Hey guys!
I'm so sorry i've been gone so long. I've been having trouble with my computer at home....it will go up and down constantly. So i had the phone company come out yesterday and now things are better.
Every time i've wanted to write, it's been down....so i've missed you guys!

No real good news here....still on 2-3mgs...Scared to drop further.
I just hate the part of feeling uneasy, anxious, and unable to sleep. So when i start to feel that jittery legs feeling, i give in and don't go lower on the dose.
I feel like i'm stuck in a rut and i'm never going to go further.
And it doesn't help to see all of these posts of how hard it is to do and it seems as though VERY few have ever come completely off it.
But i'm praying that things will move forward in time. I can only do this with Gods help.....and I'm trying to let go and let him lead me right now.
The bad thing is that while i'm tapering, i've been smoking cigs even more than usual. So now i've got that on my mind, knowing i've got to quit those once i get off the sub.
But, if it's not one thing, it's another......right!
I miss you guys.....can't wait to catch up with u REACH & MICHELLE!
Where is SUNSHINEGIRL??? I'm getting worried now! I hope she's ok.
Update me on how you guys are doing. Can't wait to hear from u!

From: The massively slow taper girl ! :confused:

Hello Maggie

Great to see a post from you. I am doing well, Maggie, really well. I am stunned sometimes lately at how I am being blessed. I had a wonderful job fall into my lap... I am going to be a kind of 'paid grandma." Hahaha..... 3 hours, four days a week supervising two really nice kids and getting paid very well for it. I start tomorrow. The day after I accepted the job, a place where I had interviewed called and offered me work. When I said I had already accepted another job, they asked if I would come in even one day a week, so I will be working there one day a week for three hours. THEN, my old boss called and asked me if I would participate in the Spring on an eight week project, Saturday mornings for four hours, educating immigrant parents in community resources and English. I had actually helped develop the program three years ago and loved it. So, I accepted. One year ago, I thought I would never work again and now I have so much to look forward to. And each job is at the exact limit I can endure physically with stamina and pain issues... nothing too taxing, each paying well, and I am just so amazed and grateful. So, that's how I am. Smiles.

And now to you, Maggie. I know the tapering is hard, Sweetie, really, really hard. I do not forget for one minute even how horrible the anxiety is and all the other crummy symptoms. The legs... geesh, to this day I still have occassional spurts of jumping legs at night and sleep is still somewhat of an issue. I am not going to downplay at all that it is a long time to total balance and natural flows again in our bodies and brains. However, I also will not downplay that is does get more balanced as time goes by. Little by little, it honestly happens.

Maggie, the truth is that committment has to be above all else in this. I know it is so hard to keep committment strong when we are crying and jumping around with the anxiety. But if you go back up once a cut is made, I don't know how you will ever get out from under. For me, I had to commit to enduring the anxiety of each cut... I had to be iron willed about it. And each time the anxiety hit, I had to remind myself that no matter how very bad it felt, it was actually one more step towards getting better. Every rotten symptom I endured brought me closer to the end of the cycle. Every day I suffered, I was getting stronger and better. To say I didn't enjoy the process is like the understatement of the century, but I lived through it... and now I am living... not "through" anything, but living happily and joyfully once again. I have so learned to 'change the things I can and accept those I can not."

There is a price to pay to get better from narcotics... without question it is a tough price. But you can do this, Maggie. You can do it and then start strtching for all those things you desire in life. Maggie, who ever would have thought my life would be where itr is today a year ago? And yet, here I am! It's here for you, too, Sweetpea. Push, push. Push on through the withdrawal symptoms and find this place. It does not come in any mystical, magical way... just comes from hard work and determination.

I don't post so much anymore, but know I still am around and rooting hard.

Hugs
reach

Hey Maggs !!!

Great to hear from you !! I've really been wondering how you're doing.
ive been really sick these last few days. flu. yuck. but as far as the sub goes, i am taking 2mg in the morning and 2mg in the afternoon. i have learned not to rush it, to take it slow. i have told you that i have been doing a lot of research and ran into a site that is really great with sub info. and there are a lot of people who have done what we are doing. and have gotten off of these with little or no w/d. so we can do this too. as a matter of fact, i have skipped my afternoon doses a couple of times (b/c i am so sick i just sleep right through it) and not felt any w/d. so therefore i think i might be ready to go a little further along. first of all, i want to get to one dose a day. then after that this is the way i am seeing is successful for others;
you take the 3mg that you are doing once a day (when you get to once a day) and you stabilize on that. then after you stabilize for about a week, you slowly stretch out the time between doses. you go 26 hrs, then 28 hrs, etc. etc. then after the dose becomes two days apart you can drop down to 2mg. take that every 24 hrs and then slowly start to stretch the time between that dose out until you get to 48 hrs. etc etc ect. until you get to .5 mg. then you stretch that dose out more and more and more and sooner or later you just dont take it anymore and TA-DA!!! you're done. with no withdrawls. maybe a little discomfort at times, but nothing to miss work for.
this has worked for many others. and its gonna work for us too.
im so glad you posted, my friend, and im so glad to know that you are doing well. i was getting a little worried there maggs ......
i missed my partner in tapering. if you get a chance, g***** "Buprenorphine Treatment" and check out any info you can get from that search, ok?

love you lots,

michelle (bgrateful)

p.s. Hi Reach !!! You have NO IDEA how wonderfully happy i am for you. You are truly one of God's miracles and you deserve all the goodness this life has to offer !!!

Hi Ladies,
So glad to hear from both of you.
I'm doing O.K. Feeling a little frustrated with myself bcuz i can't seem to get down lower than 2-3mg. I say "2-3mg" bcuz i'm not positive each day that it's exactly 2mg.
And there's been a couple days here and there where i KNOW i took 3mg bcuz i just couldn't get myself to be "ok" with a 1/4 of a piece.
Frustrating to say the least.
This is so hard for me bcuz for the past 3yrs, i've felt like i can't accomplish ANYTHING! I think i've mentioned before that i've "tried" to watch what i eat/diet so i can lose some weight that was put on this last year after the miscarriages. Anyways, every single week i say the same thing "that's it!, i've GOT to lose weight"......and every single week passes with me not having ANY willpower whatsoever, or even motivation to do anything.
So i feel like this tapering is at a stand still....why? Bcuz i can't finish/accomplish anything i try it seems.
Argggghhhhh. I lay in bed every night, praying, talking to myself and saying all these things that i want to accomplish the next day. Eat right, a little exercise, taper down more,,,,,,and i don't do any of it.
I'm constantly letting myself down.
I'm scared of feeling those horrible feelings i went thru when i tried to go CT. And i know that tapering slowly will keep those feelings to a minimum, but i'm still afraid that i'll never have the strength to keep going lower.
I swear, all i have to be is like 1 hr later than i usually take it, and i start to feel yucky.
But......I keep praying. And i know that God has worked some miracles in my life before, so i'm trusting that He will do the same in this area.
I'm really trying to "take one day at a time" right now. And keep trying...that's all i can do right?
MICHELLE: I'll look up that info. soon and see what it has to say. I like the idea of having everyone on there knowing about sub. Hopefully there will be more success stories than there is here. Sorry that i've been away for so long.....but it's good to be back and doing this with my buddy!!;)

REACH: Thank you for sharing with me. Reading it gives me hope and brings back those memories (that are shoved WAYYY back there) of times when i was sober and lived happy & peaceful. It's crazy how distant those memories seem and how our minds can make us feel that we can't live without meds.......but i did, and i can.
Thanks for writing back girlies! It feels good to connect again.
Missed you guys!
:angel:

Maggie-
Awww, sweetie please don't be so hard on yourself. You should be proud that you've come this far. As for tapering, there is no textbook time limit. As someone else said on another thread, "You will be done when you are done." You can do this but you have to KNOW you can do this.

As far as feeling like you can't accomplish anything, maybe try this:

Set small goals for each day. You can decide how many. If you want to accomplish just one thing such as eating healthy all day, etc. The night before, write down what you hope to accomplish the next day (whether it's one goal or several). After writing it down, place it somewhere that you will see it often throughout the day. At the end of the day, take your list and check off the things that you accomlished on it that day.

If you accomplished all of them great. You can set more goals for the next day (to include the ones from the previous day). Again, just one goal or more. Continue doing this, and soon you will find that some of these things are just happening out of habit (such as eating healthy).

Don't try and be super woman. Set small and realistic goals for yourself because when fighting an addiction, being able to accomplish even small things can be as rewarding as winning a gold medal in the olympics.

Having the list, and actually being able to see the goals you've reached will also serve as a reminder that you are capable of doing the things you set your mind to.

Take care. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

MAGGIE
Are you me??? Omg. I am the same exact way as you. Ive been on sub almost 18mos. Got down to 2mg, now Im back up to 4mgs. Going to jump to 2mgs by monday-- so i say. Ive gained weight too, I pray every night for help and i pray how sorry i am that i did this to myself. I always say im going to do this and that and never do. Sometimes i hate myself. All i have left is my last script from my dr. and Im trying to taper down with what I have left. It should last me till the end of October and then thats it. Im so scared. Im so scared that Ill never be the same, scared of w/ds, scared of whats to come, scared of everything. Maybe we can try to taper together? Good luck-- please keep posting... roze

Hi guys ....thanks rose & Ozz for responding to me.
I want to catch up and respond to yours, but i have a few things to do and i'll be back this afternoon to write more.
I just wanted to touch base since it had been a few days since i posted and I didn't want you guys to think i was MIA>
Talk to you soon.....Hi Reachey & Shelley! Write more later!

Hi Maggs !!! Sorry i havent posted. i am having a hard time getting better?!
Right now im dealing with headaches, constant. It doesnt go away, it just gets bearable. I cant stand it anymore!!! Yesterday i just locked myself in the bathroom (away from everyone and all the noise), turned off the lights (pitch dark) and just cried and cried. My doctor is sending me to see a nuerologist, but thats not for two more weeks! im pretty sure its from the sub though, and thats what i told my doctor. the one reason for the headaches according to people on this other website i have been visiting (its for sub users , and its VERY informational and helpful) is that i might be sensitive to the naloxone (sp?) in the sub and they said to spit out the remaining juices after i melt a sub tablet. so ive been trying to do that, but i feel that i am wasting the sub and not getting as much. Besides, i still have the dam* headache !!
well, enough about me and my plethora of issues - how are you doing maggie? what mg are you on now? are you tapering down like i explained in my other post or are you just cutting mg without lengthening the amount of time between doses? How is your energy level? and YOUR headaches?

i honestly hope this post finds you doing wonderfully. im glad to see that you're keeping busy and, even though it means you have less time to post, im hoping it means that you're doing better !!!

take care and i will write again soon !!!

hugs "shelly" :)

Hi girls!
I've been wanting to write each of you back so i jotted down a few things with your "user name" to help me remember when writing this.....so i hope i don't leave anything out!
First let me say THANK YOU to all of you for caring enough to read my posts and put your input/experience/hope into it. I can't tell u enough how much it means to me!!!!! :)

OZZYBUG: Thank you for the idea of writing down my goals....i've got to do that and keep up with it. I'm so good at starting things but not following thru with it. I'm so hard on myself, and when i see that i'm moving slowly at something i beat myself up for it instead of stopping to realize how far i've come. But i'm weary/tired from constantly picking on "me" and i need to work on my self-confidence. Thanks again for posting.....any/all advice is sooo appreciated at this point.

ROZETAT2: You DO sound like me.....praying constantly to do better the next day, then failing....but as i said to OZZY, i need to (and you) remember how far we've come and focus on our strengths not weaknesses.
Yeah, i've gained weight and i'm not happy with it, but i can only do 1 thing at a time......and what (we're) doing is a HUGE step.
I'm just like you also in that i hate myself most of the time. I've always dealt with a low self-image, even though to others i am told of my beauty both inner and outer. I just can't see it though. I'm definitely my hardest critic.
I'm scared too of how i'll feel not only when coming off this, but AFTER mostly. It just seems like it's not possible for me to be without some sort of opiate....and my memory of being sober for 5 months a few years back, is that of someone who still had cravings and it wasn't easy. But now that i want to try for baby again (had 2 misc. last year), i have no choice but to get this out of my system. I'm trying my best to truely take "one day at a time" at this point. Bcuz if i dont', i get overwhelmed and feel like it's not possible.
Sure we can taper together!!! Me and Michelle aka:ohnonotagain are doing it together so you can join in and we'll be eachothers cheerleaders!
Keep me posted and i will you..... I'm dropping to a definite 2mg today (have been taking around 3mg) and i'm anxious about it but it helps to know that you and Michelle are doing it with me!!! ;)

MICHELLE: Hey pumpkin! So glad to hear from you....BOY DO I KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING ABOUT HEADACHES! As i've mentioned in past, i have a headache every single day as it is, but they've gotten worse since i dropped to 3mg a few wks ago. Usually they are not too bad, but these just seem continuous and so frustrating. I'm the queen of headaches and have taken everything out there for them.....and i've found that right now Advil or Ibuprofen helps with this type of "detox headache". So give that a try....if it helps me it can help anyone! trust me......
My energy hasn't been too bad up until a few days ago. Right now i'm exhausted and i have a very hard time getting up in a.m. I feel like i've been run over by a mac truck when i wake and it takes hours to feel better. I'm dropping to a solid 2mg today. I was going to do the "every other day" thing, but to be honest i want to get a running start on this and i feel like if i spread it out too long, i'll never quit. And i really don't want to put of "making baby" forever. Bcuz once i'm off the sub., i still need to stop smoking a lose a few lbs. before i feel i'm ready. I get so frustrated with all that needs to be done to try for baby! I see my girlfriends just deciding they want baby and "bam" they're prego and carrying full term just wonderfully. They have no addictions so when they want to "try", they just go at it..literally :D
It's a lot of pressure on me to have all this to do.....my husband just gets to do the fun part and he has no clue as to how hard this is for me. He can say he understands, but he is polar opposite of me and he really has no clue. Especially since i DO have chronic pain, i'm not JUST an addict. He is a recovering addict also....but he has had no problem staying clean (sober 3yrs now) and was addicted to coke....so he doesn't understand how opiates/pills work and how hard it is on it's own to get off let alone having true constant pain that WAS being helped by this medicine.
I'm not sure if your religious at all, and i don't want to push anything on you....but i saw this TV special a few wks. ago and they had a christian song on and i HAD to get the CD. I got it in mail yesterday and man is it good. It has a lot of songs that really hit home. If u are interested, it is ANTHONY EVANS "LETTING GO".....and the song "MEANINGLESS" is the one that hit hard on my heart strings. I played it last night and i was in tears (over emotional :( ) over the connection i felt to the words.
Any of you girls that are intersted....give it a try. Music is so theraputic. I got it off a website (you know) that u can buy new/used things for way cheap. I got a brand new one, but it only cost $4 !!!
Anyways, this is getting wayyyyyyy too long and i have to take my sweet doggie baby outside.
Talk soon! love u guys!:angel:

Hola Muchacha Maggie

It's 'reachey" here. Haha. That was funny.

Just wanted to say hello and let you know I am still following your posts and thinking of you. I am not complaining, but my life seems so busy now. I like the routine of going to work four days a week. before I go each day (3PM), I work around the house, garden, and just all kinds of stuff. Normal, but not boring to me all the time. It just feels good!

Guess what? My Christmas shopping is almost done! Chuckles. And it is sorted into pop-up hampers. After I wrap it, all the gifts will go back into their respective hampers so my family can take their gifts home easily. Weird the things I have time to dream up in this half-retired, half-working place I am.

Tonight, after I get home, Hubby and I will have our every six week haircut date. Chuckles.. we have been married 36 years this November. See what so many years together do? Reduce our dates to haircuts together and shopping. Oh, yeah, and visiting the grandbaby! That is our favorite "date."

Those headaches... I am ever so aware of exactly what you write about there! Yes, a common side effect of withdrawal. Part of it is that using opiates steadily reduces our respiratory system a lot.. screws up the sinuses. As we withdraw, the sinuses are trying to correct themselves along with other various body parts and organs. The sinuses can trigger the headaches as well as the nervous system correcting itself. When I first started coming off, I sneezed constantly. Another weird thing I noticed was that I became very aware of yawning. I realized that I had not yawned for a long, long time. Then when I started to yawn again, I got frightened because the yawns were only like half yawns. They progressively got to be more and more like a regular yawn.. I actually measured some of my progress by the quality of my yawns. Lord, anyone else in the real world would think I am absolutely nutz, but it is the truth!

Okay, time marches on and my behind needs to get moving to the beat here. Stay strong, Maggie. The day will come when you are rocking a sweet little one in your arms and all this torment will be a memory.

Hugs
reach

HEY MAGGIE
Thanks so much for the reply. So did you start your 2mgs todaY? I was supposed to do 3mgs today but already screwed up and took 4mgs. Tomorrow I will take 3mgs--then Ill just jump to 2mgs-- Im running out of sub so if i taper correctly, without spiking, I should be done around oct 25th or so. Today before i took my last 2mg dose, i had that sweaty anxious feeling, like im coming unglued or something- I absolutley hate it. And I am so nervous as heck when i finish the sub wondering if i will be able to live without an opiate in my body-- its been 5 years for me on opiates and the last 1 1/2 on sub. yuck. Im really scared-- I try to think of the weight that will drop off, the laughter for real--not the fake kind, and just really feeling things--good and bad. Plus connecting with Nature, and God and getting back into meditating are all good reasons. Having a baby is a great reason to get clean too! Good luck and Im sorrry about the 2 misc, that had to be rough. I have 2 kids and they are the light of my life-- I love them so much words cant describe. Do you have any other kids? I loved being pregnant too- Im almost 40 and think im too old to have another baby, but i would love to. Sorry for rambling-- please keep me posted with your taper and Ill do the same-- and good luck to michelle too!

Hi All!
Man is this hard....I've been having horrible anxiety at nighttime. It usually starts around 6-7pm and feels so out of control. I'm assuming its the tapering, although i ended up taking the 3mg the other night bcuz i was so miserable, and it really didn't help at all.
I'm TRYING to stick to 2mg, but i've been feeling sooo horrible. Constant headaches (which i'm very used to and can usually handle, but not these), anxiety, irritability, and wayyyyy overly-emotional.
I took a nap yesterday and fell into a dream that felt like i was hallucinating. It was like i was 1/2 awake and aware of my surroundings, but i was dreaming. Anyways, i started doing that thing i did a few weeks ago when i started mourning my 20's and the fact that i can never go back and how much i miss highschool and just ridiculous things. A friend of my commited suicide 6 yrs ago and she kept popping up in this dream/hallucination. So i cried and cried (while dreaming) so hard that i could actually hear myself snorting like a baby in real life. I woke up with tears pouring down my face and feeling depressed. I'm sure it's the chemicals coming out of my body and my brain trying to come to terms with not having as much medication.
But WOW, was it hard to NOT take more sub. last night with feeling so depressed and anxious. But i didn't....thank God!

Hey ROSE: I know exactly how you feel with the anxiety. I can handle a lot of stuff (physical), but when it comes to intense anxiety, i just can't handle it at all. When it gets so bad i'm desperate and feel like i would take anything to get it under control. I did take a SMALL piece of Xanax that my Mom had (3 years old and very expired) but it did help a little.
No, i don't have any other kids. And i'm 31yrs. old.....to some that may be still young, but when you've already had problems carrying 2x, u know that the older u get, the less fertile u become. But i need to get ahold of myself and get better ESPECIALLY with this rollercoaster emotions with coming off this med. I can't handle early pregnancy hormones along with withdrawl emotions......too much! Your right about being excited to feel REAL laughter and emotions and connecting spiritually again. As you already know i'm sure, it's hard to truely be spiritual when we're numb emotionally....even though we aren't even aware of how numb we are until we come off this!
I'll keep u in my prayers and stay in touch. I'm trying to do the 2mg today since i have tomorrow and weekend off.....so I can rest more and "deal" with the symptoms easier without having to be accountable at work.

REACHEY!!!! Hey lady-loo! I love reading your posts....just chronicling (sp?) your life which seems ordinary to some, but to one who's been sober before and knows how it feels to "feel" again, it's a blessing to read how good your doing. I'm so happy for you with getting those jobs! That is another blessing! When i was sober, i remember being in total AWE at the blessings that were happening in my life. I kept telling people how amazed i was at how things were going so well....bcuz i was so used to constant pain/let downs. And it was bcuz i was "doing the right thing" and God was blessing me bcuz of it! It was so funny to read about you "sneezing" when withdrawling. I had that really bad when i came off methadone a few yrs. ago. And i found it fascinating how it was an actual "symptom" of withdrawl. Isn't it amazing how our body works!! I've had a few sneezing episodes, but nothing like before. I'm hoping that more are to come, bcuz it reminds me that my body is healing. Thanks for checking up on me, i always look forward to hearing from you.

MICHELLE: Hey girly-girl! How's it going? Have u made any drops in the tapering? I'm TRYING to do 2mg today.....please pray for me as i said above how hard this is. Especially with having to work....as u know!
My darn head is still horrible...how is yours? I think i mentioned in my last post (have u read that yet??) about how Advil (take 3) helps me alot. And sometimes u just need to go in a dark room with an ice pack, that's the only thing that helps. As u know, i'm very used to constant headaches, and i usually work right thru them and no one even knows i have one bcuz i'm so used to having to "deal" with them....but these are different and they can be so paralyzing. Keep me updated on how your doing!!! I miss u!

I truely wish US GIRLS could get together in "real life" and be friends, bcuz you guys have been unbelievably helpful and understanding. My sister is sick right now (waiting on diagnosis) and she also goes on a forum and has people she speaks to, and we were talking the other day about how no one truely understands except for you guys on the forum.....and how we don't know what we'd do without yall' to open up to, complain to :D , cry to...Your our angels :angel:

Maggie!!!
Hi. ive been meaning to reply. i DID read your post. ive been so busy and so sick with these friggin headaches. i know thats its all a part of withdrawl and taking the sub, etc. but i didnt have them like this before. its getting worse and its slowing me down.
im only three weeks away from my competition so things are getting harder and harder to do. im on a very strict diet, im working out 6 days a week, as well as posing practice. plus my business is very busy right now (which is a good thing) but all those things added up make it very stressful and maggie, im havent cut down one bit on the sub !
thank you so much for keeping after me. its good to know that you want to know how im doing, and it makes me want to do better so i can finally tell you "hey ! i did it ! i made progress !" unfortunately that day has not yet come.
i am seeing a therapist now, which is a big help. and of course i talk to my sponsor all the time. i dont get to many meetings.
but this is the plan; the competition is on oct 20th. after that i will take off a couple weeks from training (working out) so that really takes a lot of stress away, just knowing that i can take it easy for a bit. (right now my training is so brutally hard). i plan on trying the cut then. i will go 2 in the morn and 1 in the afternoon. thats the plan. so we'll see, and you will see. i will keep you updated.
im so sorry to hear that you are having such bad anxiety and stress. do you have any other outside influences right now that would cause you to stress any more than usual? i hope that this weekend brings you peace and sweet dreams. i know what you're talking about with those dreams (hallucinations). ive had them before, but its been a while. its really kind of scary, isnt it? i know that a couple times i had to go crawl in with my daughter or my mom cuz i didnt want to be alone !!
please take care of youself maggs !!! its always good to hear from you ! i , too wish we could one day meet. it would be so cool !!!
and rose, i wish you well too. take care of you as well, girl, and keep us posted.

hugs,

michelle

magg,have you tried to taper the way i laid out for you a couple weeks back?it should not be that hard to get to 1mg.it could be that you think you need to take more when you really dont.opiates are known to have this effect after long term abuse.you will have to find what works for you i guess.good luck-spark

Hey Sparks.
No, i haven't done that taper plan....only bcuz i know the kinda person i am, and i'm an "all or nothing" and if i tried to do it that way, i'm afraid i'd get discouraged bcuz it will take so long. And i really want to try for a baby.....I know that i need to get well first and foremost, but i'm a little anxious to just get off this crap. So if i have to feel icky more so than if i tapered slower, than it's something i'm wiling to deal with at this point.
I started on 2mg yesterday and took my 1mg already today (going to take 1mg later).....and then after about 10days, i'll drop to 1.5 for another week or so...then 1mg and so on.
I just worry that if i were to space it out so long that i'd get frustrated and end up taking more instead of sticking to lower dose.
At this point i'm not too bad. I'm actually sleeping WAY too good....very very fatigued all the time. But it doesn't help that i'm having such terrible headaches and i feel like i'm weary from being in so much pain. So i'm trying not to beat myself up for sleeping alot....bcuz i know the sleepLESSness will eventually come and i'll be wishing i could rest like this.
It's getting hard for my husband to deal with....he has actually told me to take MORE just to feel better bcuz he can't handle seeing me this way. He doesn't understand how negative that would be in my recovery....and i feel like he's just being selfish bcuz he wants the "old me" when he's home and not the sick and tired person. He should understand, him being recovering addict and sober for 3yrs...but he came off of cocaine, and had a much different detox/withdrawl than coming off opiates do.
He's a naturally hyper/energetic person who rarely is ever sick or in pain, so i't s hard for him to truely understand ME....who is low-energy, constant headaches, and having difficulty trying to get and STAY sober.
I plan on getting in to see a therapist (when i can afford it cuz pay is low right now) and after a few visits, having him come with me. Bcuz he's so hyper and almost ADD, he has a hard time TRUELY listening to me when i try to explain and i almost feel like he's not really taking in all that i'm saying.
This is very hard for me bcuz i'm the most open person i know...and i communicate almost TOO good at times. And he's so laid back and carefree that it's hard for him to concentrate when i'm trying to explain things to him. Something we have to work on with a therapist if it's every going to get better.
Thanks for checking up on me....i'll keep yall updated on everything. Right now i'm just trying to STICK to 2mg and NOT GO UP ONE BIT no matter how hard it gets.

MICHELLE: Hey sweetie! Holy Moley you are a superwoman! I don't know how you can exercise like that! I totally understand you not dropping down the mgs. at this point!!!! Wait until this is done and for when u can give your body the rest it needs during tapering. You gotta do what u gotta do to get by right now, and tapering lower with all that your putting your body thru could be dangerous. Don't worry,,,,,i'll still be tapering when your ready to drop so we can cry together!! ;)
I've taken every OTC med. under the sun to help these HA's....and i've found that sinus med (particularly the night-time one that has antihistamine in it) works the best. My sinuses are out of whack and yours may be too.
But hang in there......i'm used to constant HA's, but these have done a number on me with the severity and constant-ness (i know it's not a word :)
I'll write more soon....feeling drained again. zzzzzzz
I'm laying low this weekend and trying to just go with it instead of picking on myself for not feeling up to par. But if u read what i wrote SPARKS above, you can see how my hubby isn't really helping much. typical men!:D
Talk to you soon!

MAGGIE AND MICHELLE....
How long were you guys on sub again? I know exactly how you feel maggie about getting frustrated that its taking so long. Ive gone up in dose so many times only because i had some and it was there and i happend to have been in a bad mood or something-- I have got to drop to 2mgs- this is just awful the way ive been putzing around-- good luck to both of you! keep posting please..... take care

hi rose,

i started in may at 8mg and quickly dropped to 2mg. and then i started having trouble with it, just a lot of lethargy and depression and cravings, and went back up to 4. 2 in the morn and 2 in the afternoon. and, if you read my post, i will stay at this mg till my "stressors" are over. i think the increase has contributed to my severe headaches/migraines.
maggie; i am scheduled to see a neurologist on tuesday. im sure the headaches are from sub and stress, and; and, maybe you're right, maybe they are from my sinuses. but im going to find out. my family (mom) doesnt know about the sub so of course they all think i must have some kind of tumor or something b/c my headaches are so bad right now. so, hopefully seeing this doctor will help me, but mostly, it'll relieve my mom and friends of all their worries too. (without them finding out about the sub) long story, just cant come clean with it to them.
hope today is great for you - remember to take it easy and just relax this weekend - you deserve it girl !!!

lots of hugs,

michelle

Hey Rose:
I was on sub. (12-16mg) for about 10 months. In the past 2 1/2 months i've dropped to 2mg. To be honest, i felt absolutely NO withdrawls until i hit the
3mg mark....and that took a good 3 days on the 3mg before i felt anything. Then out of the blue, i was crying hysterically for over 6 hours over the stupidest things. I guess it was my emotions coming back. It's amazing how i really thought that the sub. was nothing like the other opiates i've taken as far as it "numbing" me. But since i've been on the 3mg and now on the 2mg (for 2 days), i feel more depressed and emotional. I cry very easily.
I'm on a anti-depressent (have been on for over 13yrs) and that's not doing very much at this point. But, i also went down to 10mg of my anti-dep. bcuz of wanting to have baby,,,,and i was doing fine on it up until i dropped so low.
And from what i've read from others, it really isn't bad at all until u get to the 2-3 mg mark....so you can feel good about lowering until then atleast. I'll keep u posted, bcuz let me tell u ...IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN! Seriously!!!

MICHELLE: I hope your getting some rest too this weekend. I'm already dreading work on Monday! I would take some time off now that i'm on 2mg and planning on dropping pretty quickly, but we're struggling financially and really need my income (however low it may be :)
So i'm hoping in a few wks. we'll be caught up and i'll be able to take a week off. Last time when i tried to do CT, i was at 3mg and had only been on 3mg for about 5days, then i tried to go to 0mg in just 2 days. So hopefully, if i can get down to 1mg in these next few wks...and then over that week drop down to 0mg, it won't be as hard. HOPEFULLY!
I'm just getting so impatient and frustrated with tapering. That's why i knew i couldn't do the method you and SPARKS suggested. I feel like crap every day as it is, and thinking of it lasting for months just didn't work for me. Mainly bcuz of these headaches. And as u know, i'm SOOO used to daily headaches, but these just kick my butt and make it very hard to function. And i really believe it's the dropping of sub. for me also. So i'd like to get off this quicker than planned. I'm just feeling so down on myself right now knowing that i have to stop the sub., AND quit smoking, AND lose some weight!!! I feel like i'm walking around with such pressure on my shoulders knowing how much i still have to accomplish in order to try for baby. Some days i get so depressed at the thought of knowing that once i'm off the sub. and feel like i can CELEBRATE.....i really can't bcuz i STILL have so much to accomplish. I'm really trying to take it one day at a time, but i let my mind get to me and racing thoughts take over.
And i'm just so tired right now. I've always been a person who's dealt with fatigue, so much that i've been tested over the years for things such as: thyroid problems, diabetes, etc... But again, this kinda of fatigue is so overwhelming it feels like i just can't get enough sleep. Maybe it's my depression acting up due to the decrease in dose. I'm hoping that is it and not something i will have to deal with now that i'm coming off my "energy pill" aka: sub. :( Bcuz as u know, the sub does help with energy.
Oh well, i think i've written enough today...don't want to overwhelm your eyes with having to read so much! :D
I'll check back soon...and pray for me that i will stay strong and i'll be sure to pray for you AND ROSE AND SUNSHINE AND REACHEY-BABY!!! I'm coming up on my 3rd day of the 2mg tomorrow and i'm hoping i won't be crying over some ex-boyfriend from the 1st grade or something like last time! heehee:D

Be strong and take care of YOU!:angel:

Dangit! Sorry Michelle!!! I forgot to say something about u seeing the Neurologist on Tuesday! My memory isn't too goo these days...;)
Anyways, good luck with the appt. I'm sure he/she will be able to help with the pain aspect of them.
I understand about your family worrying that it is something more serious bcuz everyone in my life (except for father who also has chronic HA'S/MIGRAINES) was worried for me when i went to see a specialist all the way up in Chicago. When i came home they were like "what did he find?"....not understanding that HA'S are so normal with all we have to deal with these days. And the crazy thing is there are so many "types" of ha's out there and it's hard to properly treat them if u don't have the exactly right type of med. for the type of ha you have. Like i thought for years i was having sinus headaches, and they told me they were mini-migraines.
So i was taking sinus pills for years with no help not understanding that they were migraines and required special med. just for them.
I'm sure he/she will understand that this could be a symptom of withdrawl.
I also have to get in with a Neurologist soon bcuz my Gyno wants me to be seen NOW so they don't turn me away when i am prego bcuz they don't want the liability. I haven't been to a neuro. since i last saw the one in Chicago years ago bcuz i've been self=medicating on my own. It gets frustrating after 8-9 years of many drs. and MANY medications and u get to the point where your tired of being a guinea pig and starting/having side=effects/stopping medications.
Be thankful that this is your FIRST experience with chronic headaches.....it can get old after years of it and no relief!
Ohhhhh...there i went again! Writing too much and your poor head doesn't need all this to read! I'm sorry! I'm a talker :D :D :D
Sleep tight!