has been said by many that your mind believe's what it hears the most. I am thinking that when I do a compulsive or whatever to get to that even number that it keeps telling my mind that I must have the even number if I want to be free from this. But when I don't try to get to that even number I think that is telling me mind that I don't need the even number.
By the way as long as we are on the subject, another fear that I have is making sure I word everything right. But I think I am more worried about the fact that I will be worried if I don't word everything right. So even as I post messages like I am doing now I can worry about it, but I have been getting a lot better about this :)
Anyways, I think the sleeping problem comes from my nerves. It's hard for me to calm my nerves and when that even/odd number problem hits me it makes it even harder to sleep. The numbers problem is different from the sleeping problem, but their roots could be the same. Also my feet hanging over beds might be one reason why I have a hard time sleeping, but it's not even close to being the main reason.
As for my OCD problem with these numbers, I have a guess about why it started. This is only a guess. Well from what I remember when this problem first hit me it was not about numbers. It was about doing a compulsion to get out of the mental mess only to mess up again later on just as it is now. Everything had to be perfect also. If there was just one tiny little mistake the whole thing did not work.
Maybe the numbers came to make the compulsion more easy to do, but actually it seems like it made it worse. Maybe my mind was trying to think of a way to locked myself out of having to do the whole compulsive thing perfect. You see if I get to the even number I seem to get that locked feeling that stops me from having to keep doing the compulsive and from having to do it again. Another words since I hit the even number it locks the thing and that way the compulsive does not have to be perfect. This is just a guess that I have and I have a good feeling that my guess is right.
It's has been said by many that your mind believe's what it hears the most. I am thinking that when I do a compulsive or whatever to get to that even number that it keeps telling my mind that I must have the even number if I want to be free from this. But when I don't try to get to that even number I think that is telling me mind that I don't need the even number.
Kathrin74
03-26-2008, 09:16 AM
Do you know that this is very typical for OCD: Having to do something until it feels "just right"?
Is this what you mean by the "locked feeling"?
Kathrin
Is this what you mean by the "locked feeling"?
Kathrin
tinyflower
04-01-2008, 01:53 AM
Do you know that this is very typical for OCD: Having to do something until it feels "just right"?
Is this what you mean by the "locked feeling"?
Kathrin
What I meant by the locked feeling was feeling like I was locked from having to do the whole compulsion over again. Another words even if I wanted to do the compulsion over again I could not because I was locked out of doing it again.
That fact that I had to have the compulsion just perfect would drive me nuts. So I think my mind came up with this even numbers thing so everything would not have to be perfect. So if I hit the even number I don't have to stress myself out anymore with this compulsion, because I can't move anymore or I will hit that odd number.
Well when the even numbers came the compulsion did not have to be always perfect, but the even numbers turned into a compulsion. I could not stand being on that odd number, because my mind was hooked on getting to that even number.
Is this what you mean by the "locked feeling"?
Kathrin
What I meant by the locked feeling was feeling like I was locked from having to do the whole compulsion over again. Another words even if I wanted to do the compulsion over again I could not because I was locked out of doing it again.
That fact that I had to have the compulsion just perfect would drive me nuts. So I think my mind came up with this even numbers thing so everything would not have to be perfect. So if I hit the even number I don't have to stress myself out anymore with this compulsion, because I can't move anymore or I will hit that odd number.
Well when the even numbers came the compulsion did not have to be always perfect, but the even numbers turned into a compulsion. I could not stand being on that odd number, because my mind was hooked on getting to that even number.