I don't know what is this problem called. I constantly worry of what people think about me. When I get together with people to try to develop friendship I try to act the most proper way I think possible. When I happen to say something other than the weather or tell them a litlle bit about my personal life or somebody else's I feel that I'm being inappropriate and that my friend/coworker would think I'm crazy. Today three people who know me look at each other as they were talking to me and in my mind I thought they were exchanging look about me saying I'm crazy. Because of this problem I have very few friend and I try not to talk much when I see them. It just seem that people think I'm crazy and that they don't enjoy my company. Maybe I'm crazy, please let me know what it is and how to ger rid of it.

Duplicate Post

Have you looked in to Avoidant Personality Disorder or perhaps social anxiety? Or normative shyness? What about your relationship with close friends and family?

Yet if you elaborate more, different examples and other situations, this would be helpful so other can promptly respond, other than my humble reply.

Hi Pup, you know if you are anxious or self-conscious, etc. about yourself this comes across to others and they react to it. This kind of stuff makes most people uncomfortable. How to fix it? Have confidence in yourself and stop trying to get approval from others.

thanks sannah,
building more confidence will definitely help I guess.

If there are situations, past experiences that is keeping you from gaining or having self-confidence, this is something to explore..

Its easy for others to say just get some self-confidence; its first important to address why and what has prevented you from aquiring a healthy level confidence to begin with...


I knew a man when I was much younger that sounds like you; I was young at that time and reacted with disdain that he acted so "unconfident", worried and very shy..

A decade later, I saw him, he looked great and was very confident, I was shocked... He later confessed that he had a very critical parent/ unsupportive upbringing, who was emotionally abusive to him, which prevented him to feel good about himself...

its first important to address why and what has prevented you from aquiring a healthy level confidence to begin with...


Couldn't agree more!

First of all do not label yourself as crazy, or think that people think you are crazy. In reality there is no such thing as madness or crazyness. It is only a manifestation that the mind creates out of a false perception. It is very possible that you have some pain triggers that are linked to the way people perceive you, or maybe you were daunted to not speak or express yourself by some people in your life that wre considerd very important to your own opinion of yourself. In my suggestion check out the reading "The power of the Now" by eckhart tolle. It is a facinating book on the mind and it gives you really good insight on emotional poising and why many of us suffer from something that we should simply not.

Thanks to all who replied. For some reason I did not have a chance to spend much time with my loving parents when growing up. I lived with relatives who mocked me, teased me and called me with all kinds of names I was not proud of. This lasted for 7 years from age 10-15. Then I went to live with my sister for about 4 years, I did not know her well so I fought with her all the time. My sister was nice to me but I was mean to her. At school I was a crime leader, I would start all kinds of fights and separated my class into two groups. My group was the bad one and again I was the leader. I'm not proud of my past at all. Then I moved in with my parents, got a job and went to college part time. My parents were very nice, they loved and respected me but I often fought with them and my sibling for reasons I did not even remember. Then I got married to the most wonderful man who is proud of me and treat me like I'm the best person in the world. I don't know how I manage to love my husband so much inspite of my past.

I just told me my past maybe it gives you a clue of how why I become the person I am.

I don't think I'm shy, I work with people and I interact with them fine but sometimes I feel I say things I'm not suppose to say. For example, I got together with a friend last week and told her that our family friend who was going thru a divorce gave my husband a romantic kiss. We were engaged then. I also told her that the friend was cheating on her then husband, and that I felt so gross about it. They were all tru but I should have to tell her.

When I got home and thought about it I felt really embarressed the fact that I told my friend about the other friend. I also got so panicky that my friend would tell the cheating friend of what I had told her. Evertime I come back from a get togther I would think How it goes. If I remember that I had said something inappropriate I would worry sick of what people think about me.

Today my coworker and I were talking about our boss and what a difficult time she gives us. My coworker told me that she thinks our boss gives me more crap than anyone else at work. I believe her and I feel really bad for not being treated as everybody.

My boss is not a very good communicator, the more I try to work with her the more she seems to work against me. I'm not saying I don't have problems but this boss is just so difficult. I still have 5 sick days left and I wanted to use one when I had a bad cold and another when I had to drive 6 hours away to go to a Dr, she would not let me claim sick days. She wanted me to use my vacation days. I have 14 days vacation days left and I want to use them when I have my treatment in November but she told me I can't take them all at once. In May she let one of my coworkers go to Europe for 5 weeks, in Sept another of them went to Italy for 10 days and in November another of them will take 9 weeks off because of surgery. I feel really down, I want to try everything to make things work with my boss. I really want to know why I make my boss treat me unfairly, if I and another worker makes the same mistake e.g filling out papers wrong, she would get all mad at me but she would say ' it's ok' to my other coworkers. Do you have any idea what I can do to get the same treatment as other?
I'm sorry this post is so long. I am not saying I don't have a problem I just want to know what did I do to make this woman very unpleasant to me.

Pup, this is very important info that you shared! I have a much better picture of you and what you are dealing with now. I am sorry that you had to go through all of that when you were growing up. You certainly deserved better. Everyone deserves a decent upbringing. To me it sounds like you had trouble getting along with your sister and parents later because you were angry because of the bad treatment that you got from your relatives? I am so happy for you that you have a loving husband! Sounds like you turned out just fine!

I was wondering if all of the questions that you are having now about being appropriate with people come from what you had to experience growing up? You didn't get to learn appropriate interaction behaviors from your relatives because they weren't nice to you and didn't treat you with respect. Obviously, how you behaved in school to survive didn't give you the chance to develop good skills either. It is never too late to learn good skills. I learned them from watching others and understanding myself and others.

Some of the important things that I learned about interacting with others is healthy boundaries -that others have to right to make their decisions and I have the right to make mine, etc. Also, why am I telling someone a story about someone else. What is my motive, is it a good or bad motive? Good motives IMO is when I am upset about something that happened with someone else and I need to talk about it and the person who I am telling can be trusted. Of course a bad motive is telling the story for pure entertainment and the telling of the story will hurt the person I am telling it about. Another thing is that I must always act respectfully. I must always treat others with respect and always respect myself.

About your boss. I guess you must push some of her buttons? Can you discuss this different treatment that you get with her? One thing that I have learned about discussing these sensitive types of things with others is don't accuse them of anything because this puts them on the defensive right away. The approach that has always worked for me was to just describe the treatment or situation very factfully without judging it at all or putting any emotions into it.

Keep posting!

Oh Sannah, Thank You Very Much. I Won't Say Much Now After Having A Glass And A Half Of Wine With A Delicious Dinner With My Husband But I'm Sure I'll Need You Later.

I Stll Can't Understand Of My Luck In Marriage. I End Up Witht The Best Man In The Whole Planet. How Can This Happen? Those Relatives Who Raised Me Up Are Very Jealous The Fact That I End Up With A Rich And Most Loving Man Ever. How Could This Happen?

Thanks.

How could this happen? Because you attracted him. How did you attract him? You must have some wonderful qualities! Talk to you later!

Hi Sannah,
My last post was embarressing, I was really tipsy, I had no idea that the wine had worked so well on me untill I check what I had written that night. Fortunately this is on the net and no one knows otherwise I would be worried sick, again that people might think I'm crazy. Anyway, those are the kind of things I say to people that make me so uncomfortable after I say it. My husband thinks I worry too much of what other people say about me and he's right. Honestly, when you read my last post did you think I was wierd or crazy, I was totally myself when I wrote that. Please be honest.

mycutepup,


Its common that people who had or came from dysfunctional backgrounds to have low self-esteem...

This is something that you can work on, and what your husband said is true; you just need to know who you are, and don't give a damn about what others think of you because you know where you stand with your values and morals...

Again, easier said then done, so I suggest anything you can work on regarding your self-esteem and confidence is the place to start... If there is a area in your life which you feel needs work, that's also a start...




Congrats on your marriage!

Pup, you know what I thought when I read your post that night? I thought you are a charming and very warm and wonderful person! It seems that you want to be a generic, cookie-cutter, "please do not notice me" type of person? What is so fearful about letting others see who you are?

(I probably won't be able to see your reply until the end of October. I am going on a trip. I can't wait to read it though!)

It sounds like you have social phobia. I have exactly the same problem which has made me withdraw from people throughout my life. I'm also constantly worrying about what people think of me ie- Boring, stupid etc

Dear Sannah is so right about me. She said I am the way I am because I spent most of my teenage years with relatives who when I did or said something wrong instead of correcting me and teach me to say/do things in an appropriate way they mocked and teased me. I have begun to understand that I'm just too self conscious, as S said as long as I respect people all the times I shouldn't be worried what people may think about me. I don't really shy away or afraid of people I just don't know or sure what to say to people. I need to read some meaningful books in order to strike a meaningful conversation with intelligent people I meet next time.

It sounds like you have social phobia. I have exactly the same problem which has made me withdraw from people throughout my life. I'm also constantly worrying about what people think of me ie- Boring, stupid etc

What do you do to get rid of the problem? I'd like to know.

What do you do to get rid of the problem? I'd like to know.

Hi Pup, I would think realizing that your relatives were wrong would help you to combat how you think and feel about yourself when you are interacting with others. I would think that their little voices might be in the back of your head when you are interacting with others, ready to jump on you and shame you for being who you are. There is nothing wrong with you. They were the ones with the problems. Shame on them!

My first post in this thread. My family are very critical, and very rarely give anyone a pat on the back for a job well done.

You don't need to read books, necessarily....I'm sure you're an interesting person, just the way you are. Be yourself....say what you want to say. Every now and then, you may be inappropriate....that's the chance you have to take, cause you've been taught that everything that comes out of your mouth is inappropriate....close?

Try to not second guess yourself, and just let the thoughts flow. Practice here if you want....it becomes easier with time.

Lil

Counselors, Therapists help people to build social skills.

Also those who specialize in Autism/Asperger's syndrome focus alot on social skills.


Also you can read books on Boundaries. I think you want to make sure not to have any toxic people coming in to your life as well.



I will check what kind of books are out there for social skills building.

hey there, im 30, and i have to tell you that you are not alone and to stop worring, you will be just fine, but im here dealing with my mom who didnt realize how she thought and worried over 30 yrs found herself trapped in a negitive mind, now thats bad, so i want to extend to you the knowledge i found through a great program, as soon as you realize that its all about habits you do in your thinking and the worries about these things is only called negitive thinking, you just need to take a class or a program like this or read up on stress , anxiety, and depression and you will see that you just have to practis positive thinking and as soon as you read up on these you feel better right off the bat, knowing your not crazy and you just have created a bad habit of thinking,(worry).. lilly has right idea, but since i just realized i had these issues when i worried about what others might be thinking i was creating anxiety and made it so bad i couldnt seem to talk right and had a very real scare of ambarassment in front of people, even friends and family, and it made me not want to go out and do things i wanted to do and be confortable around other people, because i though i couldnt do it and people would stare at me,.... lilly is rite you must just let those fellings go right through you and let it go and say what you feel as it comes to you, and after you experience some bad reactions to it you will get used to it and it wont bother you anymore.. i have so many great ideas ,dont want to bore you out in this 1 message, , your not crazy, your sensitive and full of creativity ,i bet you!