Raven
I just read one of your posts. It's not to often
any of us express the emotional effect physical
illness has on our lives. Just want to say thanks
my situation is very similar to yours and it helps
to know were not alone, but in my case it was shocking unbelievable actions from extended family members that triggers my symtoms. Actually it was more like a bomb exploded inside triggering almost a dozen different physical illnesses. There I go getting off track. In
additon to thanking you I wanted to let you know
emotionally this has been an eye opening year for
me and although it would be of great help to have
support from our families. Don't let their actions
keep you from helping yourself, prove to them you're
a valuable person just as you said in your post we have to love and respect ourselves. I decided why should I value myself on what other think of me,
I know what kind of person I'm in my heart. Some
how that has made a world of difference how others
treat me as well as how I feel about myself now.
I realize I dont' know you but I felt a strong sense
I should write to you, maybe because our situations
are very similar, I don't know. I enjoy helping others
too, maybe in a way we're helping ourselves as well.
Hope this made some kind of sense to you, Susie

P.S. If your can't beat'em, join'em
If you can't join'em, leave'em
If you can't leave'em, lead'em
an slip in the back door & beat'em

Hi Susie,
I am so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I'am in a terrible flare for two weeks. Saturday night the spasms were so severe in my back I couldn't stand them. Our freezer broke so all my ice melted and I really needed Ice. I am now out of a fridge too and no money for two weeks( rent is due). Anyways sorry to babble, I really appreciate your post to me. Thank you so much! I am sorry your life is so much like mine
(thats bad) but I am glad you can relate to me. Its nice to have so much in common with people with FM/CMP ect. And I know that I have gotten so down on myself sometimes which is not good but even in my misery I see the need to help others. Thats alway been me and I guess that is why it is so bad to not be able to do the things I used to. I truly believe in my heart that I am a good person but a lot of times I need to hear it from others close to me. Sounds terrible though huh? Yet I actually need that sometimes and it hurts so bad when I do not get the response I am seeking. I need to get over this because I know how important it is to believe in yourself, love and respect yourself. Noone can do it for us so we have to rely on ourself in the long run. I hope that when I write about myself and this illness, it helps people with this illness to relate. My husband has been nicer to me lately( he has been acting more concerned with my pain)I had better knock on wood because it seems everytime I say this he turns on me! But I notice when I am in better spirits and not so depressed about all of this I feel better about myself and in turn he respects me more. I've even ignored things he says. I guess this all falls back on childhood. When our parents told us: "To always stand up for yourself" , "Don't let what others say bring you down and treat others the way you want to be treated". I tell my 8 yr old daugther this all the time and she is not shy nor lets what people say bring her down very often.
I wanted to also tell you that my extended family had a terrible impact on me and my illnes(before I even knew what it was). When I was pregnant my brother-in-law's son kicked me in the stomach and wished my baby dead! Because he had heard his mother say how jealous she was that I was having a girl( she has three sons) and even got pregnant with the third hoping for a girl when I was pregnant. Then after my baby was born my brother-in-law attacked me while I held my daughter all because my step daughter( at age 14) told them I was spreading rumors about her. My husbands family never believed I was ill until I almost died once. But they still don't really care about me. In fact when I went into labor they told me I wasn't in labor. I was 1 minute apart and 45 minutes away from the hospital
(I had an Emergency C-section because the cord was around my daugthers neck and I was bleeding inside from a fall that night). My daughter was two weeks early yet perfect at birth. I could go on about all they did, but I am off topic now. It still hurts so much to remember what they did!
So much happens in our lives that many times we really do not know what caused what, but I know its important what triggers this awful illness/Pain and it would be so nice to know! Thank you for opening my eyes so I can practice what I preach! LOL! I hope that we( all of us here) can feel better soon. We deserve that! My family can't figure out WHY the medical World can't tell us what caused it or how to cure it. My mother called last night and asked me again and I pulled out the book and read some to her. But it never really sinks in to them because they do not know our pain! I lost my father from a Hospital error in Feb 2001 and that really took me down. I still cry so much for what they did to my father before he passed away. I got really sick then too. Everyone around me says I am only 40 yrs old yet falling apart! Makes one feel good doesn't it? LOL Yet I still laugh and say yes I sure am! But they do not see the Pain I feel not only Physically but mentally! One thing I have learned form this illness and what has happened in my life, is there isn't anything I can't handle. Yet I'd give just about anything to feel normal again!
WOW! I wrote so much and I had so many mistakes to fix(I had to go lay down for a bit). I hope we can talk more. Hugs to you and everyone here. Raven

Raven,
Thanks for answering me, didn't know whether you'd
think of some stranger writing to you, but I figured
the worse that could happen is you wouldn answer.
I'm so sorry to hear how your family has treated you.
My family situation is different but to give you a
general idea, most of my life I've suffered depression
and stuffed my hurt and pain, and have been hospitalized twice since 93 due to my Bipolar illness. The begining of last year I suffered a
shock experience that to me was equal to 9-11, it also
triggered all the painful memories I had surpressed
from my own childhood as well as an adult. I had
no more room inside of me to stuff the rage and I
felt was like a volcano trying to erupt and that's when all my physical illness started, so I can truely sympathize with you. I wasn't sure I should write
to you initially, but my heart went out to you when
you said your family wasn't supportive and I wondered
if you yearned for their support like I did mine. I cried for months because the only one out of my entire
extended family on both sides that was supportive
was my husband. I'm 45 and I've know my husbands
family for 25 years and have loved them dearly. So on top of my 9-11 my heart was crushed. I really don't
know how, what or when it happened but I decided
this was the last time any of them would ever hurt
me or my immediate family again and emotionally I've
closed the door on them and built my wall and have
moved on. Yes it would have been so nice to have had
their support and I've told myself this 1000 times the only one we can change is ourselves. I really didn't know where to begin but somehow closing the door on those who continually hurt me was my first step. Just
recently I finally realized I had allowed them even
taught them it was OK to hurt me by never standing up for myself. What an eye opener that was, now I have
to learn how to teach others to respect me in a respectful manner. Obviously I grew up in a family were there wasn't any communication, probably due to
an alcoholic abusive father and a passive mother that
still lives in denial. If you believe in your heart
you are a good person then that all that matters why should we have to prove to everyone else what kind of
person we are. I believe the same thing and I was always trying to prove it to everyone else. I'm not
sure why, all I know is I don't feel the need to do that anymore. I'm getting better at saying what I feel in a respectful manner without worrying someone won't like me or I might offend them. Plus I was constantly fighting the stigma of my mental illness
from my family, afraid to express myself for fear of being judged and yes that's the first thing they all threw in my face last year. I don't know if any of this is helpful, but your situation sounded
so similar to mine and it feel good inside to help
others. You said the same thing in different words
which only proves what's in your heart and what kind
of person you are. Ya it's nice to hear it, but
all you have to do is look in the mirror of how you treat others, and you'll see what you need to hear.
P.S. Don't know if you read any of the posts on the
colostrum, but I started using it a couple weeks ago
and it's slowly helping. If your interested I order
mine from a US site but it's only 10.94 for a bottle
of 120 capsules @ 500mg. Looks like we're both long
winded http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Take care and I hope you get feeling better
inside and out. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Susie