Hey everyone,

So, my dad was getting so bad with the paranoia and yelling at me that I took him to the doc and he was put on Risperdal. No yelling in the past week and a half or so since he was put on the medication, but it has turned him into an almost complete zombie. His level of need has risen and there is little doubt about whether it's right or wrong at this point to put him in a facility. I feel like I just forced him further into his fog and have mixed emotions about it. I am happy about not getting yelled at, of course, but at the same time just furthered his progression.

Anyway just needed to get that off my chest. I hope you all are doing well!

Jay

Don't feel guilty. It is much better also for HIM not to be yelling and upset - he could cause himself a stroke! Being calm and foggy is better, at this point. No guilt! You are doing the very best you can, and I for one think the new medicine is a great idea.

love,

Martha

I truly do understand your feeings Jay. I am dealing with many of the same conflicting emotions. All you can do is the best you can at the time. My Dad has classic sundowner. His aggitation is limited to the evenings (not difficult to control)..... or initiated by Mom's actions (much harder to control). Mom is agressive and confrontational where Dad is normally happy but it is Dad that tends to get medicated. Dad would be happy at home and easily managed except Mom keeps something stired up all the time. So Dad had to leave his home where he was happy and is having trouble adjusting to the new assisted living arrangements. Mom on the other hand is enjoying the attention she is getting. Yet it is almost impossible to separate them because Dad, even in his fog, is so in love with Mom and his worse aggitation is when she is not around. Mom on the other hand seems to care less. She is just tired of putting up with him. I truly hate what is happening to Dad but what are the alternatives..... ::sigh:: My mind is so scrambled and I am so exhausted from the last year, trying to keep them at home, and the move, that I am letting my sister handle the ramification of the move for now.

Know there are no right decisions.... there is just doing the best you can as situations arise and keeping an open mind to all the possibilities in the future. Nothing is permenant..... except the fact that it will get worse.

Love, Deb

Know there are no right decisions.... there is just doing the best you can as situations arise and keeping an open mind to all the possibilities in the future. Nothing is permenant..... except the fact that it will get worse.

Oh Deb...this is the absolute truth! The effects of this horrendous disease takes its' toll on the loved ones as well as the victim.

UJG...You have put your entire life on hold to help your Father...bless your heart. WE can see how you're trying to cope...and, deep down, so can your Father.

I would cry on the hour drive home after placing my Mom in the Alzheimer's Home...the effects of the new meds bringing guilty feelings. It did take a few weeks to get the exact dose figured out...but the needed relief was worth the challenge.

Martha's right too...one CANNOT feel guilty. The actions we all take are because we want the absolute best for our loved one. Sending positive feelings your way.......Pam;)

Thanks Pam, Deb, and Martha. I got a call from a woman on Friday saying my name came up on a waiting list for some care giver funds. I think I'll use the money to place my dad in a memory care facility for a few days so I can fly back home to the east coast and relax. At the same time I'll get to feel out the process of placing my dad in a home. Who knows, after three days, he may already think of it as home and he can just stay. I have to take him in for an evaluation before anything.


We'll see, and I'll keep everyone posted. Thanks again for all of the encouragement. This online forum is great. I go to support group meetings sometimes but lately I have always seemed to be busy when they're happening. This forum is ALWAYS around!

Jay

And the saga continues. It has been two weeks and Dad is still having a hard time adjusting to the assisted living apartment. He decided one night he owned the building since his stuff was there and the next night he wanted to throw the furniture out of the window because that had to be the way it came in. He has now been put on Atavan for his evening aggitation. I understand he does have aggitation in the evening but the proper answers to his questions makes all the difference. When he ask why they are there Mom tells him it is his fault. She has also chewed out the lady at the front desk because her paper was not delivered when she thought it should be and raised a commotion because she didn't think her laundry was done when in fact it was. I ask to speak to Dad last time I called and Mom told me he couldn't hear me on the phone and wouldn't let me talk to him. I know to speak loud, low, and slow and he can understand what I am saying most of the time. If not he will keep talking and I enjoy hearing what he has to say. I was not in the mood to be argumentative with her so I did not speak to my Dad. My sister is busy expounding all that she has done and basically doesn't want any input. So I am just observing now.

But I have taken this respit to make myself a long overdue doctor's appointment and I am headed out to spent some quality time with my niece and my favorite sister.

Love, Deb

Hope it goes well at the doc for you and enjoy the respite! As far as your parents go, like you said the saga continues. My dad's got something new and interesting to add to the mix everyday. His EVIL notes to me that he leaves lying around are always a pleasant find. :rolleyes: Well, at least he isn't yelling at me!

Jay

I saw on Oprah the other day a nifty idea with notes ..... FRAME THEM !!

I don't suppose she thought of framing Evil notes, but she didn't actually specify .. perhaps you could have a 'designer wall' ??? LOL

Just trying to throw a bit of levity into an awful time LOL
:jester:

You made me laugh out loud AngleBear. My thoughts went wild since my best friend owns a frame shop!! I have found that laughter will do more than anything to lift the spirits. THANK YOU!!!

Jay, I did enjoy a much needed afternoon of fun with people I enjoyed at a nice event and supper out. It has been too long since I have done that and it was great. Sorry you are getting such notes.... I only got phone messages. I love the way you look on the brighter side.

Love, Deb

I'm glad you laughed ... laughter is truly the best medicine .. those endorphins just go crazy and make our blood pressure go down, our heart muscle relax and our brain chills out ....

Evil Notes + Frame shop + Designer Wall = hysterical ........

Although .. done properly, could be somewhat attractive in a bizarre kind of way doncha think? LOL LOL LOL

Gold Leaf anyone?