Hi Faith, I have been reading your post's just now and I feel that you are beginning to feel defeated. It is most likely the chemo treatment they have you on, maybe your white blood cells are down hence you feeling so exhausted. I mean I know you have every right to feel worn down. I didn't realize it had spread to your liver and spine, cancer is like an alien just working it's way through a body making sure it gets a good hold. I feel you have been disappointed since your fall and you could no longer walk the distance you used to; and then the pneumonia; your cold and your hospital stay. Whew!! that is a lot for one person to take.

I feel sad because you live on your own - you need someone to be there for you, don't you think. I would imagine there is a fair amount of depression on top of the lot you already carry? Your positive energy has helped so many people on this board. One thing different for them however most had some family member with them for support and to assist them with things they could not do while going though treatment. On the other hand the people who have been the support system for their loved ones have also been worn down with worry, lack of sleep, not eating properly etc and you have been there for them to and them for you, they love you on this board. It would be so much easier for you if you had someone to be there for you and take you to appts, you must be exhausted just getting in the bus. Geesh, if I didn't live in Victoria BC I'd look after you till you got back up again.

As for food if you have a blender maybe blend up some protien powder, yogurt and fruit - maybe some pomogranite juice. Make a big batch so its handy. V-8 juice for your vegy's and you would have all the basis covered for nutrition. I have only smelled boost once when I had bought some for her and she wouldn't drink it - yukky poo.

I think about you often and when I don't see a post I worry that something is not going well, so it's been nice to see you back on board.

Bye for now
ebrena

Hi Faith,
Ebrena says it all very well. While I don't post often, I do read the posts and am sure I am just of the MANY you don't know about that keeps you and the others from this board in our thoughts on a daily basis. Like Ebrena, I wish you had some help too. I bet the people from the church would help you out if you just asked. Sometimes, many times, people just don't quite know what to do and feel awkward asking. You are used to being independent and maybe it hard for you to ask as well. With an entire church there are enough people that maybe certain people could be assigned specific days or something. I surely hope you ask! Take care and I will be checking back.

Thank you ebrena and ladyj,
Everyone from my church has helped me tremendously. THey've taken me shopping or offered to bring me dinner. They'd do anything for me. It's just everyone has jobs or are older and can't drive either, so still having a problem finding rides to chemo and other appts.
THis last chemo was just a really tough one. That gemzar is only supposed to cause flu-lke symptoms for 24 hours, but for me it lasted 3 days. Which as you all know can just weaken the whole body. And the appetite being gone is horrible. Smells make me want to gag, the thought of food makea me want to gag, people talking about food makes me want to gag.
I felt better yesterday and got off the sofa and off to church and the grocery store. Today I'm ok too. I stilll have pain, but it's less. I'm just trying hard to get some strength back before chemo thursday rolls around again!
I do the smoothies all the time, but acidic foods and drinks are hard on my stomach right now. I do add the whey protein too.
I'm fine really, just having a lousy few weeks here. ANd it all started with the stupid cold I had about 5-6 weeks ago.
I'm not all that depressed really, just get discouraged about all these treatments making me feel crappy and not even being a help. They don't make any sense.
Thanks for the concern. I'll do fine.
I'm a survivor. Always have been.
Faith :)

Faith,

I am so sorry to hear about the chemo being so brutal this time. My moms last chemo was Gemzar and Taxotere and it left her wiped out: However I do recall her first round was the worst and she was ready to say no more but she did not. The first round not only left her tired but she ached and had a very bad stomach ache, the later doses just left her fatigued and she and her recliner became best friends.

I can hear what you are saying about being on your own as I too live alone, my nearest family member is 120 miles away and that is my dad who at 83 would be no help and my brother and his family who were of little help to my mom who lived 1 house away so I know would be of little if any help to me. My friends all work and while they would do what they can I know I would be in the same situation you are if I got sick or even was injured. Thus I understand what you are dealing with and the thought of riding a bus when I felt ill does not make me jump for joy. Does your chemo center have any volunteer drivers? I know some have people that volunteer to drive people to and from chemo.

I don't get the feeling you are depressed but rather you are viewing the reality of your situation. Given what the reality is there will be up and down days and that is 100% normal. You are a strong woman and I can only hope if I am ever in your shoes that I too could be as strong.

Please know that even thou days may pass between my visits here that I do continue to think of you and send prayers your way.Hang in there, JanMarie