It has been a long time since I was on this site and then it was for different reasons...

I am 37 years old and have developed what I guess is bulimia...it started about 6 years ago, just having bad stomache problems and the death of my mother and I just got to where I couldn't keep anything down...now mind you I am not skinny... [removed] I have maintained my weight for the last 6 years...I do have true medical issues, terrible GERD and I am a smoker desperatly trying to quit...imagine my mind when all I do is throw up everything that I eat and then smoke on top of that which has led me to having pre cancerous cells in my throat...I just don't know what to do and how to get better. I don't want to die of this and don't want to have cancer in my throat let alone in my lungs...and I just don't understand why in my late 30's this is got a hold of me. I must say that I look better in my late 30's than I ever have, I am accepting of my lines and wrinkles and have worked very hard for them, but I am looking old and throwing up everyday is not the way to look younger. I only eat about once a day and live on chocolate milk.

Anyone have any answers/comments?

Thanks in advance:confused:

Please call your attention to the sticky post at the top of this Board: "Avoiding Triggers".

Hi!
I think the death of your mother has conjured up insecurity issues which have been lurking in your subconscious mind for years.
In my opinion eating disorders have usually their cause in childhood and can surface at any time.
I am 46 and I am still suffering from bulimia ever since my teens.
I think that going into therapy will unveil the underlying causes of your stress and your unhappiness and will give you the power to control your moods.
I am in therapy for 9 months now and I am recognizing a lot of hidden symptoms and causes which have triggered many of my psychological problems, including bulimia and anxiety.
Please do not worry, you can get out of this once you understand what you are doing and why.:)

Is 51 too old to be told you have a problem with food.... or to confront an eating disorder in yourself after many years? Are there different "degrees" of eating disorders and can they be "on again" and "off again"? If it was really bad for 25 years, wouldn't I be dead or cured by now? :confused:

Hi,

I've had almost lifelong ED, am still working on it, but I can expect only a bit of progress at my age w/my history.
Yes, it can wax and wane, no, 51 is by no means too old (I am, sadly, 60), and some of us just have a chronic illness. And only you know how bad it is, how it's effected your life. I think I measure how bad it is by the limitations it forces on me.

Thanks for the topic.

You are dealing with so much right now. Not to sound cliche, but I'd recommend therapy. This would offer you a chance to talk through your issues and help you find healthy solutions. To help you combat stress you may want to try yoga or meditation, or something along those lines. I'm not a smoker, but I think quitting smoking has got to be one of the hardest things anybody can go through (though well worth it). Your bullemia may be triggered by stress or anxiety. I know when I'm bullemic I'm also extremely anxious. I hope these ideas offer you some insight. Best of luck! (ps: I'm 37.)

Thank you all so much for such caring words and encouragement...I am going to see my doctor tomorrow and let it all out. I think that everyone is exactly right about the death of my mother...the thing is...that I don't want to wind up dead at 54 like my mother, let alone contribute to my own death this way either...I think that I do have some deep seeded things in my past and am going to get therapy for that. I am scared too death of being overweight...even though I don't care about how much I weigh as long as I am healthy? Does that make any sense what so ever? I don't know how to over come this...because like I said I do have terrible stomache problems, (infact both my Mom and Dad had more that half of thier stomaches removed due to bad stomaches, so I do have it genetically) but I think I am using that to manifest into something else...any other advice/alternatives would be helpful...I have to say thank you all again...
:) :)