xxxzoexxx
09-20-2007, 08:05 PM
sorry i'd rather delete this
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adddd
09-20-2007, 11:03 PM
Firstly - the fact that you've posted on here and show concern separates you from any 'peadophille'. Peadophilles take PLEASURE in planning and carrying out their thoughts and wouldn't truly feel guilty or ashamed.
I know that the problem with what i've said is that the ocd will then persuade you that you do take pleasure in it thus meaning that you are one, the fact is that you wouldn't feel down or suicidal if you truly were this way.
This has very many parallels with gay ocd:
>Thinking you are finding it pleasureable
>Knowing somewhere that its not really you
>Avoiding situations that provoke thoughts (a peadophille wouldn't do this, they would put themselves in these situatuions intentionally for pleasure.)
Many peoples gay ocd 'morphs' into this type simply because its an even worse thought to them.
Peadophilles always know somewhere that this is who they are, it certainly doesn't just occur - I heard not long ago that a person from my old school was imprisoned for peadophillia (ACTING on it NOT thinking) this and he was younger at the time than you are now, if it was true you'd have known much earlier.
My problem with ocd is that any reassurance leads for me looking for 'loop-holes' or ways that what has been said doesn't somehow apply to me making the reassurance worthless, sucks ***.
This is a VERY well documented obsession, be assured of that or as assured as ocd will let you be ;)
I know that the problem with what i've said is that the ocd will then persuade you that you do take pleasure in it thus meaning that you are one, the fact is that you wouldn't feel down or suicidal if you truly were this way.
This has very many parallels with gay ocd:
>Thinking you are finding it pleasureable
>Knowing somewhere that its not really you
>Avoiding situations that provoke thoughts (a peadophille wouldn't do this, they would put themselves in these situatuions intentionally for pleasure.)
Many peoples gay ocd 'morphs' into this type simply because its an even worse thought to them.
Peadophilles always know somewhere that this is who they are, it certainly doesn't just occur - I heard not long ago that a person from my old school was imprisoned for peadophillia (ACTING on it NOT thinking) this and he was younger at the time than you are now, if it was true you'd have known much earlier.
My problem with ocd is that any reassurance leads for me looking for 'loop-holes' or ways that what has been said doesn't somehow apply to me making the reassurance worthless, sucks ***.
This is a VERY well documented obsession, be assured of that or as assured as ocd will let you be ;)
Sari05
09-20-2007, 11:12 PM
this may be disturbing to some.I have had ocd for many years, i am 19 now, but have had this fear of hurting children sexually for about a year. I constantly think, what if i will want to hurt children in that way/ what if i do it. I find it really hard being near kids. I remember before this ocd thought, i loved being round kids, and now i just feel really uncomfortable, i'm terrified i will hurt them. And i feel sick, and very depressed alot of the time.
I have tried so hard to convince myself i am not a monster, but it seems to be getting worse, as if ever, say i've been with my boyfriend, or seen something sexual on tv, and feel turned on and then i'm in the presence of a kid and still feel that way, i start to think, it's because i am attracted to them.
I also feel the need to go to the bath room and check if i, well have the female sigh of being turned on, after being near kids, just to put my self at ease again. and if i ever do, it just makes me feel terrified and sick and scared.
sometimes, i feel so afraid of myself i have to just take sleeping pills, and sleep for a long time, and usually i feel better when i wake.
I feel like a monster though, i have tried to hard to get rid of this fear, this obsession, and now i fear it won;t go away, and i will hurt a child one day.
I have thought about suicide alot, because it effects my life so much, and i am utterly miserable.
I have two friends with OCD also, who i told this to, and they said they got the same thing once, however i still keep thinking theirs was just ocd, and i am making excuses that it's ocd and really i'm a paeodphile. I can't get that thught out my head.
How can i know if i am a freak and a monster or not, how can i ever convince myself?
I also have a fear of telling doctors, or writing it down, in case i go to prison.
please help :( i feel so miserable.
My other OCD habbits include washing my hands too offen, arranging things, obsessing over people's appearance (needing to take in ever detail of there appearance) and obsessivly buying certain things. I have alot, but thoses are the main one's.
also i would be very greatful if anyone else with similar obsessions could share there story.
Hi xxxzoexxx,
I have OCD too. I have a obsession with washing, a little bit germs, checking things, and a little bit counting.I have thoughts of hurting other people too. Also I have thoughts of hurting animals, and I have thoughts of ending my life too. So I understand what you are going through. But I am not going to give in to these thoughts, because I love other people, I love animals, and I want to live. It's horrible having these thoughts, I know.You need to tell yourself that you will not give in to these thoughts and that you are not that kind of a person. You need to tell yourself those things.You don't want to give in to these thoughts, because it will make your OCD worse.
Also are you on any medications? Are you seeing a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist? I really think that you should see a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist for your OCD, it will help you feel better.
I hope this post helps you. You take care and I wish you good luck on your OCD. Let us know how you are doing with your OCD.
Have a nice day!!!!!
From,
Sarah
I have tried so hard to convince myself i am not a monster, but it seems to be getting worse, as if ever, say i've been with my boyfriend, or seen something sexual on tv, and feel turned on and then i'm in the presence of a kid and still feel that way, i start to think, it's because i am attracted to them.
I also feel the need to go to the bath room and check if i, well have the female sigh of being turned on, after being near kids, just to put my self at ease again. and if i ever do, it just makes me feel terrified and sick and scared.
sometimes, i feel so afraid of myself i have to just take sleeping pills, and sleep for a long time, and usually i feel better when i wake.
I feel like a monster though, i have tried to hard to get rid of this fear, this obsession, and now i fear it won;t go away, and i will hurt a child one day.
I have thought about suicide alot, because it effects my life so much, and i am utterly miserable.
I have two friends with OCD also, who i told this to, and they said they got the same thing once, however i still keep thinking theirs was just ocd, and i am making excuses that it's ocd and really i'm a paeodphile. I can't get that thught out my head.
How can i know if i am a freak and a monster or not, how can i ever convince myself?
I also have a fear of telling doctors, or writing it down, in case i go to prison.
please help :( i feel so miserable.
My other OCD habbits include washing my hands too offen, arranging things, obsessing over people's appearance (needing to take in ever detail of there appearance) and obsessivly buying certain things. I have alot, but thoses are the main one's.
also i would be very greatful if anyone else with similar obsessions could share there story.
Hi xxxzoexxx,
I have OCD too. I have a obsession with washing, a little bit germs, checking things, and a little bit counting.I have thoughts of hurting other people too. Also I have thoughts of hurting animals, and I have thoughts of ending my life too. So I understand what you are going through. But I am not going to give in to these thoughts, because I love other people, I love animals, and I want to live. It's horrible having these thoughts, I know.You need to tell yourself that you will not give in to these thoughts and that you are not that kind of a person. You need to tell yourself those things.You don't want to give in to these thoughts, because it will make your OCD worse.
Also are you on any medications? Are you seeing a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist? I really think that you should see a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist for your OCD, it will help you feel better.
I hope this post helps you. You take care and I wish you good luck on your OCD. Let us know how you are doing with your OCD.
Have a nice day!!!!!
From,
Sarah
xxxzoexxx
09-21-2007, 03:59 AM
Thanks for the replys, it does help to calm you down when people reasure you.
Addd: i'm afraid i get the loop-hole thing too :P. I remember searching online about peadophilla and seeing it said that lots of them have depression and feel guilty about their thoughts :( BUT i guess you're right, as i don't ever take PLEASURE in my thoughts. Not really, although my ocd makes me think i do :mad:
I find that i can, if i put my mind to it (it's hard for me not to think about how much it bothers me all day, even if i'm not getting active thoughts) stop the upset, if i do alot of things, reading, talking to people, watching films ect, But triggers seem to be everywhere, and i end up sad and stressed again.
I don't enjoy sex like i used to. I can't relax out of fear that i will get a thought during sex. I just seem to have a low sex drive in general too, and that in turn has made me think "what if it's because i'm only attracted to childern" ect. I am attracted to my boyfriend, but still just don't enjoy sex becuase of this.
It seems my ocd won't let me stay happy for long.
sari05: I have taken meds before, i was on celexa 60mg for a while, and it did help somewhat, although i'm thinking of switching now, as i am getting some side effects. so i'm down to 20mg a day.
thanks again for both your replys
Addd: i'm afraid i get the loop-hole thing too :P. I remember searching online about peadophilla and seeing it said that lots of them have depression and feel guilty about their thoughts :( BUT i guess you're right, as i don't ever take PLEASURE in my thoughts. Not really, although my ocd makes me think i do :mad:
I find that i can, if i put my mind to it (it's hard for me not to think about how much it bothers me all day, even if i'm not getting active thoughts) stop the upset, if i do alot of things, reading, talking to people, watching films ect, But triggers seem to be everywhere, and i end up sad and stressed again.
I don't enjoy sex like i used to. I can't relax out of fear that i will get a thought during sex. I just seem to have a low sex drive in general too, and that in turn has made me think "what if it's because i'm only attracted to childern" ect. I am attracted to my boyfriend, but still just don't enjoy sex becuase of this.
It seems my ocd won't let me stay happy for long.
sari05: I have taken meds before, i was on celexa 60mg for a while, and it did help somewhat, although i'm thinking of switching now, as i am getting some side effects. so i'm down to 20mg a day.
thanks again for both your replys
xxxzoexxx
09-21-2007, 10:20 AM
I didn't think it would, but it continues, and it gets worse. I'm 26 now and I thought I was better. But when anxiety hits you hard again, OCD is gonna hit you over the head big time. So help yourself now while you're still young.
thanks for your reply, i'm sorry your OCD has got worse over time :(
what can i do to help this get better and not worse? Would therapy help? I don' think i can handle things getting much worse, i already can't deal with it well :(
thanks for your reply, i'm sorry your OCD has got worse over time :(
what can i do to help this get better and not worse? Would therapy help? I don' think i can handle things getting much worse, i already can't deal with it well :(
Kathrin74
09-22-2007, 05:54 PM
[QUOTE=xxxzoexxx;3219204It seems my ocd won't let me stay happy for long.
[/QUOTE]
It seems to me that that is OCD's main goal!!! Not letting us be happy.:(
Anyway, the good thing is that you have realized that these thoughts are OCD!! S you know, deep in your heart, that you do NOT want to hurt children or get turned on by them.
(Of course the OCD wants to come up with all the reasons it can find to prove you otherwise.)
When these thoughts come up, keep telling yourself: "This is just an obsession. It is just my OCD talking."
OCD has found to be a physiological illness of the brain. Thoughts get stuck, kind of.
Now what is also very important: Please do not be afraid to talk to a doctor/psychiatrist/therapist about this. First of all, you do need to get help for yourself. I can read in your post how desperate you are. Second of all, any doctor who is familiar with OCD will have heard about this and much weirder obsessions many times. Actually yours is a very common one! Just make sure you talk to somebody who has experience with OCD/anxiety disorders. Don't be afraid. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are not a monster. You are a sweet person whose OCD wants to bring her down!!!
Don't let it.
((((((((hugs))))))))
Kathrin
[/QUOTE]
It seems to me that that is OCD's main goal!!! Not letting us be happy.:(
Anyway, the good thing is that you have realized that these thoughts are OCD!! S you know, deep in your heart, that you do NOT want to hurt children or get turned on by them.
(Of course the OCD wants to come up with all the reasons it can find to prove you otherwise.)
When these thoughts come up, keep telling yourself: "This is just an obsession. It is just my OCD talking."
OCD has found to be a physiological illness of the brain. Thoughts get stuck, kind of.
Now what is also very important: Please do not be afraid to talk to a doctor/psychiatrist/therapist about this. First of all, you do need to get help for yourself. I can read in your post how desperate you are. Second of all, any doctor who is familiar with OCD will have heard about this and much weirder obsessions many times. Actually yours is a very common one! Just make sure you talk to somebody who has experience with OCD/anxiety disorders. Don't be afraid. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are not a monster. You are a sweet person whose OCD wants to bring her down!!!
Don't let it.
((((((((hugs))))))))
Kathrin
adddd
09-22-2007, 10:23 PM
Thats a good post, very true.
Sari05
09-22-2007, 11:14 PM
Thanks for the replys, it does help to calm you down when people reasure you.
Addd: i'm afraid i get the loop-hole thing too :P. I remember searching online about peadophilla and seeing it said that lots of them have depression and feel guilty about their thoughts :( BUT i guess you're right, as i don't ever take PLEASURE in my thoughts. Not really, although my ocd makes me think i do :mad:
I find that i can, if i put my mind to it (it's hard for me not to think about how much it bothers me all day, even if i'm not getting active thoughts) stop the upset, if i do alot of things, reading, talking to people, watching films ect, But triggers seem to be everywhere, and i end up sad and stressed again.
I don't enjoy sex like i used to. I can't relax out of fear that i will get a thought during sex. I just seem to have a low sex drive in general too, and that in turn has made me think "what if it's because i'm only attracted to childern" ect. I am attracted to my boyfriend, but still just don't enjoy sex becuase of this.
It seems my ocd won't let me stay happy for long.
sari05: I have taken meds before, i was on celexa 60mg for a while, and it did help somewhat, although i'm thinking of switching now, as i am getting some side effects. so i'm down to 20mg a day.
thanks again for both your replys
Hi xxxzoexxx,
You're welcome, I am glad that I can help.
Addd: i'm afraid i get the loop-hole thing too :P. I remember searching online about peadophilla and seeing it said that lots of them have depression and feel guilty about their thoughts :( BUT i guess you're right, as i don't ever take PLEASURE in my thoughts. Not really, although my ocd makes me think i do :mad:
I find that i can, if i put my mind to it (it's hard for me not to think about how much it bothers me all day, even if i'm not getting active thoughts) stop the upset, if i do alot of things, reading, talking to people, watching films ect, But triggers seem to be everywhere, and i end up sad and stressed again.
I don't enjoy sex like i used to. I can't relax out of fear that i will get a thought during sex. I just seem to have a low sex drive in general too, and that in turn has made me think "what if it's because i'm only attracted to childern" ect. I am attracted to my boyfriend, but still just don't enjoy sex becuase of this.
It seems my ocd won't let me stay happy for long.
sari05: I have taken meds before, i was on celexa 60mg for a while, and it did help somewhat, although i'm thinking of switching now, as i am getting some side effects. so i'm down to 20mg a day.
thanks again for both your replys
Hi xxxzoexxx,
You're welcome, I am glad that I can help.
crankin
09-23-2007, 06:39 AM
Man, I feel for you. You really shouldn't be thinking such thoughts about yourself or contemplating suicide. You should really talk to your boyfriend or parents about how your feeling. You don't have to tell them that you think your going to molest kids, just tell them that you are very stressed, and you think about hurting yourself and a listening ear can really help release some of that burden on you.
What is it that is getting to you about the hurting kids? Is it a fear of hurting them or touching them wrong. Or is it that you actively want to molest the child? I am confused. If it is you want to touch the kid in a sexual way and be aroused by them, or have them touch you. Basically if you want to have sex with the child then you really should talk to a professional. I don't think drugs are the answer prescribed or not.
Now to be sexually aroused around a child, there is nothing wrong with that. Adults especially young adults who are very sexually charged get aroused all the time most times for no reason at all. If kids happen to be around that's not a big deal. It's not like your trying to have sex with the kid. But the fact is your young and horny, and getting turned on all the time, but your brain is saying "I shouldn't be horny around kids." So your feeling really bad. It's not that you shouldn't be horny when kids are around. It's you shouldn't try to act out on a child sexually.
Think of it this way. Everyone knows Young me 15-35 get hard ons all the time for no reason. Just all of a sudden BOOM your get a wood your horny. Now do you have any idea how many times a guy might be playing with a younder sibling or friends child or whatever then all of a sudden get a hard on. They must be thinking what **** is wrong with me. But then they realize it's got nothing to do with the kid. The fact is I'm 19 and I just got a hard on, and I happened to be playing with a 5 year old. And that's the end of it. If it was a crime to get sexually aroused when children are about then everyone would be in jail. Becauase children are everywhere and adults are horny all the time.
Like I said unless you actively want to have sex with these kids, then your doing nothing wrong. If in fact you want to try and have sex with these kids. Seek some help please. Because to try and actually have sex with a child is wrong. If your luring kids into backrooms with candy to try and molest them then you have a problem get help.
Otherwise chalk it up to being 19 and horny. It's not your fault kids happen to be around. To tell you the truth it's your boyfriend fault. Tell that guy he's not hittin' it right. LOL I'm kidding but for real, if your horny **** your 19 what do you expect.
What is it that is getting to you about the hurting kids? Is it a fear of hurting them or touching them wrong. Or is it that you actively want to molest the child? I am confused. If it is you want to touch the kid in a sexual way and be aroused by them, or have them touch you. Basically if you want to have sex with the child then you really should talk to a professional. I don't think drugs are the answer prescribed or not.
Now to be sexually aroused around a child, there is nothing wrong with that. Adults especially young adults who are very sexually charged get aroused all the time most times for no reason at all. If kids happen to be around that's not a big deal. It's not like your trying to have sex with the kid. But the fact is your young and horny, and getting turned on all the time, but your brain is saying "I shouldn't be horny around kids." So your feeling really bad. It's not that you shouldn't be horny when kids are around. It's you shouldn't try to act out on a child sexually.
Think of it this way. Everyone knows Young me 15-35 get hard ons all the time for no reason. Just all of a sudden BOOM your get a wood your horny. Now do you have any idea how many times a guy might be playing with a younder sibling or friends child or whatever then all of a sudden get a hard on. They must be thinking what **** is wrong with me. But then they realize it's got nothing to do with the kid. The fact is I'm 19 and I just got a hard on, and I happened to be playing with a 5 year old. And that's the end of it. If it was a crime to get sexually aroused when children are about then everyone would be in jail. Becauase children are everywhere and adults are horny all the time.
Like I said unless you actively want to have sex with these kids, then your doing nothing wrong. If in fact you want to try and have sex with these kids. Seek some help please. Because to try and actually have sex with a child is wrong. If your luring kids into backrooms with candy to try and molest them then you have a problem get help.
Otherwise chalk it up to being 19 and horny. It's not your fault kids happen to be around. To tell you the truth it's your boyfriend fault. Tell that guy he's not hittin' it right. LOL I'm kidding but for real, if your horny **** your 19 what do you expect.
Kathrin74
09-23-2007, 07:07 AM
Hey Crankin,
you probably think I am being b******y today;) but I need to correct you AGAIN.
For somebody with OCD and intrusive thoughts like that (about hurting other people, or other kinds of intrusive thoughts) this has NOTHING to do with really having such desires. It is exactly because the person would NEVER want to do anything like that that the thoughts come up. The person wants to suppress the thoughts, but the more he/she tries to suppress them, the more intrusive they become.
It is like the stroy about trying to NOT think about a pink elephant.
So we really need to differentiate here.
(By the way, in this post, as in the other where I responded after you, I am not doing this to be "b******y". I just want to make sure the original posters don't feel misunderstood. Ok?)
And for all of you whose OCD has gotten worse over time - do not despair. There are many of us who have gotten better again even after years and years, and it feels so good. Today very good treatments are available for OCD. The treamtents usually recommended are cognitive-behavioral therapy and/or medication.
Kathrin
you probably think I am being b******y today;) but I need to correct you AGAIN.
For somebody with OCD and intrusive thoughts like that (about hurting other people, or other kinds of intrusive thoughts) this has NOTHING to do with really having such desires. It is exactly because the person would NEVER want to do anything like that that the thoughts come up. The person wants to suppress the thoughts, but the more he/she tries to suppress them, the more intrusive they become.
It is like the stroy about trying to NOT think about a pink elephant.
So we really need to differentiate here.
(By the way, in this post, as in the other where I responded after you, I am not doing this to be "b******y". I just want to make sure the original posters don't feel misunderstood. Ok?)
And for all of you whose OCD has gotten worse over time - do not despair. There are many of us who have gotten better again even after years and years, and it feels so good. Today very good treatments are available for OCD. The treamtents usually recommended are cognitive-behavioral therapy and/or medication.
Kathrin
xxxzoexxx
09-23-2007, 09:39 AM
Crankin, i must say you have upset me terribily, i hope that wasn't your intention. My biggest fear is that someone will tell me i do want to have sex with children, which is certainly NOT true. I never have desired it. I get these thoughts in my head that i will hurt a child sexually, but feel sick and uncomfortable.
I'm sorry if i have this wrong, but it seems like you're saying i do want to molest children, and that upset me alot :(
I can't really explain it any better than i did in my first post, but i know that deep down, i would never act on my thoughts. I don't think of children sexually, they are just sexual thoughts, i don't ever touch my self thinking of it or anything.
I'm sorry if i have this wrong, but it seems like you're saying i do want to molest children, and that upset me alot :(
I can't really explain it any better than i did in my first post, but i know that deep down, i would never act on my thoughts. I don't think of children sexually, they are just sexual thoughts, i don't ever touch my self thinking of it or anything.
mycutepup
09-23-2007, 10:08 AM
Hi zoe,
Ocd can bring all kinds of disturbing thoughts and imaginations. Whenever you feel try to be by yourself, feel the hurt it causes, cry out loud and meditate. This may help.
Ocd can bring all kinds of disturbing thoughts and imaginations. Whenever you feel try to be by yourself, feel the hurt it causes, cry out loud and meditate. This may help.
crankin
09-23-2007, 12:13 PM
Kathrin,
I don't think your being bitchy, thanks for the explanation that actually made me understand better.
Zoe,
I did not mean to upset you. I was not trying to say you do want to have sex with kids. From your explanation you are not sexually attracted to kids, and have no desire to have sex with kids correct? It's just a thought that keeps running through you mind. If that is the case then you are not a peadophile.
But what I'm confused on is your saying you fear you may want to harm a child. What exactly do you mean by this. That a.) Your afraid that these thoughts mean you are a peadophile and that you will begin to desire kids. or b.) That these thoughts are making you want to harm a child or, that you feel you must harm a child to satisfy the thought?
If it's "a" then there's nothing wrong with you. If it's "b" then you need some help.
Most everyone has these "types" of thoughts. I don't have OCD but I sometimes repeatedly want to curse God's name. Though I never would in a million years let it come from my lips, a voice in my brain keeps wanting to do it. It's almost because I know it's so horrible the thought of it keeps popping in my head. Sometimes I wouldn't even be able to pray. If what your experiencing is anything like that, then I don't really think you have a problem, and you just need to train your mind to concentrate on something else when those thoughts arrive until they stop arriving. (Which is what I did and has worked for me.)
Your brain is very powerful, and with time you can train yourself to stop. I think you'll live with this for as long as you allow yourself to. I know that probably doesn't sound too nice. But I think our society tends to say "It's not your fault, you can't help it." And so you(people in general) just try to live with it, instead of trying to fix it. Taking sleeping pills and thoughts of suicide are not a good answer. I don't want to upset you, but I'm not going to pacify you either. The truth is your NOT a monster your not doing anything wrong, and you need to take control of the situation instead of trying to make it go away. You've got the power to defeat what's happening to you if you choose to. But if you lay by waiting for it to consume you then that is what is going to happen.
I believe you will find the strength to conquer this, and encourage you to tackle it head on.
I don't think your being bitchy, thanks for the explanation that actually made me understand better.
Zoe,
I did not mean to upset you. I was not trying to say you do want to have sex with kids. From your explanation you are not sexually attracted to kids, and have no desire to have sex with kids correct? It's just a thought that keeps running through you mind. If that is the case then you are not a peadophile.
But what I'm confused on is your saying you fear you may want to harm a child. What exactly do you mean by this. That a.) Your afraid that these thoughts mean you are a peadophile and that you will begin to desire kids. or b.) That these thoughts are making you want to harm a child or, that you feel you must harm a child to satisfy the thought?
If it's "a" then there's nothing wrong with you. If it's "b" then you need some help.
Most everyone has these "types" of thoughts. I don't have OCD but I sometimes repeatedly want to curse God's name. Though I never would in a million years let it come from my lips, a voice in my brain keeps wanting to do it. It's almost because I know it's so horrible the thought of it keeps popping in my head. Sometimes I wouldn't even be able to pray. If what your experiencing is anything like that, then I don't really think you have a problem, and you just need to train your mind to concentrate on something else when those thoughts arrive until they stop arriving. (Which is what I did and has worked for me.)
Your brain is very powerful, and with time you can train yourself to stop. I think you'll live with this for as long as you allow yourself to. I know that probably doesn't sound too nice. But I think our society tends to say "It's not your fault, you can't help it." And so you(people in general) just try to live with it, instead of trying to fix it. Taking sleeping pills and thoughts of suicide are not a good answer. I don't want to upset you, but I'm not going to pacify you either. The truth is your NOT a monster your not doing anything wrong, and you need to take control of the situation instead of trying to make it go away. You've got the power to defeat what's happening to you if you choose to. But if you lay by waiting for it to consume you then that is what is going to happen.
I believe you will find the strength to conquer this, and encourage you to tackle it head on.
adddd
09-23-2007, 12:28 PM
Zoe, I don't think Crankin meant anything bad by it, I think tis more out of not fully understanding. I've read posts where I've thought "that wouldn't bother me atall" but i'm FULLY aware that what ever one person is experiencing at the time seems like the worst possible thing to them. The fact that you can't dismiss the thoughts has nothing to do with desire but more to do with a certain mental condition which is the topic of this board. I can completely see how the comment would upset you beacause any hint of a suggestion that this is what you truley disire is the worst thing you can imagine. The point you need to get to in order to recover (much easier said than done) is to be able to read a comment like Crankin's and think nothing of it, even to read a comment telling you that you could be a peadophille (don't worry - hypothetical). While reassurance is helpful in order to reiterate that you DO have ocd, ultimately you need to not need to be reassured, thats the key. You will never have an epiphany with which you think 'i'm not a peadophille' and all your problems go away (this world isn't that nice) instead you need to disarm the thoughts.
One final thing - Although i shouldn't reassure you (for your own good) i just want to state that: At no point has it ever crossed my mind that your thoughts could be real, since i'm not suffering from this at this moment in time its easier for me to step back and see it for what it really is.
One final thing - Although i shouldn't reassure you (for your own good) i just want to state that: At no point has it ever crossed my mind that your thoughts could be real, since i'm not suffering from this at this moment in time its easier for me to step back and see it for what it really is.
xxxzoexxx
09-23-2007, 01:23 PM
crankin: I feel better now, and realise you weren't trying to hurt me. It's just hard to stop anaylsing a comment like that, as, when you have OCD, it creates panic. Btw i understand that being arroused in the same room as a kid isn't bad really. I remember when i was a bit younger (16 or so), and i had a really high sex drive and would be thinking about guys all the time, and my mum was a childminder and there were kids in the house all the time. I was turned on alot (because of thinking about guys, heh) and then because i didn't have that OCD worry then, it didn't bother me atall, because i knew it wasn't anything to do with the kids. But now because of OCD, it creates a thought that i'm a paedofile. The thoughts aren't making me want to touch kids. they are just telling me "you're a paeophile, you're going to want to hurt them sexually ect, you find them attractive. blah blah." It's like having a voice in your head (although not actively) telling you, you are evil, and it does all it can to convice you, you are. So you have to try to constantly fight it in order to stay happy.
when i say i fear i'm going to hurt a child one day, it's because my mind tells me that is what i want to do, even if i tell it "no, i bloody don't!" It's just very frustrating.
I do my best to fix it, Keeping my mind occupied and anxiety low, i can stop the thought for long periods of time. it's anxiety that triggers it and the more you think about it the more the thoughts come. i know i can do it if i put my mind to it, although it is very hard.
Adddd: I understand what you're saying and i think if i apply myself i can recover. I used to have terrible anxiety problems, that practically disabled me. I couldn't leave the house much, and i had panic attacks all the time (not to do with the ocd thought i just had another anxiety disorder) But i am so mcuh better now, i still get anxiety sometimes, but not as crippling as before, And i am proud that i managed to combat it, i did it pretty much the same way as you are sugesting how to combat from OCD howver i think it may atcually be easier in a way to combat this.
I would challenge my anxiety, as when ever i had pulpitations, i would think i'm dying, i'm having a heart attack! which of course made it worse. and i would just say to my anxiety. "stop fooling me, i'm not scared of you anymore, i think i would be dead now, i've had about 20 "heart attacks". heh, anyway, it helped, well i'm a little off the subject now :P my point is though is the mind is very powerfull and thought can control, and it can also cure.
when i say i fear i'm going to hurt a child one day, it's because my mind tells me that is what i want to do, even if i tell it "no, i bloody don't!" It's just very frustrating.
I do my best to fix it, Keeping my mind occupied and anxiety low, i can stop the thought for long periods of time. it's anxiety that triggers it and the more you think about it the more the thoughts come. i know i can do it if i put my mind to it, although it is very hard.
Adddd: I understand what you're saying and i think if i apply myself i can recover. I used to have terrible anxiety problems, that practically disabled me. I couldn't leave the house much, and i had panic attacks all the time (not to do with the ocd thought i just had another anxiety disorder) But i am so mcuh better now, i still get anxiety sometimes, but not as crippling as before, And i am proud that i managed to combat it, i did it pretty much the same way as you are sugesting how to combat from OCD howver i think it may atcually be easier in a way to combat this.
I would challenge my anxiety, as when ever i had pulpitations, i would think i'm dying, i'm having a heart attack! which of course made it worse. and i would just say to my anxiety. "stop fooling me, i'm not scared of you anymore, i think i would be dead now, i've had about 20 "heart attacks". heh, anyway, it helped, well i'm a little off the subject now :P my point is though is the mind is very powerfull and thought can control, and it can also cure.
Kathrin74
09-23-2007, 02:55 PM
I remember reading somewhere that somebody wrote he has never heard of ANYBODY with inrusive thought OCD who has actually acted on these thoughts.:)
cosutton
09-24-2007, 01:25 AM
I want you to know that you are not alone! And you are not a Pedophile! You simply have OCD. I have went through these things also. I never had thoughts like that, but believe me, my thoughts were just as awful and horrifying to me and the OCD that accompanied them ruined my life for several years when I was your age. YOU ARE NOT A PEDOPHILE. The only thing to fear is fear itself. Find a way to control the fear and you'll be on your way to controlling the OCD. Medication, medication, medication....not sleeping pills, but maybe SSRI's along with a good doctor that specializes in OCD would probably be best. I just found this group. Please read my first post called "My OCD Story". YOu'll see you're not alone.
xxxzoexxx
09-24-2007, 08:59 AM
thanks cosutton. I read your story, it's very sad :( although i am glad you feel alot better than back then :) It gives hope to me, and i'm sure alot of others too.
charliegirl28
09-25-2007, 04:55 PM
zoe, i have just seen this thread, im new here, i have a thread somewhere about disturbing thoughts..... i wasnt as brave as you, i didnt put that i too have these thoughts, you are so not alone here, ihave hated myself for such a long time, thinking im some sort of perv, the thoughts pop into my head when i see kids, it disturbed me more when it happened for the first time with my niece, who i love to pieces btw, i would never hurt her or touch her in that way EVER, yet i thought about it!! why!! it made me want to vomit,
im not a paedophile, i know im not, but i get thoughts sometimes when i see kids, it doesnt happen all the time, but sometimes i get a thought that im attracted to that child, or that i want to do something to them, i really dont, but the thought is there,
i also get thoughts about hurting animals, even killing them, or hurting family members, violence etc, including towards kids, real sick stuff, i would NEVER EVER act on these thoughts, but i still get them....... its disturbed me for awhile now......
i dont think i have OCD, im not aware of any obsessions or rituals, just these thoughts, which, from reading the messages here on this board, are linked to OCD,
i havent ever told anyone i have these thoughts, this board is the first time they have been outside my head, im that ashamed of them,
thats why i was so relieved when i saw your first post Zoe..... now i know im not a sick person, its an intrusive thought, like yours.......
*hugs*
im not a paedophile, i know im not, but i get thoughts sometimes when i see kids, it doesnt happen all the time, but sometimes i get a thought that im attracted to that child, or that i want to do something to them, i really dont, but the thought is there,
i also get thoughts about hurting animals, even killing them, or hurting family members, violence etc, including towards kids, real sick stuff, i would NEVER EVER act on these thoughts, but i still get them....... its disturbed me for awhile now......
i dont think i have OCD, im not aware of any obsessions or rituals, just these thoughts, which, from reading the messages here on this board, are linked to OCD,
i havent ever told anyone i have these thoughts, this board is the first time they have been outside my head, im that ashamed of them,
thats why i was so relieved when i saw your first post Zoe..... now i know im not a sick person, its an intrusive thought, like yours.......
*hugs*
xxxzoexxx
09-25-2007, 09:19 PM
charliegirl28: There is a form of OCD that is called pure O which is when the person only gets obsessions and not compulsions. I think it sounds like you have this. Mine are mostly just obsessions too, although i do have some compulsions, washing my hands too much, arranging things in a certain way, buying certain things to keep away anxiety, But it's the intrusive thoughts which are the worst for me. You are certainly not a sick person, although it's hard to realise that with ocd, but it is just the ocd trying to hurt you. If the thoughts are still bothering you, medication might be a good idea. when you visit the doctor, you don't have to go into detail about your thoughts, the doctor won't make you, but try to give an understanding to the doctor that the thoughts.are bothering you and are very intrusive. I have yet to tell any doctor or therapist of these thoughts. I usually end up crying when asked, as it's so hard for me to say out loud, but a good doctor will be patient with you. a therapist who deals specially with OCD is best, as they will have experience, with this type of ocd thought, which i have heard is actually very common.
hope this has helped a bit.
take care
*hug*
hope this has helped a bit.
take care
*hug*
charliegirl28
09-26-2007, 06:00 AM
charliegirl28: There is a form of OCD that is called pure O which is when the person only gets obsessions and not compulsions. I think it sounds like you have this. Mine are mostly just obsessions too, although i do have some compulsions, washing my hands too much, arranging things in a certain way, buying certain things to keep away anxiety, But it's the intrusive thoughts which are the worst for me. You are certainly not a sick person, although it's hard to realise that with ocd, but it is just the ocd trying to hurt you. If the thoughts are still bothering you, medication might be a good idea. when you visit the doctor, you don't have to go into detail about your thoughts, the doctor won't make you, but try to give an understanding to the doctor that the thoughts.are bothering you and are very intrusive. I have yet to tell any doctor or therapist of these thoughts. I usually end up crying when asked, as it's so hard for me to say out loud, but a good doctor will be patient with you. a therapist who deals specially with OCD is best, as they will have experience, with this type of ocd thought, which i have heard is actually very common.
hope this has helped a bit.
take care
*hug*
thank you zoe, it has helped, i feel relieved, i think maybe i should go to the doc's, to get this sorted, and i didnt know about "pure O" i always thought that OCD was the compulsions, repeated rituals etc, thats interesting, thanks!
hope this has helped a bit.
take care
*hug*
thank you zoe, it has helped, i feel relieved, i think maybe i should go to the doc's, to get this sorted, and i didnt know about "pure O" i always thought that OCD was the compulsions, repeated rituals etc, thats interesting, thanks!
nikki16
09-26-2007, 01:22 PM
I too have Pure O, I don't do any rituals. What I do is ruminate about my thoughts, trying to reason and rationalize why I would have such bad thoughts in my head.
I've done alot of reading about this. All people have wierd and intrusive thoughts. The difference between us OCD people and other people is that normally people are able to dismiss these thoughts as an annoyance. We give the thoughts too much attention thus giving them importance in our minds, which causes us anxiety. OCD people do not act on their thoughts. We need to find ways to just let the thoughts come and not react to them. That's what I'm working on now.
We're going through a tough time right now but we will get through this, of that I am sure.
hugs
I've done alot of reading about this. All people have wierd and intrusive thoughts. The difference between us OCD people and other people is that normally people are able to dismiss these thoughts as an annoyance. We give the thoughts too much attention thus giving them importance in our minds, which causes us anxiety. OCD people do not act on their thoughts. We need to find ways to just let the thoughts come and not react to them. That's what I'm working on now.
We're going through a tough time right now but we will get through this, of that I am sure.
hugs
eveanna
08-31-2008, 11:43 AM
Hey Kathryn,
I just wanted to say how lovely it is to have your kind and wise words on this messageboard. You are using your experience to give a lot of participants a huge amount of relief from their suffering. Thank you!
I just wanted to say how lovely it is to have your kind and wise words on this messageboard. You are using your experience to give a lot of participants a huge amount of relief from their suffering. Thank you!
Kathrin74
08-31-2008, 05:28 PM
Thanks for the nice words! :-)
Right now I use mostly computers at the library because I have been away from home so I haven't been able to come to the board so often.
Right now I use mostly computers at the library because I have been away from home so I haven't been able to come to the board so often.