Hello everyone-I havent posted in a very long time, Im a hardcore Oxycodone addict (500MG on a heavy day, 150MG on a light day) Im prescibed OC for my back and have been out of control for such a long time, I fight a monthly battle of running out. I hope to have finally resolved my useage, after trying to taper (NO willpower) have my wife hide them and dispense (Always find them) I broke down this month and bought a 100.00 safe. Today is a 150MG day, Im looking over at the safe and realize there's no way in hell I can get in; maybe this will work?

I have given up quitting OC because after being this way for 3 years Im just not willing to make the sacrifice involved in quitting. I know what it takes and Im just not ready for the pain.

Too all of you making this sacrifice you have my utmost admiration, it truly is a horrible thing to endure. Too those of you who have a smaller habit than me (Less than 40MG a day) quit NOW! The longer you travel down this road and the higher your dose gets it becomes so hard to escape.

Also congratulations Reach, you had offered me so much support last year when I originally posted, its great to hear your doing well and still being such a gracious soul.

Peace

Hey Dryseeker!

Good to see you again. Thanks for the good thoughts. yes, I am doing well now and feeling thankful to find myself in this place.

You know what, Dryseeker? I think I knew for a long time somewhere in my mind that I was in deep jeopardy with the oxycodone. I just kept ignoring the problem because it was just too easy to hide everything behind the pain issues. I knew at some point before the collapse that I was using meds for much more than pain. I was taking them because my body was calling for them, taking them to sleep, to hide from the world and pain and stuff I didn't want to face. Willpower... know when iron-clad, steel-like willpower came to me? When I accepted that I was battling the oxycodone and Xanax for my very life. I didn't understand then to the degree I do now the ins and outs of all that the drugs to to our respiratory systems, nervous systems and emotional health, but I understood that I had had a total breakdown physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Not too hard to ignore these things when they all collide in us at one time. Sad chuckles.

The withdrawal are scary and fearful many times. It is hard and exhausting to go through. I think, however, once we can fully accept that we are battling for our very essence, the battle line becomes very clear and we find the willpower to step up and fight. Our arsenol must be filled with every available resource. We have to seek out the weapons that help us win once we engage in the battle. A lot of times we fight from a pretty prone position of exhaustion and depression, but each little victory can help our resolve to keep on keeping on.

You are still keeping on and this is great. Do not give up because there is no reason to. And there is lots of reasons to continue to fight for a drug free life. I know 3 years can sound like an awful lot of time. Buddy, I was on pain meds for over ten years! But I wasn't for forty-five years before that and I do not intend to be for the next forty-five. I do, indeed, plan on living to 100. So, if 10% of those years weren't the best, I am going to lay claim to the fact that 90% were great. I think this is what I will have on my gravestone:

"90% was great... the other 10% was my own damn fault"

Hahaha! Whaddya think? Grab the highest percent of great you can, Dryseeker. It is yours for the taking.

Hugs
reach

This is a very hard thing to do with most people. I don't care who hold the pills. If you want them, you will get them. Very few succeed this way. I would suggest looking into suboxone. Do a search for a doc in your area. You wil be able to function every day without the cravings and stop worring about counting pills. When you start leading a normal life again and feel better then you can deal with getting off suboxone in a few months. If you need to, then you may be able to stay on it for long term maintenance.

Joe

Thanks Reach & Joe for your comments. I havent given up forever, right now Im in a position where I cannot afford to take off work for the detox phase of quitting. Reach I completely hear what your saying; I dont think I have reached "Rockbottom" yet. I hope the day arrives when I decide once & for all to fight this with everything.

Joe I have actually investigated the suboxne route, I have even spoken to a sub doctor. When I decided to try to fight my addiction again this is the route I will probably take as I just dont have the time to miss that much work. I ahve heard good things about SUb however I have also heard some negative things as well.

Anyway thank you both for your input...................Peace