Hi All,
Tomorrow is my 2nd treatment with Gemzar and I am sooooooooooo apprehensive about it. I almost decided to stop chemo altogether the other day. But I'm no quitter! So I called the drs and chemo nurse, and they will give me dexamethasone (steroids) for a few days afterwards to see if that helps.
I can't do this treatment every week if my fever is high for 3 days after it, and I am so weak I can't get up my stairs!. I got up my stairs today with a couple bags of groceries and had to sit down on the deck before I could even get thru my door! It scared me. Is it the Gemzar? Or is it the cancer? I had a hard time in the store too...I am just so weak and fatigued.
Now I'm thinking I should stop driving too and give my car away. I only use it for short runs anyway. I'm sure there is someone in the church who could use it. A young family, or maybe someone who doesn't have a very good car.
If I ask the Pastor, I'm sure he'd know. But I don't want him to think I'm giving up, because I'm not. He called me today to make sure I was going tomorrow. I told him I'm not a quitter and still know God can heal me, even as bad as I feel and as far as the cancer has advanced.
Well I just pray the bus ride to chemo & back isn't bad and the gemzar side effects are at least worth the effect it might have on my body. (Jury is still out on that!)
No questions or anything....just needed to think out loud, I guess.
May everyone here have the Lords' blessing upon them.
Faith

Hi Faith,

Just passing through and saw your post. Oh dear girl you are having a rough time of it, i'm so very sorry cause I know you are not a quitter. Hopefully the dexamethasone will help reduce the side effects. It sounds to me like side effects causing this, if it was the cancer it would not happen after treatment then improve as time passes, I not a medic but that sounds logical to me. Perhaps ask your doctor oncologist if it's the cancer or the chemo.

Time to ask for a little help with heavy jobs like shopping, could you ask the church maybe someone there can help. If not I suggest you try pacing yourself. I know how hard it is to do the basic self care when constantly fatigued. I find it helpful to think of any energy I have as I would think of money in the bank - basically try to keep yourself in credit, it gets harder to recover, if the energy supply runs into the red.
Do the essentials when you have some energy available - pace yourself.
Rest as soon as you feel the fatigue coming on. Allow yourself to rest after each activity. This may mean that you have small sleeps, this will be more helpful than pushing on and making yourself more tired. If your feeling good enough to cook, prepare meals for two or three people and freeze portion sized meals to reheat when you are exhausted, so you keep eating. I do hope you are eating ok.

I would think long and hard before giving your car away, hopefully you will improve and be able to drive it again. Or perhaps you can find someone who will drive for you and take you places.

Is it possible for someone to pick you up after chemo and take you home, or could you get a taxi? Are there any local community groups that drive the elderly and disabled? may be they could help you.

I will say extra prayers that your strength returns soon, Faith, you are a fighter and I am sure God will provide a way for you to do as he wants you to do, please don't despair.

((((Big Hugs)))) :angel:

Cee

Thanks Cee
I"ve looked into every possible means of getting to & from chemo. Help is just either not there or unreliable.
Well I survived todays treatment so far.
I'm just so disgusted with losing all my strength. I've always been strong, so I can barely function and it's only been in the past few weeks, so I have to think it's the cancer. I won't see the docs for another 2 weeks.
Well need to go take some meds and relax.
HOpe you are doing ok Cee. I'm always glad to see you here. I think about you all the time.
You take care,
faith

Faith you are still strong....you are emotionally strong right now, even though your physical strength comes and goes. I agree you should pace yourself. I've got another idea, instead of going grocery shopping can you order peapod online? They give you coupons too when you first sign up so it's a pretty good deal. I haven't tried it, but a few people at work use it and they're really happy with it.
I also think you should hang onto your car for now.....if you give it up you will be giving up some of your independence, and I think that will make you depressed. Hang in there, you are a strong brave woman and I know you will get through this!
:angel:

:wave: Hi Faith,

Congratulations on getting to chemo and back, are the meds they gave you helping? I do hope so.
You were lucky with your first chemo, and not so with this one in that its making you feel so rough. Peoples experience of chemo seems for the most part to be a debilitating one.

Don't be mad at yourself, your a star doing wonderful but very difficult things to clear your cancer and stay in life, I really think you should be proud of yourself and your strength of spirit, I think you are amazing.

I have had the fatigue all along and it's the cancer causing mine, but I am still here 15 months after diagnosis, (stage 4 CUP with mets) so don't read too much into the fatigue, I know it's scary, sometimes all I can do is read a couple of paragraphs out of my book then fall asleep, get up, fix an instant drink meal thing, then go back to bed and read another paragraph, sleep, and so on. That might happen for a couple of weeks then suddenly I get more energy and can go out and do things - as long as I don't over do it I can then keep going for a while.

Thats why I found pacing energy so very important, you really have to listen to the needs of your body and put it first.

Rosequartz came up with a good idea about shopping online. Can you do that where you are? I have a young student who comes every Saturday I give him a list and he goes to the supermarket for me and I give him a little money, it helps him and me.

There comes a time in this cancer story when we need help, maybe not all the time, but sometimes. For me the hardest thing to do, is to ask for help when I need it and my world is crashing down around me.
Even then it's soooooooo hard. I, like you, have always been a very strong, independent person and self sufficient. Now I am learning how to ask, it's really hard lol.
As I had always thought that if I explained my situation to someone, that they would offer to help if they wanted to help, and if they didn't offer I figured they did not want to help. I have just discovered at the grand old age of 58 that people will help if they are asked. Weird. People who I thought did not want to help, have turned around and asked me why I don't ask them for help, it's so strange.
It's said that people with cancer learn a lot from having the disease, I think learning how to ask for help, has been my main cancer lesson. It's still hard to do.

I am happy your Pastor is calling to find out how you are and if you're going to chemo, have you told him about how difficult you are finding it right now, just to get there and back? Maybe he could suggest someone who would drive you, or pick you up after. How many more chemo sessions are you due to have?

Sitting here listening to Greek music and want to get up and dance, will just clik my fingers and arm dance - whooopa. ;)

Take care hope this chemo session was not as bad as the last one and never forget you ARE a star.

Blessings dear lady, you are in my prayers always. :angel:

Cee