Hi everyone,

I'm not entirely sure what to do at the moment, so I thought I'd come here to look for some opinions/ suggestions, so anyone who reads this I'm really appreciative.

The background is, I used to be anorexic, when I was a teenager, and then managed to stop. I don't know if I am allowed to say how old I am now; but maybe it's ok to say I'm in my early 20s?

Now, and for the last year, I have had eating problems. I can only attribute this to starting when my parents had a very very VERY messy divorce; I'm not going to go into it as I dont know that it is appropriate, but suffice it to say, on both their sides, multiple lawyers said they couldnt take on their cases as they'd never seen anything as complex or messed up. So it is not a normal divorce by any means. I should also point out that I dont live at home, I live in another city to my parents, I am at university and I do not ever go hoome - i stay here (my boyfriend and housemates do so this is all ok).

Since then, I have lost more and more weight and become a lot noticably thinner - people are constantly commenting on this; people who havent seen me in a while ALWAYS comment, my close friends and boyfriend comment and people have been known to ask me, or my boyfriend or housemate if I'm anorexic.

I know that I don't eat as much as I should, I will usually eat something at least once a day, but always a small amount, as I can't physically manage to eat a lot - this is not a conscious decision I don't think. If I eat too much, or something that i didnt really fancy eating, I throw it up. Again this is not a choice, I HATE being sick, and I even when I had an ED when i was younger, I could never ever force myself to throw up. So I know honestly that I am not choosing to do this.

I recently saw a photo of myself wearing a bikini top and leaning over so you could see my back, and you can just see all of my bones sticking out - my boyfriend took this whilst we were travelling this summer, and we were both pretty shocked.

My problems lie however, in the fact, that I do not know anymore why this is happening. When everything kicked off with my parents, I know that I couldnt eat from the stress (I'm an only child and was very much in the middle of this) , the stress has lessened now as I have learned to deal with it more and have become more accustomed to the situation.

I get the feeling, that I started losing weight when all this happened, and that now I deep down like the comments I'm getting, and like being very thin. I always say to people that I dont like being this thin etc, but secretly in my heart of hearts, I know I do, and I know I like the attention.

I do try to eat, and I certainly do try not to throw up. I have been to the doctors multiple times but no one really ever has any ideas.

If anyone can offer any help, advice or anything really I'd be really grateful and thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

Much Love

Tilly xxx

Hi,

I know how an upset can throw us back into weight loss, and once it's there, all the feelings come back, and the ED can take over.

IMHO, it'd be a good idea to get yourself into therapy. You may be throwing up because your system can't handle much after eating so little. Just a suggestion - I'm no doctor.

Please get some professional help with this. People here can support you in recovery, but no one can treat you or really tell you what to do.

I'll just share that for me, I have to eat small amounts frequently. And I do need professional help in order to keep at it.

Hope that helps - best luck to you, keep posting here.

Seaturtle

Princess,

My situation is similar to yours. I was anorexic/bullemic as a teenager and dealt with that. I am mid 20's now and I my ED is back... I was in denial for a bit and thought that it was not a problem, but it is.... I have actually - finally after help from some people on here - gone to therapy and my PCP and told them what was going on. My issues all started back when my fiance and I started to split up and got worse after we called it quits....

My therapist and PCP both agree that the high level of anxiety and stress that I am going through right now is the cause of this all. They told me that when things spin out of control, subconciously it was a trigger to my body to find something to control. I am now on anxiety medication and am in therapy for my ED. Things have not gotten better, but they have stopped getting worse...

I don't know that any of that answers your question, but I hope that something in it is helpful to you.